OzSTOC

No Parking Zone! => Off Topic, Off Colour, and non-motorcycle related => Jokes, and Only Jokes => Topic started by: Brock on November 26, 2015, 07:07:58 PM

Title: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Brock on November 26, 2015, 07:07:58 PM
So have at it Kev
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Brian on November 26, 2015, 07:20:51 PM
You are so accomodating Mr Brock
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on November 26, 2015, 09:46:25 PM
While I'm not a fan of open face helmets, if I had to wear one on my melon, it would be the watermelon version.  It wins ahead (pun intended) of the brain one because of the chunk cut out of the pic at the rear.
Mind you, the hair and ears would get a lot of second looks from the Constabulary!    :grin

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on November 26, 2015, 11:56:08 PM
an oldie... but a good one...

Constabulary were casually parked near a pub near closing time, watching for anyone who may have been a little under the 'affluence of incohol' when
they spotted a guy stumbling through the car park. (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/very-drunk_zpswixhn4v0.gif)
Rubbing his hands with glee, one said "Lets breatho' that one!" 
"Nah!" said the other "We can only pinch him for inebriation... wait until he gets into his car, then we can grab him for DUI!" :law

Meanwhile, other patrons were leaving, calling to the guy "Night Sam!.. drive safe!" ... getting into their own cars and leaving.
Sam waved and replied as they left, was still stumbling around, fell over a couple times, picked himself up, staggered to his car, dropped his keys,
fell over again trying to pick them up... More people left, waving to Sam, which he acknowledged, still fumbling with his keys.
The bar lights turned off and the barman (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/barman_zpsweonogyj.gif) came out to his own car, called "Night Sam!, see you Friday!" and drove away.
Sam stood unsteadily, waving til the guy was out of sight.

Only one car left in the park now, and Sam finally got the door open, and fell into his seat.

The cops turned on their disco lights, and drove into the park, stopping the patrol car right in front of Sam.
As they exited, breatho tester in hand "Ok Buddy... this is a preliminary breath test, you are obliged to blow into the tube, one long breath until I say stop"
Sam took a deep breath, and blew steadily .... "Ok, stop!" said the cop. They looked at the reading.
ZERO!
"Grab the other tester" said one cop to the other, "This one seems faulty?" They breath tested Sam again.
Identical ZERO reading.
"I'm afraid you will have to come back to the station, because our testers seem to be faulty?"
"Ok" said Sam, "I will just lock my car"
As they were about to drive Sam to the station,one asked him "What's your name?" 
"Sam Brown" he replied.
"And what do you do for a living, Sam?"
"Arr!" he said "Just a bit of casual work, 3 nights a week at the pub back there"
"And just what exactly do you do?"
Sam leaned back, smiled, and said "I'm a professional decoy!" :hatwave  :butt
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on November 27, 2015, 04:43:27 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/quiz_zps5zllsbhh.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on November 27, 2015, 05:00:41 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/hoarse_zpsimzcqayn.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on November 27, 2015, 10:56:54 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/blondes_zpsqonauggh.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on November 27, 2015, 03:14:01 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/cab%202_zpsiaiqsfmy.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on November 27, 2015, 03:25:00 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/viper_zpsbsxtropk.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on November 28, 2015, 12:28:05 PM
A Black man says “I’m Proud to be Black!”
 
An Asian says “I’m Proud to be Asian!”
 
A White man says “I’m Proud to be White!”
 
...at which the other two instantly berate him for making Racist comments ????
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on November 28, 2015, 12:37:55 PM
After an arty farty Labor Party meeting called by Billy Short'un, Parliament House in Canberra has been re-named ...  Mal Function Junction

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Mal%20Function_zpsbwn1ef1x.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on November 28, 2015, 02:43:30 PM
As a kid, I used to love Bonnerdime stories



You know the ones?, they all start the same way.....




“Wunza Bonnerdime, there was a .. (witch/fairy/goblin/dragon/magic land/ .....)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on November 29, 2015, 03:43:03 PM
I was amazed at the luck a friend of mine has in picking up women. Then one night at a club, I found out his secret.

Seems he keeps his eye on his 'choice of the moment', and waits until she looks him in the eye.

Then he casually licks his eyebrows....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Brock on November 29, 2015, 05:32:29 PM
 :|||| :||||
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STeveo on November 29, 2015, 05:56:29 PM
Skite!!!!!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on November 30, 2015, 07:41:29 AM
Seaworld would like all visitors to take note.

2.30 PM has been widely advertised as  " Swim With, and Hand Feed the Dolphins "

Our sincere apologies and condolences to the families of the Irish tourists who erroneously leapt into the Shark Tank at feeding time.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on November 30, 2015, 01:26:09 PM
My ribs hurt! :rofl

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1r3Dn_Gy7GI (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1r3Dn_Gy7GI)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: alans1100 on November 30, 2015, 01:55:52 PM
We used to watch that show on TV.......
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Shiney on November 30, 2015, 05:15:15 PM
:rofl :crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl :crackup

Sent from my SM-N9005 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Philbo on November 30, 2015, 06:17:44 PM
A mathematician named Hall
Had a hexahedronical ball
and the square of it's weight
times his pecker, plus eight
is his phone number.  Give him a call.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 01, 2015, 04:56:36 PM
European Bike Stealing Championships 2015
In Europe, a pushbike is stolen every five minutes. So the people at We Love Cycling set up the first European bike stealing championships. Bait bikes were set up in three cities: Rome, of course the home of the bicycle thief, Prague, where 7 out of 8 bikes are never recovered, thanks to an extensive network of second hand bike shops, and Amsterdam, because Dutch bikes are in demand all over Europe.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yTFiP_co0U (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yTFiP_co0U)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Shiney on December 01, 2015, 06:07:56 PM
That was awesome, thanks for sharing :thumbs

Sent from my SM-N9005 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 02, 2015, 02:06:44 PM
Just a little tale from a couple years ago...

Teen Hero here in town thinks he is bulletproof. .. Rides a distinctive yellow and black mountain bike. "Only a wuss needs a helmet!" (His words to one cop)

Got pinched 3 times within a half hour by 3 different cops in four city blocks, for no helmet and riding on the footpath. They confiscated his bike for two weeks.

A few days after getting his bike back, I witnessed from my kitchen window the same hero riding past on his bike, (naturally, on the footpath)... had a hoodie pulled over his head, but the distinct blue colouring and square shape of an ICECREAM BUCKET was still visible under the hoodie ...

Seems almost fate that he was followed into the supermarket car park by a cruiser which was approaching from the other direction.

Outcome unknown, but have not seen him or the bike since.

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Image1_zpsgjvt8cmx.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on December 02, 2015, 03:15:38 PM
Have you got a GPS tag on him, that you know this amount of detail?    :eek
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 02, 2015, 03:22:17 PM
Have you got a GPS tag on him, that you know this amount of detail?    :eek

I was heading south to a friends place to drop off a battery charger when I first saw him pulled up, then saw him again on the return trip a few minutes later at the second stop, and when I came out of the supermarket a short time later he was being grilled on the footpath near my bike.
As I live directly behind the supermarket, and he lives somewhere west from there, he was a common passer-by to my home.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 02, 2015, 03:25:21 PM
Oscar bought a Jeep.... :grin PRICELESS!

 (http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?feature=player_detailpage&v=fybch3DX8c8#)

Link here to full screen vid clip  https://www.youtube.com/embed/fybch3DX8c8 (https://www.youtube.com/embed/fybch3DX8c8)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 03, 2015, 12:35:36 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/batman_zpsgmzcbniy.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 03, 2015, 10:00:03 AM
I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he's only got one arm bless him.
 
I shouted - "Where you off to Charlie?"
He said, "I'm off to change a light bulb!"

Well I just cracked up, ...  couldn't stop laughing, then said,
- "That's gonna be a bit awkward, innit?"

"- Not really?" he said.... "I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 03, 2015, 10:18:50 AM
I applied for a job as a policeman... the sergeant said “Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude
suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted"...He gave me a pistol and 4 full magazines.
"I want you to go out and shoot 4 drug dealers, 6 religious extremists, a dozen boat people, and a rabbit.”
I asked him... “Why the rabbit?”
He patted me on the back, and said “Congratulations, you PASSED!... can you start tomorrow morning?”
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 03, 2015, 10:21:08 AM
Angela Merkel arrived at Passport Control in Athens airport.
"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.
"German," she replies.
"Occupation?
"No, .... just visiting for a few days."
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 03, 2015, 10:25:35 AM
I woke to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and noticed a burglar sneaking through next door's garden.
Suddenly my neighbour came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel killing him instantly.
He then began to dig a grave with the shovel.
Astonished, I got back into bed.
My wife said "Darling you're shaking, what is it?"
"You'll never believe what I've just seen!" I said,
"That tosser next door has still got my bloody shovel."
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 03, 2015, 02:38:06 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/moove_zpsmwpg2wrd.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 03, 2015, 02:52:39 PM
The owner introduced his new boat to friends, and apparently named it after their response....

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/boat_zpstoyz2dut.jpg)

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 04, 2015, 12:17:16 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/turkey_zpsyyq6cag8.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 04, 2015, 12:36:27 AM
"SNORK! SNORK!"

Noisy bugger! ... go to bed! ... Should have seen the terrified look on the cats faces when they heard this strange sound?

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/cid_1D4A181B964443838F37E0DF5E188276mattPC_zpsbw08ibki.jpg)(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/cid_FE5D2453640844FD93E6EF47B06C4E29mattPC_zps5fyorves.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 04, 2015, 10:19:24 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/image006F_zpsw0m9yyhh.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Gadget on December 04, 2015, 01:31:32 PM
([url]http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/image006F_zpsw0m9yyhh.jpg[/url])

You would have thought the first one would have seen it.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: spanner on December 04, 2015, 01:37:53 PM
A blonde decides to do something crazy she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the dirty movie store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating. She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain. Blonde: "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape, but static." Store Clerk: "Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?" Blonde: "It's called 'Head Cleaner'



 :spank
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 04, 2015, 02:48:45 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/mol_zpszpyqj2av.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 04, 2015, 02:50:47 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/images%202_zpsmlcif3lx.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 04, 2015, 03:42:46 PM
 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/My%20Movie_zpsimkxm7g1.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 05, 2015, 05:12:41 AM
It's quite a few years back now, but one job I did for a friend was to fit a motion sensor to his driveway so that it would operate the entrance light when a car came in. Only a week or so after it was fitted, he rang to say that it was a 'disco' light, switching on, switching off, switching on again every few minutes. Being as he only lived a few blocks away, and it was early evening, I popped around to his house.... and there was this marvellous garden spider building a glorious 3 foot diameter web between the guttering and a tree, going round and round the web about 2 feet in front of the sensor... and each time he passed within detection range, the light at the entrance door would switch on...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 06, 2015, 05:08:46 PM
Muslim weather for Sydney tomorrow... Sunni in the morning, turning to Shi-ite in the afternoon... heavy Halal expected...





<<<< ... exit stage left.....

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 07, 2015, 12:00:41 PM
Full points for trying, tho...


 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/umm_zpsvrg6gltm.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 07, 2015, 02:25:38 PM
 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/gl_zps06vto3kp.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 07, 2015, 03:43:35 PM
I like the girls who do....

I like the girls who don't....

I hate the one who says she will,

..and then declares she won't?


But best of all, I like the one....

(...and I think you'll find I'm right)

... is the one who says she never does!

(.... but she looks as tho she might!)



Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 07, 2015, 08:37:22 PM
Jimbob done joined the Army, (He did!) ... and was sent far from home for two months to do his initial training.

He wrote home to his momma after six weeks, and proudly declared ....
“Momma , you ain’t never gonna recognise me when I come home, ‘cos I done growed another foot!”


Well, Momma was so proud, she sat down with her knitting needles, and stitched up 3 matching socks for her boy....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on December 08, 2015, 06:24:05 AM
A man washed up on a beach after a shipwreck.

Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.

After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.

One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.

The sheepdog, ever-protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm away from the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but  there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Hillary Clinton.

That evening, the man brought Hillary to the evening beach ritual.

It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze, perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Hillary and told her he hadn't had sex for months.

Hillary batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.


He said, 'Can you please take the dog for a walk.'
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 08, 2015, 06:51:00 AM
 :crackup :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 08, 2015, 04:08:46 PM
Breaking News...

Police were called to a day-care centre, where a 3 year old was resisting a rest ...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 08, 2015, 05:07:06 PM
So, needing some teeth pulled out... went into a Chinese Dentist... "When can I get an appointment?"

He looked at his books, raised his eyes, and said "Tooth hurty?"

I replied "Well, k'noath they hurt... why else would I be asking for an appointment?"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: spanner on December 09, 2015, 10:19:38 AM
Past, present, and future walked into a bar.... It was tense
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 09, 2015, 10:43:13 AM
Sad news that an American Indian has drowned in his own teepee ......  was said to be an intense situation....

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/download_zpsklyjzr7s.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 09, 2015, 10:47:10 AM
Permission has been given for South African riot police to use water cannon to quell disturbances.

They have added OMO to the water tankers.

(Prevents coloureds from running....)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 09, 2015, 07:53:53 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/nutz_zpsbmu6qngh.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 10, 2015, 02:15:28 AM
Kids nowadays are all about "You and I"


I want
I need
iPad
iPod
iPhone



.... YOU pay!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 11, 2015, 01:00:19 AM
Personally, I would have taken the bus?

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Image1_zpshzkxvom8.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 11, 2015, 10:29:20 AM
A HUGE 'Thank You' to Woolworths for their new Rewards Card program.

Re:- the new Supermarket price wars... Coles are not in the race here, as there is no Coles store in town.

YET!

Since Woolies started their new (KOFF! KOFF!) 'Rewards ' program a few weeks ago, I have earned the Grand Total Sum of ... $ZERO! benefits

The only beneficiary being Woolies, charging premium inflated prices on their 'rarer-than-chicken-lips' orange-carded 'Specials' to cover the cost of the rebates.
 
In the past, I could get 20 to 30 dollars rebate off my groceries each month, ...  now their so-called rewards cards aren't even worth the plastic card production costs.

Its not even worth the '4 cents/litre off ' fuel prices, which is less than ONE DOLLAR per month rebate, for each top-up for the bike? :cuss

...So, after a  :phone to a rather agitated and frazzled Sydney Head Office spokesperson this morning, I now shop at ALDI and IGA, where normal everyday shopping goods are far cheaper.... and are only one block away, same street. :beer

I now refer Woolies to the 'Blowfly Principle' ... eat sh** and die!  :-(((  Sit back, and watch them panic as they lose droves of customers.  :popcorn




Vent over, stepping down off my soapbox now



Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 11, 2015, 10:48:42 AM
Big deal!... you confused an ape!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLrYzY3jVPY (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLrYzY3jVPY)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: WendyL on December 11, 2015, 10:55:26 AM
A HUGE 'Thank You' to Woolworths for their new Rewards Card program.

Re:- the new Supermarket price wars... Coles are not in the race here, as there is no Coles store in town.

YET!

Since Woolies started their new (KOFF! KOFF!) 'Rewards ' program a few weeks ago, I have earned the Grand Total Sum of ... $ZERO! benefits

The only beneficiary being Woolies, charging premium inflated prices on their 'rarer-than-chicken-lips' orange-carded 'Specials' to cover the cost of the rebates.
 
In the past, I could get 20 to 30 dollars rebate off my groceries each month, ...  now their so-called rewards cards aren't even worth the plastic card production costs.

Its not even worth the '4 cents/litre off ' fuel prices, which is less than ONE DOLLAR per month rebate, for each top-up for the bike? :cuss

...So, after a  :phone to a rather agitated and frazzled Sydney Head Office spokesperson this morning, I now shop at ALDI and IGA, where normal everyday shopping goods are far cheaper.... and are only one block away, same street. :beer

I now refer Woolies to the 'Blowfly Principle' ... eat sh** and die!  :-(((  Sit back, and watch them panic as they lose droves of customers.  :popcorn


Vent over, stepping down off my soapbox now

I finally got to $10 worth of rewards on my last shop, after spending $300-400 a week since the changeover (feeding teenagers is bloody expensive....).  Very rarely see orange tags on items that I buy regularly, you know, fruit and veg, meat, dairy, eggs etc, although last week they had 20c back per 2L bottle of Woollies branded milk, so I bought 5 x 2L bottles instead of my usual 3 x 3L, saved a dollar.....  :cuss :cuss
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on December 11, 2015, 12:36:21 PM
They can only pretend to be generous, since they're on the ropes in the supermarket wars.
We drive past Woolies to go to Coles.  It's 2 kays further, but my main grocery buyer (aka SWAMBO) prefers Coles anyway, even if they were the same prices.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Gadget on December 11, 2015, 02:17:00 PM
A HUGE 'Thank You' to Woolworths for their new Rewards Card program.

Re:- the new Supermarket price wars... Coles are not in the race here, as there is no Coles store in town.

YET!

Since Woolies started their new (KOFF! KOFF!) 'Rewards ' program a few weeks ago, I have earned the Grand Total Sum of ... $ZERO! benefits

The only beneficiary being Woolies, charging premium inflated prices on their 'rarer-than-chicken-lips' orange-carded 'Specials' to cover the cost of the rebates.
 
In the past, I could get 20 to 30 dollars rebate off my groceries each month, ...  now their so-called rewards cards aren't even worth the plastic card production costs.

