Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2923590 times)

Bodø

  • Guest
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16500 on: February 09, 2020, 06:28:24 PM »
There are steps between 1. and 2.  Trust me.  I did it about a year ago.
 
The following users thanked this post: Kev Murphy

Offline Shillas

  • SA NatRally 2022
  • Legendary "1000 Club" Member
  • *
  • Posts: 1977
  • Thanked: 1250 times
  • Better Red than Dead
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16501 on: February 09, 2020, 06:28:57 PM »
The existence of casual sex infers the existence of competitive sex, and since none of us have competed, we are all amateurs.

But there is professional sex. :grin
Shillas :13Candy

CB 125 - long gone
RD 200 - long gone
CB 250T - long gone
XJ 650 - reasonably long gone
XV 750 - reasonably long gone
VN 800 - gone
ST 1100 - recently gone
ST 1300 - In the garage
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94864
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16502 on: February 09, 2020, 08:26:31 PM »
Ah yes, but we are not involved? :grin
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Offline Shillas

  • SA NatRally 2022
  • Legendary "1000 Club" Member
  • *
  • Posts: 1977
  • Thanked: 1250 times
  • Better Red than Dead
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16503 on: February 09, 2020, 09:02:12 PM »
Ah yes, but we are not involved? :grin

I would hazard a guess that it would be one professional and one amatuer  ;-*
Shillas :13Candy

CB 125 - long gone
RD 200 - long gone
CB 250T - long gone
XJ 650 - reasonably long gone
XV 750 - reasonably long gone
VN 800 - gone
ST 1100 - recently gone
ST 1300 - In the garage
 
The following users thanked this post: Kev Murphy

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94864
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16504 on: February 09, 2020, 09:25:48 PM »
 :rofl
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94864
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16505 on: February 09, 2020, 10:55:21 PM »
Hey, does anyone know how long it takes to cook those boil in the bag fish?

They didn't give me any instructions at the pet shop.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94864
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16506 on: February 09, 2020, 11:00:06 PM »
Karen called a men's club looking for her husband...

Karen: "Hello, is my husband there?"

Manager: "I'm sorry, he is not here."

Karen is about to hang up when she realised something...

Karen: "I haven't mentioned his name, how do you know whose wife I am?"

Manager: "It doesn't matter ma'am ... - All the husbands give out the same instructions when they come in.
Have a good day."
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94864
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16507 on: February 09, 2020, 11:05:54 PM »
I’ve just seen Paddy in the local newsagent, and one of his shoelaces was undone, so I said,

“Mind you don’t trip up over your laces, Paddy.”

Paddy replied, “Yeah, it’s these stoopid bloody instructions!”

I asked, “What instructions, Paddy?”

Paddy said, “On the label under the shoe it says, ‘Taiwan’.”
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94864
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16508 on: February 09, 2020, 11:15:09 PM »
Vegan cooking instructions

How regular people read cooking instructions:
Dip the chicken breast in whisked egg.

How vegans read cooking instructions:
Dip the flayed carcass of the mother in the embryonic fluid of the child.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94864
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16509 on: February 10, 2020, 03:27:13 AM »
Some women adopt the attitude of their pets.

... Which explains why my ex was such a bitch.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94864
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16510 on: February 10, 2020, 03:41:43 AM »
My pet rat was originally liberated from an animal testing laboratory.

Had to let him go. Too expensive. The little bugger smoked 80 Marlboros a day!
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94864
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16511 on: February 10, 2020, 06:53:17 AM »
Telemarketer rang me 7.41 am today.

When he spoke, I put the microphone near the keyboard, and typed on a few keys.
He tried to get a voice reaction from me many times, I just typed in response.
Persistent freak, he kept the line open for more than two minutes before he finally gave up.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94864
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16512 on: February 10, 2020, 07:06:28 AM »
Pedro gets a New Secretary.
He faces a volley of rapid fire questions from his wife, who is always a bit suspicious of her husband’s roving eye.

