OzSTOC
No Parking Zone! => Off Topic, Off Colour, and non-motorcycle related => Topic started by: JuST Peter on November 15, 2013, 07:55:13 PM
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The preacher enquired "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."
With that, an old wizened stockman got in line, and when it was his turn, the vicar asked "Jacko, what do you want me to pray
about for you?"
Jacko replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."
The preacher put one finger of one hand in Jacko's ear, placed his other hand on top of Jacko's head, and then
prayed and prayed and prayed.
He prayed to the 'Almighty' for Jacko, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Jacko, how is your hearing now?"
Jacko answered, "I dunno. It ain't on 'til next week!"
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:dred11 :rofl :rofl :crackup :crackup :rofl :rofl
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Cracker!! :crackup
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OK, if we're having a Church joke session...
A new missionary recruit went to Venezuela for the first time. He was struggling with the language and didn't understand a whole lot of what was going on. Intending to visit one of the local churches, he got lost, but he eventually got back on track and found the place. Having arrived late, the church was already packed. The only pew left was the one on the front row.
So as not to make a fool of himself, he decided to pick someone out of the crowd to imitate. He chose to follow the man sitting next to him on the front pew. As they sang, the man clapped his hands, so the missionary recruit clapped too. When the man stood up to pray, the missionary recruit stood up too. When the man sat down, he sat down.
When the man held the cup and bread for the Lord's Supper, he held the cup and bread. During the preaching, the recruit didn't understand a thing. He just sat there and tried to look just like that man in the front pew. Then he perceived that the preacher was giving announcements. People clapped, so he looked to see if the man was clapping. He was, and so the recruit clapped too.
Then the preacher said some words that he didn't understand and he saw the man next to him stand up. So he stood up too. Suddenly a hush fell over the entire congregation. A few people gasped. He looked around and saw that nobody else was standing. So he sat down.
After the service ended, the preacher stood at the door shaking the hands of those who were leaving. When the missionary recruit stretched out his hand to greet the preacher, the preacher said, in English, "I take it you don't speak Spanish."
The missionary recruit replied, "No, I don't. It's that obvious?"
"Well, yes," said the preacher. "I announced that the Acosta family had a newborn baby boy, and would the proud father please stand up."
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I'll pay that one :thumb plus it's a new one for me too