Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3066313 times)

Shillas · « **Reply #19975 on:** August 22, 2020, 09:04:07 PM »

Today I was attacked by 1,3,5,7 and 9.

The odds were against me.

Now it's time to get even.

Gadget · « **Reply #19976 on:** August 22, 2020, 10:20:43 PM »

"Doctor, I've arranged all the donated organs in alphabetical order."

Doctor: "Well that is very organ-ised."

Sent from my SM-N986B using Tapatalk

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19977 on:** August 22, 2020, 10:41:09 PM »

I went to a Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19978 on:** August 22, 2020, 10:42:57 PM »

My next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

... he's a catholic converter.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19979 on:** August 22, 2020, 10:54:28 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19980 on:** August 22, 2020, 10:56:51 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19981 on:** August 22, 2020, 10:59:55 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19982 on:** August 23, 2020, 12:18:04 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19983 on:** August 23, 2020, 12:20:41 AM »

Little Johnny went to school after being absent the previous day,

His teacher demands, "Where were you yesterday?"

"I'm sorry Miss, my dad got burnt," replies Johnny.

"Oh,I'm sorry, I hope it wasn't serious?" says the teacher.

To which Johnny replies, "Well, they don't muck around at the crematorium, Miss."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19984 on:** August 23, 2020, 12:23:15 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19985 on:** August 23, 2020, 12:24:27 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19986 on:** August 23, 2020, 03:49:37 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19987 on:** August 23, 2020, 10:30:08 AM »

Universal Truths

Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
You never know where to look when eating a banana.
You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19988 on:** August 23, 2020, 10:32:30 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19989 on:** August 23, 2020, 10:44:41 AM »

Telemarketer/scam caller at 10.32 this morning.

'Overseas' displayed.

Put the handset next to the speakers, cranked the volume, and hit 'play' on mp3 file by The Offspring - 'Why Don't You Get A Job!'

Idiot Indian even tried to talk over the top of the music.

Was I too subtle?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19990 on:** August 23, 2020, 11:20:41 AM »

A friend sent me a text "How about you zoom me?"

I said "Bugger that! How about I rev you instead? .. see ya in ten minutes!"

... be back later, am off for a coffee with my friend.

ruSTynutz · « **Reply #19991 on:** August 23, 2020, 01:36:51 PM »

Hope you enjoyed your coffee, Kev!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19992 on:** August 23, 2020, 02:04:33 PM »

Just got home a few minutes ago. Only a short cruise to my friends place, about 20 Km out of town.
Beats the hell out of video chatting, and even tho its only a short ride, was well worth it.
Came home with a bonus bag of fresh picked Kiwifruit too, they will ripen fully in the next week or so.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19993 on:** August 23, 2020, 02:13:44 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19994 on:** August 23, 2020, 02:28:04 PM »

Scottish Golf hazard.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19995 on:** August 23, 2020, 02:43:40 PM »

click image to enlarge for easier reading.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19996 on:** August 23, 2020, 05:03:30 PM »

Just something I created in a couple of minutes to fill in time while my coffee machine makes me a brew.....

https://youtu.be/L-jr8v7MXXI

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19997 on:** August 23, 2020, 05:05:37 PM »

Did anyone find it a-peel-ing?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19998 on:** August 23, 2020, 05:36:39 PM »

Just did it for pun.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19999 on:** August 23, 2020, 05:38:54 PM »

Picture this...

A car broken down at a green light, with a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker.

What does the annoyed atheist who is trapped behind that car do?

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3066313 times)