Its not even worth the '4 cents/litre off ' fuel prices, which is less than ONE DOLLAR per month rebate, for each top-up for the bike? :cuss

...So, after a  hone to a rather agitated and frazzled Sydney Head Office spokesperson this morning, I now shop at ALDI and IGA, where normal everyday shopping goods are far cheaper.... and are only one block away, same street. :beer

I now refer Woolies to the 'Blowfly Principle' ... eat sh** and die!  :-(((  Sit back, and watch them panic as they lose droves of customers.  opcorn




Vent over, stepping down off my soapbox now
I'm not bothering with Woolies "reward" card either. It used to add to my QANTAS frequent flyers, but a alas no longer. So I'm leaving that useless piece of plastic at home. I'm not buying orange 'special' sh!t I wasn't going to buy anyway.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: alans1100 on December 11, 2015, 03:58:18 PM
Our local is Foodland (independent but in with IGA) and the owners have 4 stores in SA. They recently put a rewards system in place which is so much better than the new Woolies one. We get 1 cent for every dollar we spend in store and it's on everything except cigs. Plus we get 4 cents a litre off fuel at the tyre dealer if we spend more than $40 a shop. And pensioners get a 5% discount on non special priced items on Tuesdays before 4 pm.

We only shop Woolies or Coles when we go to Port Pirie every two weeks or so and only buy the items we know are cheaper there than home.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 11, 2015, 05:54:58 PM
Walked through Woolies earlier this afternoon with a little list.. and a pen

Cracker Biscuits (on special) $2.00
Colby Cheese     500 grams  $6.40
Corn Chips       (on special?) $4.99
Gherkins  (680 gram)          $3.59
Boneless Pork Roast
at $17.99/kilo... 1.3 Kilo      $23.39 ... total $40.37


Went across the road to Aldi .. with my wallet in hand...

Cracker Biscuits (same size) $1.29
Colby Cheese     500 grams    $4.29
Corn Chips        (same size) $1.99
Gherkins  (680 gram)          $1.59
Boneless Pork Roast
at $9.99/kilo... 1.48 Kilo      $14.81 ... total $23.97

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Dscf6400_zpsh4zdqgve.jpg)

Basically, Aldi wins with the price of the smaller Woolies Pork, and the rest of the items thrown in for free.
Cash savings of $16.40, or the price of a second (larger!) roast for next week? ... just by walking across the road...


NOW explain who is telling Porkies? , and who is SELLING Porkies?

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Chops on December 11, 2015, 06:22:23 PM
We used to buy our coffee beans from a local Roaster for $40 a kilo , was in Aldi and spotted beans for $12 a kg which we tried and liked . $28 is a real good savings and as you have shown Kev you can buy a lot at Aldi for $28
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on December 11, 2015, 11:37:28 PM
I'm loving my ALDI $149 four stroke mower.  Seven starts, each one firing up on the first pull of the rope.  First one straight out of the box after adding fuel and oil.
There was actually residual oil in the engine, so it had been factory tested.  Not too many years ago I wouldn't touch a Chinese small engine with a forty foot pole.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 13, 2015, 01:43:05 AM
As if it wasn't bad enough that I get bombed with dozens of Viagra offers, today I get 7 emails offering me cheap prices on Vagisil .... (Maybe some people THINK I am... and maybe some others think I ACT like one??? )
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Chops on December 13, 2015, 01:09:46 PM
Riding around the new burbs of CBR lunch time last Wed , two lanes both ways , bus lane , cycle lane and turning lane.. I would have liked a bit of traffic to play with

(http://i1351.photobucket.com/albums/p788/dalglamo/5A1C1FD2-4B95-43D1-AFAD-498B96C7AC95_zpsyedacgxz.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 13, 2015, 02:20:48 PM
Donald Trump was a guest speaker at a political rally, and as is his norm, was spruiking his racist propaganda.
Even one of his supporters was overheard to mention.. “Donald, you are SUCH a bigoted arsehole!”

Well, Donald took offence at this, and demanded an apology!

The guy dropped his gaze, and replied.... “I am SO sorry!...”
... lifted his vision and looked Donald straight in the eye..
”... that you are SUCH a bigoted arsehole!”
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 13, 2015, 04:24:59 PM
Decided to put some life into the boy... he needed to get out of the house
for awhile because he was spending too much time with his X-box....

So I took him for a short flight....


(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/cid_09D5CE_zps2gu4zbsl.jpg)


Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 13, 2015, 04:25:43 PM
.......... sort of ironic, isn't it?


(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/ironic_zpsmcjysuhf.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 13, 2015, 04:47:36 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/Jesus20H20Christ_zpsjbntf6oa.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Chops on December 13, 2015, 06:14:33 PM
Went the movies to see Life of Brian ,last saw it when it came out in 1979 doesn't time fly it was a laugh
We like the Palace Vintage sessions on Sunday arvo you can take in a glass of wine and a cheese platter
They serve the wine in standard ,feature or epic size

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 14, 2015, 01:05:29 AM
That sounds like a pretty good deal, Dallas, even tho I don't drink... unfortunately, the nearest theatre is almost 200 kays round trip from here...

 Hell!... I don't even have a TV! ... (but I have about 12,000 movies on hard drives.... and no commercials!) :thumb
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on December 14, 2015, 10:20:15 AM
With all those huge hard drives spinning 24/7, do you ever have one fail?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 14, 2015, 10:36:30 AM
Hard drives have a life of about 4 years (continuous 24/7 use) When I have filled a drive, I usually unplug it and put it into storage until needed

When I want to watch a movie, I usually plug the HDD in and copy the movie to my desktop, unplug the drive and play it from the desktop to minimise use of the drive
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 15, 2015, 10:17:24 AM
Racial profiling?



I was standing at the bar at an International Airport when this small Chinese guy walks in, stands next to me, and starts drinking a beer.


I  asked him, "Do you know any of those martial arts thingies like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu maybe?"

 

He says "No, why the  hell  you ask me dat? Is it cause I am Chinese?"


"No", I said, "It's because you're drinking MY beer, you little prick!"​
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 15, 2015, 11:40:42 AM
Guiness Commercial

"Empty Chair" salutes the character of a community as they honour one of their own who is out of sight, but not out of mind.


 

                        ! No longer available (http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=rx0MRawkrj4#)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: alans1100 on December 15, 2015, 12:24:28 PM
I think this will be a good place to put this......

Why I sacked my secretary.

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy birthday!", and possibly have a present for me.

As it turned out, this morning she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy birthday".

I thought... well, that's marriage for you, but the kids will remember. My kids ate breakfast and didn't say a word.

So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary, Jane said, "Good morning boss, happy birthday!" It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock and then Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go out to lunch, just you and me".

I said, "Thanks Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. We dined instead at a little place with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"

I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"

She said, "Let's go to my apartment".

After arriving at her apartment Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I'll be right back".

"OK", I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake... followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".

And I just sat there...

On the couch...

Naked...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 15, 2015, 12:32:45 PM
 :crackup :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Wild Rose on December 15, 2015, 04:03:51 PM
Love it  :grin
I have heard it before but it's always good for a laugh  :like
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 16, 2015, 01:05:57 AM
Good one, Granny!

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/licence_zps9vadpc7y.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 16, 2015, 08:58:59 AM
Phyllis Dillerisms...   

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
-Phyllis Diller   

 

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
-Phyllis Diller

 

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.
-Phyllis Diller

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
-Phyllis Diller

 

Best way to get rid of kitchen odours: Eat out.
-Phyllis Diller

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
-Phyllis Diller

 

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
-Phyllis Diller   

 

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
-Phyllis Diller

 

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
-Phyllis Diller

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.
-Phyllis Diller

 

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
-Phyllis Diller   

 

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
-Phyllis Diller

 

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
-Phyllis Diller   

 

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
-Phyllis Diller

 

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
-Phyllis Diller

My photographs don't do me justice -they just look like me.
-Phyllis Diller

 

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
-Phyllis Diller   

 

Tranquillizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle -  keep away from children.
-Phyllis Diller

 

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
-Phyllis Diller


The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.
-Phyllis Diller

 

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
-Phyllis Diller
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STeveo on December 16, 2015, 09:46:18 AM
You know your old when your back goes out more than you do,
-Phyllis Diller.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 16, 2015, 11:02:07 AM
I know that feeling well.. :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 16, 2015, 04:17:46 PM
Saw a kid pinching eggs at the supermarket today.

..Was in ALDI, and a 15 year old was sneaking an egg from this carton, an egg from that carton... and stuffing them in his jacket pocket.. probably stocking up 'ammo' to egg someones house or car with...

Unfortunately for him, I 'tripped' and bumped into his side with the shopping trolley..  :grin .. very slushy...

...oh yeah... and he was caught sticky-handed at the checkout as well.. :law
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 16, 2015, 07:46:11 PM
With the expected fuel price hike for the holidays, I have been investigating alternative travelling arrangements...

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/oilprice_zpsd9ki7lc7.png)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 16, 2015, 08:13:41 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/nana%20slicer_zpsxh1ulwh7.jpg)

Bloody rip off... I bought one... it made a right mess of the banana, so I returned it.

NOW they tell me you are supposed to peel the banana first....
Cant find a banana peeler online... however, I did find an electric spoon....


The MAIN reason I found it unacceptable.
As shown in the picture, the slicer is curved from left to right.
All of my bananas are bent the other way.




Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 16, 2015, 08:30:00 PM
I was going to have eggs for dinner tonight, but couldn't find an egg-opener... :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 16, 2015, 09:56:38 PM
Some days are diamonds.... other days are...?  Only the depth varies...

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Bikes/crap_zpsvkvofhw0.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 17, 2015, 03:25:25 AM
...On the Sydney storm yesterday.

(sings)

"Gang,Gang, the Hail's all here!"

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/hail_zpsfxb1kwnx.jpg)

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STeveo on December 17, 2015, 08:14:06 AM
 :rofl  Bloody good ones Kev.  :thumbsup  Keep them coming, please.   :-++
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 17, 2015, 02:20:54 PM
Mexican twin brothers are impossible to tell apart...

If you have seen Juan, you have seen Amol ...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 17, 2015, 02:28:18 PM
There is a new hair replacement procedure.
First they remove this part of the scalp...

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/Dscf02722_zpsjuxkravk.jpg)

... then they stretch the skin across, and stitch it up.

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/final_zpsmpakxz8j.jpg)

Pretty dramatic, what?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Wild Rose on December 17, 2015, 02:30:27 PM
 :fp :fp :grin :grin :crackup :crackup :crackup :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :like
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on December 17, 2015, 03:34:14 PM
Looks like it works for you.  I'll keep my ears where they are, thankyou.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 18, 2015, 12:46:33 PM
 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/entertainer_zps3qgbf0w6.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 18, 2015, 12:47:54 PM
 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/mimic_zpsz5hlosjs.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: StinkyPete on December 18, 2015, 12:56:34 PM
I love the piano gag.   Victor Borge was a legend on the piano.   :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 18, 2015, 01:05:39 PM
 :thumb
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 19, 2015, 01:39:02 PM
Well, it's that time of year again...

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Peas-on-Earth_zpstjkejajv.jpg)

...and goodwill to all...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 19, 2015, 02:30:37 PM
Just had a  :phone from a woman asking if I had the new ‘Star Wars’ movie yet?

..  I should have told her I will have Star Wars about ‘May the Fourth..’ but she is too blonde to understand my humour
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on December 19, 2015, 03:09:51 PM
Just had a  :phone from a woman asking if I had the new ‘Star Wars’ movie yet?

You lend out your hard drives?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 19, 2015, 03:16:39 PM
Nope!... but can put the file on hers.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 19, 2015, 10:31:04 PM
The Goldberg Brothers - The Inventors of the Automobile Air Conditioner


Here's a little fact for automotive buffs, or just to dazzle your friends.
The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Maxwell, invented and
developed the first automobile air-conditioner.

On July 17, 1946 , the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.
The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked
his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most
exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.
Henry was curious and invited them into his office.
They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.

They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees inside,
turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.
The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he
offered them $3 million for the patent.
The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they
wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on
the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.

Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Jewish, and there was no
way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.
They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4
million and that just their first names would be shown.

And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show --
Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max -- on the controls.

Control yourself !

This is what happens when you are retired and have too much time on your hands !
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 21, 2015, 05:41:59 PM
Teenager asked his grandmother.. "Have you seen my little bottle of pills?... It had PCP marked on the label?"

Granny replied, wild eyed, "Stuff the pills!... have you seen the purple crocodile in the kitchen!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 22, 2015, 12:09:08 AM
Whatever floats your boat...


 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Bikes/tyre_zpsn3gncjqu.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: alans1100 on December 22, 2015, 08:19:31 PM

The story of the angel



When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee Elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the Reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the Elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the Mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little Angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'


And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 23, 2015, 12:24:25 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/Xmashugs-1_zpseuidr6dz.gif)

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/santa2_zps1qldhvme.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 23, 2015, 12:45:56 AM
What a lovely man? .. Just got an email from Bill Gates, (I am not sure why he uses a Chinese email account?)

He has just given me 5 million US Dollars, all I have to do is supply my name, birth date, place of residence, personal phone number, a bank account, social security number, a photocopy of my drivers licence and passport, I may even throw in my cat registration number and a picture of the ST as well.....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: alans1100 on December 23, 2015, 12:53:08 AM
If I go through my Junk folder I reckon I'll find that someone will want to give me more than $20 million plus with all the lotteries that I won and never entered.

Sometimes (for the fun) I reply and tell then to take out what ever it is I owe and send it to my Pay Pal account since they have the email address anyway.

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on December 23, 2015, 05:06:57 PM
A Pommy bloke calls at Australia House in London to get a visa to visit family in Australia.
 
Bloke behind the counter asks "do you have a criminal record ?
 
Pommy bloke sighs and asks,
 
" Is that STILL a requirement......? "    :runyay
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on December 23, 2015, 08:20:09 PM


Bloke at a horse race whispers to Paddy next to him, "Do you want the winner of the next race?"

Paddy replies "No tanks, oi've only got a small yard."


* * * * * * * * * *

Paddy and Mick found 3 hand grenades and decided to take them to the police station.

Mick "What if one explodes before we get there?"

Paddy: "We'll lie and say we only found two!"

* * * * * * * * * *

A coach load of paddies on a mystery tour decided to run a sweepstake to guess where they were going.....

the driver won £52!

* * * * * * * * * *

Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires stickin out of it.

He phones the police and says “Bejasus I've just found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb."

The operator asks, "is it tickin?

Paddy says "No, oi tink it's beef"

* * * * * * * * * *

Joe says to Paddy: “Close your curtains the next time you're making love to your wife.

The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."

Paddy says: "Well the joke's on them because I wasn't even at home yesterday."

* * * * * * * * * *

Mick walks into Paddy’s barn and catches him dancing naked in front of a tractor.

Mick says, "Oi Paddy, what ya doing?"

Paddy says, “Well me and Mary haven't been getting on in the bedroom lately & the therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor."

** * * * * * * * *

The Irish have solved their own fuel problems.

They imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they’re going to drill for their own oil

********************

Paddy says to Mick - I’m ready for a holiday, only this year I'm going to do it a bit different, 3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant, 2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant. Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant."

Mick asks - So what are you going to do this year?."

Paddy replies, - I'll take her with me!"

* * * * * * * * * *

Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on a Friday this year"

Mick says "Let's hope it's not the 13th."

* * * * * * * * * *

Paddy's in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him. "Did you find the shampoo?"

Paddy says, "Oi did, but it's for dry hair and I've just wet mine."
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Gadget on December 23, 2015, 08:52:40 PM
Whale oil beef hooked!

(Read it out loud quickly) :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Gadget on December 23, 2015, 08:53:34 PM
Thanks STroppy I've been waiting for an opportunity to use it.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 23, 2015, 09:05:48 PM
 :grin :thumb

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/whale%20oil_zpslejioaef.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on December 23, 2015, 10:32:40 PM
Yes a very, very old one . . First seen by me back in the early 1960's . . . But still a laugh . .
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 23, 2015, 11:10:39 PM
Two shipping employees were chatting... one asked the other "How can you afford a new car every year?"

The other replied "I work for Cunard!"

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/cunard_zpsa2byidio.jpg)

The other said "So do I, but I still can't afford a new car every year?"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 23, 2015, 11:19:06 PM
Celebrity Coxwain

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Hucker_zpsdqp0rbbh.gif)

John Hucker is a well known local celebrity. He is the Cox of the local
champion 8 sculling crew. John had intentions of joining Parliament
and standing for PM, until it was pointed out that Australia had already
dethroned another ‘Little Johnny the Cox Hucker’
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 24, 2015, 01:18:54 AM
Two phone technicians were working at a private home.
The occupant made a formal complaint about foul language that was used at her home.

The Technicians were asked to submit a written report as to why and how this occurred.

"Well, it was like this... me and Harry were sent to this home to fit a new phone point.
When we arrived, we found that the cable we had, was not long enough to reach the
new phone location, and had to be joined at the ceiling manhole.

I was holding the ladder while Harry was up the ladder soldering the joint, and he dropped some
hot solder, which went straight down the back of my collar, at which I stepped back and said...

"Harold!... I do wish you would show more care!"

.... or words to that effect!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 24, 2015, 07:21:40 PM
'Twas the night before Christmas...




.. and all through the house...







... not a creature was stirring...









...Not even... TWO FAT HOT CATS!

