Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3058294 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17650 on:** April 07, 2020, 01:36:35 AM »

Poor reception, hey Russ?

Bodø · « **Reply #17651 on:** April 07, 2020, 01:38:05 AM »

He pressed her buttons too often.

ruSTynutz · « **Reply #17652 on:** April 07, 2020, 01:41:04 AM »

Could have been worse...Sue said it will be the tv next time!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17653 on:** April 07, 2020, 01:42:09 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17654 on:** April 07, 2020, 01:43:37 AM »

If that happened, you could pucker up and hide the subtitles!

ruSTynutz · « **Reply #17655 on:** April 07, 2020, 01:59:50 AM »

I'm just thankful we didn't buy a 75" tele...

Brookester · « **Reply #17656 on:** April 07, 2020, 04:16:57 AM »

Aardvark eating a Kumquat in Cambodia...

Bodø · « **Reply #17657 on:** April 07, 2020, 04:33:23 AM »

If you got Cambodia I think you failed basic arithmetic.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17658 on:** April 07, 2020, 09:00:24 AM »

Don't do drugs during a thunder storm, because lightning strikes the highest object.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17659 on:** April 07, 2020, 09:27:49 AM »

A young adventurer guy is trekking through the deepest, darkest amazon jungle, when out of nowhere, he suddenly finds himself surrounded by 30 of the most fierce-looking tribesmen, all with long spears, bows and arrows, as what looks like the chief walks right up to him.

The guy looks at his situation...and he cries aloud, "Oh god I'm screwed!"

Just then, the clouds above opened, and a bright light shined down upon him..and he heard a great, thunderous, but calm voice which said, "No, my son..you are NOT screwed. Pick up the large rock at your feet, and strike the man in front of you with all your might".

The young man doesn't hesitate. He reaches down, picks up the rock, draws back and hits the chief right in the head.

The chief falls backwards, Plop. Dead.

The tribesmen all look at the chief, and then look at the young man, with a total look of stunned disbelief.

Then the voice from above speaks again.."NOW you're screwed!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17660 on:** April 07, 2020, 12:00:33 PM »

A lifeguard was doing his routine check on a beach that had an evening curfew, when he sees a man attempting to swim in the water.

"Hey!" The lifeguard thunders, "Stop swimming and get to shore now!"

"I'm not swimming!" The man gasps, "I'm drowning!"

The lifeguard suddenly becomes cheerful.

"Oh, OK, carry on then!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17661 on:** April 07, 2020, 01:37:19 PM »

I went to a smoke shop only to discover that it has been replaced by an apparel store.

Clothes, but no cigar.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17662 on:** April 07, 2020, 01:38:24 PM »

Why don't Harley riders wear helmets?

If you spent $30,000 on a bike and $10,000 on clothes to suit, and people still thought you were a dweeb, you would be suicidal too!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17663 on:** April 07, 2020, 02:36:51 PM »

Had takeaway lunch from the Pelican Cafe...

The food was good but the bill was enormous!

Bodø · « **Reply #17664 on:** April 07, 2020, 03:00:03 PM »

Are you sure your lunch wasn't regurgitated?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17665 on:** April 07, 2020, 03:01:07 PM »

Bodø · « **Reply #17666 on:** April 07, 2020, 03:03:35 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on April 07, 2020, 09:00:24 AM

Don't do drugs during a thunder storm, because lightning strikes the highest object.

Incorrect. It takes the path of least resistance

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17667 on:** April 07, 2020, 03:59:32 PM »

It just struck me that in British slang the US President's surname means "Fart" and in US slang the British prime minister's surname means "Penis"

I can't wait to tell the wife. She'll laugh her Merkel off.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17668 on:** April 07, 2020, 05:38:35 PM »

How many Aussie Prime Ministers does it take to change a light bulb?

Who knows, they're never in office long enough to do so.

Bodø · « **Reply #17669 on:** April 07, 2020, 05:40:54 PM »

If that's how long it takes Aussies to change a light bulb that kind of productivity suggests why businesses take their operations overseas.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17670 on:** April 07, 2020, 05:42:29 PM »

How Trudeau!

ruSTynutz · « **Reply #17671 on:** April 07, 2020, 05:43:58 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on April 07, 2020, 03:59:32 PM

It just struck me that in British slang the US President's surname means "Fart" and in US slang the British prime minister's surname means "Penis"

And in Aussie slang Borrie means sh*t...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17672 on:** April 07, 2020, 05:45:35 PM »

Two Baptist ministers were eating lunch, when one went on and on about young people having sex before marriage.

He said, “God forbids it. It is a sin, and I didn’t have sex with my wife until our wedding night. How about you?”

The other minister thinks and then says, “I don’t think so, ... what was her maiden name?”

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17673 on:** April 07, 2020, 05:56:01 PM »

On the right side of the house of a politician there lived a blacksmith, and on the left side,a carpenter.
The blacksmith and the carpenter made noise day and night, and disturbed the minister.
When he couldn't take it anymore, he called the two and demanded that they move house.

One day the blacksmith visited the minister and said, "Sir, I am moving house as requested."
The following day, the carpenter also paid a courtesy call on the minister, saying, "I too am moving house, as per your request."

The minister was relieved to hear this, but pretended to be sorry at losing them as neighbours.
He treated them to a grand feast the day before they moved, and the whole neighbourhood was called, where the blacksmith and the Carpenter were the chief guests, and given a send-off.

The two exchanged houses with each other.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17674 on:** April 07, 2020, 06:08:59 PM »

What did ScoMo say when he was awoken early, to news of an urgent matter that required his immediate attention?

“Ugh. I’m the PM, not the AM.”

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3058294 times)

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