Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3021466 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #25700 on:** January 21, 2021, 05:46:36 PM »

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #25701 on:** January 21, 2021, 05:49:12 PM »

After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.

"C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "How many women have you slept with?"
"Baby," he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit"

Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.
"Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13.."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #25702 on:** January 21, 2021, 06:32:20 PM »

Jack: "My brother was sick and went to the doctor."

John: "Is he feeling better now?"

Jack: "No, he has a broken arm."

John: "How did he break it?"

Jack: "Well, the doctor gave him a prescription and told him no matter what happened, to follow that prescription. But the prescription blew out of the window."

John: "How did he break his arm?"

Jack: "He fell out of the window trying to follow the prescription."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #25703 on:** January 21, 2021, 07:37:17 PM »

A businessman boarded a flight and was lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman...... They exchange brief hellos and he noticed she is reading a manual about sexual statistics.

He asks her about it and she replied, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter.
By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"

"Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."

ruSTynutz · « **Reply #25704 on:** January 21, 2021, 07:39:42 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on January 21, 2021, 10:46:05 AM

My friend tried to repair the brakes on his bike, but failed.

So he fitted a louder horn.

That would be me...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #25705 on:** January 21, 2021, 07:46:20 PM »

A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road.
The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened.
He then asked what the animal was worth.

"Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900.
So $900 is what I'm asking."

The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.

"Here is the check for $900. It's postdated six years from now."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #25706 on:** January 21, 2021, 07:57:07 PM »

Tomorrow is a light maintenance day for me and the bike. Have nothing better to do.
A minor electrical problem to investigate. Maybe a chafed wire and/or a blown fuse, or maybe just a bad connection? And a general cleanup/wash. Trivial stuff.

ruSTynutz · « **Reply #25707 on:** January 21, 2021, 08:40:04 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on January 21, 2021, 07:46:20 PM

A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road.
The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened.
He then asked what the animal was worth.

"Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900.
So $900 is what I'm asking."

The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.

"Here is the check for $900. It's postdated six years from now."

Reminds me of the time I cleaned up 2 calves in my car.
The calves owner had to write out a check for me though as his animals shouldn't have been running loose on the road...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #25708 on:** January 21, 2021, 09:11:14 PM »

Similar thing happened to me on the Bol dor 900 a few years ago. I hit a sheep on the highway, and a corolla going the opposite direction smashed into it. Corolla only had 700 km on the dial, was only 5 days old. Farmer had to ante up for a massive bill from insurance, because his gate was open and the sheep just walked out.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #25709 on:** January 21, 2021, 09:42:20 PM »

Teacher: "History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past."

Student: "Please teacher, I don't want to study history."

Teacher: "Why?"

Student: "There is no future in it."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #25710 on:** January 21, 2021, 11:30:04 PM »

Money in the bank again from PureProfile. Almost $35 earned in past 3 weeks

Octopus surveys are few and far between, and nowhere close to what they claim I will earn.
Very disappointed, only 2 surveys in the past week....

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #25711 on:** January 22, 2021, 01:00:34 AM »

A young mother was standing outside a mall holding her six-month-old baby and her sister's three-month-old baby.

Two elderly women approached the mother. "Are they twins?" one asked.

"No, they're three months apart."

"Damn! You sure had them close together, girl!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #25712 on:** January 22, 2021, 01:06:32 AM »

A boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked his father, "Dad, how soon will I be old enough to do as I please?"

The father answered immediately, "I don't know, son. No male has ever lived that long yet."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #25713 on:** January 22, 2021, 05:13:57 AM »

How times have changed. When I started my apprenticeship, I was paid $343.20.

PER YEAR!

(3 pounds 6 shillings per week ... $6.60)

Nowadays, a tradesman can earn almost my yearly salary in a single DAY!

Current rate in Victoria is $68 per hour, $86 in WA.

ruSTynutz · « **Reply #25714 on:** January 22, 2021, 09:48:50 AM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on January 21, 2021, 11:30:04 PM

Octopus surveys are few and far between, and nowhere close to what they claim I will earn.
Very disappointed, only 2 surveys in the past week....

From reviews I did sort of expect them to be a bit sparse.
In saying that though, while out for a ride yesterday I had 3 surveys come through from them.

Although I didn't qualify, one of the surveys was paying out $6.60...
One of the others I did (while having a drink at Hungry Jacks) paid out $2.80 for just a few minutes work so I do think they pay a little bit better than Pureprofile. Downside though is the surveys just aren't coming as often...Still, combined with Pureprofile, it's all adding up!

So far I'm sitting on $17.54 from Octopus & $61.95 from Pureprofile...

*Update - While typing this, I just had another Octopus survey come through...

*edit - another $4.00 added to my Pureprofile total...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #25715 on:** January 22, 2021, 10:32:33 AM »

Whoopee for Octopus... I got five freaking cents for that midnight one. I will persevere for awhile, but if it does not pick up, I will wait til I collect $20, and then bog out.

PS Just got another $3.30 from Octopus

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #25716 on:** January 22, 2021, 10:35:27 AM »

Electrical hitch on my bike was very minor, just a loose spade clip connector. Fixed in less than 10 minutes.

ruSTynutz · « **Reply #25717 on:** January 22, 2021, 11:48:24 AM »

I've had 2 surveys from Octopus so far today, things seem to be picking up!!!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #25718 on:** January 22, 2021, 02:32:58 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #25719 on:** January 22, 2021, 03:02:15 PM »

Ad spotted in the weekly bargain bulletin:

FOR SALE: Crestview cemetery plot, $200.
Am selling so I don’t have to spend all eternity beside my ex!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #25720 on:** January 22, 2021, 04:28:03 PM »

A man came through my lane at the grocery store with a jug of wine and a bouquet of roses. But before the checkout, he set the two items aside and said to me, “I’ll be right back.” He ran off, only to return a minute later with a second jug of wine and another bouquet of roses.
“Two girlfriends?” I asked.
“No,” he said. “Just one really angry one.”

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #25721 on:** January 22, 2021, 04:39:28 PM »

During a lesson about adjectives, an elementary school teacher asked her class to describe their mothers.

One boy described his mother's hair as auburn.
Impressed by his sophisticated word choice, she asked, "How do you know her hair colour is auburn?"

Student replied, "Because that's what it says on the box."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #25722 on:** January 22, 2021, 05:11:15 PM »

Australian Coronavirus vaccination rollout date is looking like a fizzer ... sorry, pfizer...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #25723 on:** January 22, 2021, 05:38:07 PM »

Some ripoff Melbourne petrol outlets have bumped the price of their fuel today by 40 cents, to $1.55 cents per litre because of public holiday next Tuesday.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #25724 on:** January 22, 2021, 05:59:55 PM »

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3021466 times)