OzSTOC
No Parking Zone! => Off Topic, Off Colour, and non-motorcycle related => Topic started by: Whizz on June 09, 2013, 10:01:17 AM
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After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:
Dear Mrs Howard,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Howard, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's trollies when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ’Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3 !
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on lay-by.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a foetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room ?
And last, but not least:
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
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:rofl :crackup
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Thought all that was normal.....although I do take my own toilet parer, there's to harsh for my liking. :eek
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:wht11 py
:crackup :crackup :rofl :rofl :crackup :rofl :rofl :law
Tipsy
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:grin :grin :grin :rofl :rofl :rofl :grin :grin :grin :rofl :rofl :rofl
:rd13
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So it was you, Paul! I wondered about all those announcements.
Using your recuperation time constructively, I see. :thumbsup
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But did it work or are you still getting dragged to other shops
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Hi guys, I just loved this little story that I saw elsewhere...and No, it actually isn't me (look at note 10...no guns in supermarkets in Aus), but I'm glad you all thought it as funny as I did.
Mr. Biggles, yes, recuperating nicely, 4 weeks of Chemo/Radiation down, 2 to go, then 1 month's break before restarting the Chemo but only 1 week in every 4, thank God, it 'aint too much fun although I'm not suffering as badly as was expected. Hoping to get back on my wheels in the not too distant future!!! It is simply a pain in the rump to have to go the PA every week day for 20 minutes treatment, takes me longer to get there and back than to undergo the treatment.
Cheers all, keep smiling and keep riding!!! :butt :rockon
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:thumb :thumb :thumb :grin :grin :grin :rofl :rofl :rofl
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:think1 I think I've just figured out why security seems to have to check out stuff near me every time I go with my lady to a shopping centre. She shops, I browse.