Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2925151 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25425 on: January 13, 2021, 11:35:36 PM »
The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the book store.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman pockets the coin and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"

"No," the woman replied. "Divorce attorney."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25426 on: January 14, 2021, 04:58:26 AM »
Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.

Albert Einstein
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25427 on: January 14, 2021, 04:59:29 AM »
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

Albert Einstein

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25428 on: January 14, 2021, 05:00:01 AM »
The hardest thing in the world to understand is income tax.

Albert Einstein
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25429 on: January 14, 2021, 05:07:07 AM »
Judge asked prostitute "So when did you realize you were raped"?

Prostitute replied, wiping her tears "When the cheque bounced"!!!!
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25430 on: January 14, 2021, 06:45:28 AM »
A man went to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling too well.

The doctor examined him, left the room and came back with three different bottles of pills.

The doctor said, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water."

Startled to be put onto so much medicine, the man stammered "Jeez doc, exactly what is my problem?"

Doctor said, "You need more fluids."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25431 on: January 14, 2021, 06:53:43 AM »
So much truth in this.

https://9gag.com/gag/a6Ew2Aq
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25432 on: January 14, 2021, 09:43:49 AM »
It's called 'Natural Selection' Don't ya just love it?

https://9gag.com/gag/amPLqMo
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25433 on: January 14, 2021, 09:49:00 AM »
A very popular man dies in Aberdeen and his old widow wishes to tell all his friends at once so she goes to the Aberdeen Evening Express and says "I'd like tae place an obituary fur ma late husband"

The man at the desk says "OK, how much money dae ye have?"

The old woman replies "£5" to which the man says "You wont get many words for that, but write something and we'll see if it's ok" so the old woman writes something and hands it over the counter and the man reads

"Peter Reid, fae Kincorth, deid"

He feels guilty at the abruptness of the statement and encourages the old woman to write a few more things. The old woman ponders and then adds a few more words and hand the paper over the counter again. The man then reads

"Peter Reid, fae Kincorth deid. Ford Escort for sale"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25434 on: January 14, 2021, 10:12:53 AM »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25435 on: January 14, 2021, 10:16:00 AM »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25436 on: January 14, 2021, 10:51:30 AM »
Quote
My data recovery program was also installed on this hard drive.

Download Pandora recovery, its a great program ( you may need another hard drive to recover to)

https://www.stellarinfo.com/gdc/best-data-recovery-software.php?gclid=Cj0KCQiA0fr_BRDaARIsAABw4EsZiP9a2dbmFKtw5Tg-3K2NMvMyBhvCFGzf3ezWsLbKlPANZTtX9BEaAsCtEALw_wcB
Brock
Asian Correspondent
2003 Honda ST1100PY



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OzSToc # ??
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25437 on: January 14, 2021, 11:01:57 AM »
It's called 'Natural Selection' Don't ya just love it?

https://9gag.com/gag/amPLqMo

In fairness, the driver may have encroached onto the crossing...still funny though!  :grin


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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25438 on: January 14, 2021, 01:06:00 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25439 on: January 14, 2021, 03:10:58 PM »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25440 on: January 14, 2021, 03:18:30 PM »
Cruise Ship
 

DEAR DIARY. DAY ONE
I am all packed and ready to get on the cruise ship. I've packed all my pretty dresses and makeup. I'm really excited.

DEAR DIARY. DAY TWO
We spent the entire day at sea. It was beautiful and we saw some whales and dolphins. What a wonderful vacation this has started to be. I met the Captain today and he seems like a very nice man.

DEAR DIARY. DAY THREE
I spent some time in the pool today. I also did some shuffle boarding and hit some golf balls off the deck. The Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. I felt honored and we had a wonderful time. He is a very attractive and
attentive gentleman.


DEAR DIARY. DAY FOUR
Went to the ship's casino ... did OK ... won about $80. The Captain invited me to have dinner with him in his state room. We had a luxurious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night but I declined. I told him there was no way I could be unfaithful to my husband.

DEAR DIARY. DAY FIVE
Went back to the pool today and got a little sunburned. I decided to go to the piano bar and spend the rest of the day inside . The Captain saw me and bought me a couple of drinks. He really is a charming gentleman. He again asked me to visit him for the night and again I declined. He told me that if I didn't come to his cabin for the night, he would sink the ship. I was appalled.

DEAR DIARY. DAY SIX
Today I saved 1600 lives ... Three times!
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25441 on: January 14, 2021, 03:19:34 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25442 on: January 14, 2021, 03:22:06 PM »
"Sally", asked Linda thoughtfully one day, "What would you do if you caught another woman in bed with your husband?"

"With George??" Sally thought it over. "Let's see; I'd break her cane, shoot her seeing eye dog, and call a cab to take her back to the institution she escaped from!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25443 on: January 14, 2021, 03:50:04 PM »
Still slowly collecting coin from PureProfile surveys ... In the meantime I have already earned another $4.48 from a different survey mob that Russ put me onto at lunchtime today.

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25444 on: January 14, 2021, 04:10:33 PM »
The text reads :



« Last Edit: January 14, 2021, 04:14:01 PM by Kev Murphy »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25445 on: January 14, 2021, 04:28:19 PM »
Blondes are a poor choice when employing staff.
Unless they are rostered to work on public holidays, they need to be retrained when they return to work.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25446 on: January 14, 2021, 04:47:12 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25447 on: January 14, 2021, 04:54:40 PM »
The Goldberg brothers, Norman, Hiram, and Maxwell invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner.
Didn't know that, did ya..

On July 17th, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees F.

The 3 brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that three gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.

Ford was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.

They persuaded him to get into the car which was "Blistering Hot" - they turned on the air-conditioner and cooled off the car immediately.

Old Henry Ford got very excited and invited them back to the office where he offered them $3 million dollars on the spot for the patent.

The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $5 million, but they also wanted their recognition by having a label "The Goldberg Air Conditioner" on the dashboard of each car that it was installed in.

Now old man Ford was more than just a little bit Anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on millions of Ford cars.

They haggled back and forth for about 2 hours and finally agreed on $4 million dollars, and that just their first names would be displayed.

And so, even today, all Ford air-conditioners show on the controls their names, "Norm, Hi, & Max".
There, now ya know it...
« Last Edit: January 14, 2021, 04:58:24 PM by Kev Murphy »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25448 on: January 14, 2021, 05:17:27 PM »
Latest US News...

Impeached again.

Byebye Donald, onya bike, you're fired.  :beer :thumbs :clap :hatwave

Go play golf.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25449 on: January 14, 2021, 05:54:03 PM »
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