Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2923447 times)

Online ruSTynutz

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25725 on: January 22, 2021, 06:13:03 PM »
Some ripoff Melbourne petrol outlets have bumped the price of their fuel today by 40 cents, to $1.55 cents per litre because of public holiday next Tuesday.

It was that price last Tuesday when I was down in the big smoke... :||||

Thankfully we can still buy fuel for less than $1.20 here...  :thumbs


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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25726 on: January 22, 2021, 07:24:19 PM »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25727 on: January 22, 2021, 07:29:05 PM »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25728 on: January 22, 2021, 07:32:41 PM »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25729 on: January 22, 2021, 07:41:04 PM »
A husband was berating his wife for spending too much time on social media.

"What the hell are you Tok-ing about every day??"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25730 on: January 22, 2021, 07:46:56 PM »
A three-year-old stuck out her hand and said, “Look at the fly I killed, Mommy.”
Since she was eating a juicy pickle at the time, Mom thrust her contaminated hands under the faucet and washed them with antibacterial soap.
After sitting her down to finish her pickle, she asked, with a touch of awe, “How did you kill that fly all by yourself?”
Between bites, the girl said, “I hit it with my pickle.”
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25731 on: January 22, 2021, 09:02:15 PM »
I guess this is what happens after you’ve worked at the same place for a while?

I was eating at a fast-food restaurant when an employee began his shift by walking into the kitchen area and calling out, “Honey, I’m home!”
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25732 on: January 22, 2021, 09:46:10 PM »
I use a really strong sunblock when I go to the beach.

It’s SPF 180: - You squeeze the tube, and a jacket comes out.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25733 on: January 22, 2021, 10:10:48 PM »
My can opener no longer works.

It's now a can't opener.
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Offline Biggles

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25734 on: January 22, 2021, 11:11:33 PM »
After providing a 21 gun salute to the outgoing President, the American Military has been reprimanded for failing to take effective aim at him.

I may be the only Ozstocer to thank goodness that will be the end of years of lame sniping about a faulty human who nevertheless achieved many remarkable things for the country he loved.  He started no wars, unlike most of his predecessors.  He refused to be brow-beaten by China or the EU. He make peace in the Middle East where his predecessors said it was impossible.  He elevated the wages and working conditions of millions of Americans, especially among the blacks and Hispanics. His whole term was white-anted by those who regarded his election as illegitimate because he defeated their unbeatable candidate- - but the same people were incensed when he justifiably challenged their blatant electoral irregularities.
Feel free to start lampooning Biden.  Plenty of material there.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25735 on: January 22, 2021, 11:36:33 PM »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25736 on: January 23, 2021, 12:58:34 AM »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25737 on: January 23, 2021, 06:51:50 AM »
The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read "Best Deals".

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading "Lowest Prices".

The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea.
He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read... "Main Entrance".

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25738 on: January 23, 2021, 06:54:01 AM »
Deadly prophecy...

A medieval astrologer prophesied to a king that his favourite mistress would soon die.

Sure enough, the woman died a short time later. The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman's death. He summoned the astrologer and gave him this command: "Prophet, tell me when you will die!"

The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill him immediately, no matter what answer he gave.
So he said, finally, "I do not know when I will die. I only know that whenever I die, you will die three days later."
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25739 on: January 23, 2021, 06:59:10 AM »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25740 on: January 23, 2021, 07:14:40 AM »
It's 2021, and President Joe Biden is told he needs to assemble a cabinet.

Coming back from IKEA, he realizes he's greatly misunderstood the task ...
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25741 on: January 23, 2021, 07:17:54 AM »
When all's said and done it's been a great show from both Biden and Trump.

The Japanese are truly impressed that two blokes in their 70s could maintain an election for this long?
« Last Edit: January 23, 2021, 02:03:10 PM by Kev Murphy »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25742 on: January 23, 2021, 07:21:26 AM »
Do Biden and Barack tell each other Jo - 'Bama jokes, not 'Yo mama' jokes?
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25743 on: January 23, 2021, 09:25:49 AM »
When all's said and done it's been an great show from both Biden and Trump.

The Japanese are truly impressed that two blokes in their 70s could maintain an election for this long?


Evelybody vely implessed 😄
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25744 on: January 23, 2021, 10:04:55 AM »
A recent finding by statisticians shows that the average human has one breast and one testicle.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25745 on: January 23, 2021, 10:15:19 AM »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25746 on: January 23, 2021, 10:20:39 AM »
Joe Biden just turned 78,

but 3 days ago on the 20th of Jan, they said he's 46?
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25747 on: January 23, 2021, 10:23:10 AM »
My conservative grandmother used to be a big Trump supporter, but this year her mail-in ballot was cast for Joe Biden.

No way would she have done that if she were still alive.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25748 on: January 23, 2021, 11:56:47 AM »
Mixed message???

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25749 on: January 23, 2021, 12:00:19 PM »
A poodle and a collie are walking together when the poodle suddenly unloads his problems.
“My life is a mess,” he says. “My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a schnauzer, and I’m as jittery as a cat.”

“Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” suggests the collie.

“I can’t,” replied the poodle. “I’m not allowed on the couch.”
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