Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2923906 times)

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15600 on: December 17, 2019, 02:54:35 AM »
Guy walks into a store in the US

He says, "I want a high-powered sniper rifle, a scope, a laser sight, and 2000 rounds of ammunition. And I need my anti-psychotics refilled."

The clerks says, "Whoa! Hold on there, buddy! You can't just buy drugs without a prescription!"
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15601 on: December 17, 2019, 03:09:04 AM »
William Shakespeare died on the same day he was born.

Damn! He must have been a fast writer!
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15602 on: December 17, 2019, 07:53:18 AM »
Wedding Nerves

Girl was about to get married, but was very nervous.
She told the pastor she was too nervous to go in front of all the people to marry her soon to be husband.
The Pastor told her to look straight down the aisle at the altar, and listen to the hymn.

The ceremony started, so she started repeating to herself over and over: Aisle, Altar, Hymn! Aisle, Altar, Hymn!
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15603 on: December 17, 2019, 08:03:27 AM »
Water has some marvellous properties, it can solve almost all your problems.

Want to lose weight? drink more water,
Want to wake up? splash some water on your face,
Workmate getting on your nerves? drown the mongrel.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 
The following users thanked this post: STeveo

Offline CallMeSteve

  • Steve, Ruth and STrudel
  • Legendary Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 828
  • Thanked: 470 times
  • Eatons Hill, Brisbane.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15604 on: December 17, 2019, 02:57:55 PM »
A man rides on his STeed, says “Why am I short of attention? Got a short little span of attention”.

You can call me Steve, with apologies to Paul Simon.

 :wht13

current:
ST1300 2014 Police

pre-kids:
CX500
CB900
CB400NB
CB350
1964 Yamaha YG-1 80cc

IBA #76608,  FR #1170
 
The following users thanked this post: Biggles, Kev Murphy, ruSTynutz

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15605 on: December 17, 2019, 03:03:20 PM »
 :grin
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online ruSTynutz

  • NR2024 Rally Team
  • Supreme "2000" Club Member
  • *
  • Posts: 4431
  • Thanked: 2791 times
    • "Destined to Drive" Driving School
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15606 on: December 17, 2019, 03:13:58 PM »
Smart kid!!  :clap :thumbs


        2005 Honda ST1300A
 
The following users thanked this post: Kev Murphy

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15607 on: December 17, 2019, 03:17:08 PM »
 ;-* :thumb
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Offline Shillas

  • SA NatRally 2022
  • Legendary "1000 Club" Member
  • *
  • Posts: 1977
  • Thanked: 1250 times
  • Better Red than Dead
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15608 on: December 17, 2019, 06:48:39 PM »
It's so hot, I went to the cinema today.

I bought a drink, some lollies, and a large popcorn.

As I paid, I apologised that I only brought a $100 note with me.

The girl said, " That's ok, we can put the lollies back ".
Shillas :13Candy

CB 125 - long gone
RD 200 - long gone
CB 250T - long gone
XJ 650 - reasonably long gone
XV 750 - reasonably long gone
VN 800 - gone
ST 1100 - recently gone
ST 1300 - In the garage
 
The following users thanked this post: Kev Murphy

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15609 on: December 17, 2019, 07:00:22 PM »
Pretty close to the truth.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15610 on: December 17, 2019, 08:48:51 PM »
A pretty girl in her early twenties went to the doctor.
"What seems to be the problem?" The doctor asked.

Flustered and shy the girl replied "I have some pain urinating and there seems to be a bad smell down there."

"Alright, please take off your and panties and lie down on the bench."

She complied and did what she was told.

"Now spread your legs." The doctor said, who was standing on the other side of the room.

The beautiful young lady spread her legs.

The doctor then went to the corner of the room and grabbed a huge pole, about 7' long with a hook on its head.

The girl was overcome by fear and nerves and stammered "Oh, doctor! Wha-What are you going to do?!"

"Oh, I'm just going to open the upper windows to let some fresh air in."
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15611 on: December 17, 2019, 09:15:04 PM »
My phone rang. I picked up and a voice said "I’m your son’s teacher, and I’m calling to tell you that he may be a compulsive liar."