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Dscf2405_zpsarsst4t8.jpg)
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Dscf2404_zpsasth6ija.jpg)


Have a great Christmas!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on December 24, 2015, 08:07:36 PM
And a Very Merry Christmas to you too Kev . . . A couple of nice pussies to keep you company over the festive season . . All the best for 2016 . . . Hope to catch up with you on a ride or three . .

 :EatCake  :hatwave  ;-*  ++
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 24, 2015, 10:48:34 PM
"Mick, boyo!... What have you got in dat bag?"
"I've got some doughnuts, Paddy!"
"Mick, ... If Oi can guess how many, would you be giving me one?"
"Paddy, if you can guess how many, you can have BOTH of dem!"

"Ummm..... t'ree?"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 25, 2015, 03:07:33 AM
Just got woken by a rowdy clatter across the roof.

Somehow, I don't think it was Santa... sounded more like an empty stubbie...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on December 25, 2015, 05:25:14 AM
Just got woken by a rowdy clatter across the roof.

Somehow, I don't think it was Santa... sounded more like an empty stubbie...

Go back to sleep!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 25, 2015, 05:34:30 AM
Terry, how the hell can I sleep with rowdy drunken teens wandering the streets? (at least they aren't driving home.)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 25, 2015, 05:43:56 AM
Got my Chrissy tree up tho....

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Dscf2407_zpstm6frx0a.jpg)

 :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on December 25, 2015, 09:48:12 AM
Terry, how the hell can I sleep with rowdy drunken teens wandering the streets? (at least they aren't driving home.)

Three or four stubbies might do it . . . :beer

Nice tree . .
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 25, 2015, 11:04:03 AM
Email this morning from my mate Gerard, who lives northern Townsville.


Hey Kev, check this out; two evenings ago a Pallarenda Beach; Shot with a drone; Great Arial shots; one of the guys Rodriguez is in most of the shots but I cross over a few times (Blue Kite with EV on the sail) Nice choice of music Posted on youtube two days ago.

Cheers

 Gerard 

Infinite Afternoon Kiteboarding
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VcrJls5nbE&feature=youtu.be (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VcrJls5nbE&feature=youtu.be)



Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 25, 2015, 11:21:23 AM
No junk mail for a couple of days... scammers must take a chrissy break?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 25, 2015, 01:47:08 PM
Hot and muggy... 34 outside.. 30 inside the unit, must replace my aircon one day...

Had a quiet putter around town for half an hour... only traffic I saw was a police cruiser. Must be a bugger for their families?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 25, 2015, 05:41:34 PM
muggy day, my windows are steamed up on the inside...no traffic...

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/where%20are%20you_zpsgoeneqhz.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 25, 2015, 11:35:57 PM
When the driver of a huger tractor trailer lost control of his rig, he ploughed into an empty tollbooth and smashed it to pieces.

He climbed down from the wreckage. Within a matter of minutes, another truck pulled up and unloaded a crew of workers.

The men picked up each broken piece of the former tollbooth and spread some kind of creamy substance on it.
Then they began fitting the pieces together. In less than a half hour, they had the entire tollbooth reconstructed and good as new.

"Astonishing!" the truck driver said to the crew chief. "What was that white stuff you used to get all of the pieces together?"

The crew chief said, "Oh, that? ... just Tollgate Boothpaste!"

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/tollgate_zpsjlroabgs.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 26, 2015, 12:42:38 AM
weather update... Pretty solid rain set in from the west about half an hour ago, about half a mm in past 30 minutes
Down to 11.8 degrees now, from 34 at 6 pm

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/wet_zpsmbpjtsmi.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 26, 2015, 05:34:25 AM
11mm of rain ... heavier up around the Grampians...  been fairly intense overnight, easing a little now... should be a big help to the firies battling blazes around Lorne, Wye River, where many homes have been lost.

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/wet2_zps5bsbkxga.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Gadget on December 26, 2015, 08:33:51 AM
Hope it gets there soon. Last I read a few minutes ago 54 homes lost around Lorne.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 26, 2015, 09:08:01 AM
Rain has helped to ease the firies work, but still burning over a large area.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 26, 2015, 09:08:54 AM
Boxing day Sails...  :grin

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/sails_zpsa0plomz4.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 26, 2015, 03:22:29 PM
On Fitness....

Doctor suggested I ease gently into a workout regime, so last February I rode straight past a place that sells fitness gear.
... Might buy a set of wrist bands next year.
 
Doc suggested I take up riding a bike, I told him I ride around 70 Km per week, He was happy with that.
I neglected to inform him of the V4 1100 cc engine that propels it...
 
I was told to join a gym class, and lose some weight.
It didn’t work. I found out a few months later that you are supposed to attend classes?
 
One day, I did!.... I gyrated, I jumped, I rolled around, but by the time I squeezed
my fat butt into those silly tight lycra workout clothes, the class was over.
 
I now have a short early morning aerobic workout that I have followed religiously for many months.
As soon as I awake, its up....down....up....down....up....down.... yep, its working, I can feel the burn.
... that’s enough for that eyelid, lets try the other one.
Ah bugger it!.. think I will pull up the blanket and get some extra shut eye instead...
 
Next week I will be celebrating my eighth month anniversary of Gym Class avoidance....
 
I was told to eat healthy food, but everything I buy is already dead!    :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 26, 2015, 05:46:06 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/crbc151224_zps5gdwz2ee.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 26, 2015, 06:03:01 PM
Damaging Vic blaze won't just go away
A bushfire on Victoria's surf coast that has claimed 116 homes may keep burning into January and February, says an emergency official.

Poor buggers!

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 27, 2015, 02:10:23 PM
The touring rider pulled to the edge of Heavens Highway, set the side stand, and stepped off.
He strolled over to St Peter at the Pearly Gates and declared, "Well, I'm here!... what's next?"
St Peter greeted him, and said "Just have to consult 'THE BOOK' to see how you qualify."
"Qualify?... in regards to what?" queried the biker.
St Peter said  "Heaven is a huge place... you will need transport... THE BOOK will identify what type of bike we provide you with!"

A gentle rumble from behind the gate, and a bearded guy went smoothly by on an 1800 wing...
"Oh man!" ..the biker said "How did he ever score a bike like that?"
St Peter said, "Well obviously, he had a perfect score.. Your vehicle provided reflects on how faithful you were to your partner in life."

He pulled a large tome from under the rostrum, and progressively flipped through the pages.
"Hmm.." he said "...A couple of misdemeanours.. that girl at the office, and that time you went on a week tour with the iron butts
... apart from that, you score pretty well... and you even get to choose the colour of your new ST1300!"
"Fantastic!" said the rider, as he was shepherded through the gates.

Well, it was a long day for St Peter.. seems there was a bus load of tourists who went off a bridge, and it took him hours to process them all.
As he was heading home, he came upon the touring rider, who was sitting on the ground beside his new ST, and gently weeping.
"Whatever is wrong?" asked St Peter..
"You have a pretty good record, and a brand new ST 1300 to cruise around Heaven, and SHOW to others how well you scored in Life!"

The rider looked St Peter in the eye, and said "Yeah... whatever!
... but it still doesn't alter the fact that I just saw my wife buzz through an intersection on a 29 cc Moped!"


(I guess that criteria was applied to my first wife, who I believe was issued with a skateboard...)

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STeveo on December 27, 2015, 06:23:04 PM
 :rofl :rofl :crackup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 28, 2015, 02:13:21 AM
Memories from the past

In February 1968, I travelled to Graz, in Austria, with the Australian team for the 9th World Parachuting Championships, but not as a competitor.

While visiting the area, we were informed of a small Austrian town with a very 'common' (if you get my drift) name, about 300 Km to the north and west from Graz and around 130 Km east from Munich in Germany. Basically, the name of this town is pronounced similar to the word 'Booking' but beginning with the letter 'F' and spelt slightly differently. I shall use the symbol '~' to carry on with this story.

So, we went to ~, we wanted some ~ photos of the ~ locals, and some pics of the ~ attractions. While there, we discovered that the ~ locals have a deep hatred of Pommy tourists, because it seems that they keep stealing the ~ town and road name signs from the six roads entering the ~ Town.
No, we did not get a sign ourselves, because they had already been stolen.

I did not invent this story, it actually happened, and the name of the ~ town is genuine.

Proof here, centre of the map   https://www.google.com/maps/@48.055003,12.864275,11z (https://www.google.com/maps/@48.055003,12.864275,11z)

By the way, Colin King from Australia won the silver medal for individual accuracy at the World Meet, after a jump off with Kalous, from the USSR

Tkatschenko from the USSR was the overall individual winner of the Meet.

~ Kev

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 28, 2015, 02:21:52 AM
Incidentally, while travelling back to Graz, we discovered an Aussie Pie Shop run by an Aussie expat in a pub in Salzburg, some 40 Km south east from '~'
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Shiney on December 28, 2015, 08:27:26 AM
Sounds like a '~' memorable trip :thumbsup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: alans1100 on December 28, 2015, 11:00:43 AM

I did not invent this story, it actually happened, and the name of the ~ town is genuine.

It's German so in English it's Ficken
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 28, 2015, 02:01:35 PM
I have two choices for dinner tonight.






Yes, or No.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on December 28, 2015, 02:59:15 PM
I have two choices for dinner tonight.






Yes, or No.

Play safe.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 28, 2015, 03:35:58 PM
Might choose No... had a filling fall out onThursday, and have broken another tooth when I bit the filling.
Absolute agony.
Dentist not open till tomorrow.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 28, 2015, 10:24:01 PM
This oldie gets a revival every year...

One beautiful December evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung   
Lee were sitting by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon,
when Huan Cho said, "Hey baby, lets play Wee wee chu!"   

"Oh no, not now, lets look at the moon," said Jung Lee.   

"Oh c'mon baby, lets you and I play wee wee chu. I love you and   
it's the perfect time", Huan Cho begged.   

"But I rather just hold your hand and watch the moon."   

"Please Jung Lee, just once play wee wee chu with me?"   

June Lee looked at Huan Cho and said, "Ok we'll play wee wee   
chu."   

Huan Cho grabbed his guitar and they both sang:

"Wee wee chu a melly klis-mass, wee wee chu a melly klis-mass, wee wee chu a melly klis-mass ....  and a happy new year." 

 
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on December 28, 2015, 10:54:48 PM
A researcher arrives in Borneo to gather data for his thesis. Accompanied by his trusty guide, he seeks out a very remote locale for researching the mating behaviour of the giant rat of Sumatra.
Around dusk of the first day, he's sitting by the campfire with his guide when in the distance, he hears tribal drums. They get louder. The guide announces, "I don't like the sound of those drums."
The dusk turns evening. The drums get louder. The guide says, "I really don't like the sound of those drums."
Evening turns to dead of night. The drums get louder and louder, until it is obvious that the drummers must be quite close. The guide says again, "I really don't like the sound of those drums."
Suddenly the drums stop, and a voice from the darkness cries out, "Hey man, he's not our regular drummer!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 28, 2015, 11:36:44 PM
 :thumb :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 29, 2015, 08:37:24 AM
What a farce ... Dental Emergency Clinic, local Hospital...... closed from last Wednesday until Monday, 4th Jan
Even the front desk office staff were unaware that the dental service is currently closed, I had to walk down there to find out for myself.

3 smashed teeth and raw tooth nerves, can't eat, can't sleep...
What part of “Emergency” are they pretending to be part of?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: StinkyPete on December 29, 2015, 09:05:57 AM
What a farce ... Dental Emergency Clinic, local Hospital...... closed from last Wednesday until Monday, 4th Jan
Even the front desk office staff were unaware that the dental service is currently closed, I had to walk down there to find out for myself.

3 smashed teeth and raw tooth nerves, can't eat, can't sleep...
What part of “Emergency” are they pretending to be part of?

While it won't help your current emergency, write a  polite snail mail letter to the Victorian Minister for Health, pointing out this failure in his health services.   Such evidence based advocacy is usually taken seriously, and the health minister wont know what's not happening unless you tell him.   His crawling minions probably won't tell him that there is a failure in the department, for fear of jepardising their own slither to the top of their own small heap.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 29, 2015, 01:07:28 PM
Who do you believe?

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/cid_784E2_zpsumtptlbr.jpg)

This woman is 52 yrs old. She is TV health guru Gillian McKeith, advocating a holistic approach
to nutrition and health, and promoting exercise, a vegetarian diet which is high in organic
fruits and vegetables. She recommends detox diets, colonic irrigation, and supplements.

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/cid_C600A0F934AD473BA117C223D8447D61UserPC_zpsdxqctrom.jpg)

This woman is also 52. She is Nigella Lawson... a TV cook, who eats meat, butter, chocolate and desserts
..... and, she washes it all down with wine!

I REST MY CASE!

_ Pass me the corkscrew!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on December 29, 2015, 05:28:39 PM
_ Pass me the corkscrew!

Get your own effin Cork n stop callin me Screw!  WOW:
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 29, 2015, 08:12:48 PM
 :crackup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 31, 2015, 03:54:49 PM
 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/compact_zps8jtm55on.mp4)

... or should that be 'Compacted'...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on December 31, 2015, 06:28:21 PM
Wow!  The guy in the second car would be sweating there wouldn't be a fourth!


And NO Starwars jokes.  You're supposed to be suffering from toothache.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 31, 2015, 07:15:21 PM
Wow!  The guy in the second car would be sweating there wouldn't be a fourth!


Here's a slightly longer clip....Count them.... I think one more car and the driver would have been in the glovebox

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/crunch_zpsgviz3nqn.mp4)
.

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 31, 2015, 07:33:38 PM
Seems like the holiday break is over... the spam has started arriving again.

Had a wonderful email today from a lonely young lady who is impressed with my profile on my (non-existent) facebook account.

Why she attached a picture of Brooke Shields as a teen, (now aged 50) is beyond my understanding? ... maybe the initials have something to do with it? (B.S.)

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/bs_zpsrur1k2a7.jpg)

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 31, 2015, 07:37:17 PM
I bought a sandwich at Subway today....
tasted terrible...
I think I got a bum wrap...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on December 31, 2015, 07:42:14 PM
...Just for you, Biggles... :grin

Did you know that Chewbacca got arrested for creating the website Wookieleaks ?



A Storm trooper walks into a pub and asks the barman, “Hey, have you seen my brother?”

“I dunno,” says the barman, “What does he look like?”



I just watched a great documentary about how the Death Star was built… It was riveting.,,,,  It was riveting
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on January 01, 2016, 11:43:17 AM
...Just for you, Biggles... :grin
I just watched a great documentary about how the Death Star was built… It was riveting.,,,,  It was riveting


Hey- Moderators!!!

When is the Forum getting "Unthanks"?     Wot thuh
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 01, 2016, 12:15:18 PM
I am Sooooooo looking fwd to that one 'special' day, 4 and a half weeks after April 1st.....

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Bikes/may4yoda_zpspxpbcuca.gif)

 :butt
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 03, 2016, 05:48:57 PM
 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/fanfare_zpsctnly7jk.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 04, 2016, 08:45:45 AM
Went to hospital 'Emergency Dental' clinic this morning... sat there from 7.50 am til 8.30 opening, only to be told that they still don't have a dentist available until Monday 11th Jan. Three raw nerves, two broken teeth. I have waited 11 days now for 'emergency' treatment, another week won't matter. At least I have an appointment, now?

Hm.... I have a pair of pliers here.... could always rip out the main problem myself, and then report to the hospital for treatment to a bleeding gum?

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 08, 2016, 10:00:19 AM
Why Sharks Circle Before Attacking...
 
Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.
 
"Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.
 
"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fin showing."

And they did.
 
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fin showing."

And they did.
 
"Now we eat everybody."
 
And they did.
 
When they were both gorged, the son asked,

...."Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
 
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better after they void their bowels." 
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: richo on January 08, 2016, 08:00:34 PM
Knowing how much some of you like KFC. I though the potential new menu item could cause you to change your mind try it.    Mmmmmmmm crunchy ferrets.  I was going to the post office while at work and the new pet shop and KFC have adjoining boundaries. 


(http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u439/stevedonnar/E092E61B-6A0C-4D2C-957A-C6C9C15B6D7F_zpsif6wnh0v.jpg)[/URL]
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 08, 2016, 09:37:49 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kfc%203_zpsmr5frinb.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 08, 2016, 09:44:43 PM
Equal and fair advertising and all that...

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Maccas%20time_zpsyjiohjg6.mp4)

... or this one?

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/maccas%203_zpsxk2ok1ny.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 08, 2016, 10:17:35 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Animation1%2015_zpscxlwjrq6.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 08, 2016, 10:18:05 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/bang_zpsqgadfygl.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 09, 2016, 03:50:00 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/bear%20swiper_zpsmttj1tic.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 09, 2016, 07:23:16 AM
 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/treadmill%20bear_zpsuul7rqzr.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 09, 2016, 09:00:12 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Animation10003_zpslb0oaca5.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STeveo on January 09, 2016, 09:55:42 AM
 :rofl :rofl :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 09, 2016, 07:24:32 PM
Passport renewal ...

AUSTRALIAN LETTER - I think the sender might have been a tad upset?
 
This is supposedly an actual letter sent to the DFAT (Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade) Immigration Minister. 
The Government tried desperately to censure the author, but got nowhere because every legal person
who read it couldn't stop laughing !

Dear Mr Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.

How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and knows that I bought a television set
and golf clubs and condoms from them back in 1977, and yet the Federal Government is still asking me
where I was born and on what date ?

For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand ?

My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed
for the past 43 years.

It is also on my driver's licence, on the last eight passports I've ever had, on all those stupid
customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off planes over the past 30 years.

