Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2925659 times)

Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16625 on: February 16, 2020, 10:05:14 AM »
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius

... but his brother Frank was a monster.
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16626 on: February 16, 2020, 10:07:39 AM »
 :rofl
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16627 on: February 16, 2020, 12:09:45 PM »
Two Roman Soldiers are standing guard...
In an attempt to make conversation, guard 1 makes a suggestion:

1: What if we had a word to describe people who haven’t had sex? What would it be?

2: Why would you think that!? It’s an arbitrary category and could make people uncomfortable. Think about their self esteem!

1: Calm down, Virgineous!
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16628 on: February 16, 2020, 12:47:10 PM »

ScoMo, Peter Costello and Clive Palmer went for a stroll through a cow pasture.

Scott says to the other two that he will give them $10,000 each to eat a pile of cow flop. They consider the suggestion, say what the heck, and tuck in. ScoMo, laughing, gives them the money, and they continue on their merry way.

After a few minutes, Peter tells the other two that if they eat a pile, he will also give them $10,000 each.
They consider this, and pig out as well. Peter chuckles, and gives them the money.

Not to be outdone, Clive offers the other two the same deal again, which they laughingly accept.

After another few minutes, a concerned look of realisation appears on ScoMos face.
He asks Peter and Clive, "Did we three just eat cow flop for no reason?"

Immediately, Clive replies confidently, "No way! We just created three jobs, and $60,000 worth of GDP!"



Capitalism is alive and well in Australia, and they expect the rest of us to eat shit and be happy about it.

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16629 on: February 16, 2020, 01:07:10 PM »
A woman dies and meets Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

She said, "Great! I made it to heaven?"

Peter says, "No, you have to spell a word first."

She says "Ok, what word?"

Peter says, "Spell the word 'Love.' "

The woman spells out loud, "L- O- V- E-."

Peter says, "Great! You're in!"

A few months later, the woman is hanging out near the gate and Peter asks her to watch the gate for him.

She asks, "So, what do I do?"

Saint Peter says, "When someone comes, just have them spell a word, like I did with you."

A little while later her ex Husband appears at the gates. He sees her and asks, "Did I make it?"

The ex wife says, "No, not yet, you have to spell a word first."

Eager to get into heaven, the ex husbands asks "Which word?"

The ex wife replies, "Spell 'Czechoslovakia' "
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Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16630 on: February 16, 2020, 01:09:44 PM »
If you ask me odyssey is a harder word to spell.
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16631 on: February 16, 2020, 02:51:13 PM »
A Husband and Wife at Custody court
The judge looks sternly at the ex wife.

Judge: “Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?”

Ex wife: “I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him”

Judge: “That is a simple yet good reason.”

Then the judge looks towards the Ex husband.

Judge: “Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?”

The ex husband thought long and hard about his response.
After a brief moment of silence, he replies: “If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out,
... is it mine or the machines?”
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16632 on: February 16, 2020, 02:57:47 PM »
I went to the bar with my girlfriend of the past 2 years...

When we arrived, there was a very drunk guy, and she kept looking over at him.

I asked her if she knew the man, and she said: "He's my ex husband, and he's been like that ever since we broke up 5 years ago.

I said: "Holy shit! ... He's been celebrating for that long?"
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16633 on: February 16, 2020, 04:52:22 PM »
A man died due to his obsession of taking photos of himself next to a boiling kettle.

Seems he had serious selfie steam issues.
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Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16634 on: February 16, 2020, 04:55:11 PM »
Back in your day a selfie is what you did when the wife wouldn't put out.
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16635 on: February 16, 2020, 05:19:34 PM »
 :rofl
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16636 on: February 16, 2020, 05:51:16 PM »
Too many years have passed... I must be getting old?

It's now 25 years since I attended the Adelaide Grand Prix.
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Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16637 on: February 16, 2020, 05:57:45 PM »
It's 25 years since anyone has.
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16638 on: February 16, 2020, 06:36:24 PM »
A blonde went to her local hardware store to buy a food processor.

She asked, "Would you sell me a mixer?"

He replied "Kenwood?"

She said "Great!, ... what time will he be in?"
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16639 on: February 16, 2020, 06:40:27 PM »
Tub,
pail,
can,
basket,
canister,
vat,
kettle,
cask,
pot,
keg,
barrel,
bowl.


... just checking my bucket list ...
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Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16640 on: February 16, 2020, 06:42:23 PM »
No KFC?
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16641 on: February 16, 2020, 06:43:38 PM »
Bloke called his blonde wife, and asked her to put the kettle on.


She said "No, It doesn't fit me"
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16642 on: February 16, 2020, 06:44:23 PM »
I detest KFC.
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Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16643 on: February 16, 2020, 06:49:15 PM »
But eat maccas?  You're weird. 
 

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16644 on: February 16, 2020, 06:52:58 PM »
Maybe a burger every month or two...
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16645 on: February 16, 2020, 07:05:54 PM »
The kids next door challenged me to a water balloon fight.

I'm just checking my mail while waiting for the kettle to boil.
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Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16646 on: February 16, 2020, 07:07:40 PM »
The kids next door challenged me to a water balloon fight.

I'm just checking my mail while waiting for the kettle to boil.

You should put them in the freezer and wait for them to freeze.
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16647 on: February 16, 2020, 07:23:37 PM »
While conducting a routine base inspection, the Colonel arrived at the mess hall door where he met 2 KPs with a large soup pot.

"Let me taste that," the colonel snapped.

One of the men fetched a large spoon, and handed it respectfully to the CO, who plunged it into the pot and took a large mouth-full of the steaming liquid, smacking his lips critically.

Then he let out a roar that could be heard back at headquarters. "Do you call this crap soup?" He bellowed.

"No, sir," explained one of the KPs. "Its the dishwater we were just about to throw out"
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16648 on: February 16, 2020, 08:11:14 PM »
A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, 'If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, 'Thank you, but i failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes, Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!'

The woman said, 'That's okay.' For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, 'You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to'.
The woman replied, 'That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me.'
So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, 'That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you.'
The woman said, 'That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine.'
So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered,'I'd like a mild heart attack.'
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them!


ATTENTION: female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers : Please scroll down.
.

.

.


.




The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.

Moral of the story : Women think they're really smart.
Let them continue to think that way, and just enjoy the show.

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen...now run along and put the kettle on.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16649 on: February 17, 2020, 12:15:16 AM »
I was checking my racing snails performance figures, and wondered if I could reduce his weight, he might be faster?

So I removed his shell.

.. but it only seemed to make him more sluggish?
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