I replied   ".... And obviously a damn good one! ...  I don’t have a son."
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15612 on: December 17, 2019, 10:38:35 PM »
Would a Frenchman wearing thongs be called ... Philippe Philoppe.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 
The following users thanked this post: STeveo

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15613 on: December 17, 2019, 10:47:16 PM »
If Chinese music is called C-pop, Korean music is called K-pop, and Japanese music is called J-pop, what do you call Justin Biebers music?

Utter C-rap.
« Last Edit: December 17, 2019, 10:55:32 PM by Kev Murphy »
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Bodø

  • Guest
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15614 on: December 17, 2019, 10:50:41 PM »
There's more to Japanese music than J-pop.  I have quite a big record collection of it and none of it is "j-pop".
 
The following users thanked this post: Kev Murphy

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15615 on: December 18, 2019, 12:10:41 AM »
Pythagoras was a much-travelled Greek mathematician, who roamed the earth at will.
At one stage of his life while in America, he took three native Indian wives.
To his mind, they were all very similar in appearance, and so to differentiate
between which was which, he supplied each with distinctive bedding.
One was issued with a bear skin, another with a kangaroo skin, and the other a hippo skin.

In due course, all three gave birth. His first wife gave birth to a single child, the second wife had twins,
while the third wife bore triplets!

This is the moment in time that he produced his most notable theorem.

"The Squaw on the hippopotamus hide equals the sum of the squaws on the other two hides!"

0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15616 on: December 18, 2019, 12:15:51 AM »
My girlfriend told me I was one in a million....

Then I scrolled through her text messages, and she was right.

Now I feel that she was won in a raffle.

The booby prize.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15617 on: December 18, 2019, 12:19:15 AM »
Physicians were unable to reach a consensus:
Should Brexit take place?

The Allergists were in favour of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologist had sort of a gut feeling about it,

but the Neurologist thought Theresa May had a lot of nerve.

Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was labouring under a misconception,

while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!"

while the Paediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!"

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness,

while the Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing

and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.

The Plastic Surgeons opined that this
proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward,

but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

Anaesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas,

and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Parliament.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15618 on: December 18, 2019, 07:02:11 AM »
Cruise ship, war ship, sail ship, cargo ship, battle ship, tanker ship, icebreaker ship
all kind of ships have made the trip to Geelong.

~ all except the Premiership, that is.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15619 on: December 18, 2019, 07:11:40 AM »
One major advantage that our bikes have over cars.

Our bikes will never be recalled to replace faulty airbags!  :thumb
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15620 on: December 18, 2019, 07:22:00 AM »
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money every day.

On the plus side, he has to work some pretty long hours at Maccas.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 
The following users thanked this post: ppopeye

Online Jdbiker

  • NR2024 Rally Team
  • Supreme "2000" Club Member
  • *
  • Posts: 3135
  • Thanked: 1427 times
  • ST Legend
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15621 on: December 18, 2019, 07:54:36 AM »
One major advantage that our bikes have over cars.

Our bikes will never be recalled to replace faulty airbags!  :thumb


Goldwing’s could be the exception 🤓
Jdbiker.
2008 red ST1300A
1980 Yamaha XS 1100
1974. Yamaha TX 500 sold
1984   Kawasaki GT 750
1975  Honda GL1000 selling

Honda XL 250 sold
Suzuki TS 100
2000 Honda ST1100P
1988 Enfield Bullet 350
 1941 Royal Enfield WD/C 350 engine
2021 Royal Enfield Bullet 500
2024 Honda Transalp coming
 
The following users thanked this post: Kev Murphy

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15622 on: December 18, 2019, 09:56:45 AM »
I proposed to my ex-wife today.

She said no, she thinks I'm just after my money.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15623 on: December 18, 2019, 09:58:27 AM »
I'm surprised that flat earthers are still using money.

You’d think they’d be concerned about it making the world go round.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15624 on: December 18, 2019, 10:01:14 AM »
Save money on home security and alarm systems, by flying ISIS flags at your home.

The Federal Police will watch your house 24/7
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com