It's also on all those insufferable census forms that I've filled out every 5 years since 1966.

Also... would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Audrey,
my father's name is Jack, and I'd be absolutely bloody astounded if that ever changed between now
and when I drop dead !!!

SHIT! What do you people do with all this information we keep having to provide?

I apologize, Mr. Minister. But I'm really pissed off this morning.

Between you and me, I've had enough of all this bullshit!

You send the application to my house, and then you ask me for my bloody address?

What the hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a gang of
mindless Neanderthal arseholes working there?

And another thing, look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden?
I can't even grow a beard for God's sakes. I just want to go to New Zealand
and see my new granddaughter.  (Yes, my son interbred with a Kiwi girl). 
And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether or not
I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days?
In the unlikely event I ever got the urge to do something weird to a sheep or a horse,
believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other side of Sydney , and get
another bloody copy of my birth certificate - and to part with another $80
for the privilege of accessing MY OWN INFORMATION!

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot,
to assist in the issuance of a new passport on the same day?

Nooooo…that'd be too bloody easy and makes far too much sense.

You would much prefer to have us running all over the bloody place like chickens
with our heads cut off, and then having to find some 'high-society' wanker to confirm
that it's really me in the goddamn photo!
You know the photo... the one where we're not allowed to smile?...you bloody morons.

Signed - An Irate Australian Citizen.

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture, and getting someone in 'high-society'
to confirm that it's me?                                                                         
Well, my family has been in this country since before 1820! In 1856, one of my forefathers
took up arms with Peter Lalor.  (You do remember the Eureka Stockade?)

I have also served in both the CMF and regular Army for something over 30 years
(I went to Vietnam in 1967), and still have high security clearances. I'm also a personal friend
of the president of the RSL ...and Lt General Peter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas card each year.

However, your rules require that I have to get someone "important" to verify who I am; you know...
someone like my doctor - WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN BLOODY PAKISTAN!
...a country where they either assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers - and are suspended
from the Commonwealth and United Nations for not having the "right sort of government"..

You are all pen-pushing paper-shuffling bloody idiots!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 10, 2016, 09:51:46 PM
 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/doritos_zpszd6utync.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on January 11, 2016, 07:47:34 AM
CAN YOU GET MARRIED IN HEAVEN?

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident.

The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter showed up, they asked him.

St. Peter said, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,' and he leaves.

The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple are still waiting. As they waited, they discussed that if they were allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all. 'What if it doesn't work?' they wondered, 'Are we stuck together forever?'

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled.

'Yes,' he informs the couple, 'you can get married in Heaven.'

'Great!' said the couple, 'But  we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?'

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground.

'What's wrong?' asked the frightened couple.

'OH, COME ON!', St. Peter shouted, 'It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a Lawyer?!'
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 11, 2016, 09:14:48 AM
 :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 11, 2016, 09:21:08 AM
Well, I'm home from the dentist, had one tooth removed... and have been put on the waiting list for the next two extractions.
Waiting list is currently 26 months, unless I have a tooth ache?

Aww, c'MON now.... two broken teeth with exposed nerves isn't already a toothache?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on January 11, 2016, 10:38:54 AM
Excellent!  The joke, I mean.  The teeth situation doesn't sound at all flash!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 11, 2016, 11:05:24 AM
Actually, Bill... the gum, cheek, half my tongue and my chin are still numb, so all in all, its pretty good!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Brock on January 11, 2016, 01:00:14 PM
Shoulda asked for a bottle of Novocaine and a couple of needles..

 o:) o:)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 12, 2016, 10:10:25 AM
Took 18 days to get 'emergency' extraction .. what hope is there of getting anything to assist with pain control?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: alans1100 on January 12, 2016, 10:46:41 AM
Well, I'm home from the dentist, had one tooth removed... and have been put on the waiting list for the next two extractions.
Waiting list is currently 26 months, unless I have a tooth ache?

Aww, c'MON now.... two broken teeth with exposed nerves isn't already a toothache?
Our dental hospital would only offer emergency related treatment and for anything else you would need to see a private dentist that accepts govt. dental schemes. There is a capped amount that you pay with the state picking up the balance.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 12, 2016, 05:14:07 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/parrot_zpsb1c8aamu.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on January 12, 2016, 08:51:16 PM
Dang!  Roast "chicken" dinner!     :crazy
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 12, 2016, 11:03:19 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/84867291_zpsetidqvuk.png)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on January 13, 2016, 12:42:07 AM
Yep- that question bugs me, too.

In recent years, the doomsayers have been predicting the demise of the US economy because of its colossal debt to China.
Now China is on the ropes because of its insurmountable debt to...  whom?
There are very few debt-free countries- without researching it, I'd say Switzerland and maybe some Nordic countries.
But they don't seem to be drowning in money, so who holds all these IOUs??
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 13, 2016, 05:07:54 PM
Warmish here today.. reached 31 at 3 pm... now down to 23, very blustery and rainstorm expected later.

Had another P&O cruise ship dock here today, masses of people moving around town.

A bit of controversy concerning the Alcoa plant here also.

https://au.news.yahoo.com/vic/a/30558252/crew-forced-off-alcoa-ship-mv-portland/
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 13, 2016, 05:20:00 PM
Whoa!... can hear the thunder approaching from the northwest!

Map approx 30 minutes old.

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Image1_zpspujkaold.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: alans1100 on January 13, 2016, 05:33:05 PM
We had about 3 drops of wet stuff about 30 minutes ago - must have been the only few rain drops large enough not to evaporate as it fell from above.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 13, 2016, 05:46:50 PM
6 fires started locally by lightning strikes in past 15 minutes reported by SES

2 pics from my window 10 minutes apart ... now down to 19 degrees.

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Dscf2411_zpsacxigvfw.jpg)

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Dscf2412_zpswdxtrcar.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 13, 2016, 05:54:30 PM
..and now the water is flowing in the gutters. 2 mm rain in past ten minutes, but it has ceased now

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Dscf2414_zpsxpdgvo9o.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 13, 2016, 06:30:00 PM
Half an hour later and thunder, lightning and rain has gone, still broken cloud cover but can see blue sky. Now a very pleasant 18 degrees

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Dscf2415_zpsnfwpk18m.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STeveo on January 13, 2016, 06:52:29 PM
At least they didn't bother turning the sprinklers off on the cricket/footy ground.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 13, 2016, 07:04:38 PM
They are actually playing cricket there at the moment... the sprinklers are at the sides of the pitch
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 15, 2016, 09:21:29 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/life_zpsmcrcy7ss.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 16, 2016, 10:56:55 PM
Highway Patrol pulled over a speeding hillbilly.

The officer asked the driver "You got any ID?"

The hillbilly replied... " 'bout WHUT?"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 18, 2016, 05:56:18 AM
Face Lift?

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/facelift-1_zpsr9mxflxl.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 18, 2016, 06:27:42 AM


(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/reese_zpsjsmhxwpp.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 18, 2016, 06:28:25 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Animation3_zpsih5xmyop.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 18, 2016, 06:36:10 AM
What a well mannered rider... Notice how he slowed down so the patrol car could catch up... eventually?

Say, just how many US cops with guns does it take to arrest one motorcyclist, anyway?


 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/gotcha_zpsuaysse2d.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 18, 2016, 06:39:35 AM
Is your sound on??

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Ken%20and%20Pete_zps6elshlwr.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 18, 2016, 09:22:56 AM
I hate doorknockers

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/doorknocker_zpsrcutcyvw.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 18, 2016, 09:23:33 AM
OK, OK, ... so my sense of humour is bent....

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Guantanamera_zpsf3otbxc9.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STeveo on January 18, 2016, 06:08:23 PM
That's why we like them so much Kev.   :thumb
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 19, 2016, 02:46:35 AM
The TV game show was really close.

Paddy was asked to name 2 of Santa's reindeer.
He gave a big sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question.

"Rudolph and Olive!"

The host asked the contestant, "We'll accept Rudolph, but can you explain Olive?"

Paddy looked at the host and said, "You know, ... 'Olive,' the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 19, 2016, 02:56:47 AM
Paddy is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door. When he opens the door, he encounters two Gardai, one of whom asks if he is married and, if so, whether they can see a picture of the wife.
Paddy replies "of course" and runs back to get their wedding picture.
The deputy looks carefully at the picture and then gravely says, "I'm sorry sir, but it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
Paddy replies "I know, but she has a great personality, is an excellent cook, and lets me play golf whenever I want!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 19, 2016, 03:06:33 AM
Mick Reilly went to trial for armed robbery.
The jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty."
"That's grand!" shouted Reilly.
........ "Does dat mean I can keep the money?"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 19, 2016, 03:12:39 AM

A Swiss man, on holiday in Dublin, needed directions.

He was standing outside Davy Byrne's pub when he saw two youths walking by,
so he stopped them and asked,  'Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?' 

The two lads look at each other blankly and stare back at him.

'Excusez-moi, parlez vous Français?' He tries.

The two continue to stare, eyebrows raised.

'Parlare Italiano?' Still absolutely no response from the two lads.

'Hablan ustedes Espanol?' The Dublin lads remain totally silent.

The Swiss guy walks off extremely disappointed and downhearted that he had not been understood. 

One of the boys turns to the second and says, 'Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language!'

'Why?' asked the other, 'That guy knew four languages, and it din't do him no good?'
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 20, 2016, 02:41:00 AM
A very thoughtful Scotsman was heading out to the pub.

 He turned to his wee wife before leaving and said, 'Jackie - put your hat and coat on lassie.'

She replied, 'Awe Iain that's nice - are you taking me to the pub with you?'

'Nah, I'm just switching the central heating off while I'm oot.'
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 20, 2016, 02:45:46 AM
A very popular man died in Aberdeen and his old widow wished to notify his friends, so she went to the Aberdeen Evening Express and said,
'I'd like tae place an obituary fur ma late husband.'

The man at the desk replied, 'OK, how much money dae ye have?'

The old woman replies, '£5' to which the man says,
'Ye won't get many words for that but write something, and we'll see if it's ok.'

So the old woman wrote something and handed it over the counter.

The man read 'Peter Reid, fae Kincorth, deid.'
He feels sad at the abruptness of the statement and encourages the old woman to write a few more things,
saying, 'I think we cud allow 3 or 4 more words fer ye money.'

The old woman ponders and then adds a few more words and hand the paper over the counter again. 
The man then reads - 'Peter Reid, fae Kincorth, deid. Ford Escort for sale.'
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 20, 2016, 02:53:56 AM
Having now lived in Portland for 25 years, I must say that I love summer weather here.


Its my favourite day of the Year!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 20, 2016, 03:29:23 AM
The Opening Test match in Australia, and walking out to open the batting with Alastair Cook is a Horse!!
Stunned by this, the Australians put on their fastest bowler to see what its all about...

Facing the first ball, the horse digs out a yorker, straight back over the bowlers head for 4....
Second ball he perfectly takes one off his legs for a 6 to cow corner....

The Aussies are Stunned....

Third ball comes in but he mistimes it, and pokes it through the covers for 2 runs...
...  Cook calls for a third but the horse shouts 'Nay' (no pun intended) and Cook is run out!

Frustrated, he storms up to the horse and demands "Why didn't you run?"

Horse replies, "If I could freakin' run, Id be at Flemington, not playing bloody cricket!!"

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 20, 2016, 04:18:23 AM
Can’t find the link, but it was as funny as hell... talk about dumb Yanks....
 
Black woman on the street in New Orleans, was being interviewed by a news reporter.
 
She was shown a map of Africa, and she pointed to Nigeria...
 
“Nigger-Ria? ... Is that where them people who done broke my Innernet come frum?”
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 20, 2016, 08:32:21 PM
A government survey has shown that 91% of immigrants come to
Australia so that they can see their own doctor.
---------------------------------------
Due to the current economic crisis, Greece is cancelling all production
of humus and taramasalata. It's a double dip recession.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sixty Pakistanis died in Sydney this morning.
It was not a terrorist attack, a bunk bed collapsed..
The police are blaming AL IKEA .
----------------------------------------
Police stop a Pakistani in his transit van on the motorway.
Policeman says "Do you know the limit is 60?"
The driver leans into the back and says: "Hear that?, three of you
have got to get out!"
----------------------------------------
Paddy & Mick stagger out of the zoo with blood pouring from them..
"Bollocks to that" said Paddy "That's the last time I go lion dancing"
----------------------------------------
Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year".
Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."
----------------------------------------
My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to
hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.
----------------------------------------
Since the snow came, all the wife has done is look longingly through the
window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her back in.
----------------------------------------
I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be
honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.
----------------------------------------
Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate. When I said
white, they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30
minutes. I think they were those Hovis Witnesses.
----------------------------------------
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after
they tested positive for WD40.
----------------------------------------
A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt .
Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher.
----------------------------------------
Just a reminder to those who stole electrical goods in last year's
riots: your one year manufacturer's warranty runs out soon.
----------------------------------------
Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.
Both are in hospital. One's in a korma, the other's got a dodgy tikka!
----------------------------------------
In the first few days of the last Olympics, Romanians took gold,
silver, bronze, copper & lead.
----------------------------------------
The sailing results are in: USA took gold, GB took silver and Somalia
took a Middle aged couple from Singapore .
----------------------------------------
An entrepreneur has started his own business in Afghanistan
making Land Mines that look like prayer mats!
It's doing well. Prophets are going through the roof.
----------------------------------------
It used to be said that 'An apple a day, keeps the Doctor away'
Nowadays, a bacon sandwich has a similar result.
...................................................................
An elderly couple are in church. About halfway through the service,
the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent
fart; what do you think I should do?'
He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid’.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 21, 2016, 01:16:25 PM
There was this woman who... arrrr... used to 'work' the street corner.. Until finally, one day, she met the man of her dreams, Luckily not during her working hours. She stated to him that there would be no sex before marriage, as she wanted time for things down there... not to show 'how well used' they were, so to speak... He agreed to this.
 
As the wedding date came closer and closer, she was upset at how slowly her body 'repaired' itself, until finally, the day arrived, and the radiant bride and groom retired to their honeymoon suite.
 
As they were preparing for bed, she spoke gently to her husband "I hope you will not be disappointed, but there is something I must tell you... several years ago, I was climbing a barbed wire fence to pick some wild blackberries, and I snagged myself 'down there' on the fence."
 
A few minutes passed, then the husband asked...
".. and.... just how far across the paddock did you get before you realised you were snagged?"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 21, 2016, 01:23:09 PM
A Scotsman and his wife walked past a swanky new restaurant.
   
"Did you smell that food?" she asked. "It's incredible!"
 
Being a kind hearted Scotsman, he thought..
'What the Heck,...I'll treat her!'
 
 
 
 
 
 
... So they walked past it again.......
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 23, 2016, 12:26:54 AM
Jock Mc Tavish moved to Glasgow. He phoned home to his Mum, saying that life in the boarding house was very hard,
because on one side he had a guy who continually thumped on the wall, and on the other side was a guy who
screamed obscenities from early evening til late at night.
His Mum said “Don’t let them phase you, city people are strange, just live your own life, and try to ignore them.”
He replied “That’s what I try to do, Mum, but it’s very distracting, and difficult to concentrate when playing my bagpipes.”
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 23, 2016, 02:14:07 AM
How wonderful!    (according to an email received tonight, addressed to "Beloved Recipient")

“Sister Mary Mercy” from THE UN INTERNATIONAL MONETARY FUND in New York has my US$127,000,000.00 Million Dollar inheritance in her care ...
... currently being held in La Gardia International Airport Security vault.

All she needs is a full size photo copy of my Drivers Licence and Passport, my Social Security number, my phone number, my vehicle registration along with
my bank account details, to release the US$127,000,000.00 Million Dollar inheritance within 48 hours..
(~ after paying a small charge of just US$485.00 clearance fee, (of course), to a qq.com (Chinese) PayPal account.. )

(Chants) : “I can smell anchovies, I can smell anchovies!”

(I might even throw in my cats registration number, my fishing licence and my Facebook account details as well.... oops!... I don't have Facebook!...)
Maybe I can organise a complimentary shipment of chicken lips, wombat fins, wallaby eggs and kangaroo feathers as a 'Thank - You' gift to the UN?




Lemmee see now... :grin .. if each member of OzStoc donates just AU$1 dollar to me to cover the clearance fee,, I will buy everyone a new bike of their choice...
Order now, as she assures me that I will receive my US$127,000,000.00 Million Dollar inheritance within 48 hours ...
:rofl :rofl :crackup :crackup :rofl :rofl

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 23, 2016, 02:18:17 AM
Definitely deserves an 'A' for effort.. :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 23, 2016, 02:43:09 AM
.. Must be my lucky day! .... I just won a new Mercedes, compliments of the '2016 Microsoft Sweepstake',  drawn at 8pm Thursday, 21st January, 2016.

