Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2926808 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14150 on: September 25, 2019, 08:14:43 AM »
A little boy calls his best friend on Christmas day...
“HEY! So what did you get for Christmas?” The second boy pauses and says “I got a gift card and a t-shirt…you?”

The first boy excitedly replies ”Oh man, I got a new electric scooter, a chemistry set, a Nintendo 3DS XL Play Station with 50 games,
a Rocket launch kit, a new bike, and we're going to Disneyland on Friday. Can’t believe all you got was a gift card and t-shirt?”

..to which the second boy replies “Well…at least I haven't got cancer…”
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14151 on: September 25, 2019, 08:38:17 AM »
What a fun News day...

PM BJ has broken the law when he suspended Parliament, and has been accused of lying to the Queen, and President Drunk has now been impeached.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14152 on: September 25, 2019, 11:55:11 AM »
Telemarketer call a few mins ago, registered as 'Overseas'

I placed the phone next to my speakers and gave him an extremely loud, bass enhanced, rendition of 'Hey Macarena'
He hung up within 10 seconds.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14153 on: September 25, 2019, 02:57:32 PM »
Interesting project for me.

A friend of mine is moving his family into a smaller home in Melbourne western suburbs, and he does not have room to store his collection of DVDs.
He asked me if I could copy them over to a hard drive, so that he can plug it into his TV and play them from there.
He has around 600 DVDs, many sourced second-hand from cash converters and similar stores.
Those movies that I do not already have in my own collection, will be added.

To rip and convert each DVD to an acceptable format (mp4) for his TV, takes around 125% of the actual play time for each individual movie.
Unfortunately, there are only 168 hours in a week.
I have been working on this project for the past two months, should be finished sometime around Christmas, or early in the new year.
The pic below is of about half of them, the rest will be delivered to me on his next visit to Portland.



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Offline Wild Rose

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14154 on: September 25, 2019, 03:06:14 PM »
Wow Kev that will keep you busy  :like
Leo (Wild Rose)
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14155 on: September 25, 2019, 03:20:11 PM »
True, Leo... and that's not even taking the time to watch them into consideration!

My movie collection is now spread over 6 x 4Tb, 1 x 3TB, and 2 x 1Tb hard drives, with a total of 29Tb of storage on my computer. that's around 20 thousand movies, dating back to 1903 and onwards to present day, and a selection of TV series stored there.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14156 on: September 25, 2019, 03:55:36 PM »
Oh yeah... and I will need to buy another 4Tb hard drive before the conversions are completed... :grin
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14157 on: September 25, 2019, 05:05:20 PM »
True, Leo... and that's not even taking the time to watch them into consideration!

My movie collection is now spread over 6 x 4Tb, 1 x 3TB, and 2 x 1Tb hard drives, with a total of 29Tb of storage on my computer. that's around 20 thousand movies, dating back to 1903 and onwards to present day, and a selection of TV series stored there.

You've probably got most of his collection.  Why don't you copy your version to his hard drive?
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14158 on: September 25, 2019, 05:17:02 PM »
Done that with about 30 or so, the rest of the movies are new to my collection.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14159 on: September 25, 2019, 05:18:15 PM »
The main difference between E.T. and an illegal alien, is that E.T. learned English, and wanted to go home.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14160 on: September 25, 2019, 05:22:20 PM »
A poll was taken by California Governor Gavin Newsom's office which asked whether people who live in California think Illegal Mexican immigration is a serious problem:

29% of respondents answered: "Yes, It is a serious problem."

71% of respondents answered: "No es una problema seriosa."
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Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14161 on: September 25, 2019, 05:48:24 PM »
A poll was taken by California Governor Gavin Newsom's office which asked whether people who live in California think Illegal Mexican immigration is a serious problem:

29% of respondents answered: "Yes, It is a serious problem."

71% of respondents answered: "No es una problema seriosa."

They should just have sai no hablo inglés:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L174xUWK6bg
 
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Offline Shillas

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14162 on: September 25, 2019, 07:37:02 PM »
My wife said she's leaving me because I keep talking like a newsreader.

