Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 3052387 times)

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 95231
  • Thanked: 10865 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15300 on: December 01, 2019, 08:23:43 AM »
Nah!... They left unaided. I just moved to another city without telling them so they could no longer contact me. :grin
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 95231
  • Thanked: 10865 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15301 on: December 01, 2019, 08:29:25 AM »
A fly keeps annoying a spider, which is building his own web.

Annoyed, the spider rages: "Screw off 'ye annoying pest!
Once this web is complete, I will catch you, I will tie you up, and then dissolve you *while you are alive*!!
Just wait until tomorrow when I finish this web!"

The fly, unimpressed by the spider's threats, replies before it flies off:
"Haha! Good luck with that, sucker! -I'm a day fly!"
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 95231
  • Thanked: 10865 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15302 on: December 01, 2019, 08:46:00 AM »
If we used headphone/earplug leads as shoelaces, they would tie themselves.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 95231
  • Thanked: 10865 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15303 on: December 01, 2019, 08:51:28 AM »
An electrician didn't get home until after 2 a.m.

His wife asked, "Wire you insulate?"

He replied, "Why the resistance? Watts it to you? I'm ohm, aren't I?"
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Bodø

  • Guest
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15304 on: December 01, 2019, 09:01:44 AM »
Two sides to every story, one positive, the other negative.
 
The following users thanked this post: Kev Murphy

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 95231
  • Thanked: 10865 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15305 on: December 01, 2019, 11:25:07 AM »
As long as it doesn't result in battery.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Bodø

  • Guest
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15306 on: December 01, 2019, 11:42:26 AM »
It could be worse, it could be terminal.
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 95231
  • Thanked: 10865 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15307 on: December 01, 2019, 12:06:49 PM »
But never sell yourself short.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 95231
  • Thanked: 10865 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15308 on: December 01, 2019, 12:11:12 PM »
My wife is mad at me.

Get this, her diary says I have boundary issues.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 95231
  • Thanked: 10865 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15309 on: December 01, 2019, 12:13:42 PM »
Bill Gates is now richer than Jeff Bezos

Now he can look down on Amazon from his Windows
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

  • Guest
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15310 on: December 01, 2019, 12:15:05 PM »
My wife is mad at me.
Get this, her diary says I have boundary issues.

Go back and read between the lines.
 
The following users thanked this post: Kev Murphy

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 95231
  • Thanked: 10865 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15311 on: December 01, 2019, 01:10:25 PM »
So this is summer...?  Maybe those 'global warming' freaks should come visit

Portland 2pm   12.9°C 
Feels Like   3.5°C
Relative Humidity   76%
Wind WSW 42km/h   rising
Wind Gusts 57km/h
Rain since midnight  4.7 mm

https://youtu.be/pbR5cSgsHyY
« Last Edit: December 01, 2019, 02:30:46 PM by Kev Murphy »
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 95231
  • Thanked: 10865 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15312 on: December 01, 2019, 03:24:59 PM »
We call this 'Muslim' weather here  in Portland.....


Sunni one minute, and Shiite the next...
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online NTRebel

  • Legendary "1000 Club" Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1233
  • Thanked: 899 times
  • red centre red bike
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15313 on: December 01, 2019, 03:26:31 PM »
Just another typical day in sunny Victoria Kev
I'm not strange i'm just not normal {Salvador Dahli}
 
The following users thanked this post: Kev Murphy

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 95231
  • Thanked: 10865 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15314 on: December 01, 2019, 03:31:33 PM »
Sure is, Paul.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Offline Shillas

  • SA NatRally 2022
  • Legendary "1000 Club" Member
  • *
  • Posts: 1986
  • Thanked: 1251 times
  • Better Red than Dead
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15315 on: December 01, 2019, 09:04:34 PM »
I recently bought a gun from a guy named T-Rex.