Dora (Pedro's wife): “Does your new secretary have nice legs?"

Pedro: “Didn’t quite notice."

Dora: "What color are her eyes?"

Pedro: “Haven’t had the time to check."

Dora: "What are the nail polish colors she uses, metallic, gel or neon ?"

Pedro: “Not a clue in the world."

Dora: "Does she wear matte, glossy or frosted lipstick?”

Pedro: “I barely spoke to her, so don’t know.”

Dora: "How does she dress?"

Pedro: "Very quickly”
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94864
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16513 on: February 10, 2020, 07:14:28 AM »
Big Catholic news, the Pope recently stated that it is possible for atheists to go to Heaven.

However, what he didn't say, is once they get there, they have to spend all eternity helping Buddha squeeze into his yoga pants.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94864
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16514 on: February 10, 2020, 07:18:02 AM »
Dad, why did you name the new baby Teresa?

Well son, Teresa is an anagram. If you rearrange the letters, it spells “Easter”.

-Oh, so you named her that, on account of how much you and mom love Easter.

Yes, that’s right, Alan.

-Thanks, Dad!
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94864
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16515 on: February 10, 2020, 07:53:09 AM »
A bloke's sitting on the bus when a gorgeous woman next to him starts breastfeeding her baby.

The baby won't take it, so she says "Come on, eat it all up, or I'll give it to this nice man here".

Ten minutes later, the baby is still not feeding so she says again "Eat it all up, or I'll give it to this nice man here"

The bloke says "Listen love, can you make up your bloody mind, I'm already four blocks past my stop!!!"
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online NTRebel

  • Legendary "1000 Club" Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1231
  • Thanked: 897 times
  • red centre red bike
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16516 on: February 10, 2020, 07:54:08 AM »
how long is a piece of string. :Stirpot :Stirpot

Hey, does anyone know how long it takes to cook those boil in the bag fish?

They didn't give me any instructions at the pet shop.
I'm not strange i'm just not normal {Salvador Dahli}
 
The following users thanked this post: Kev Murphy

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94864
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16517 on: February 10, 2020, 08:03:03 AM »
No, How Long is a Chinese man!  :grin
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

  • Guest
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16518 on: February 10, 2020, 08:53:50 AM »
how long is a piece of string. :Stirpot :Stirpot

The length from one end to the other when put out in a straight line.
 
The following users thanked this post: Kev Murphy

Bodø

  • Guest
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16519 on: February 10, 2020, 08:55:38 AM »
No, Howlong is a Chinese man!  :grin

It's a town near Albury in New South Wales.   I took the kwaka there once.
 
The following users thanked this post: Kev Murphy

Bodø

  • Guest
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16520 on: February 10, 2020, 09:00:02 AM »
Dad, why did you name the new baby Teresa?

Well son, Teresa is an anagram. If you rearrange the letters, it spells “Easter”.

-Oh, so you named her that, on account of how much you and mom love Easter.

Yes, that’s right, Alan.

-Thanks, Dad!

Did they like the Alna river?
 
The following users thanked this post: Kev Murphy

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94864
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16521 on: February 10, 2020, 09:18:24 AM »
 :rofl
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94864
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16522 on: February 10, 2020, 09:54:24 AM »
"Hey Sherlock? ... where is your partner?"

"He is at the Bulk Pharmacy!"

"So, Watson in the warehouse?"
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94864
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16523 on: February 10, 2020, 01:24:22 PM »
The girlfriend texted, "Love you, babe xxx"

I replied, "Love you too, babe."

She wrote, "It'd mean a lot to me if you would start putting some x's at the end of your messages, babe xxx"

I answered, "Okay, babe. Linda, Mary, Judy, Barbara, Monica, Maureen, ..."
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94864
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16524 on: February 10, 2020, 01:38:12 PM »
When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about “the ceremony”.

Men talk about “the bachelor party”
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com