Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2922627 times)

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94862
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #24025 on: December 11, 2020, 12:32:01 AM »
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94862
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #24026 on: December 11, 2020, 12:36:11 AM »
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94862
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #24027 on: December 11, 2020, 12:36:44 AM »
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94862
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #24028 on: December 11, 2020, 08:45:02 AM »
An employee is getting to know her new co-workers when the topic of her last job comes up.
One co-worker asks why she left that job.
"It was because of something my boss said to me." the woman replied.
"Why? What did he say?" the co-worker asked.
"You’re fired."
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94862
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #24029 on: December 11, 2020, 08:47:47 AM »
Yesterday at work, I saw someone being horrifically inefficient.
I said to him, “Dude that is definitely slowing you down.”
He replied, “Well yea it is, but I’m in the kitchen remodelling business, so I’m supposed to be counter productive.”
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94862
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #24030 on: December 11, 2020, 08:55:29 AM »
 I applied for an office job.

The interviewer told me I'd start on $3,200 a month, and after 6 months it would increase to $4,800 a month.

I told him I'd start in 6 months.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94862
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #24031 on: December 11, 2020, 08:57:26 AM »
Our computers went down at work today, so we had to do everything manually.

It took me 15 minutes to shuffle the cards for Solitaire.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94862
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #24032 on: December 11, 2020, 09:00:20 AM »
An employee went to see his supervisor.

"Boss," he said, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."

"Sorry, I can’t give you the day off because we're short-handed." the boss replied.

"Thanks, boss," said the employee. "I knew I could count on you!"
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94862
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #24033 on: December 11, 2020, 09:02:19 AM »
I don’t mind coming to work.
It’s the eight-hour wait to go home again that annoys me.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94862
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #24034 on: December 11, 2020, 09:03:42 AM »
 I quit my job at the helium gas factory.

I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice!
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94862
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #24035 on: December 11, 2020, 09:06:51 AM »
Optimists say the glass is half full.
Pessimists say the glass is half empty.
Engineers say the glass is double the size needed.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94862
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #24036 on: December 11, 2020, 09:09:54 AM »
When I arrived at work this morning, my boss stormed up to me and growled,:
"You missed coming to work yesterday, didn't you?"

I said, "Nah!, not particularly."
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94862
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #24037 on: December 11, 2020, 09:20:18 AM »
Bill walked into his boss's office one day and said, "Sir, I’ll be straight with you, I know the economy isn't great, but I've got three companies after me, and I'd like to respectfully ask for a raise."

After a few minutes of haggling, the boss finally agreed to give him a pay increase and Bill happily got up to leave.

"By the way," asked the boss, as Bill is leaving his office, "Which three companies are after you?"

Bill replied, "The electric company, the water company, and the phone company."
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94862
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #24038 on: December 11, 2020, 09:21:46 AM »
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94862
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #24039 on: December 11, 2020, 09:31:05 AM »
Two whales walk into a bar.

The first one says, "Weeeeeooooouuuhhhh."

The other whale says, "Shut up, Steve. You're drunk."
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94862
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #24040 on: December 11, 2020, 09:32:05 AM »
What's E.T. short for?

Because he's only got stumpy little legs.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94862
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #24041 on: December 11, 2020, 09:40:28 AM »
You need a lot of balls to play golf the way I do.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94862
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #24042 on: December 11, 2020, 09:41:54 AM »
 "I stand corrected," said the man in the orthopaedic shoes.

0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94862
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #24043 on: December 11, 2020, 09:49:48 AM »
A ghost was offered a job inspecting mirrors, but refused, saying "I can't see myself doing that..."
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94862
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #24044 on: December 11, 2020, 09:57:41 AM »
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94862
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #24045 on: December 11, 2020, 09:59:40 AM »
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94862
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #24046 on: December 11, 2020, 10:07:11 AM »
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94862
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #24047 on: December 11, 2020, 10:07:27 AM »
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94862
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #24048 on: December 11, 2020, 10:08:01 AM »
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94862
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #24049 on: December 11, 2020, 10:11:17 AM »
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com