Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3024532 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16375 on:** February 04, 2020, 01:57:22 AM »

Birthdays are good for your health.

The more you have, the longer you live.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16376 on:** February 04, 2020, 02:16:26 AM »

Eating fatty foods daily at McDonald's has plenty of health benefits.

For instance, it would prevent you from dying of old age.

Bodø · « **Reply #16377 on:** February 04, 2020, 04:06:25 AM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on February 04, 2020, 01:57:22 AM

Birthdays are good for your health.

The more you have, the longer you live.

People only have one birthday. The others are just anniversaries.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16378 on:** February 04, 2020, 09:10:56 AM »

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.

Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16379 on:** February 04, 2020, 09:12:17 AM »

I asked the toy store assistant where the Arnold Schwarzenegger action figures were...

She replied, "Aisle B, back!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16380 on:** February 04, 2020, 09:17:11 AM »

The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle.
He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.

"Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?"

Five small voices answered in unison. "Okay, dad, you get the toy"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16381 on:** February 04, 2020, 09:21:40 AM »

Kid, screaming: "Waahhh! My toy truck is broken! Waahhh!"

Dad: "Nothing that duct tape can’t fix."

Kid: "mmmph.. mmrr... "

Bodø · « **Reply #16382 on:** February 04, 2020, 10:35:49 AM »

Works for Adelaide Metro buses as well.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16383 on:** February 04, 2020, 10:54:56 AM »

My battery powered dinosaur toy has stopped working.

e-reptile dysfunction?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16384 on:** February 04, 2020, 11:12:19 AM »

I have finally figured out why Trump always wears a tie!

It's to prevent his foreskin from covering his face!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16385 on:** February 04, 2020, 03:22:08 PM »

I’m really thankful that I wasn’t born in Russia.

I don’t speak a word of their language.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16386 on:** February 04, 2020, 03:47:49 PM »

A friend of mine describes his partner as a trophy wife.

Must have been the booby prize?

STeveo · « **Reply #16387 on:** February 04, 2020, 04:34:02 PM »

Keep them coming Kev.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16388 on:** February 04, 2020, 05:50:02 PM »

When a cop came on duty there were two guys in the lockup, one white, one aboriginal.

He asked the desk sergeant "Why are they here?"

The reply was "One for drink driving, the other, blackmale."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16389 on:** February 04, 2020, 05:51:59 PM »

Passenger asked a flight attendant “How often do planes crash?”

The reply “Only once.”

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16390 on:** February 04, 2020, 05:53:54 PM »

The flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the Captain immediately.

"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty, hot and sexy female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened, and the man she is with is a fat old slob who looks like a lecher, very sullen, mean and dangerous!"

The captain responds, "Patricia, I've told you this before. This is Air Force One..."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16391 on:** February 04, 2020, 05:55:58 PM »

I sat next to baby on a ten hour flight.

I didn’t think it was possible for someone to cry continually for four hours?

Even the baby was impressed that I managed to do it.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16392 on:** February 04, 2020, 06:41:51 PM »

I was on the phone booking a flight.

They asked, "Window, or aisle?"

After a moment, I replied, "Or you'll what?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16393 on:** February 04, 2020, 11:12:29 PM »

Hitler went to visit a fortune teller
Worried about losing the war, he asked the fortune teller,
“I want to know when I’m going to die.”

The fortune teller sat in a long silence and finally she replied,
“I do not know the exact day that you will die, but I can see that you will die on a Jewish holiday.”

To which Hitler enraged said,
“No! That cannot be true. How is that possible?”

“Because any day that you die will be a Jewish holiday.”

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16394 on:** February 05, 2020, 01:03:33 AM »

The penalty for polygamy is multiple mother in laws.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16395 on:** February 05, 2020, 01:08:27 AM »

Isn't it great to live in a society where the penalty for lying to a politician is up to 10 years in jail,

...but the penalty for a politician lying to the people is two more years in office.

Bodø · « **Reply #16396 on:** February 05, 2020, 03:51:14 AM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on February 05, 2020, 01:08:27 AM

Isn't it great to live in a society where the penalty for lying to a politician is up to 10 years in jail,

Is it? Or are you making stuff up?

p.s.
They're gaols in Australia.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16397 on:** February 05, 2020, 06:13:16 AM »

'Merrycan joke, 'Merrycan jail.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16398 on:** February 05, 2020, 06:14:54 AM »

Quote from: Bodø on February 05, 2020, 03:51:14 AM

They're gaols in Australia.

Dunno about that, never been in one.

ruSTynutz · « **Reply #16399 on:** February 05, 2020, 09:49:24 AM »

Quote from: Bodø on February 05, 2020, 03:51:14 AM

p.s.
They're gaols in Australia.

Jail vs Gaol
Both gaol and jail are borrowed from French. The first borrowing, gaol, came with the Norman Conquest when a lot of Norman French words to do with law and politics and governance were introduced into English. ... The spelling jail is the most common spelling now in Australian English.
May 2, 2016

www.macquariedictionary.com.au › blog › article

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3024532 times)

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