Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3061037 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29250 on:** April 13, 2021, 11:19:31 PM »

Just before my tenth birthday, my dad told me I was adopted.

I said, "Wow! Really?"

He responded, "Yup pack your stuff, they will be here in about twenty minutes."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29251 on:** April 13, 2021, 11:21:27 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29252 on:** April 13, 2021, 11:33:51 PM »

Two sperms were swimming along when one says to the other "Man I'm getting tired, how far is it to the uterus anyway?"

The other sperm laughs and says "Uterus?, we aren't even past the oesophagus yet!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29253 on:** April 13, 2021, 11:41:19 PM »

This joke from a Chinese website.

If someone walking ahead of you farts and you can can hear it, that means you're not practicing correct social distancing.

If you can smell it, that means you're not wearing your mask properly.

If you are wearing your mask properly and can still smell it, then congratulations, you don't have covid-19.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29254 on:** April 13, 2021, 11:42:10 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29255 on:** April 13, 2021, 11:47:24 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29256 on:** April 13, 2021, 11:53:51 PM »

A motorcycle rider dies in an accident. He finds himself in hell, he looks around and spots Hitler.

Hitler comes over and asks the young fella "Well what brought you here mein Junge?"

The rider replies " Well... too far right, and too much gas, which left the whole place burning."

Hitler answers "Ah yeah, same here..."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29257 on:** April 14, 2021, 12:02:25 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29258 on:** April 14, 2021, 12:03:19 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29259 on:** April 14, 2021, 12:06:56 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29260 on:** April 14, 2021, 12:10:33 AM »

Started raining again about an hour ago, only 1mm so far, but a long night ahead.
about 10/15mm expected over the next 3 days.

Rain eased off at1.30 am. 5mm so far tonight.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29261 on:** April 14, 2021, 01:44:27 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29262 on:** April 14, 2021, 01:49:55 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29263 on:** April 14, 2021, 01:51:34 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29264 on:** April 14, 2021, 01:53:23 AM »

I would assume spiders adapt quickly to online learning.

After all, they are already pretty comfortable on the web.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29265 on:** April 14, 2021, 01:58:33 AM »

Why did the unvaccinated child buy a motorcycle when he was 3 years old?

Midlife Crisis.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29266 on:** April 14, 2021, 02:01:31 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29267 on:** April 14, 2021, 02:02:29 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29268 on:** April 14, 2021, 02:05:54 AM »

Just been on the web site BIGBUSTYCOONS.com

Those guys really know how to run bus companies!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29269 on:** April 14, 2021, 02:10:15 AM »

My grandpa isn't very computer savvy
So my Grandpa (72) got on the internet only recently and is still very unsure about how to use it. A month or so ago I taught him how to use email, to his amazement.
I also showed him how web browsing works and showed him how to put questions into Google search.
Yesterday he was planning to repaint the shed and wanted to know if latex paint would stick to stucco, so he did a search for Latex Bondage.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29270 on:** April 14, 2021, 02:12:03 AM »

To the unknown person /persons following my posts at this hour, thanks.

It's now 2.15 am and I am heading for bed.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29271 on:** April 14, 2021, 06:37:19 AM »

A pickpocket is a victim of a motorcycle hit-and-run.
A police officer comes to his aid.

"Do you remember his license plate?" he asks.

"No" says the pickpocket weakly, "but here's his wallet."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29272 on:** April 14, 2021, 06:41:05 AM »

Microsoft is working on a new Chromium-based web browser to replace the old ones..

Hooray! We'll finally have a decent web browser for downloading other web browsers.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29273 on:** April 14, 2021, 06:44:40 AM »

An American walks into an Irish pub, he asks the bartender for an Irish Car Bomb.
The bartender grimaces, "Excuse me?"

The man smiles, "It's a drink, you don't have those? Irish car bombs?"

The bartender lights up and replies, "Oh I have something similar, one moment!"

He then takes two tall shot glasses side by side, fills them with vodka, and lights them aflame.
"Special, just for you."

The American frowns, "What the hell is this?"

"I call it a 9/11."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29274 on:** April 14, 2021, 06:47:41 AM »

Death, Famine, Pestilence and Plague walked into bar.

Death thought he would try an Irish Car Bomb, Famine wanted to look at the food menu, Pestilence liked Grasshoppers, and Plague just wanted a Corona.

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3061037 times)