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/headshake1_zpsam8bj4mu.gif)

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 23, 2016, 03:34:53 AM
Travelling sales rep was cruising along a country road at around 80 kph, when a chicken ran past him!
He was amazed! He accelerated to around 100 kph before he started gaining on the bird! Suddenly, the chicken braked, and turned into a property.
 The salesman followed. As the chook disappeared behind the barn, a farmer appeared.
"C'n I he'p you Boy?" he asked.
The salesman said, incredulously, "I just followed that bird down the road, and he was running at close to 100 kph!"
"Yep!" said the farmer ..."That'd be one of my 'genetically engineered chick'ns!"
"Genetically engineered?... what did you do?"
"Well boy, that'n is one of my three-legged hens."
"?? THREE LEGGED HENS ?? .. Why on earth would you breed 3 legged hens?"
"Ah!" said the farmer.."It's a marketing ploy! Most families consist of either two parents with one child, or single moms with two kids.
I figure by raising three legged chickens, then I would be able to sell more to the markets because there is one drumstick for each member of the family!"
"Now that's clever thinking!" said the rep. "Tell me... what do they taste like?"
"How the hell would I know that?... I'm buggered if I can catch the bloody things!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STeveo on January 23, 2016, 08:21:11 AM
 :crackup :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 23, 2016, 12:49:46 PM
Asian dentist yesterday at the hospital.. he said after looking at x-ray
 
“This one may be a bit difficult, ...it’s well-rooted...”
 
I replied “Sure is!.. that’s why I am here!”
 
Nuance went over his head like a 747, but his female assistant got the giggles......
 
He just looked at her oddly, shrugged his shoulders...... “Whaaat?”
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 23, 2016, 04:55:05 PM
Did you know that the Chinese don't have barbecued meals?

That's because the rice falls through the grill ...

 :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 23, 2016, 05:01:22 PM
There were some backwoods hillbillies living across the river from each other, who feuded constantly.
John hated Clarence with a passion and never passed up a chance to throw rocks across the river at Clarence.
This went on for years until one day the Corps of Engineers came to build a bridge across that river.

John was elated; he told his wife that finally he was going to get the chance to cross over, and whup Clarence.
He left the house but returned in a matter of minutes.
 
His wife asked what was wrong, didn't he intend to go over the bridge and whup Clarence?
He replied "I haint never really seen Clarence up close, and didn't realize how big he was, until I started over the bridge
and saw that sign:
CLEARANCE - 9 FT 4 INCHES"

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 23, 2016, 07:36:34 PM
Whats the difference between me, and an egg?

The egg gets laid.......
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 24, 2016, 07:13:47 AM
Why on earth is bigamy illegal?
Having more than one mother in law should be punishment enough!
...............................................

If having ONE wife is called Monogamy, its obvious why having more than one is not called Monotony?
................................................

A truck-driving bigamist was in court.... seems he had a wife in Sydney, one in Melbourne, and a third in Adelaide.

Judge muttered "This isn't BIGAMY... it's TRIGONOMETRY!"

........................................

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 24, 2016, 07:20:06 AM
MTV Top Ten


Top Ten MTV Video Music Award Categories Michael Jackson is Nominated In from David Letterman, July 26, 1995

10. Best editing of facial features
9. Outstanding performance in ongoing police investigation
8. Weirdest male artist
7. Weirdest female artist
6. Best performance in a black and white video by artist who isn't really either
5. New video by guy with a brother named Tito
4. Best singer who talks just like Mike Tyson
3. Least life-like nose
2. Best acting in a marriage
1. Best new face


Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 24, 2016, 07:23:18 AM
Slow Golf

Two pastors, one Catholic and one Protestant, and a Jewish rabbi were part of a threesome one day on the course.
The group ahead of them were playing slow, terrible golf and weren't gesturing for a play-through.
After several holes of this agonizingly slow golf the three clerics began to get very impatient, each muttering his own curses upon the group ahead of them.

Soon the Marshall came about, and was hailed down by the holy men who shouted, "We're sick of being held-up by these yahoos ahead of us who won't allow us to play through!"
The Marshall stated, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, but those men are both deaf and blind."
The Protestant cried, "Oh, Jesus, forgive me for my bad thoughts and cursing upon those poor souls."
The Catholic cried, "Oh forgive me, Mary, for my bad thoughts and cursing upon those poor souls."
The rabbi shouted, "So why can't they play at bloody night!?"



Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 24, 2016, 07:27:37 AM

Payback...

A shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar.
After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively. "Would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"

Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.
She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a journalist and I've got an assignment to study how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds by jumping to his feet and shouting "What do you mean $200?"

 

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 24, 2016, 07:59:29 AM
From the size and shape of the containers, I think Pringles original intention was to make tennis balls.
.... but on the day the rubber was supposed to show up, a truckload of potatoes came.
Pringles is a laid-back company, so they just said, "Ah, stuff it, just cut em up and package them!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 24, 2016, 11:41:11 AM
English is a weird language..


Take the 'gh' in 'cough' ... pronounced 'F'

Take the 'o' in 'Women' ... pronounced 'I'

how about the 'ti' in 'nation'... pronounced 'SH'


Therefore, the word 'FISH' can be spelled as 'GHOTI'

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/ghoti_zpsadugj8zj.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 24, 2016, 08:59:06 PM
I heard about this underground pub that is full of blondes.

The locals call it a whine cellar.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 24, 2016, 10:41:40 PM
I had an Indian pest caller tonight, after 7 pm. On a Sunday night. I hung up on him when he started his spiel.
He got shiddy at me and called me back 3 times until I blocked his number.
Caller id displayed an Aussie number, which I looked up on reverse phone ID. It is a ‘legit’ telemarketer company.

I called the number from my phone (which is private listed),  and some idiot answered, so I hung up on him.

It's a LIVE ONE!

Anyhow... I went hunting on the internet, and found a dirty little VOIP dialler trial program.
Pity it only works as a demo for 24 hours.

What happens is... I entered the phone number... It dials that number and hangs up after one ring
about every 40 seconds. As it is not picked up, there are no charges, and as call duration is minimal
(less than a second) even if it IS picked up, there are no charges with this pirate demo program.
Being as it is a VOIP call, it is an extremely cheap connection fee anyway, which being part of this
trial program package is free..... and untraceable, via a Virtual Private Network.

So... since I set this program in motion, it has been constantly running now for 3 hours and 5 minutes,
dialling this company and hanging up on them every 40 seconds, and has another 20 hours and 55 minutes
to go before it’s trial period expires.
I have so far Tele-bombed the telemarketing company with 277 untraceable calls, with a further
1,932 pending before the trial expires.

 Karma ??   :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Brock on January 24, 2016, 11:02:08 PM
its probably ringing at a different desk every time.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 24, 2016, 11:14:20 PM
 :grin

Just looked into the setup of this program... it now rings at double the rate, once every 20 seconds... so they have almost 4000 calls to look fwd to for today.

Program and free VPN accessibility will terminate around 7.30 PM tomorrow evening. 
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 25, 2016, 06:34:31 AM
Ex - Grime Minister Phoney Rabbit wants another crack at Politics.

Who does he think he is ... Kevin Rudd?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 25, 2016, 08:08:34 AM
List of BBC April Fools Day hoaxes.

 Everything from Dutch Elm Disease, Swiss Spaghetti harvest, to Flying Penguins...

http://hoaxes.org/af_database/display/category/bbc (http://hoaxes.org/af_database/display/category/bbc)

 :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Shiney on January 25, 2016, 09:45:17 AM
They were awesome, thanks for sharing :grin

Sent from my SM-N9005 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 25, 2016, 06:40:53 PM
:grin

Just looked into the setup of this program... it now rings at double the rate, once every 20 seconds... so they have almost 4000 calls to look fwd to for today.

Program and free VPN accessibility will terminate around 7.30 PM tomorrow evening.

Just received an email from the provider of this service, stating that there is only one hour left of the free trial, and asking if I would like to register and pay for the full program.

No thanks!, but thanks for the opportunity to turn the books.

I have declined their offer, as I think I have made my point with this particular telemarketer boiler room service.

I wonder how they feel, copping continuous phone calls all day, like they expect us to tolerate? Must have driven them nuts!
 :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 25, 2016, 10:14:41 PM
Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
Cowboy: "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."
When you are almost seventy, who gives a damn?
***********

Some asshole looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said, "Is that Corona or Bud?"
I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out."
When you are almost seventy, who gives a damn?
***********

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.  She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
When you are almost seventy, who gives a damn?
***********

I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
When you are almost seventy, who gives a damn?
***********

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
When you are almost seventy, who gives a damn?
***********

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said, "Great legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so."
I said, "Definitely!  Most tables would have collapsed by now."
When you are almost seventy, who gives a damn?
***********
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 25, 2016, 10:42:36 PM
April fools day is approaching...




Many years ago, I taped a cheap mouth organ out of sight under a friends bumper with gaffer tape. As he drove off, it started howling...
He stopped several times as he left my home, trying to work out what the hell the noise was...

 :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 26, 2016, 04:45:05 AM
A man and his pet Koala walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, and they're ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts.
As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: "Last call." So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my Koala buddy."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the Koala falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: "Hey mate, you can't just leave THAT lyin' there?"
To which the man replies: "It's not a lion, that's a Koala!"

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 26, 2016, 04:51:45 AM
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a kangaroo sitting next to him in the dark.
"Are you a kangaroo?" asked the man, surprised.
"Well, no!...  actually, I'm a wallaby"
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The wallaby replied, "I liked the book so much that I decided to watch it at the theatre!"

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 27, 2016, 01:40:29 AM
The main difference between American soldiers, and French soldiers military equipment.

The Americans wear combat boots.
The French wear track shoes...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 27, 2016, 01:46:56 AM
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident.
They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived.
Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes.
Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.
"Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then
the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us
and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $100, we could return to the earth."
He continued, " So of course, I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $100, and the next thing I knew I was back here."
"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"
"Last I saw them," replied the American, "The Scot was haggling over the price, and the Canadian was waiting for a government grant to pay for his."

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 27, 2016, 01:51:48 AM
Q.  Name the Worlds best known Jewish cook?





A.   Hitler!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 27, 2016, 01:59:49 AM
Four Indian Chiefs went into a restaurant for a bite.   
The maitre d' asked,  "Do you have a reservation?"         
One Indian chief answered, "Certainly.   In Arizona!"


A tourist stopped off at a small railroad station where, sitting by the side of the tracks, there were Indians selling their wares. 
The tourist saw a blanket he liked very much, and was told that the price was a hundred dollars.  The tourist offered fifty. 
The Indian said, "Price is one hundred.  Bargains like Manhattan you no get anymore!"


An Indian came to New York for the first time and checked into a hotel.  Tired from a long bus ride, he went right to his room.   
On the bed was a blanket. 
The Indian picked it up and walked down to the lobby.  Putting the blanket on the check-in-counter, he told the clerk,
"Last man in room leave overcoat behind!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on January 27, 2016, 10:10:35 AM
Possibly not your best Early Morning, Kev.  A mixed bag there.     Wot thuh

I'll pay the $100 donation gag.     :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on January 27, 2016, 12:46:16 PM
This is what we have to look forward to ~~

Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel;

I desperately gave myself a personal T.S.A. pat down....

I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets.

A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car.

Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.

My wife has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.

My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them.

Her theory is that the car will be stolen.

As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion.

Her theory was right.

The parking lot was empty.

I immediately called the police.

I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered;  (I always call her "honey" in times like these.)

I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen."

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard her voice.

"Are you kidding' me", she barked,  "I dropped you off"...!!!

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said,  "Well, come and get me."

She retorted,  "I will, as soon as I convince this cop I didn't steal your car."

Yep, it's the golden years...

I find the only thing golden is our urine!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on January 27, 2016, 12:50:18 PM
What Starts with F and ends with K   

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked,'Harry, what's your problem?'   

Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. 

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.

The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test..

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'

Harry: '9.'

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'

Harry: '36.'   

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal,   'Let me ask him some questions.'

The principal and Harry both agreed.   

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'   

Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: 'Pockets.'   

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'

Harry: 'Pants.'   

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'
 
Harry:   'Coconut.'   

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks:   'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer,

Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

Harry: 'Shake hands.'

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'
Harry: 'Firetruck.'   

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 
'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong...... !
 
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 27, 2016, 03:03:36 PM
 :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Bloodman on January 27, 2016, 03:07:23 PM
 :clap :thumbsup :rofl :crackup

 :blu13left
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 27, 2016, 05:28:05 PM
SAY NO MORE!!!!!!

 
 
 
https://www.youtube.com/embed/tzgRw6V252s (https://www.youtube.com/embed/tzgRw6V252s)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: richo on January 27, 2016, 06:13:08 PM
 :rofl  :crackup :crackup.  Well done
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 27, 2016, 08:01:42 PM
] (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Yeah%20yeah_zpsdhnwz0qi.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 27, 2016, 08:03:40 PM
INCOMING!


 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/hover_zpsyfnfd4zx.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 28, 2016, 03:23:24 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/wf_zpspytkaj2d.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 28, 2016, 03:32:07 AM
Three bulls are standing around overlooking a field full of cows when they overhear the farmer tell one of the cowhands to get the trailer ready to pick up a new bull.
The old bull snorts and says, "I'm a tellin' ya what, there ain't but fifty cows here that are mine and if'n that new bull thinks he's a gettin' any of my cows, well, he's got another think comin'."
The second bull says, "There ain't but 30 cows here that are mine and that new bull sure ain't get any of my cows."
The young bull says, "There ain't but 10 cows here that even know me, but I sure ain't lettin' that new bull have any of 'em."

A few hours later a tractor trailer arrives and the bulls listen as the air brakes let out a whoosh, then the trailer doors open and and the gate lowers what has to be the biggest, meanest, orneriest looking brahma bull they've ever seen. Great big hump on his back, huge horns, froth dripping from his jowls as he stamps and paws at the ground.
The old bull says, "Ya know, I've been thinkin, it's mighty selfish of me to keep all them cows for myself, I might just part with a few of 'em to be neighborly."
The second bull says, "Ya know, I'm thinkin the same thing, no need for me to keep all thirty of them cows to myself, gets to be a mite tiresome."
The young bull lets out a huge snort and starts stamping and pawin' at the ground, raisin' a huge ruckus.
The old bull says, "Woo boy, what's a matter with you? Don't you know that new bull will kill you?"
The young bull says, "I'm just makin' damn sure that he knows that I'm a bull..."

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 28, 2016, 03:36:02 AM
....I heard that Elton John is waiting for Elizabeth II to die, so that HE can become Britains' oldest Queen..
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 28, 2016, 10:49:09 AM
That new Muslim sales clerk that Essendon hired for their memorabilia sales department is weird.
 
Every time a customer asks for a Bomber jacket, he grins evilly, and asks if they can drive a truck?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 28, 2016, 09:53:16 PM
Paddy is shocked at finding out from the Vet that all his cows are suffering from 'Bluetongue.'
"Bejabbers," he murmurs, "I didn't even know they had mobile phones."
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 28, 2016, 09:58:12 PM
"O'Halloran," asked the pharmacist, "Did that mudpack that I gave to Maureen improve her appearance?"
 
"That it surely did!", replied O'Halloran, "...But it keeps fallin' off!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 29, 2016, 09:00:37 AM
A guy asked me.."D'yer reckon Federer will win the open?"

I replied.. "Dunno... I don't follow Golf..."
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 30, 2016, 05:23:54 PM
Was digging thru an old photo album, and found this... circa 1975, 40 years ago
I was skydiving into the Gatton Showgrounds, to the left and up (northwest) of the golf course. I forget what the occasion was?
From memory, jump was from 11,000 ft, I think I took photo from around 7,000 ft?

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/1975_zpso6c9hptu.jpg)

Present day google earth image

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/current_zpssjxd0tfb.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 30, 2016, 05:48:59 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/oops_zpsxbifwfvi.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 30, 2016, 08:01:09 PM
8 pm munchies.

NOMS!

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/8%20pm%20munchies_zpsackdztip.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 30, 2016, 08:23:32 PM
Street art... sort of...
Snow scrapings... clever!

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/snow_zpsbmqeydxa.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on January 30, 2016, 11:55:38 PM
The psychiatrist was holding a group consultation with three young mothers and their small children.
"You all have obsessions," he told them.

To the first one, he said, "Your obsession is eating. Why,... you've even named your daughter Candy."

The second, he said, was obsessed by money. "Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

At this point, the third mother arose and, taking her little boy by the hand, whispered,
"Let's go, Schlong, and we should get home before your brothers, Dick and Peter, finish school."

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 02, 2016, 02:52:45 AM
A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam.
He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a
dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death.

One smart ass male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?",
and the whole classroom burst into laughter.

After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said,
"Not an excuse, ... you can write with your other hand."

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 02, 2016, 03:08:45 AM
Little Johnny was walking from the farm to the school bus one morning, when he began kicking farm animals.
First he kicked a pig. Then he kicked a chicken. Lastly he kicked a cow.
His mother,watching from the kitchen window decided she would handle the situation after he returned from school.
When he came home from school, his mother confronted him and said...
"I saw you this morning, kicking those farm animals. Since you kicked the pig you get no pork products for a week.
As you kicked a chicken, you get no eggs for a week. Because you kicked the cow, you get no beef products for a week.
Now go wait for your father and tell him what you have done. "

When his father got home from a long day of hard work he was in a foul mood.
The cat ran under his feet, so he booted it out of the way.
Johnny looked to his mother, grinned, and asked  " You gonna tell him, or will I?"


Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 02, 2016, 05:14:41 AM
Puzzling... ??

Why is it that four bags of groceries at the beginning of the week, requires 8 bags at the end of the week just to get rid of the groceries packaging?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: WendyL on February 02, 2016, 09:23:06 AM
Puzzling... ??

Why is it that four bags of groceries at the beginning of the week, requires 8 bags at the end of the week just to get rid of the groceries packaging?

You're buying the wrong groceries.  8-10 bags on shopping day, only 1-2 bags in rubbish/packaging in our household
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 02, 2016, 12:27:52 PM
Druggy Hoon driver in Geelong claims its bad medicine to be locked up for 2 weeks for drug-driving.
 
