OzSTOC
No Parking Zone! => Off Topic, Off Colour, and non-motorcycle related => Topic started by: JuST Peter on April 20, 2015, 04:34:22 PM
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The reason there are so many Irish jokes is because the Irish have a quaint way with words.
Like the Irish patient who hobbled into the Surgery waiting room.
"I hope to God the doctor finds something wrong with me because I'd hate to feel like this if I was well!"
Murphy died the first night he arrived home from a vacation in the tropics.
He was laid out in the coffin for friends and neighbours to pay their last respects.
"He's got a great tan," Mrs Doolan from next door mused. "The holiday did him the world of good."
"And he looks so calm and serene," said Mrs McGuiness.
"That's because he died in his sleep." explained Mrs Murphy, "and he doesn’t know he's dead yet,
but when he wakes up, the shock will kill him!"
"Your glass is empty O'Flaherty, will you be having another?"
"And why would I be wantin' two empty glasses?" replied O'Flaherty.
Dublin's contestant in an international quiz was waiting for his first question.
"First, what's your name and occupation?" The compere asked.
"Pass", came the reply.
Paddy and Shamus were hitchhiking.
"It's best if we split up," said Paddy. "I will meet you in the next city under the town hall clock".
Later that night Shamus was waiting at the appointed place when Paddy drove up in a swank car.
"Where the hell did you get that?"
Paddy explained that he had just walked a little way when a beautiful woman picked him up.
She drove into the woods, got out and took all her clothes off.
"She said I could have anything I wanted, so I took the car," said Paddy.
"Good choice too," said Shamus. "You'd look ridiculous in her clothes."
Paddy was coming through the customs at the airport carrying a large bottle.
"What have you there?" said a suspicious customs officer.
"T’is Lourdes holy water. I am bringing it home with me", said Paddy.
The officer took the bottle and tried some. “Why it's Irish whiskey, he spluttered.
"Lord bless me,” said Paddy, "another bloomin`miracle."
On his way home one night, Paddy dropped into the pub.
The barman poured him a beer and asked if he wanted to be in a raffle.
"What's it for?" asked Paddy.
"It's for a poor widow with 13 kids." said the barman.
Paddy shook his head, "No good for me. I'd never be able to keep 'em."