He's a small arms dealer.
Shillas :13Candy

CB 125 - long gone
RD 200 - long gone
CB 250T - long gone
XJ 650 - reasonably long gone
XV 750 - reasonably long gone
VN 800 - gone
ST 1100 - recently gone
ST 1300 - In the garage
 
The following users thanked this post: Kev Murphy

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 95231
  • Thanked: 10865 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15316 on: December 01, 2019, 09:29:10 PM »
  :grin
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 95231
  • Thanked: 10865 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15317 on: December 01, 2019, 10:18:23 PM »
Pedro employed a New Secretary.
He faces a volley of rapid fire questions from his wife, who is always a bit suspicious of her husband’s roving eye.

Dora (Pedro's wife): “Does your new secretary have nice legs?"

Pedro: “Didn’t quite notice."

Dora: "What colour are her eyes?"

Pedro: “Haven’t had the time to check."

Dora: "What are the nail polish colours she uses, metallic, gel or neon ?"

Pedro: “Not a clue in the world."

Dora: "Does she wear matte, glossy or frosted lipstick?”

Pedro: “I barely spoke to her, so don’t know.”

Dora: "How does she dress?"

Pedro: "Ummm .... Very quickly”
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 95231
  • Thanked: 10865 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15318 on: December 01, 2019, 10:25:09 PM »
I am truly perplexed that so many people are against mosques being built.
I think it should be the goal of every Western Society to be tolerant regardless of their religious beliefs.
Thus mosques should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance.

That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque, thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque. We could call one of the clubs, which would be gay, "The Turban Cowboy ", and the other a topless bar called "You Mecca Me Hot."

Next door should be a butcher shop that specialises in pork, and adjacent to that an open-pit barbecue pork restaurant, called "Iraq o' Ribs."

Across the street there could be a lingerie store called "Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret ", with sexy mannequins in the window modelling the goods.

Next door to the lingerie shop there would be room for an adult sex toy shop, "Koranal Knowledge ", its name in flashing neon lights, and on the other side an off-licence bar called "Morehammered."

All of this would encourage Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance that they demand of us in OUR country, so their mosque issue would not be a problem for others.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Offline Shillas

  • SA NatRally 2022
  • Legendary "1000 Club" Member
  • *
  • Posts: 1986
  • Thanked: 1251 times
  • Better Red than Dead
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15319 on: December 01, 2019, 10:36:46 PM »
My wife told me I need to be more in touch with my feminine side...
So I crashed the car.
Shillas :13Candy

CB 125 - long gone
RD 200 - long gone
CB 250T - long gone
XJ 650 - reasonably long gone
XV 750 - reasonably long gone
VN 800 - gone
ST 1100 - recently gone
ST 1300 - In the garage
 
The following users thanked this post: Kev Murphy

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 95231
  • Thanked: 10865 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15320 on: December 01, 2019, 10:42:22 PM »
 :rofl
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 95231
  • Thanked: 10865 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15321 on: December 01, 2019, 10:49:58 PM »
Elton John doesn't like iceberg lettuce

he's a rocket man.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 95231
  • Thanked: 10865 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15322 on: December 01, 2019, 10:52:29 PM »
My girlfriend wanted me to have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic…

But I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 95231
  • Thanked: 10865 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15323 on: December 02, 2019, 02:05:30 AM »

A poor peasant is travelling the woody paths of Barnsdale, when a hooded man walks up to him.

Robin Hood: **"HALT!"**

**"*****I am Robin Hood, I take from the rich to give to the poor, now give me all your money!"***

Peasant: *"I have nothing, I've been hungry for years you see"*

Robin Hood: ***"Very well then poor man, take this!"***

Robin Hood gives the poor man a sack, filled to the brim with gold coins. He then fades away into the forest.

The peasant stares in disbelief, exclaiming: *"I can't believe it, I'm Rich!"*

**"HALT!"**
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 95231
  • Thanked: 10865 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15324 on: December 02, 2019, 02:20:49 AM »
A drunk got into a Mercedes-Benz taxi.

He asked the driver:"Why is the hood ornament on mercs shaped like that"

Driver jokingly answered: "So its easier to aim when running over pedestrians.
See that old lady crossing the road over there?"

The driver starts to accelerate towards her, but at the last moment avoids her.

"What was that sound?" the driver asked.

"You missed her, so i got her with my door."
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com