(Sings)... “Just a Hoon full of ‘Sugar’ makes the medicine go down.....”
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 02, 2016, 05:06:32 PM
Some email idiot offered me a business proposition today, so in return I offered him shares in a kangaroo milk dairy...

 :rofl :p
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on February 02, 2016, 08:23:50 PM
An oldie, but still funny ...

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?"

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs.  In her 20s, a woman's are like melons, round and firm.  In her 30s, 40s and 50's they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.  After 60, they are like onions."

"Onions?"

"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said,  "Mum, how many kinds of "willies" are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well, dear, a man  goes through three phases.  In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.  In his 30s, 40s and 50's it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.  After his 60s, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yes.  The tree is dead, and the balls are just for decoration."
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 02, 2016, 08:27:11 PM
 :grin :thumb
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 02, 2016, 09:11:11 PM
Disturbed fellow was talking with a Psychiatrist
.... he lamented "You have to help me, Doc!... all I ever think about is sex!"

The Doc replied "You are very disturbed!... You better get a grip on yourself!"

"Oh, I DO!" he replied ".... during morning and afternoon smoko, in my lunch break, and driving to and from work on the highway!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 03, 2016, 06:00:08 AM
Speaking of old jokes... :grin

A midget cowboy suffered continuous terrible pain in the groin, and consulted the Doc.
The Doc said "Drop you trousers and hop up on the bench"
He complied, and the Doc examined the area.
"AHAAAAAA!" he exclaimed.
He grabbed some surgical scissors and 'snip! snip!' left side, then 'snip! snip!' right side.
The midget asked "What did you do?... I didn't feel a thing, and the pain has GONE!"
"Its OK," said the Doc  "I just cut 2 inches off the top of your cowboy boots!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 03, 2016, 06:22:15 AM
A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool.
The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?"
The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles."
The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next,
and so on, until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served.
Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking.
"You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have."
The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?"
The man quickly replies, "About a dollar fifty."

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on February 03, 2016, 07:17:34 AM
These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court" and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
 
 
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
  _______________________________
 
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
  ____________________________________
 
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
  ____________________________________
 
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
  _____________________________________
 
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________                   
 
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget?  Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
______________________________________
 
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________   
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, very close to your IQ.
_________________________________________
 
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
 
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
_________________________________________
 
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I need a different attorney.  Can I get a new attorney?
_________________________________________
 
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
_________________________________________
 
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
  _____________________________________                         
 
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
 
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
 
_________________________________________
 
ATTORNEY: ALL of your responses MUST be oral, OK?  What school did you attend?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________
 
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
_________________________________________
 
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
 
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 03, 2016, 07:21:46 AM
 :rofl  some gooduns in there  :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 03, 2016, 07:22:50 AM
oops!

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/oops_zpsvccnaixn.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Philbo on February 03, 2016, 09:54:39 AM
Two ladies were chatting over the front fence when one's husband arrives with a bunch of flowers.
"Looks like I'll be on my back with my legs in the air tonight" says the wife.
"What" says her friend "Don't you have a vase?"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 03, 2016, 11:31:45 AM
 :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 03, 2016, 11:33:48 AM
Definition of the Aged Pension.

When you have too much of the month left over, after the money runs out.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 03, 2016, 11:40:41 AM
"Johnny," says the teacher, "what's the first thing your father does in the morning?"

"He takes a crap, sir," says Johnny.

"Oh," says the teacher, "and what does your father do for a living?"

"He's a bricklayer," says Johnny.

The teacher thinks, hmm, working class, what else can you expect?

"Bobby," says the teacher, "what's the first thing your father does in the morning?"

"He takes a crap, sir," says Bobby.

"Hmm," says the teacher, "and what does your father do for a living?"

"He's a joiner," says Johnny.

The teacher sees this as confirming his suspicions about the lack of linguistic skills among working class children.

"Freddy," he says. "What does your father do for a living?"

"He's a lawyer, sir" says Freddy.

"And what's the first thing your father does in the morning?"

"He reads The Times, sir," says Freddy.

"Interesting," says the teacher, "and how much time does he spend reading the paper?"

"Not long," says Freddy, "just until he's finished taking a crap."
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 03, 2016, 11:53:56 AM
An evil genie captured an Irishman and his two friends, and banished them to the desert for a week.
The genie allowed each person to bring one item for survival.

The first friend brought a canteen so he wouldn't die of thirst.

The second friend brought an umbrella to shade himself from the sun.

Patrick brought a car door, because if it got too hot he could roll the window down.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 03, 2016, 12:30:35 PM
A bloke arrived at a construction site, and approached the site manager about a job.
"What skills do you have?" asked the manager.
"I'm a Brickie" replied the guy.
"I could always use a good tradesman." said the manager.

The manager took him nearby, and pointed to another brickie who was building a wall... pick up a brick, trowel mortar on, place it, and then checked the level.

"Can you do that?" asked the manager

I can do better than that!" said the guy.

The other brickie handed him the trowel.

Immediately, he flipped the trowel over his head, spinning, and caught it by the handle behind his back.
He placed one brick on the ground, put a short scaffolding plank across it, then proceeded to apply mortar
to six bricks, which he placed side-by-side on one end of the board.
He winked at the manager, then stamped his foot hard on the other end of the board.
The six bricks launched into the air, and landed atop the wall, perfectly aligned and level.

"How's that?" he asked.

The manager replied "Pretty impressive, but I'm afraid that I cant give you a start on the job!"

"And WHY NOT?" the guy demanded.

Manager replied... "You stuff around too much!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 03, 2016, 07:07:57 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/SPARX_zpswtekwxic.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 03, 2016, 07:13:51 PM
Goosed?

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Carol_zpsqhnl8rn1.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on February 03, 2016, 08:57:57 PM
Groan!  Just when you thought you were safe from Christmas visual puns...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 03, 2016, 09:28:14 PM
Groan!  Just when you thought you were safe from Christmas visual puns...

 :grin ;-* ... and Easter is rapidly approaching...

  wait til I start rabbiting on about that!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 03, 2016, 09:36:10 PM
...of course, there was once a blonde rabbit, that washed his thing and couldn't do a hare with it?

How about the randy rabbit with the 'one night stand' policy? ... Hare today, Gone tomorrow..
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 03, 2016, 10:08:45 PM
There are many sayings that are thousands of years old, which have stood the test of time and are still used now, altho' in a totally different context.
In the stone age, when warfare consisted of throwing rocks (then called 'wizzme') at each other, warriors were advised to pitch (or 'fug' as it was then called) rough, uneven stones,  because the bounce of the missile was unpredictable and not as easily avoided, as a round, even stone.
One of these trainee warriors, named 'Wise as Owl' was the recipient of this groundbreaking lecture, altho the current version of this advice now abbreviates his name to just 'wise as'

Nowadays, this advice is often spoken as a warning between agro opponents on the streets.
The wording becomes ... "Don't fug a round wizzme, wise as!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 07, 2016, 04:53:33 PM
Well, I'm home again, just got off the bike 20 mins ago.. will put up a ride report once I have had a bit of a rest.
Have to collate all the fuel receipts and mileage data, but it was one helluva economical weekend trip.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 07, 2016, 09:11:57 PM
Can't wait for my Birthday later this year...

There's one particular woman who is always putting me down by saying "Why don't you act your age!"

This year I can reply.. "You WISH!"

(Hint!... end of next year, I will be 70..)  :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 07, 2016, 11:01:16 PM
Spotted this on the way home...


No sh*t?

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Image1_zps1xizfs9h.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on February 08, 2016, 01:04:45 AM
Spotted this on the way home...


No sh*t?

([url]http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Image1_zps1xizfs9h.jpg[/url])


No promises.  Never know what you'll find in these little off-the-beaten-path towns.     :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on February 08, 2016, 08:29:54 AM
Can't wait for my Birthday later this year...

There's one particular woman who is always putting me down by saying "Why don't you act your age!"

This year I can reply.. "You WISH!"

(Hint!... end of next year, I will be 70..)  :rofl

Hopefully you will never catch up, Big Kev, although the way I am feeling so far this year, you may just do it.

How about a 70th RTE for you next year?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on February 08, 2016, 08:31:58 AM
 
 
 
I always wondered what happened to Dennis the Menace when he got older.....
 

 
 
 
 


 
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 08, 2016, 12:43:34 PM
 :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 08, 2016, 12:55:00 PM
Do ya think that ... maybe this guy should have stayed in bed on this day?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l91Y3sDFiu0 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l91Y3sDFiu0)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on February 08, 2016, 04:09:40 PM
Do ya think that ... maybe this guy should have stayed in bed on this day?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l91Y3sDFiu0 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l91Y3sDFiu0)

Whoooa!!

How can he keep getting up?
And that car didn't stop!!
Even a professional stuntman would have trouble performing that sequence.

Still- a very odd video.  Why was the cameraman so far from his intended subjects, the woman and two children?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 09, 2016, 04:10:33 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/memo_zpsuifty4yr.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 09, 2016, 04:23:21 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/meerkats1_zpstcqnqkcv.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 09, 2016, 04:24:11 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/dead%20meat_zpshjl8cubi.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 09, 2016, 04:24:54 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/3%20stages_zpscnnbul8x.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 09, 2016, 04:25:27 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/arghh_zpspedkkghb.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on February 09, 2016, 09:43:58 AM
As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees £10 and a note in its mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please."

Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. 

He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus-stop.

The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench.

When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus.

The butcher follows, dumbstruck.

As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery.

After a while he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" bell, and then the butcher follows him off.

The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step.

He barks  repeatedly.   

No answer.

He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself - Whap! - against the door. He does this again and again.

No answer. 

So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, barks repeatedly at a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door.

Eventually, a small guy opens it and starts cursing and shouting at the dog. 

The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing?   This dog's a genius!"   

The owner responds, "Genius, my arse. It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on February 09, 2016, 09:50:01 AM
A husband went to police station to report his missing wife:

Husband: I’ve lost my wife, she went shopping yesterday and has still not come home.
 
Sergeant: What is her height ?

Husband: Oh, 5 something . . .

Sergeant:  Build?

Husband: Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant: Color of eyes?

Husband: Never noticed.

Sergeant: Color of hair?

Husband: Changes according to season.

Sergeant: What was she wearing?

Husband: Dress/suit/blue jeans -- I don’t remember exactly.

Sergeant: Did she go in a car?

Husband: yes.

Sergeant: What kind of car was it?

Husband:  A 2009 Corvette Stingray 3LT with the Z51 Performance Package, shark gray metallic paint, with the 6.2 litre V8 engine with Direct Injection generating 460 HP. It has an 8-speed paddle-shift automatic transmission, and GT bucket seats, and has a very thin scratch on the front left door……

At this point the husband started crying...

Sergeant: Don't worry sir.....We’ll find your car.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 09, 2016, 09:57:13 AM
 :rofl :rofl :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 09, 2016, 10:05:40 AM
Murphys other, little-known laws...

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear brilliant, until you hear them speak.

2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

4. A day without sunshine is kinda like, well, night.

5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

6. Those who live by the sword will probably get shot by those who don't. (NEVER bring a knife to a gunfight!)

7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, some idiot would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

10 If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

11. The good things that come to those who wait, may be the junk left behind by those who got there first.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit drinking beer in a boat all day.
      Teach him how to use the 'Net, and he wont go fishing, he will get drunk at home in front of the computer.

13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

14. God gave you toes as a device for locating furniture in the dark.

15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people, who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on February 09, 2016, 10:19:39 AM
Paddy took two stuffed dogs to the Antiques Road Show in Dublin.
"Aah!" said the presenter enthusiastically, "this is a very rare set produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers, taxidermists, who operated in London at the turn of the last century.  Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?"

"Sticks," said Paddy.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 09, 2016, 10:36:58 AM
 :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 09, 2016, 10:45:32 AM
The Beast of Turin returns to Goodwood .... Lotsa smoke and noise, and it's chain driven!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsdWgmp4TaQ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsdWgmp4TaQ)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on February 09, 2016, 10:53:48 AM
The Beast of Turin returns to Goodwood .... Lotsa smoke and noise, and it's chain driven!

and in the final zoom out shot, it's dumping oil on the pristine driveway.     :eek      :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 09, 2016, 11:26:22 AM


and in the final zoom out shot, it's dumping oil on the pristine driveway.     :eek      :grin

 ... of course!... It's British!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Philbo on February 09, 2016, 11:33:12 AM
That is just condensation from the air conditioner
Phil
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 09, 2016, 11:36:23 AM
Oh yeah... and the Pope is Irish! :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on February 09, 2016, 01:25:20 PM
Oh yeah... and the Pope is Irish! :grin

Give 'em time-  it's being shared around these days.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 09, 2016, 04:25:44 PM
Don't blink...
 

It costs $1,000 US dollars a ticket to watch this show in person in Paris.

...THIS SHOW IS FREE!

Hans Klok ...15 Grand Illusions in 5 minutes.
 
https://www.youtube.com/embed/BCJhRfwylSI?feature=player_detailpage (https://www.youtube.com/embed/BCJhRfwylSI?feature=player_detailpage)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on February 10, 2016, 06:03:45 PM
Butch the Rooster

Sarah was in the fertilized egg business.

She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
 
She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
 
This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
 
Sarah's favourite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen but, this morning she noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

To Sarah's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.    He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one.

Sarah was so proud of old Butch, she entered him in a Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Peace Prize" they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.  Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?

Vote carefully in the next election. You can't always hear the bells.
 
( If you don’t send this on, you're chicken    ……    no yolk! )
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STeveo on February 10, 2016, 06:05:49 PM
 :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 10, 2016, 06:45:01 PM
 :rofl :crackup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on February 10, 2016, 09:11:42 PM
Definitely a double-bunger winner!     :clap     :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 11, 2016, 01:28:39 AM
A knight and his men returned to their castle after a hard day of fighting.
 
"How are we faring?" asked the king.
"Sire!" replied the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies to the west."
 "What?" said the king, "I don't have any enemies to the west?"
"Oh!" said the knight, "... Well, you do now."

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 11, 2016, 01:51:24 AM
Butt enhancement, fake hair, fake nails, boob implants, botox, fake tan, 8 inch heels.....

Now, tell me again how you want a 'REAL' man?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 11, 2016, 04:24:16 AM
Auburn (Sydney) has a unique way of removing Councillors?  ... Apparently, they just Salim off.....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 11, 2016, 06:16:41 PM
...It could only happen in India... :rofl

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Image1_zpsna6wukaa.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 13, 2016, 10:17:45 AM
Monroe and his wife Martha went to the State Fair every year. Every year Monroe would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that airplane."
 And every year Martha would say, "I know, Monroe, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."
This one year Monroe and Martha went to the fair and Monroe said, "Martha, I;m 71 years old. If I don;t ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance."
Martha replied, "Monroe, that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride.
If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word, it's ten dollars."
Monroe and Martha agreed, and up they go.

The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard.
He repeated all his aerobatics again, but still not a word.

They land and the pilot turns to Monroe, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't?"
Monroe replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 13, 2016, 10:27:32 AM
A guy is sitting in a bar having a drink and sees a beautiful blonde girl across the way making eyes at him.
He goes over and says, "Excuse me, miss, may I buy you a drink?" "Sure," she says, "have a seat."
The man sits down and they get to talking.

"You know," the man says, "This is kind of a funny subject, but my wife just left me. She said I was too kinky!"
"REALLY?" the girl says, "My boyfriend just left me because I was too kinky. Do you want to go back to my place and get a little kinky?"

So they finish their drinks and leave. When they get to the girls house, she says, "Wait here I’m going to slip into something a little more kinky."
She comes out from her room wearing a leather teddy, with a whip in one hand and handcuffs in the other, but the guy
is grabbing his coat and heading for the door.

She says, "Wait a minute, I thought we were going to get kinky!"
He says, "Jesus, lady ....  I already crapped in your purse, put salt in the sugar, and screwed your dog. What more do you want me to do?"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Brock on February 13, 2016, 11:21:51 AM
 :well :well :well :well :well
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 13, 2016, 11:31:39 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Bikes/norty%20corner_zpsbfip05ve.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 13, 2016, 07:48:27 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/parrotchute_zpsoy2zk7le.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 13, 2016, 09:04:55 PM
funny....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLUuFPAJpfs (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLUuFPAJpfs)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 13, 2016, 09:22:09 PM
Two guys walking thru the African bush suddenly were confronted by a hungry lion.

One guy reached into his pack and extracted a pair of Nike runners, which he gently proceeded to put on.
The other whispered to him "You don't think you can outrun a hungry lion?"

...to which he replied "No... I just have to outrun YOU!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: StinkyPete on February 13, 2016, 09:44:52 PM
Two guys walking thru the African bush suddenly were confronted by a hungry lion.

One guy reached into his pack and extracted a pair of Nike runners, which he gently proceeded to put on.
The other whispered to him "You don't think you can outrun a hungry lion?"

...to which he replied "No... I just have to outrun YOU!"

Speaking of lions............
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: StinkyPete on February 13, 2016, 09:55:09 PM
Breathalizer Fail

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tXREbvXKeA (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tXREbvXKeA)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 13, 2016, 11:27:01 PM
 :rofl :rofl :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 14, 2016, 04:39:57 AM
A bloke was having a beer on his porch, when he heard an excited call from the park next door..

“Mark!... Mark!!.... Mark- Mark- Mark!”

