Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2888005 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #18750 on: June 09, 2020, 03:12:37 PM »
Women have one more brain cell than a horse.

It prevents her from drinking the water from the bucket while she is mopping the floor.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #18751 on: June 09, 2020, 03:25:46 PM »


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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #18752 on: June 09, 2020, 04:21:58 PM »
Oh dear!

I tormented a telemarketer a few minutes ago, just by pretending that I couldn't hear him ....  :grin

 :thumbsup
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #18753 on: June 09, 2020, 05:41:59 PM »
Johnny and Dave own a meat business.
 They are driving down a dirt road in their meat truck in the dark and hit something, big bang!!!!!
"What the hell was that?" said Johnny. Dave said "I have no idea?"
Johnny said "Go have a look."
Dave comes back and said "We hit a cow!"
 Johnny said "Is it any good?"
Dave said "Its head is crushed."
 Johnny said "Well cut its head off, skin it, gut it, and put it in the back with the rest."

So they drive down the road and hit a sheep. Johnny said "Is it any good?"
 Dave said "Yes!"
Johnny said "Skin it, gut it, chuck it in the back with the rest."

They continue down the road a little bit more.
Bang!!!!! "What the f**k was that?" said Johnny.
"I dunno?" said Dave.
"Go have a look" said Johnny.
Dave came back and said "We've hit a pig!"
Johnny said "Is it any good?"
"Err ... yeah!"
"Skin it, gut it, and chuck it in the back with the rest."

Dave came back a short while later and asked:
"What do you want me to do with his motorbike?"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #18754 on: June 09, 2020, 06:40:53 PM »
Don't be racist; be like Mario.

He's an Italian plumber made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #18755 on: June 09, 2020, 07:00:39 PM »
Teacher: "Answer this math problem: if your father earns $2500 a week, and gives half to your mother, what will she have?"


Student: "A heart attack."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #18756 on: June 09, 2020, 08:37:47 PM »
On A Current Affair tonight... some miserable low life fast talking telemarketer signed up a 93 year old in a nursing home, for purchase of a home gym fitness machine.

Its about time that they outlawed telemarketing. :OldMan
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #18757 on: June 09, 2020, 09:10:17 PM »
A married couple are out one night at a dance club.
There’s a guy on the dance floor really cutting loose: break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works.
The wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? Twenty years ago he proposed to me, and I turned him down."
 The husband says, "Looks like he’s still celebrating!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #18758 on: June 09, 2020, 10:51:31 PM »
Another cold night


Portland   2.9°C

Feels Like   0.3°C
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #18759 on: June 10, 2020, 04:37:48 AM »
Marriage is a 3-ring circus:

Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #18760 on: June 10, 2020, 07:18:22 AM »
7.15 am

NEARBY NOW

Portland   2.8°C
Port Fairy   1.6°C
Warrnambool  0.5°C

(With wind chill, below zero)

I hope its a little warmer in the next couple days, I have an RTE to attend and will be leaving home around this time of day.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #18761 on: June 10, 2020, 07:41:39 AM »
On New Year's Eve, a woman stood up at the local pub and declared:  "It's time to get ready for the midnight countdown-
-At the stroke of midnight, I want every husband to stand next to the one person who has made his life worth living!"



As the clock struck midnight, the bartender was almost crushed to death.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #18762 on: June 10, 2020, 12:40:11 PM »
A woman asked her friend "Why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"

Her friend replied, "Because I married the wrong man!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #18763 on: June 10, 2020, 12:52:37 PM »
Man: "Is this seat empty?"

Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit there!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #18764 on: June 10, 2020, 03:29:00 PM »
An aged pig farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen, when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.
"Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig, and cook it on the BBQ."

The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago?"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #18765 on: June 10, 2020, 03:30:23 PM »
The other night I went out on a blind date.

Well it didn't start out that way, she had pepper spray.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #18766 on: June 10, 2020, 03:32:07 PM »
Wife: Had your Lunch??
Husband: Had your Lunch??
Wife: I am asking you??
Husband: I am asking you??
Wife: You Copying me??
Husband: You Copying me??
Wife: Lets go Shopping.
Husband: I had my Lunch.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #18767 on: June 10, 2020, 07:20:01 PM »
Our w‌‌hole f‌‌amily i‌‌s r‌‌eally w‌‌orried a‌‌bout m‌‌y g‌‌randfather’s V‌‌iagra a‌‌ddiction.

Grandma i‌‌s t‌‌aking i‌‌t p‌‌articularly h‌‌ard.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #18768 on: June 11, 2020, 12:32:56 AM »
Life goes on...

I can remember when a pack of 20 ciggys used to cost 2 shillings, (20 cents) ... one cent each. (Early 60's)

Prices slowly increased "Join the club, Join the club, Join the Escort club, - Thirty four cents, and you're a member...."
That advertising only lasted around two or three months before the price hiked to thirty eight cents. (Late 60's)

I thought at the time, that when they reached 40 cents a pack, maybe I would give up smoking?

Now ciggys are close to $1.50 each.  It is only 15 years ago that they cost around 35 cents each.

If wages had increased by the same amount over the same period of time from the 60's, a tradesman would now be paid $12,000 per week.

But of course, that sort of money is reserved for politicians....
« Last Edit: June 11, 2020, 12:41:43 AM by Kev Murphy »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #18769 on: June 11, 2020, 12:35:52 AM »
To the hacker who hacked into my FaceBook account, I will find you!

(Edit: no, you won’t)
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #18770 on: June 11, 2020, 01:23:48 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #18771 on: June 11, 2020, 01:25:26 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #18772 on: June 11, 2020, 01:34:06 AM »
What a Truckin' idiot!

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Online Shillas

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #18773 on: June 11, 2020, 01:37:34 AM »
Quote from: Kev Murphy link=topic=10242.msg1271954#msg1271954
If wages had increased by the same amount over the same period of time from the 60's, a tradesman would now be paid $12,000 per week.

But of course, that sort of money is reserved for politicians....

Kev, have you hired a tradie lately?

Becoming a politician would mean a pay cut.

You may have retired too soon.   ;-*
« Last Edit: June 11, 2020, 04:11:19 PM by Brock »
Shillas :13Candy

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #18774 on: June 11, 2020, 03:34:19 AM »
Awww, dunno about that, Shillas ... I get around $2000 a month pension, just to post in this thread and cruise to RTE's  :grin
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