Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2927371 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29050 on: April 09, 2021, 11:07:45 AM »
I told my mate that I had finally retired my aging car. He asked if I'd sold it or scrapped it..

I said "Nothing that drastic, I just put a new set of Michelins on it."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29051 on: April 09, 2021, 11:14:12 AM »
Does the Pope pay his bills using PaPal?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29052 on: April 09, 2021, 11:15:43 AM »
Since Facebook claims ownership of everything that you post on their website, maybe I should start uploading my bills.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29053 on: April 09, 2021, 01:56:51 PM »
An incompentent counterfeiter spent all day making his funny money.
At the end of the day he realizes he spent all his time making $15 bills.

He figures that the only way he's going to get anything from this batch of money, is
to find a place where the people aren't too bright and change his phoney money for real cash.

He travels to a small town and walks into a small Mom and Pop grocery store.
He goes to the old man behind the counter and asks him, "Do you have change for a $15 bill?"

The old man replies, "I sure do...How would you like that? An eight and a seven or two sixes and a three?"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29054 on: April 09, 2021, 02:08:09 PM »
I was chatting to my mate from Dandenong.

Me: "So what have you got your kids for Christmas?"

Him: "I got the youngest one a trampoline, and the other two a pushbike each that I found on the internet."

Me: "What website were they on?"

Him: "Google Earth Street View."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29055 on: April 09, 2021, 02:16:21 PM »
Just had an automated message on my cell phone from 'Amazon', some blurb about renewing my Amazon subscription service for $99.95 for the next twelve months, just verify your credit card  etc etc ...

Fail on two counts, Don't have an Amazon subscription, and don't have a credit card.

Number used was 0428967596 - Number is not on record at Reverse Phone Lookup.

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29056 on: April 09, 2021, 02:19:40 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29057 on: April 09, 2021, 02:39:17 PM »
My mate set me up on a blind date.
He said, "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know... She's expecting a baby."

I felt like a right idiot, waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a nappy!
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29058 on: April 09, 2021, 02:41:12 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29059 on: April 09, 2021, 03:25:27 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29060 on: April 09, 2021, 04:38:13 PM »
I went to the pawn shop yesterday to raise some funds to pay some bills.

They gave me $4500 and never even took the gun!
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29061 on: April 09, 2021, 04:40:20 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29062 on: April 09, 2021, 04:54:59 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29063 on: April 09, 2021, 04:55:47 PM »
I had to look twice ...

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29064 on: April 09, 2021, 04:58:45 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29065 on: April 09, 2021, 05:13:32 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29066 on: April 09, 2021, 05:14:20 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29067 on: April 09, 2021, 05:17:51 PM »
Excuse me, did anyone lose a large roll of 20 dollar notes secured with a rubber band?

Because I found the rubber band, and would like to return it ...
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29068 on: April 09, 2021, 05:19:24 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29069 on: April 09, 2021, 05:25:51 PM »
I was looking at various packets of cake mixes in the supermarket, trying to decide which flavour to buy.

When I made up my mind, I went to the bakery. Who wants to waste time cooking a cake?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29070 on: April 09, 2021, 05:28:56 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29071 on: April 09, 2021, 05:29:32 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29072 on: April 09, 2021, 07:28:26 PM »
Nicholas and Brenda hadn't been married long. They had a luxurious fishing boat which they often used together, but it was Nicholas who was always behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen if there was an emergency.

So one day out on the lake, Nicholas suddenly announced to Brenda, "Ok sweetheart, this is an emergency drill. Pretend that I am having a cardiac arrest. You must get the boat safely to shore."

Brenda was initially taken aback, but she soon composed herself and managed to safely drive the boat to shore.

Later that evening, Brenda walked into the living room where Nicholas was watching tv. She sat down next to him, snatched the remote control, switched the channel, and said to him, "OK sweetheart, this is a drill. Pretend I'm having a cardiac arrest. You must set the table, cook dinner, and wash the dishes."
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Online Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29073 on: April 09, 2021, 08:34:04 PM »
As a man, you should never watch your girlfriend struggle with bills.

Dump her, and find one with some money, for crying out loud.
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Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29074 on: April 09, 2021, 08:36:31 PM »
Over 600 thousand watches are thrown away each year.

What a complete waste of time.
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