“That’s odd?” he thought .. “Who is calling me?”

He walked to the fence and looked over, and there was a little rabbit being chased by a dog with a cleft palate.

“Mark!... Mark!!.... Mark- Mark- Mark!”
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 14, 2016, 12:13:14 PM
I have copped 17 spam emails so far today, from different women (??) who claim they have seen my profile on my (non-existent) FaceBook account. All are supposedly aged between 19 and 23 (I have SOCKS that are older than that!) and most provided a picture of some past supermodel, whose images are easily obtainable from the web.

Must be Valentines Day.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 14, 2016, 12:35:18 PM
Irish Para medics...

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Irish_zpso3kbof7u.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 14, 2016, 07:36:20 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/boneless_zpsqh2i2wow.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 15, 2016, 12:11:31 PM
There are three basic grades of toilet tissue available in Australia today.

They are graded as:~    Soft, Supersoft, and Whoops! - Too bloody Soft .....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Bloodman on February 15, 2016, 12:38:18 PM
Ah , But if you go to ALDI you can wipe your butt with Confidence.      :eek :crackup :rofl


 :bl11
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: StinkyPete on February 15, 2016, 12:44:06 PM
...... and still on topic, here's some information you may not wish to know.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 15, 2016, 12:46:18 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/th_streaks_zps2uzhmgqj.mp4) (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/streaks_zps2uzhmgqj.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 15, 2016, 12:49:45 PM
Why is it, that when I have a particular female visitor, my lasting week-long roll of scraper paper diminishes to 'change-me-for-a-new-roll-tomorrow'.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: NTRebel on February 15, 2016, 01:48:57 PM
Hey Kev you left out sandpaper grade that rough it makes dogs talk.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 15, 2016, 01:49:42 PM
 :rofl :rofl :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 15, 2016, 01:58:32 PM
Here's the tough stuff....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6Ca3_IY9ds (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6Ca3_IY9ds)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 15, 2016, 08:28:37 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5d0f2a4Nl_E (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5d0f2a4Nl_E)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 15, 2016, 08:33:18 PM
Our weather forecast... Passing Showers.


One day the forecaster will learn how to correctly spell 'Passing', as applied to Portland weather. ;-*

There is no letter 'a' in the word we use..
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 15, 2016, 08:40:06 PM
Doctor: I have some bad news.

Patient: What is it?

Doctor: You have only ten left to live...

Patient: Ten what? Years? Months? Days?

Doctor: Nine... eight... seven...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 16, 2016, 01:52:22 AM
A former 7-Eleven student casual worker says he was paid less than 50 cents an hour to work at a franchisee's Sydney stores.

And?????... when I started my apprenticeship, I was paid 16.5 cents per hour? - 3 pounds 6 shillings per 40 hour week..

....AND Saturday overtime was compulsory for all apprentices!


I earned more than that with my paper round as a twelve year old, for only 12 hours per week.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 16, 2016, 08:16:18 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Image2_zpsborabzjl.jpg)   :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 17, 2016, 08:51:33 AM
Hmmm ... really needs a grass catcher fitted..??

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/grasscutter_zpsoexmnxns.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Philbo on February 17, 2016, 12:03:21 PM
Even useful for the larger garden - one scythe fits all
 :grin
Phil  :wht11
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 17, 2016, 01:26:54 PM
He is really getting into the swing of it... I wonder if he is a golfer?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: NTRebel on February 17, 2016, 01:35:57 PM
No just a four legged grass muncher he wouldn't need to do anything then.
Hmmm ... really needs a grass catcher fitted..??

 ([url]http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/grasscutter_zpsoexmnxns.mp4[/url])
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STeveo on February 17, 2016, 05:35:41 PM
I have my Grandfathers one of them, but it doesn't work as well as that one. No good for those with crook backs.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 17, 2016, 06:27:51 PM
International Cricket Test outside my home.

Warm day, a light shower of rain, and it started ...... Sound on?

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/DSCF2456_zpsafpnxfqv.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 17, 2016, 06:44:09 PM
Hmmmm 5500 views in less than 3 months..... Must be a few people that can tolerate my bent humour?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: NTRebel on February 17, 2016, 07:43:44 PM
your humor ain't bent Kev just a smidgin off dead straight that's all :dred11 :dred11
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 18, 2016, 05:50:37 PM
The reason my cat is named 'Shadow'

Sunlight reflecting from parked car through window onto inside wall.
Guess who is sitting in the window?

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Dscf2457_zpsx2p8sn6i.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 18, 2016, 10:05:59 PM
Russian dash cam videos... the fastest way to learn online how to swear in a foreign language.   :grin

Panel beaters in Russia have lifetime guaranteed employment!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 20, 2016, 07:03:03 AM
7 am. The sun is up, and so am I...

Where do these ideas come from?

Was just sitting here at the keyboard when I looked at my nasal spray, and just reached for a marker pen.... and my camera..

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Dscf2463_zpsyfuowecw.jpg)

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Dscf2464_zpsn35mo7dr.jpg)

Maybe I need to go for a ride?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Gadget on February 20, 2016, 10:06:16 AM
Yep. Ride!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 20, 2016, 05:36:46 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Image1_zpsol2mvi4l.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 21, 2016, 05:35:09 PM
Yep!... that's me running... Next road trip in four weeks

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/th_Kev_zpsc1p9yvz4.mp4) (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Kev_zpsc1p9yvz4.mp4)

.. edited to get the date right for next trip to Gippsland... just a tad over 1,000 km return
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 22, 2016, 04:07:59 PM
What religious beliefs do your pets follow?

Shadow cat, (according to her vocals when it's bathtime,) is obviously a Protest-ant.

... Whereas Kittypuss is a devout Cat-lick ....

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/cat%20lick_zps0nucxvyy.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: ppopeye on February 22, 2016, 10:08:18 PM
Try this one

Fresh from my shower, I stood in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.

Instead of romantically telling me this is not true, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion: ‘If you want your breasts to grow, then take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds 3 times every day.’

Willing to try anything, I got a piece of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. ‘How long will this take?’ I asked.

‘They will grow larger over a period of years,’ my husband replies.

I stopped. ‘Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts 3 times every day will make my breasts larger over the years?’

Without missing a beat he said, ‘Worked for your bum, didn’t it?’

The idiot is still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.

Stupid, stupid man……







Sent from my iPad
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 22, 2016, 11:18:40 PM
 :rofl :grin :thumb
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: ppopeye on February 23, 2016, 10:03:12 AM
(http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160222/d5cb7ae7534a87fbdbaa1171d0d66001.jpg)


Sent from my iPad
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 23, 2016, 02:03:56 PM
 :crackup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 24, 2016, 03:26:27 PM
Still no letup for our pi pAssing showers.

At least one other member of the household is 'passed' off  :grin

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Dscf2467_zpsvpx41pms.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 24, 2016, 03:59:33 PM
No wonder she is miffed... 26 mm of rain today since 9 am, unknown how much overnight

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/Image1_zpsbilumuax.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 24, 2016, 05:00:53 PM
just reported that we have had 40 mm of rain since midnight... glub glum, sputter...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: WendyL on February 24, 2016, 06:06:34 PM
That's only an average of just over 2mm an hour, hardly anything....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 24, 2016, 06:28:39 PM
Tell that to the people responsible for the drainage in this town...

It has now registered  50 mm of rain here since midnight, and it's still sprinkling down
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 24, 2016, 09:43:53 PM
Rain has finally gone away, ceased an hour ago...  67 mm since midnight .. still muggy and 27 degrees inside, 10 degrees cooler outside.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: WendyL on February 25, 2016, 09:56:31 AM
For comparison, we've had 41mm since 2am, it's 25 degrees and muggy as hell.  Gonna be a hot, humid one today, the clouds are moving away  :|||| :H
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 25, 2016, 01:47:38 PM
Luckiest golf shot... EVER!

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/th_Most%20lucky%20golf%20shot1_zpsug0fp7t9.mp4) (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Most%20lucky%20golf%20shot1_zpsug0fp7t9.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 25, 2016, 05:27:04 PM
Was waiting at the lights as I left the supermarket about 5 minutes ago.
Teen pedestrian on the walk crossing, holding his phone near his waist as he was texting one handed, deviated slightly and walked straight into the pole supporting the crossing lights.

Goodnight Josephine! Out like a light! Has now proven to himself that he is not as bulletproof as he formerly believed.

Phone appeared to be 'cactus' as well. Expensive lesson.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 26, 2016, 10:02:58 PM
You know, I think it's only fair to throw monopoly money at strippers with fake boobs.  :p

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 26, 2016, 10:14:57 PM
If 'Dear Dorothy' had a male version...


Dear Brian,
Yesterday I borrowed my boyfriends car to run some errands. However, I only drove a couple of blocks from his house and the engine stalled.
I walked back to his home to tell him only to discover an unknown car in his driveway, and from the sounds coming from within, he was in full 'party mode' with at least 3 or 4 other women.
What should I do?
signed, Anxious.


Dear Anxious,
It sounds like the carburetor needs cleaning, possibly water in the bowl.
Its a simple matter for any mechanic and should only take a few minutes to repair.
signed, Brian
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 27, 2016, 03:41:04 AM
Useless parts of the Human Anatomy.
 
I am firmly convinced that the outer smallest toe has purely been added to the body as an ‘in the dark’ furniture detection unit.


(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/angry_zps6ykbprdd.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Wild Rose on February 27, 2016, 03:48:14 AM
Ouch  :cuss
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 27, 2016, 04:00:58 AM
I may have broken something... will see what it feels like in the morning
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Wild Rose on February 27, 2016, 07:13:05 AM
Kev
Not much you can do for a broken little toe
But I do feel sorry for you because I know it's hurts
You may not be able to get a boot on to go riding
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 27, 2016, 07:52:13 AM
Just got home from Hospital. Furniture proximity indicator has a crack in second bone from the tip. A bit painful, but can get a riding boot on.
Rode the bike to and from the hospital. (a whole four blocks away)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 28, 2016, 12:06:27 AM
Most of today have just loafed around home doing a very good impression of a spaniel, with one leg cocked in the air.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 28, 2016, 12:28:50 AM
Class is in...

I got a call to a friends house late this evening, now, he is in late 20's, so grew up with computers.
He was complaining to me that websites print their text too small for him to read, and he was squinting at the screen...

Hellooooo!... nobody ever taught him how to hold the Ctrl key down, and scroll the mouse wheel to increase/decrease onscreen detail?

I wonder how many other people out there, are unaware of this? :o Seems like a very basic item has been missed in schooling?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 28, 2016, 03:14:10 PM
A blast from the past.

Many years ago, I was part of exercise Kangaroo III, held in northern Queensland.
2 Sig Regt were setup east of Rockhampton, near Emu Park township.

I was lucky enough to get to meet some Yanks at another site, and we took great
pleasure in introducing them to our 24 hour 1 man ration packs.
They said that they were great, but then asked what we ate for the other two meals?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 28, 2016, 04:06:17 PM
D'ya think they might be some of them there suicidal 'martoes we keep reading about?

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/martoes_zpse9vzuap2.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 29, 2016, 01:38:19 PM
For the past 7 years, a friend and I have been exchanging small items on a weekly basis via Australia Post.

Usually 3 days delivery, sometimes 4, from Portland, Victoria to  Capalaba, QLD and similar times for return.

Since their "new, overpriced and slow delivery" rates came into force, delivery times are now up to 11 days each way,
one taking 16 days, and 1 item to date that has not been seen since Jan 4th.... disappeared completely?

11 days?.. crikey... I could hand deliver it myself, sleep 24 hours, and still ride home again within 3 days?

Another friend in Townsville rang me this morning, to see if I had received a card which she posted Monday last week
 ... she was promised 4 days delivery by Post Office staff.  Not in my mailbox, yet


Fail, Australia Post, Fail... Why are we being charged Champagne rates for tap water quality service?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 29, 2016, 02:08:33 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Tallyman_zpshpl5fivh.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: NTRebel on February 29, 2016, 03:02:26 PM
Hey Kev tap water quality is 1000 times better than Australia Post quality.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 29, 2016, 04:00:40 PM
Hey Kev tap water quality is 1000 times better than Australia Post quality.

It is, now..

Another little item I play with, is a meal panel survey... the old 'tenner in an envelope' every two months.

Seems they are changing their payment policy to direct bank deposit, or PayPal, as many payments are going missing in the post.

 

It seems like Australia Post is trying to discourage people from mailing letters – they have increased the price of a stamp to $1 and lengthened the time of delivery up to a week unless you pay extra.

Also we keep getting complaints that payments go missing and we strongly suspect that they are not all stolen from letterboxes.

For these reasons we have decided to phase out mail payments eventually - all payments will be made by PayPal or direct bank deposit.

If you don’t have PayPal, please consider getting it – it’s free, safe and very handy.

Otherwise, please email me your bank details (BSB, acct no.) – this is also safe as only deposits are possible.

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 29, 2016, 05:03:10 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/ATT0001111_zpsho4ycktr.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: ppopeye on February 29, 2016, 06:29:33 PM
Getting ready for travelling.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on February 29, 2016, 06:44:44 PM
 :rofl :-++
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on March 01, 2016, 07:17:21 PM
BRILLIANT!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 01, 2016, 09:30:35 PM
Legends within their own Lifetime.

Now we all know one of these people, the ones who know all about everything, regardless if they have any experience in the subject, ... or not.
One of these legends lives right here in Portland.  If I mention Ship building, or Oil rigs, or steel mills, maybe open cut or underground coal mining? How about the electrical trade, commercial, industrial and / or domestic installations?   This person can speak at length on any of these subjects. Maybe I will mention the Army, or sports Skydiving?... I can openly talk about these subjects, having been there- done that..... does not phase him, he knows it all. Not bad for a guy who has lived on a disability pension for the past 28 years since when at the age of 19 he was 'injured' in a motor vehicle accident, which has prevented him from doing paid work since?

Anyway, I digress...

Today I was visiting some friends who live at Hawkesdale, a small Victorian town halfway between Warrnambool and Hamilton, about 100 Km from here. The subject of 'know-it-alls' came up, and I mimicked the 'HAW HAW!' laugh of the person mentioned in the above paragraph, at which my friend looked at me seriously, and said "Oh... you KNOW Ken A******?"

 Truly a LEGEND! .. (for the wrong reasons)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STeveo on March 01, 2016, 10:11:04 PM
For the past 7 years, a friend and I have been exchanging small items on a weekly basis via Australia Post.

Usually 3 days delivery, sometimes 4, from Portland, Victoria to  Capalaba, QLD and similar times for return.

Since their "new, overpriced and slow delivery" rates came into force, delivery times are now up to 11 days each way,
one taking 16 days, and 1 item to date that has not been seen since Jan 4th.... disappeared completely?

11 days?.. crikey... I could hand deliver it myself, sleep 24 hours, and still ride home again within 3 days?

Another friend in Townsville rang me this morning, to see if I had received a card which she posted Monday last week
 ... she was promised 4 days delivery by Post Office staff.  Not in my mailbox, yet


Fail, Australia Post, Fail... Why are we being charged Champagne rates for tap water quality service?
That's what they pay their CEO millions for.   :'(
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 02, 2016, 12:20:48 AM
The card posted Monday last week, and verbally promised with delivery within 4 days, actually appeared in my mailbox yesterday, only took 9 full days to arrive.

How did they process delivery, by trained ferret?

- edited to correct spelling error
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 02, 2016, 12:23:46 AM
A man is walking around the streets of New York one day when he spies an old friend of his from college.
"Boris!" he yells. "I haven't seen you in ages! How have you been?"
"Well," Boris replies. "I am the piccolo player for the International Orchestra."
"Spectacular!" the man replies.
"It is not what you might think, my friend. We play for the King of England, and he loves the music.
He says 'Fill the instruments with gold!' and they fill the tuba with gold and they fill the trombone with gold, and me with the goddamn piccolo."
"We play for the Queen of France, and she loves the music. She says 'Fill the instruments with silver!' and they fill the tuba with silver and they fill the trombone with silver, and me with the goddamn piccolo."
"Then we play for the czar of Russia, and he hates the music.
He says 'Shove the instruments up their ar*es!' and the tuba doesn't fit and the trombone doesn't fit.
AND ME WITH THE GODDAMN PICCOLO!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STeveo on March 02, 2016, 07:46:09 AM
 :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 02, 2016, 06:05:24 PM
             Colgate Ad

Pay close attention to each scene,  tricky Colgate has created a very ingenious advertising  campaign to promote their dental floss.
 
  But....  before I explain to you the main detail of these images, I shall  let you observe them quietly on your own.
 
  COUPLE 1  (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/ATT00010_zpsbvd6wmxz.jpg)


  COUPLE 2  (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/ATT00013_zps4gq5udxz.jpg)

 
  COUPLE 3  (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/ATT00016_zpssk7wntgr.jpg)

 
   
   
   
   
   
 
Alright.......... now that you've had  time to quietly observe the images......

*   In the first photograph, you  might have noticed that the lady has one finger too many on her  left hand.
 
*   In the second  photograph, a phantom arm is floating behind.
 
*   And in the third  photograph, the man has only one ear.
 
  The  campaign attained its purpose.
 
  It  proved that food debris on your teeth draws more attention than  any physical defect does.
   
I picked the extra arm in the second pic, but missed the other two!

How well did you do??
 
So now you know that no matter what  physical "defect" you might feel self-conscious about, just stick  a chunk of spinach
between your front teeth, and no one will notice anything else about  you!

