OzSTOC
No Parking Zone! => Off Topic, Off Colour, and non-motorcycle related => Topic started by: JuST Peter on October 06, 2014, 08:30:59 PM
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Love
A teacher asks a student:
"What kind of woman would you like to be with when you're all grown up?"
"A woman like the moon!" Answers the kid.
"That's beautiful," breathes the teacher, "what a choice! Because you'd like her to be beautiful and radiant like the moon?"
"No, I'd like her to appear at night and disappear come morning!"
Death
After Bob died, everyone gathered at his funeral. Then the minister started to speak: "He was a model husband, a decent man, a terrific father.."
The widow then makes a motion for her son to come to her.
"What is it mother?" he whisper.
"Dear, go check the casket, I think we're at the wrong funeral..."
Hope
Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband: "Nothing."
Wife: "What do you mean nothing? You've been staring at our marriage certificate for over an hour!"
Husband: "Yea, I'm checking the expiration date."
Neighbours
"The new neighbours are so in love," remarks Susan to her husband, "he hugs her, kisses her and strokes her hair. Why don't you do that?"
"Because I don't know her that well."
Donations
Knock on the door.
"Hello sir, would you like to contribute something to the old people's home?"
"Yes, actually." Beams the old man.
"Inge, put your jacket on and pack a suitcase!"
Shopping
An elderly couple is walking in the city, hand in hand, when they pass a jewelery store.
The wife turns to her husband with a smile:
"Love, would you buy me a chain?"
"Why?" Asks the husband, "Tired of being free?"
Qualities
A woman asks her husband:
"What do you like about me the most? My beautiful face or my sexy body?"
The husband gives her a long, appreciating look.
"Your sense of humour."
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:crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl
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She is looking in the mirror... Says... "I'm fat, ugly, and my hair is a mess!... Say something to make me feel better"
He says... "Your eyesight is perfect?"
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:wht11 py
I went to the Doctor yesterday to have a small skin cancer removed and a bit of check up as well .
everything seems to be going as well one could expect with all the problems I have and so I asked if I would be able to have sex at 65.
The reply was enlightening as he said that he could see no reason as to why not,
Thats bloody good , I said, I have been having trouble walking up to 69 and the lady next door is not bad looking as well, so I will teel her that you said it was ok.
Tipsy
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:wht11 py
I went to the Doctor yesterday to have a small skin cancer removed and a bit of check up as well .
everything seems to be going as well one could expect with all the problems I have and so I asked if I would be able to have sex at 65.
The reply was enlightening as he said that he could see no reason as to why not,
Thats bloody good , I said, I have been having trouble walking up to 69 and the lady next door is not bad looking as well, so I will teel her that you said it was ok.
Tipsy
:thumb Good to see Tipsy. Go for it mate while you still can :grin
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The Doc told me I had to cut my sex life in half.
I'm puzzled.... which half should I give up?
..... THINKING about it?..... or TALKING about it? :grin
He said he would give me a script to get some Viagra, :hatwave
.... until I told him there's no point in refilling a pen when I have nobody to write to? :rofl :crackup
You know..... its a good thing that my cheating first wife shot thru with my best mate.....
... he saved me the hassle of throwing her out!
You know, sometimes, I really, REALLY, miss that guy, even tho I never met him?
:thumbsup :thumbsup
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Mmmm, guess I misread the topic. Here I was thinking how I could really relate to this thread.
After all, all my marriages have been rather short and all of them have been an absolute joke. ;-* ;-* ;-*
Just as well I got it right the 4th time. :fp :fp :fp :fp