More on that story later.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14163 on: September 25, 2019, 07:41:06 PM »
 :thumbs  :grin
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14164 on: September 25, 2019, 07:58:02 PM »
My wife said she's leaving me because I keep talking like a newsreader.
More on that story later.

The Sky News building itself has many floors in it...but that's another storey.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14165 on: September 25, 2019, 08:05:28 PM »
 :crackup
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14166 on: September 25, 2019, 09:37:02 PM »
Mr. Jones gets a call from the hospital. They tell him his wife's been in a terrible car accident.
He rushes to the hospital, runs in to the ER and says his wife's been in an accident.
They tell him Dr. Smith is handling the case. They page the doctor.
He comes out to the waiting room to see a terribly upset Mr. Jones.


"Mr. Jones?" the doctor asks.


"Yes sir, what's happened? How is my wife?"


The doctor sits next to him and says, "I have good news and I have bad news. First the bad news: Your wife's accident resulted in two fractures of her spine."
"Oh my God" says Mr. Jones. "Will she ever recover?"


"Well, Mr. Jones, her vital signs are stable. However, her spine is inoperable.
She'll have no motor skills or capability. This means you will have to feed her.
Mr. Jones begins to sob.
"And you'll have to turn her in her bed every two hours to prevent pneumonia."
Mr. Jones begins to wail and cry loudly.


"Then, of course," the doctor continued, "you'll have to diaper her as she'll have no control over her
bladder and of course these diapers must be changed at least five times a day."
Mr. Jones begins to shake as he cries, sobs, wails.
The doctor continues: "And you'll have to clean up her feces on a regular basis as she'll have no
control over her sphincter. Of course, you must clean her immediately to avoid bedsores."

Now Mr. Jones is convulsing sobbing uncontrollably and beginning to writhe off the bench into a sobbing pitiful mess.

Just then Dr. Smith reaches out his hand, pats Mr. Jones on the shoulder, and says "I also have some good news."

"What could possibly be good about this?" wails Mr. Jones

Dr. Smith: "I'm only stuffing with you. Knowing how much strain this would put on you,
I disconnected her life support an hour ago. She's dead."

"Gee, thanks Doc!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14167 on: September 26, 2019, 09:34:21 AM »
The guy who invented wax strips died.


RIP
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14168 on: September 26, 2019, 10:33:26 AM »
I told my mates blonde wife that I saw a kangaroo on the way to the supermarket this morning.


She said, “How do you know he was on his way to the supermarket?”
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14169 on: September 26, 2019, 10:37:46 AM »
I told my teenage nephew to go get me a phone book...

He laughed at me, and said

"Oh uncle you're so old fashioned. Just use my tablet."

So I took his tablet, and slammed the spider on the wall with it.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14170 on: September 26, 2019, 10:54:47 AM »
My niece wouldn't eat beef tongue, because it came out of the mouth of an animal.


So I cooked her an egg...
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14171 on: September 26, 2019, 02:28:08 PM »
He moved off the farm, and went to the city for a couple of years, and been out of touch with his family.
Finally, he returned home to the farm to visit.

His Dad asked "What have you been doing to earn a living in the city, boy?

“Well, I handle cash transactions for a large multinational company”...
"Sounds important, boy! ... Good to hear that you are doing something with your life"

... He didn't have the heart to simply tell his dad that he works at Maccas.....
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14172 on: September 26, 2019, 03:40:36 PM »
Hotel guest: "M'sieur, I would like some pepper sent to my room."

Receptionist: "Certainly sir, ... black pepper or red pepper?"

Guest: "Toilet pepper."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14173 on: September 26, 2019, 05:02:58 PM »
If you cross a chili pepper, a shovel, and a Labrador, do you get a hot diggity Doggy?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14174 on: September 26, 2019, 05:09:32 PM »
There was a football match between Colombia and Jamaica way back in 1967.

It didn't go well, the Colombians sniffed all the white lines and the Jamaicans smoked all the grass.
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