Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3006625 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9175 on:** September 20, 2018, 12:27:07 AM »

20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs.

Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please don't let Kevin Bacon die!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9176 on:** September 20, 2018, 12:33:04 AM »

Did you know that Polar bears could eat as many as 80 penguins in a single day?

... Good thing that they live at opposite poles of the Earth.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9177 on:** September 20, 2018, 11:26:14 AM »

Pirates prefer to communicate Aye to aye!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9178 on:** September 20, 2018, 12:05:40 PM »

A mans body was found at his home.
It appears that he choked while eating breakfast.
Police have categorised his death as the work of a cereal killer.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9179 on:** September 20, 2018, 01:58:22 PM »

The most favorite song of pirates across the world is: 'Don’t cry for me, Arrrrrrgentina...'

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9180 on:** September 20, 2018, 04:10:04 PM »

Little Johnny walks into his dad's bedroom and sees him putting on a condom.
His father tries to hide it by bending over, as if to look under the bed.
Little Johnny asks curiously, “What are you doing, Dad?”
His father quickly replies, “I thought I saw a mouse go underneath the bed.”
Little Johnny replies, “What are you gonna do -- hump it?”

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9181 on:** September 20, 2018, 04:11:21 PM »

The teacher heard Little Johnny use some serious language and was shocked.
“Little Johnny, don’t you ever use language like that again, not near me, not ever. Where on earth did you learn that?”
“I’ve got it from my dad, Miss,” replies Johnny.
“Well, your daddy should be ashamed. I hope you don’t know what all that even means!”
“Oh but I do,” says Johnny. “It means the car won’t start.”

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9182 on:** September 20, 2018, 04:28:10 PM »

Got a red hot stockmarket tip on the radio this afternoon.

Some guy imploring me to .... buy, buy 'Miss American Pie'

I cant seem to find the listing?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9183 on:** September 20, 2018, 06:52:52 PM »

Little Johnny asks his mum, “Mum, do all fairy tales begin with ‘Once upon a time in a faraway land’?”
“No darling,” says his mother, somewhat distressed,
“Sometimes, they can begin with ‘I’ve got too much work in the office tonight, I’ll be home later’.”

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9184 on:** September 20, 2018, 06:54:17 PM »

During an English lesson, the teacher asks, "Can anyone give me an example for the word ‘COINCIDENCE’?”
Little Johnny volunteers, "My mum and dad got married on the same day."

Gadget · « **Reply #9185 on:** September 20, 2018, 10:21:26 PM »

Why are pirates, pirates?

Because they Arrrrrrgghhh!

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Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9186 on:** September 20, 2018, 10:32:32 PM »

A Pirates favourite letter of the alphabet is 'P'

(Thats an 'R' ... with a leg missing)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9187 on:** September 21, 2018, 02:41:35 PM »

After many expensive years of studying at a university, a friends son has finally become a PhD.

… or Pizza Hut Deliveryman as most people call it.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9188 on:** September 21, 2018, 02:52:54 PM »

On average, women live two, three years longer than men because the time they spend parking doesn’t count.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9189 on:** September 21, 2018, 02:57:44 PM »

I have no home, there's no control, I can’t see any escape and I can't find where to start.

I'm going to the computer store later to buy myself a new keyboard.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9190 on:** September 21, 2018, 03:53:40 PM »

Coco Chanel once said that you should apply perfume where you want to be kissed.

A blonde complained that the idea was good, but it burns like hell!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9191 on:** September 21, 2018, 06:12:55 PM »

A woman in a bikini reveals about 90% of her body.

.... and yet most of us men are so polite, that we only look at the covered bits.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9192 on:** September 21, 2018, 06:18:05 PM »

Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you an ST.

It is impossible to be sad when you’re riding an ST.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9193 on:** September 21, 2018, 06:39:33 PM »

You’ll never guess who I bumped into, on my way to get my eyes tested today?

... Everybody!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9194 on:** September 21, 2018, 06:45:00 PM »

Bill Shorten to ‎Tanya Plibersek ... "I don't know what people have against us - We haven't done anything?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9195 on:** September 21, 2018, 06:51:48 PM »

Strange that Daniel Andrews has 'suddenly found' almost 300 million dollars to upgrade the Geelong Cats football ground?

Oh yeah... only if he is re-elected in November, of course ...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9196 on:** September 21, 2018, 06:56:51 PM »

Two men are playing golf.
One of them is about to take a swing when a funeral procession appears on the road next to the course.
He stops mid-swing, takes off his cap, closes his eyes, and bows his head in contemplation.

His opponent comments after the cortage moved past: "That is the most touching thing I have ever seen! You are a very feeling man."
The man, recovering himself, replies, "Yeah, well, ... we were married for almost 45 years."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9197 on:** September 21, 2018, 08:56:21 PM »

Bodø · « **Reply #9198 on:** September 21, 2018, 09:00:05 PM »

DavidP · « **Reply #9199 on:** September 21, 2018, 10:22:27 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on September 21, 2018, 06:12:55 PM

A woman in a bikini reveals about 90% of her body.

.... and yet most of us men are so polite, that we only look at the covered bits.

Soooooo true, so much so that Lane even agrees :-)

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Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3006625 times)

Bodø