Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2921880 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10400 on: January 15, 2019, 11:42:01 AM »
You Know You're an Alcoholic When

• You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

• You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10401 on: January 15, 2019, 11:46:11 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10402 on: January 15, 2019, 11:59:56 AM »
I bought a dog the other day... I named him Stay.

It's fun when I call him... "Come here, Stay! Fetch, Stay! Sic him, Stay"

He lost the plot and went insane.

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10403 on: January 15, 2019, 01:22:48 PM »
A friend bought a 'shoo roo' whistler for his car.

He installed it backwards.

He is easily identified on the highway, as his is the only car being chased by a mob of roos.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10404 on: January 15, 2019, 05:09:38 PM »
My watch is 2 hours fast, do I have to move to New Zealand?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10405 on: January 15, 2019, 07:43:44 PM »
A guy tried to hit up on a woman, not realising he was in a gay bar.

She said "Bugger off!, I'm a lesbian!!"

He took a sip of his beer, and asked "So ... What part of Lesbia are you from?"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10406 on: January 15, 2019, 08:08:15 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10407 on: January 15, 2019, 08:31:45 PM »
Some clown parked across our unit driveway late this afternoon, and then went to the supermarket.

The guy in the flat opposite me had a doctors appointment, and couldnt get his car out so I drove him there.

When we returned, the vehicle was still there, so my buddy removed all the valve caps and put a small piece
of gravel in each before screwing them back on, just enough that all tyres were slowly leaking.

The driver returned to his vehicle after two hours of shopping, and drove away.

All 4 tyres should be totally flat by tomorrow morning.

I like his style!
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10408 on: January 16, 2019, 12:34:06 AM »
After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10409 on: January 16, 2019, 12:36:02 AM »
I saw a bank sign that said "24 Hour Banking", but I don't have that much time to waste.

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10410 on: January 16, 2019, 01:33:54 AM »
Insurance companies have applied the word customer 'service' in the same context as a cattle farmer has his cows 'serviced'
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10411 on: January 16, 2019, 01:46:31 AM »
A woman who caught her husband cheating moved out of the home, after replacing the contents of the shampoo bottle in the shower with Nair hair removal cream.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10412 on: January 16, 2019, 04:04:12 AM »
A friend said to me "You know, I'd love to move to Pakistan or India, and become a cab driver, ... see how THEY would like that!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10413 on: January 16, 2019, 10:24:31 AM »
A recently divorced guy confided to his buddy "There is not a single day goes by without me missing that woman,

... but I am going to the range next weekend to properly adjust the sniper scope."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10414 on: January 16, 2019, 10:46:49 AM »
Do Disney characters drive 'Minnie' Vans?

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10415 on: January 16, 2019, 10:48:24 AM »
Cinderella was a poor football player because she was always running away from the ball, kept losing her shoes, and she had a pumpkin for a coach!

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10416 on: January 16, 2019, 04:44:26 PM »
The new KFC Labor Party Bucket ... filled with left wings and a**holes, that leave a bad taste in the mouth
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Online NTRebel

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10417 on: January 16, 2019, 05:17:42 PM »
Hey Kev that's pretty close to the KFC Liberal Party bucket isn't it.


The new KFC Labor Party Bucket ... filled with left wings and a**holes, that leave a bad taste in the mouth

I'm not strange i'm just not normal {Salvador Dahli}
 
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Offline Flip

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10418 on: January 17, 2019, 01:52:15 AM »
Hey Kev that's pretty close to the KFC Liberal Party bucket isn't it.


The new KFC Labor Party Bucket ... filled with left wings and a**holes, that leave a bad taste in the mouth



NO - Just the opposite - it's a labor party and greens special !!!    ESPECIALLY the a**hole part, more commonly known as ' little billy short*ss '   !!!    :rofl :rofl :rofl


Flip    o:)
But I AM Napoleon I tell you !
Where am I now that I need me ???
ALL others on the roads are idiots - ride accordingly !
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10419 on: January 17, 2019, 05:41:26 AM »
Bill Shorten is the only politician outside North Korea who is credited with stabbing two prime ministers.

He is an ex-union leader who is attempting to reform the Labor Party by extricating it from the unions while attempting to present a united front across the whole Labor movement. His only chance of becoming prime minster will be extricating himself from both the Labor Party and the union movement.

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10420 on: January 17, 2019, 10:43:53 AM »
Mechanic "I don't understand it?... This is the third time I have replaced the clutch in 12 months?"

Driver "Don't blame me, I never use it!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10421 on: January 17, 2019, 10:46:02 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10422 on: January 17, 2019, 11:01:27 AM »
Secure load?

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10423 on: January 17, 2019, 11:45:04 AM »
 :rofl
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10424 on: January 17, 2019, 11:58:35 AM »
Advances in technology.

The military replaced the old tried and true method of information transfer by runners and 'word of mouth', after the sent message "Send reinforcements, we're going to advance!" became corrupted, and was delivered as "Send three and fourpence, we're going to a dance!"

With modern technology, and voice to text applications, the exact same message corruption can be transferred in just a couple of seconds.
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