Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2924925 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17550 on: April 03, 2020, 06:02:42 AM »
Vincent Van Gogh had a really large family.
Here's a listing of some of the lesser known relatives:

* The really obnoxious brother - Please Gogh
* The brother who ate prunes - Gotta Gogh
* His dizzy aunt - Verti Gogh
* An aunt who taught positive thinking - Wayto Gogh
* And his magician uncle - Wherediddy Gogh
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17551 on: April 03, 2020, 06:13:23 AM »
After he learned that his parents were getting separated,

Yoda said:-


"May divorce be with you"
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17552 on: April 03, 2020, 07:31:34 AM »
 Kev don't make me laugh while I'm choking on a durrie.

A rental van ran over my foot today...


Bloody Hertz!

I'm not strange i'm just not normal {Salvador Dahli}
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17553 on: April 03, 2020, 08:18:28 AM »
Hiya Paul, all the best for Easter, mate.  :thumb
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17554 on: April 03, 2020, 08:22:04 AM »
And you mate. :chocolate-box-smiley-emoticon :chocolate-box-smiley-emoticon
I'm not strange i'm just not normal {Salvador Dahli}
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17555 on: April 03, 2020, 09:53:37 AM »
Lockdown.

Don't forget to adjust your clocks this weekend,

.. nothing worse than being late to go sit in your lounge room to stare at the four walls all day.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17556 on: April 03, 2020, 10:37:57 AM »
Clocks are going back so if you're late you can't blame the clocks.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17557 on: April 03, 2020, 11:18:52 AM »
Wanna spend an extra hour staring at the walls?
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Offline ruSTynutz

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17558 on: April 03, 2020, 11:39:55 AM »
Wanna spend an extra hour staring at the walls?

If it's any help I can send you a photo of myself to put up on the wall, Kev!
At least that will give you something else to stare at... :p

or throw darts at...  :crackup


        2005 Honda ST1300A
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17559 on: April 03, 2020, 11:41:58 AM »
The wife complained that Hunting season keeps us separated too much.
So I agreed to take her along for the deer hunt.

Took her to a nice tree stand. Told her "You can shoot a buck or a doe. It doesn't matter, I'm going about 100 yds that way. Fire three shots if you need me"

No more than got to my spot when I heard BANG! .... followed by BANG BANG BANG!
So I rushed to where I left my wife, only to find her in a loud argument with another hunter.

"THAT'S MY DEER! THAT'S MY DEER!" she insisted.

He replied "Lady you can keep it. Just let me get my saddle off first!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17560 on: April 03, 2020, 11:42:41 AM »
Good one, Russ  :rofl
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17561 on: April 03, 2020, 12:16:24 PM »
Confusion with the new distancing law, regarding no more than two people in a car.

Schizophrenic driver refuses to allow his schizo wife to accompany him to the shops.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17562 on: April 03, 2020, 12:20:42 PM »
In the event of a fire, what steps should you take?


Many of, both large and fast ones.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17563 on: April 03, 2020, 12:22:51 PM »
The hardest event in womens gymnastics, is their doctor’s appointments.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17564 on: April 03, 2020, 12:27:44 PM »
Another mouse in the house today.

Cats gave chase, but it got away under the fridge.

Sort of a home-grown version of 'The Fast and the Furriest'
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Offline Brock

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17565 on: April 03, 2020, 01:57:42 PM »
Had some folk near here complain about mice in the house, I suggested a really  good trap (Pic Below, it works very well I have several), but they said "Oh No, we cant kill them, we use a humane trap and release them into the bush over the road..   :|||| :|||| :||||

Brock
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STOC #8239
OzSToc # ??
Kinross WA
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17566 on: April 03, 2020, 02:48:34 PM »
Had a few traumatic events in the past week.

Went to Bunnings on a tool hunt.

Bought a coping saw.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17567 on: April 03, 2020, 02:58:19 PM »
A Harley Biker is sitting on his Harley, drinking a beer, by the Zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage.

Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain the lion releases the girl and jumps back.
The biker brings the girl to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.
A reporter witnessed the whole event.

The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, “Sir, this was the most gallant and bravest thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.”

The Harley rider replies, “Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.”

The reporter says, “Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page. So, what do you do for a living, and what political affiliation do you have?”

The biker replies "I'm a U.S. Marine, a Republican and I’m voting for Trump."

The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:

“U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT & STEALS HIS LUNCH”
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17568 on: April 03, 2020, 03:02:54 PM »
My first marriage was a life-changing event.

My second marriage was simply a wife-changing.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17569 on: April 03, 2020, 03:05:30 PM »
Why doesn't ScoMo have PTSD?



He IS the traumatic event.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17570 on: April 03, 2020, 04:10:12 PM »
To support a friend, I went to a non-denominational event.
As it wasn't really my thing, I sat in the back.

A priest came up to me and said, "The Lord has told me, today is the day that you will walk!"
A little confused, I smiled at the priest, and told him I wasn't a cripple.

A little while later, a rabbi approached me and said, "By Hashem's word, you will walk today!"
I also had to explain to him about being able bodied.

Later still an imam said, "Blessed Allah has told me that today, you will walk!"

I was fed up of having to explain my lack of a condition so I left.
When I got outside I saw my car had been stolen.

So today, I walked.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17571 on: April 03, 2020, 06:13:03 PM »
Councils are increasing charges for garbage collection.

I think it's called a 'Muck Fee'?

Probably because many people can be heard mumbling "Muck fee! .. what other friggin' taxes are they gonna raise?"
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17572 on: April 03, 2020, 07:39:47 PM »
Air tax for the air we breathe. :grin :grin
I'm not strange i'm just not normal {Salvador Dahli}
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17573 on: April 03, 2020, 07:41:28 PM »
Probably.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17574 on: April 03, 2020, 08:46:47 PM »
When Prince Harry had his Bachelor Party, his "Quote of the Day" from that memorable event:

"It's really weird stuffing money into a stripper's G string, when every bill has a photo of your grandmother printed on it."
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