Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2927317 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29025 on: April 07, 2021, 04:33:37 PM »
I went to my friends house, and he told me to make myself at home..

I threw him out, I wasn't in the mood for visitors...
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29026 on: April 07, 2021, 04:34:51 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29027 on: April 07, 2021, 04:38:25 PM »
At Friday night services, Morris goes to his friend Irving and said, "I need a favour..."
"I'm sleeping with the Rabbi's wife. Can you hold him in synagogue for an hour after services for me?" Irving is not very fond of the idea but being Morris' life-long friend, he reluctantly agrees.

After services, he strikes up a conversation with the Rabbi, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.
After some time the wise Rabbi becomes suspicious and asks, "Irving what are you really up to?"
Irving, filled with feelings of guilt and remorse confesses to the Rabbi, "I'm sorry, Rabbi. My friend is sleeping with your wife, right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."

The Rabbi smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Irving's shoulder and said, "You better hurry home, Irving. My wife died two years ago."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29028 on: April 07, 2021, 04:43:19 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29029 on: April 07, 2021, 04:45:02 PM »
I tried to confront my friend about his sexual attraction to plants.

But he kept on beating around the bush.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29030 on: April 07, 2021, 06:32:50 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29031 on: April 07, 2021, 06:43:49 PM »
Still earning a reasonable amount from PureProfile surveys.
There's my rego, and a few tanks of fuel taken care of..



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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29032 on: April 07, 2021, 07:07:05 PM »
I asked my friend why has he stopped making jokes and puns about Trump after he was sacked from the White House.
He said he's Biden his time
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29033 on: April 07, 2021, 07:20:56 PM »
I just recently finished building a model of Mt. Everest.
A friend asked, "Is it to scale?"
"No," I said. "It's to look at."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29034 on: April 07, 2021, 07:37:25 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29035 on: April 07, 2021, 08:04:00 PM »
A mate popped in, and we went to pickup our Pizza from the shop. His dash lights were dim, so he turned them on full, which lit up his face. Cops pulled us over, claim that he was using a phone, because he saw the light on his face. Neither of us was carrying a phone, and two cops just wasted 20 minutes searching his car for a non-existent phone.
Now our pizza is cold, dammit!

 :OldMan
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29036 on: April 07, 2021, 08:07:31 PM »
 :rofl


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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29037 on: April 07, 2021, 10:38:43 PM »
My friend had sex with twins last night, I asked how he could tell them apart.

"Easy" he said..
.."Her brother has a moustache"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29038 on: April 07, 2021, 11:29:04 PM »
Just been speaking to a mate of mine, he's just seen the Chernobyl documentary.

He actually grew up in Ukraine in the 1980's, and was able to count at least 11 historical inaccuracies just on one hand.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29039 on: April 08, 2021, 03:51:59 AM »
My wife has informed me she is leaving me for my best mate.

To be fair, he was just a casual buddy until she told me.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29040 on: April 08, 2021, 05:26:56 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29041 on: April 08, 2021, 05:27:40 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29042 on: April 08, 2021, 05:31:21 AM »
This young lad gets in the elevator. I'm standing by the buttons, so he says "fifth floor mate?"

When we get there I say "There you go, son" and he says "Don't call me son! You're not my dad!"

And I say "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29043 on: April 08, 2021, 07:35:02 AM »
I looked at the edge today, and thought about jumping.

... but, nah! ... still prefer google.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29044 on: April 08, 2021, 11:28:52 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29045 on: April 08, 2021, 11:32:22 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29046 on: April 08, 2021, 11:33:48 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29047 on: April 08, 2021, 11:44:18 AM »
Just got word that my friend David, in Sandford, passed away last night. He was found this morning by his son. Apparently he was trying to change his oxygen bottle, and cross threaded the air line.
I only visited him a couple of weeks ago, and was planning to see him again on Saturday.

RIP my friend.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29048 on: April 08, 2021, 07:49:55 PM »
Really sorry to hear that, Kev...   :fp


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Online Wild Rose

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29049 on: April 08, 2021, 08:15:53 PM »
RIP David
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