Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2924038 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29225 on: April 13, 2021, 03:02:56 PM »
The director of the Department of Motor Vehicle resigned on Tuesday.

He tried to resign on Monday, but found he'd been standing in the wrong line.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29226 on: April 13, 2021, 03:16:23 PM »
Which motor vehicle was prominently featured in the Bible?

Honda, because the Apostles were all in one Accord.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29227 on: April 13, 2021, 03:18:27 PM »
A man is facing trial for a motor vehicle theft.

Judge: "This is a serious charge, young man. How do you plead to these allegations?"

*The man whispers something quietly to his lawyer*

Lawyer: Are... Are you sure?

Man: Yes, absolutely.

Lawyer: "Your honor, the defendant would like to plead guilty to the charges laid against him."

*The judge looks to the man*

Judge: "It takes a strong man to own up to his crimes. This is a smart move, son. Those who admit to their crimes are met with a fairer sentence. You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders; so, I must ask, why did you steal the car in the first place?"

Man: "My car is out of commission at the moment, and I needed to get to work. I haven't missed a day in my life."

Judge: "I see... Why didn't you just take a bus?"

*The courtroom falls into complete and utter silence; everyone listening intently to hear the defendant's response*

Man: "Well, your honor, I don't have a driver's license for a bus."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29228 on: April 13, 2021, 03:54:30 PM »
"I think some guy just keyed your car ..." I told a man in the street.

"Can't you give me a better description?" he said.

"OK," I replied, "Some gentleman swiped his hand while holding a key across the painted metallic section of the door on your motor vehicle, sir."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29229 on: April 13, 2021, 05:05:42 PM »
Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup, is how close to the road the stuff is placed?

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29230 on: April 13, 2021, 06:16:15 PM »
A soldier, a Marine, and an airman are getting ready for bed one night.
The soldier opens his tent and sees a scorpion crawling on the floor. Unfazed, he crushes the scorpion, crawls into bed, and falls asleep.

The Marine opens his tent and he too finds a scorpion. He quickly draws his knife, removes the scorpion's stinger, and swallows it whole. Satisfied with his snack, he quickly falls asleep.

The airman opens his tent and also finds a scorpion inside. He immediately shuts the tent, picks up the phone and makes a call. A voice answers on the other end and the airman demands, "Why the hell is there a tent in my hotel room?"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29231 on: April 13, 2021, 06:28:36 PM »
What does COVID and riding a motorcycle have in common?

You can do everything right but other people can still screw you over.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29232 on: April 13, 2021, 06:35:00 PM »
Little known fact, Moses had a motorcycle!
It literally says so in the Bible:

"And lo, the roar of Moses' Triumph was heard throughout Israel"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29233 on: April 13, 2021, 06:55:56 PM »
Menulog food deliveries ... as advertised by Snoop Dogg.



What REALLY happens...

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29234 on: April 13, 2021, 08:15:31 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29235 on: April 13, 2021, 08:36:05 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29236 on: April 13, 2021, 08:38:36 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29237 on: April 13, 2021, 08:45:23 PM »
A witch went past on a motorcycle....


BROOM, BROOOOOM!
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29238 on: April 13, 2021, 08:47:56 PM »
I'm planning a camping holiday but, I have to say, I'm far from impressed with my travel insurance.

If someone steals my tent, I'll no longer be covered?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29239 on: April 13, 2021, 08:49:50 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29240 on: April 13, 2021, 08:52:42 PM »
Shadow said to me ... "MY pillow! Get your own!"

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29241 on: April 13, 2021, 08:56:29 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29242 on: April 13, 2021, 08:59:11 PM »
One day a soldier had his expensive watch stolen.

Seeing as he was deployed with no one but his squad mates around, he went to the squad commander for help.

The squad commander made everyone sit in a circle inside a tent, with a pillow in the middle.

He said, “Listen, we don’t have to make a big deal out of this. I’m going to turn off the lights and count to 5, and then when I turn the lights back on, the watch had better be on the pillow.”

He turned off the lights.

1

2

3

4

5

He turned the lights back on, and the pillow was gone.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29243 on: April 13, 2021, 09:29:58 PM »
What is the difference between an angel of love jumping a motorcycle through a ring of fire, and a Karen?

One is a cupid stunt ....
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29244 on: April 13, 2021, 10:58:00 PM »
The resemblance was uncanny!

A newlywed man was in the garage working on his motorcycle. His new wife came out of the house and watched him work for a few minutes before saying, “Now that we are married, you should probably sell that motorcycle.”

The man’s face went pale and he looked as if he might throw up.

“Are you okay? What's the matter?” she asked.

He managed to get control of himself. “For a minute there, you sounded like my ex-wife.”

“Your ex-wife?” the woman exclaimed. “You never told me that you were married before!”

“I wasn’t,” he said.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29245 on: April 13, 2021, 10:58:50 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29246 on: April 13, 2021, 11:01:30 PM »
A Blonde went camping, and was sitting outside her tent when the sun set.
She stayed up all night trying to figure out where it went, until it finally dawned on her.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29247 on: April 13, 2021, 11:05:30 PM »
If Quentin Tarantino tested positive for coronavirus, he would become Tent-in Quarantino.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29248 on: April 13, 2021, 11:07:33 PM »
My friend fell off his motorcycle.

He has brain damage and two broken arms.

Why anyone would let him try to ride in that condition is beyond me...
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29249 on: April 13, 2021, 11:10:58 PM »
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