Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3068020 times)

Shillas · « **Reply #13701 on:** September 03, 2019, 11:02:17 AM »

More detail from the Australian Museum, which is the definitive source on drop bears.

https://australianmuseum.net.au/learn/animals/mammals/drop-bear/

An interesting thread on tripadvisor as well https://www.tripadvisor.com.au/ShowTopic-g255055-i120-k7331428-Drop_bears_how_to_avoid-Australia.html

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13702 on:** September 03, 2019, 11:06:15 AM »

Just the stuff we need to keep stupid Yank tourists from rubbing Vegemite behind their ears, and venturing into the wild outback bush country of Parramatta, or Footscray.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13703 on:** September 03, 2019, 11:33:50 AM »

There was a kangaroo jumping around in the bush.
Whenever she stops, a little penguin pokes his head out of her pouch and looks around.

In Antarctica is a little kangaroo joey sitting in the snow with some penguins, sneezing and grumbling:
"This student exchange program sucks!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13704 on:** September 03, 2019, 01:18:11 PM »

Australia’s #1 export right now is boomerangs to China.

China's #1 export is copies, sent back to Australia.

Anyone wanna buy a locally made stuffed toy Koala/Dropbear?
Check on Weibo.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13705 on:** September 03, 2019, 01:23:22 PM »

The French are now producing a ghostly sweet with an odd shape.

It is being marketed as a 'Boo- meringue'

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13706 on:** September 03, 2019, 02:00:18 PM »

Based on a True Story: A breeding pair of crocodiles ate two European tourists.

This actually happened back in the 90's:
A French photographer and his friend from Czechoslovakia got too close to a nesting site,
and were attacked and consumed by a pair of crocodiles in Australia.

The female ate the Frenchman.

They found the Czech in the male....

Oh, shutup! ... I'll see myself out!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13707 on:** September 03, 2019, 02:16:23 PM »

I read today that Scott Morrison receives in the mail, on average, two parcels each week that contain human excrement.

I wonder who's sending the other one?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13708 on:** September 03, 2019, 02:19:32 PM »

An American made the mistake of buying a boomerang with teeth.

I bet it comes back to bite him in the ass.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13709 on:** September 03, 2019, 02:29:41 PM »

When an Australian DJ at a club stops a song mid play, and then restarts it from the beginning, it's called a DJ redo.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13710 on:** September 03, 2019, 02:39:23 PM »

Bartering Australian style.

This morning I was in luck, and was able to buy two slabs of VB beer cheap at ALDI.

I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home.
I stopped at a servo, where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.

She glanced at the booze, bent over and leaned in my passenger window, her bra-less boobs nigh on falling out her skimpy top,
and said in a sexy voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, old fella. Would you be interested in trading sex for beer?" ...

I thought for a few seconds then asked,
"What kinda beer ya got?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13711 on:** September 03, 2019, 03:36:34 PM »

Still a few whales around the area, viewing season is drawing to a close for this year.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13712 on:** September 03, 2019, 03:42:27 PM »

Australia considered to be the biggest pimp of all 7 continents, because we are surrounded by some of the hottest beaches in the world.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13713 on:** September 03, 2019, 03:46:00 PM »

Time zones are confusing.

It's today in Australia, yesterday in America, and still 1950 in North Korea.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13714 on:** September 03, 2019, 03:52:24 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13715 on:** September 03, 2019, 03:59:30 PM »

If all currency turned into cheese, would we have to use a Swiss bank?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13716 on:** September 03, 2019, 04:05:09 PM »

An Iranian goes to the bank to exchange some currency.
He asks the teller what the current exchange rate is for the US Dollar.

"Now, or... now?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13717 on:** September 03, 2019, 04:30:38 PM »

There is a queue outside the bank, where people are waiting to get in and exchange currency.
One chap keeps cutting the queue and goes to the front. The rest of the people keep forcing him back.

This goes on 5-6 times. The guy finally gets pissed and says

'Keep standing in line you twits, I refuse open the damn bank today!'

.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13718 on:** September 03, 2019, 04:48:26 PM »

Breaking news today.

Vegan sues neighbours over smell from backyard BBQ.

https://www.watoday.com.au/national/western-australia/perth-vegan-takes-neighbours-to-court-over-barbecue-smell-20190903-p52nc4.html

Bloody snowflake! She was thrown out of court.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13719 on:** September 03, 2019, 05:03:49 PM »

ScoMo wants to officially change our currency to balloons.

It's the only way he can easily control inflation.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13720 on:** September 03, 2019, 05:05:58 PM »

Zimbabwe's currency is so devalued...
that rapper "50 cent" is known as "40 billion dollars"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13721 on:** September 03, 2019, 05:09:17 PM »

Why did the Irish call their currency the "Punt"?

Because it rhymes with Bank Manager

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13722 on:** September 03, 2019, 05:11:00 PM »

Egyptian tomb raiders found a pyramid stuffed with money.

The original Crypt o' currency.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13723 on:** September 03, 2019, 10:30:05 PM »

The Nigerian football team was so disappointed with Saturday’s performance, that they will refund all expenses to fans who travelled to support them.

All the fans need to do is send bank details, codes & PIN numbers, and they will transfer the money directly.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13724 on:** September 03, 2019, 10:38:13 PM »

I saw a lady in tears at the store.
She said she had lost an envelope with her tax refund inside.

I felt so sorry for her that I gave her $100.

... Besides, I had just found $1600 in the parking lot ten minutes ago.

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3068020 times)