Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3023351 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34853 on:** August 02, 2021, 08:22:08 PM »

Signs You've Joined a Cheap HMO:

You ask for Viagra; you get a popsicle stick and a roll of duct tape.

Directions to your doctor's office include, "take a left when you enter the trailer park."

The only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is "An apple a day."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34854 on:** August 02, 2021, 08:23:27 PM »

Second wave of rainfall has just arrived from the northwest. A bit earlier than I expected.
This image from 30 minutes ago. Only light misty stuff.

ruSTynutz · « **Reply #34855 on:** August 02, 2021, 08:39:09 PM »

Warning...Once seen the below image cannot be unseen...

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Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34856 on:** August 02, 2021, 09:43:39 PM »

Takeaway food.

It's called "fast" food because you're supposed to eat it really quickly.

Otherwise, you might actually taste it.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34857 on:** August 02, 2021, 10:43:34 PM »

The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Johnny interrupted with this triumphant announcement: "My Mommy looked back once while she was driving, and she turned into a telephone pole!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34858 on:** August 02, 2021, 10:49:47 PM »

The best days of the week in Maccas are Fry-day and Sundae.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34859 on:** August 02, 2021, 10:56:43 PM »

The FBI have stated they have proof that Al Quaeda is responsible for the recent New Orleans floods
... they are stepping up their hunt for a Suicide Plumber.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34860 on:** August 03, 2021, 04:28:45 AM »

Overnight sprinkles, nothing startling. Weather now coming from the west
9 degrees, feels like 4

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34861 on:** August 03, 2021, 04:33:30 AM »

Where do you find the most fish?

Between the head and the tail.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34862 on:** August 03, 2021, 04:34:12 AM »

What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34863 on:** August 03, 2021, 04:39:22 AM »

Give me a motorcycle, fine weather, and a beautiful partner, and you can forget about the beautiful partner.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34864 on:** August 03, 2021, 04:40:16 AM »

My buddy and I have a lot in common.

The other night we went to see an X-rated movie, and we both fell asleep.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34865 on:** August 03, 2021, 04:42:17 AM »

I gambled at the crap table all night and finally lost $8, but during that time the house gave me four drinks and two cigars, so it was still a lot cheaper than renting a room.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34866 on:** August 03, 2021, 04:53:33 AM »

One time a guy handed me a picture of himself, and he said, "Here's a picture of me when I was younger."

Umm, ... EVERY picture of you, is of when you were younger.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34867 on:** August 03, 2021, 05:05:57 AM »

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them a lot sooner.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34868 on:** August 03, 2021, 09:42:07 AM »

Weather has swung around, now coming from the south west. Still light sprinkles.
9mm of rain in past 24 hours, and another 2mm since 9am today. Currently 10 degrees, feels like 5.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34869 on:** August 03, 2021, 09:49:16 AM »

A guy told me he was going to hang-glider school. He said, 'I've been going for three months.'
I said, 'How many successful jumps do you need to make before you graduate?'
He said, 'All of them.'"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34870 on:** August 03, 2021, 09:54:36 AM »

A young lady is set to be the first woman to orgasm on the peak of Mount Everest.

Reports say that she'll be coming round the mountain when she comes.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34871 on:** August 03, 2021, 09:56:10 AM »

Many climbers are depressed when they reach the peak of Mount Everest.

Because it's all downhill from there

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34872 on:** August 03, 2021, 09:57:13 AM »

In 1939, an unusual farm animal named Gertrude became the first cow to climb to the peak of Everest carrying gear for the climbers, setting a world record that still stands unbroken.

Since then, the steaks have never been higher.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34873 on:** August 03, 2021, 10:17:07 AM »

AfterPay??

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #34874 on:** August 03, 2021, 10:18:19 AM »

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3023351 times)