Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3061385 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19926 on:** August 21, 2020, 10:43:20 AM »

I hate it when people see me at the supermarket, and they say things like "Hey! What are you doing here?"

I usually reply "Oh, you know, just hunting elephants and fishing for sharks ..."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19927 on:** August 21, 2020, 11:14:01 AM »

The older you get, the more dangerous it is to sneeze!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19928 on:** August 21, 2020, 01:12:04 PM »

Too cold to even consider getting out of bed today.

1 pm, 7.1 degrees, feels like 0.9 degrees.

... sort of unusual to see a white footpath and road, the hail has been that heavy. (makes agitated crow sounds)
The grass in the foreground is protected from the hail by an overhanging tree.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19929 on:** August 21, 2020, 01:14:05 PM »

All my life I have believed that air was free, until I bought a bag of crisps.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19930 on:** August 21, 2020, 01:16:45 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19931 on:** August 21, 2020, 01:24:39 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19932 on:** August 21, 2020, 02:10:32 PM »

Temperature here has now dropped, and with 66 km/h wind, chill factor now feels like minus 5.7 degrees.

NTRebel · « **Reply #19933 on:** August 21, 2020, 02:23:27 PM »

Don't worry Kev it'll warm up one day maybe.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19934 on:** August 21, 2020, 02:26:32 PM »

Yeah, Paul. We had a good summer this year tho... I think it was on a Tuesday?
We had a BBQ lunch at the beach, but had to pack up at 3 because of the rain.

ruSTynutz · « **Reply #19935 on:** August 21, 2020, 03:25:48 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on August 21, 2020, 02:10:32 PM

Temperature here has now dropped, and with 66 km/h wind, chill factor now feels like minus 5.7 degrees.

Quite balmy here, Kev...8c, feels like 2c.

Bit breezy as well!

Good "sitting by the heater" weather...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19936 on:** August 21, 2020, 05:09:45 PM »

As it is an indoors day, and the cats are due for worming pills, I decided to hold back on feeding them as they have to take their pills on an empty stomach.

'Nuff said.

Not quite sure if my shredded arms are because of withholding their food, or a side effect of forcing the pills into them.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19937 on:** August 21, 2020, 05:43:55 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19938 on:** August 21, 2020, 06:57:32 PM »

10 USES FOR MY EX'S HOLIDAY FRUITCAKES

10. Use slices to balance that wobbly kitchen table.
9. Can be used instead of sand bags during floods.
8. Send to Queensland, can be used to create an artificial reef, or to prevent coastal erosion.
7. Would make great railroad ties.
6. Use as speed bumps to foil the neighbourhood drag racers.
5. Collect ten slices and use them as bowling pins.
4. Sell to the Mafia to use instead of cement shoes.
3. Save for next summer's garage sale. Lots of people buy decorative rocks for their garden.
2. Use slices for next skeet-shooting competition.
1. Wheel chocks for grounded aircraft.

Shillas · « **Reply #19939 on:** August 21, 2020, 08:52:32 PM »

Shillas · « **Reply #19940 on:** August 21, 2020, 08:55:11 PM »

My wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with snooker.

To be honest, I think she just needs a break.

Cue puns.

NTRebel · « **Reply #19941 on:** August 21, 2020, 10:00:08 PM »

Maybe she's behind the eight ball.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19942 on:** August 21, 2020, 10:04:31 PM »

At a celebrity party, Stevie Wonder meets golf champ Tiger Woods and mentions that he, too, is an excellent golfer.
Tiger is a bit sceptical that the blind musician can play golf well, but he's too polite to say anything.
"When I tee off, " the singer explains, "I have a guy call to me from the green. My sharp sense of hearing lets me aim."
Tiger is impressed, and Stevie suggests that they play a round. When Tiger agrees, Stevie asks, "How about if we play for $10,000 a hole?" Tiger insists he couldn't possibly play him for money because of his sight handicap.
But Stevie argues and badgers Tiger, until Tiger finally relents.
Stevie says, "You pick the place, and I'll pick the time?"
Tiger says, "Fine. Pebble Beach on Saturday!" Stevie replies, "OK! At midnight!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19943 on:** August 22, 2020, 05:03:36 AM »

An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him.
"What'll you have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied.
So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot.
His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out.
"Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!"
"Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19944 on:** August 22, 2020, 09:51:31 AM »

I have decided I am not old.

I am only 40, (plus sales tax, shipping and handling!)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19945 on:** August 22, 2020, 09:53:53 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19946 on:** August 22, 2020, 09:56:53 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19947 on:** August 22, 2020, 10:04:03 AM »

Bumper sticker:

"The sex was so good that even the neighbours had a cigarette."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19948 on:** August 22, 2020, 10:04:36 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19949 on:** August 22, 2020, 10:06:50 AM »

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3061385 times)