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 02, 2016, 08:51:42 PM
The Smith's were proud of their family tradition.
Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower.
They had included Senators and Wall Street wizards.
 
They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their children and grandchildren.
They hired a fine author.
Only one problem arose -- how to handle the fact that great-uncle George had been executed in the electric chair.
The author said he could handle the story tactfully.

The book appeared. It stated, "Great-uncle George occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution,
and was attached to his position by the strongest of ties. His death came as a great shock."

Now THAT is the art of a good P.R. spindoctor.


Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 02, 2016, 10:36:10 PM
To borrow the by-line of one of our members.. "Motorcycling...The most fun you can have with your clothes on.."
This story involves the removal of said clothing.

Picture this.... a few days after Cyclone Tracy devastated Darwin... Jeff and I had left Darwin on the Sunday morning before it arrived.

Short travelling days because of the rain, found ourselves in the Alice a few days later. Jeff had never seen Ayers Rock, so about 200 km south of the Alice, we turned off the Stuart Hwy and headed west. Another couple hundred Km to the Rock. A difficult trip, as it was still raining constantly, and because the ground was just muddy sludge we had to resort to idling the bikes in gear and walk alongside them for the last 20 Km, as potholes and road ruts were invisible. When we were in close proximity to the Rock, we were astounded by the sight of waterfalls running from it. Being plastered head to foot with mud, we decided to have a shower. Didn't take long for the mud to wash off the leathers, which we then draped over the bikes, got rid of our sodden clothes, and went back under the shower. New Years Day, a Wednesday afternoon, middle of the week, what could go wrong?

About 5 minutes later, a tour bus with about 60 people on board appeared from around the corner about 50 metres away parallel to the Lungkata walk, south western side of the Rock where we were showering. :o

Stayed at a camping ground in the area for another few days until the rain eased. At least our tents were waterproof.

 
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 04, 2016, 02:36:08 AM
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

 :o
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 04, 2016, 03:40:11 AM
Todays spam emails... seems a lot of sites think I am an egg?

Have already had 5 emails today, offering to get me laid?

 :grin

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: WendyL on March 04, 2016, 09:35:50 AM
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

 :o

My theory exactly.... :cuss
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 05, 2016, 02:24:14 AM
The Elevator

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/The%20Elevator_zpsizlk7vye.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 05, 2016, 03:09:11 AM
Tarzan had finished bathing, and climbed onto the riverbank to dry himself.

A nearby elephant started giggling at the sight, and called... "How are you going to feed yourself with THAT?"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 05, 2016, 03:28:42 AM
Some vintage Benny Hill....  :p

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/marbles_zpsedcbw74a.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 05, 2016, 01:35:30 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/homer_zpsah3kztxl.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 05, 2016, 03:36:54 PM
I mentioned to a friend on Friday that I was going to Bunnings in Warrnambool Saturday.
He asked me if I could pick up a replacement HPM wireless doorbell for him.

When I got home, I sent an sms which stated "Got your ringadingathingy for you"
He wasn't at home, and his missus replied to the sms... "WTF is a ringathing?"

I replied "DING DONG!"

She then understood. :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 05, 2016, 08:10:34 PM
Todays spam mail.... worthy of a mention... or ..'The benefits of an off shore email account'

Seems like I am in deep shit, according to an email just received...

I have a ‘sppeding’(?) fine for exceeding the ‘spped’ limit by ‘17 MILES iN HOUR’ along a (unspecified) Highway east of Los Angeles last month,
and if I do NOT  pay the ‘proscribed’ amount of US$187 by PayPal within 48 hours, I will be ‘arested’ by the LA Police and taken to jail!

Well, bugger me! ... I am AMAZED that the LA Police even HAVE an African PayPal account and email address ? 
I guess I better pack my bag .... :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 06, 2016, 02:31:46 AM
Having a cleanout of the cupboard last night...

Chucked out a part packet of Weetbix from the cupboard ...

‘Use by’ date on the box was Feb 2009.... must have bought them when I moved into this flat 2 years earlier?

I guess I am not a fan of breakfast cereal.... or breakfast in general!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 06, 2016, 02:46:09 AM
 
Forget the 83 million dollar offers, the new scam deal is 150 million!
 
That’s inflation for you!
 
...  I love baiting these morons.
 
 
 
Dear Frind.

 

My Name Is Yeong Keun Hang Lee I Am Excutive Chairmans Of Bank Of China There Is The Sum Of $150 Million USD In My Bank There Were No Benaficaries Be Stated Concern These Funds Which Mean No One Ever Be Come Forward To Claim This Sum Of $150 Million USD In My Bank That Is Why I Am Asking That You Be Partner And We Work Together Is Partners So As To Have The Sum Of $150 Million USD In My Bank Transferred From My Bank In To You Account With No String Forthwith

 

 

Yeah, yeah, yeah! .... whatever.... ever heard of commas, full stops, sentences or paragraphs? When is your Kindergarten Graduation due?

... and .... Why Do You Capitalize The First Letter Of Every Word?

 

..and.... how many USD did you say it was in your bank, One Hung Lo ?? .. I didn't quite catch it... and why do you have a Russian email account?

 

Please to be stopping this scams until you IQ is be of a higher number than you shoe size.

Forthwith!

 

I know why you is wear sandals, I understand that it’s too complicated to tie shoe laces with such low intelligence.

 

Maybe you could be practice some with the string? ... and my name be not Frind.

 
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 06, 2016, 11:27:35 AM
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot".
I call my dog Sex.

Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the Council to renew the dog's license,
I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!"
Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like.
I said, "You don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old."
He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy."

When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding.
He told me to wait until after the wedding was over.
I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex."
He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church.
I told him everybody would enjoy having Sex at the wedding.
The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace.
My family was barred from the church from then on.

When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me.
When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife,
and a special room for Sex.
He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex.
I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night."
The clerk said, "Me too!"

One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away.
Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around.
I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest.
He said that I should have sold my own tickets.
"You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV."
He called me a show pony.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog.
I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married."
The Judge said, "Same here!"

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her.
A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning.
I said, "I'm looking for Sex." -- My case comes up next Thursday.

Well, now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced, and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw.
Why, just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?"
I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I can't live any longer being so lonely."
...and she said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend ...  so go get yourself a dog."

Stupid woman!

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 06, 2016, 02:15:04 PM
bizarre world records...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nv-RcyO6K4I (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nv-RcyO6K4I)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-NpZQIQ6pE (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-NpZQIQ6pE)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: DavidP on March 07, 2016, 07:34:02 AM
Love reading this thread.. just what a person needs B-)

Sent from my C6603 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 07, 2016, 07:45:32 AM
Thanks, David. :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Brock on March 07, 2016, 12:17:13 PM
Didnt know you were a rock star Murph.....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOgd9hitEAE (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOgd9hitEAE)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 07, 2016, 12:30:56 PM
 :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :crackup :crackup  My secret is out!...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 07, 2016, 05:02:45 PM
Google maps anomaly...

According to google maps, it is a three and a half hour flight from Auckland to Sydney... but the return flight is just 15 minutes  ????

Time warp? ... wheres my tin hat...

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/Image11_zpsuxkjgdmt.jpg)

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/anomaly_zpsznykc1i7.jpg)

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on March 07, 2016, 07:28:17 PM
Google maps anomaly...

According to google maps, it is a three and a half hour flight from Auckland to Sydney... but the return flight is just 15 minutes  ????

Time warp? ... wheres my tin hat...

([url]http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/Image11_zpsuxkjgdmt.jpg[/url])

([url]http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/anomaly_zpsznykc1i7.jpg[/url])


 :blu13 Maybe in a hurry to get back out of OZ lol :rofl :crackup :blu13left
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 07, 2016, 08:52:30 PM
I have decided that it is just too difficult to keep tabs on local time, interstate time,
and then there is the confusion of states who have it, or not, and a few state border towns
who break the rules don't exactly help, either.

So... I now have adopted just two standard reliable time zones which apply worldwide, regardless of what is indicated by a clock.  :grin  :thumb

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/ntdt_zpshuhpjapp.mp4)



Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 07, 2016, 09:10:47 PM
A retired Army friend of mine was attending a function one evening, when he was accosted by this cute young thing...

"How long is it since you had sex?" she inquired

He thought for awhile, then replied "ah.... 1958, I believe!"

She said "You poor thing!"... and proceeded to draw him outside to the seclusion of a dark area behind some trees.

Some time later, she said "Now, isn't that better?  You don't seem to have suffered in lack of performance after all those years tho'?"

"Years??" he replied, puzzled, looking at his watch... It's only 21.09 now?"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on March 07, 2016, 09:12:50 PM
 :rofl :crackup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 08, 2016, 10:22:16 AM
Sound advice!

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/br_zpstffozlgc.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on March 08, 2016, 10:27:57 AM
 :rofl  :crackup :crackup :-++ :-++
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 08, 2016, 10:36:01 AM
 :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 09, 2016, 12:36:39 AM
 :rofl Bill Gates wants to donate $5 million to me, (recipient)... you would think that he would
at least use a Microsoft or Windows email addy, not @qq.com (Chinese)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on March 09, 2016, 01:11:30 AM
Didnt know you were a rock star Murph.....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOgd9hitEAE (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOgd9hitEAE)

 :blu13 hahahahahaha love it :like  :blu13left
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 09, 2016, 01:54:00 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/monkeys_zpstrahaqzh.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 09, 2016, 01:56:22 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/chick%20norris_zps5kq5fdqh.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 09, 2016, 02:29:33 AM
At this hour of the morning, I get bored... anything could happen!

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/crossing_zps6ixjyn6f.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 09, 2016, 02:30:16 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/firefox_zpsjgwzvhcc.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 09, 2016, 02:31:27 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/atheism_zpsbhuvl9hj.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 09, 2016, 02:33:07 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/envelope_zpsefdxpwub.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 09, 2016, 08:16:44 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/webclick_zpshbh4zrhr.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 10, 2016, 12:27:00 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/jew_zpskjh6oyjo.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 11, 2016, 12:36:26 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/GARFIELD_zpsbriza2mk.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 11, 2016, 01:10:18 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/optout_zpsudkezi2s.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 11, 2016, 01:15:12 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Animation1_zpsgdzyuonn.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 11, 2016, 06:49:32 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/wile3_zpsle9m2pex.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 11, 2016, 06:50:42 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/scam_zps0wz8meff.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 11, 2016, 01:40:56 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/bad%20day_zps1lngbgjx.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 11, 2016, 02:00:38 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/lab1_zpsxxrrt6nv.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 11, 2016, 09:13:48 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/runner33_zpsvgudqkkz.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 11, 2016, 09:14:36 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/hedge_zpsoevl0u2z.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 11, 2016, 10:52:15 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/dh_zpsduvvl7if.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on March 11, 2016, 10:54:55 PM
 :blu13 hahahaha  :blu13left
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STeveo on March 12, 2016, 08:03:40 AM
 :thumbs
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 12, 2016, 09:23:19 PM
'Ring' tone?

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/hehehe_zps6n2ylk49.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on March 12, 2016, 10:37:51 PM
 :blu13 :thumb :grin :thumb :blu13left
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 13, 2016, 12:06:30 AM
Ambition:
 
Invite radical left Greens to a speaking event.
 
Invite radical Jihadi extremist audience.
 
Blame resulting riot on Donald Trump.

Nuke North Korea in retaliation.

Win-win-win.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on March 13, 2016, 12:13:40 AM
Hey unfair Donalds going to be U.S. President soon then lookout Isis  :Stirpot
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 13, 2016, 12:44:11 AM
More like lookout Mexicans...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Gadget on March 13, 2016, 08:39:55 AM
Lookout world!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 13, 2016, 08:47:44 AM
Be a bad day for everybody if that pompous egomaniac is voted into the White House
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: NTRebel on March 13, 2016, 09:37:56 AM
maybe that little Donny will be the first one on the plane and the biggest bomb that is dropped on ISIS after all they make a good team they are both terrorists.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on March 13, 2016, 11:05:00 AM
Lookout world!

 :blu13 My Dad used to have a good name for people who are lawyers, politicians and car salesmen, he used to call them "LIARTICIANS" NEVER KNEW WHAT HE MEANT UNTIL i WAS A LITTLE OLDER ;-* :OldMan I WOULD JUST LIKE TO SEE SOMEONE ELECTED FOR THIS COUNTRY, THAT ACTUALLY CARES ABOUT THE PEOPLE AND THE COUNTRY. NOT JUST LINING THEIR POCKETS FOR RETIREMENT...JMO.. :blu13left
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 13, 2016, 04:56:34 PM
Silliest footwear I have ever seen, ... matters not if worn on or off bike.....


(actually, they would be great on a bike, especially on twisty roads, if you are into removing toes...)


(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/not%20boots_zps0bnlzra8.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 13, 2016, 08:47:31 PM
crazy tattoo...

This little piggy went to market....

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/piggy_zps7ykjnymc.jpg)

...Maybe the result of last post on the previous page?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 15, 2016, 01:02:21 AM
STILL can't get my vac started...

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/vac1_zps03brya5r.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 15, 2016, 07:53:42 PM
Filled my bike this afternoon ready for next Friday Gippsland trip. When I went to pay for my fuel, there was a guy who had left his wallet home and couldn't pay. Servo staff insisted that he leave his car there until he returned with cash :o. Guy turned to me and asked if I had a spare helmet, and could give him a lift to home and back again. I don't have a spare, so I paid for my fuel,($25) paid his also,($63) and then followed him to his home, about 12 Km out of town.
Guy grabbed his wallet and was so grateful that he insisted that he pay for my fuel as well, rounded the figure out to a neat $100.
(He said it would have cost at least $30 for a cab, and STILL have to drive home after collecting his car..... )

Bonus! :hatwave
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Brock on March 16, 2016, 11:20:48 AM
 ++ :like :like
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on March 16, 2016, 05:57:26 PM
My, what interesting encounters you have!       ;-*
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 16, 2016, 06:03:35 PM
maybe others do not report on what they do... quiet achievers.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 16, 2016, 06:47:46 PM
Rain forecast for Melbourne on Friday... should make for an interesting ride.
I have decided to bypass the Westgate bridge. After they started roadworks today, traffic delays from western suburbs to the city were more than 2 hours for what is normally 40 mins trip.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on March 16, 2016, 06:58:09 PM
 :blu13 I visited Melbourne ONCE and that was enough for me. I'm not a city person.  :blu13left
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: NTRebel on March 16, 2016, 07:09:00 PM
I was born and bred in Melbourne and I still reckon the best part of it is seeing it in the rear vision mirror as you're leaving. :nahnah :nahnah :dred11 :dred11
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 16, 2016, 08:00:40 PM
Only bypassing Melbourne on the way to Gippsland for the weekend.

Was based in Melbourne while in the Army.. thank heavens we were field force, therefore out of there on a regular basis...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 16, 2016, 11:00:29 PM
random memory... circa 1977,... maybe '78.

En route to Cape Otway from Watsonia Barracks for an Army communications exercise. As we passed through Geelong, we were horrified to see the advertised price of petrol at a servo .... over the weekend, there had been a massive fuel price increase, from 18.9 cents per litre, to 22 cents per litre! 

Imagine filling an empty ST for under $5.30 at those prices ... :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on March 16, 2016, 11:35:40 PM
random memory... circa 1977,... maybe '78.

En route to Cape Otway from Watsonia Barracks for an Army communications exercise. As we passed through Geelong, we were horrified to see the advertised price of petrol at a servo .... over the weekend, there had been a massive fuel price increase, from 18.9 cents per litre, to 22 cents per litre! 

Imagine filling an empty ST for under $5.30 at those prices ... :rofl

Yeah, BUT

You were getting $6000 per year.  So it's actually dear in proportion to income.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 17, 2016, 01:26:53 AM
Too right it was dear... and we lost 1500 of that 6000 in income tax....then there was board and quarters, etc...
It's amazing how many people think that Military income is tax free....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 17, 2016, 03:29:30 AM
I forget the actual cost for R&Q (Rations and Quarters) plus the fact that we had to 'LIVE IN' at the barracks for some courses, and didn't see our wives for maybe 2 or 3 weeks, sometimes 3 months duration for longer exercises... and on top of R&Q, we still had to pay rent for family home...
PLUS the fact that we were only issued 2 uniforms per year, and one pair of boots... we had to buy extras to have enough for daily use..

Free medical, tho... but only for ourselves, not our families.

Can sorta be roughly compared to prison life, except we didn't have free TV and  other benefits.. :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 17, 2016, 05:48:50 AM
This is Australia Post item tracking... with the efficiency of a dead battery.
 About as useful as a USB plug on a garden hose....
 
My new phone, tablet, and modem delivery from Telstra.
 
This was ordered before midday on Thursday 10 Mar
 

.......................
 
Tracking info email received midday Tue 15 Mar
 
Started
Shipping information received by Australia Post 
9:15 am Tue 15 Mar 
.........................................
 
 So, it takes 6 days for Australia Post to START processing a delivery?
...and then another 2 working days for shipping to be APPROVED
by the Post Office??
 
Tracking info email received 7pm Wed 16 Mar
 
 Processing
Shipping information approved by Australia Post 
 
 6:22am Wed 16 Mar
 
 Clicking on the link to get an estimated delivery (time / day / year? ) is hopeless, because there is no mention of where it’s posted from, or where the hell it is now, (a week after ordering) and I am off to Gippsland tomorrow morning, so if it IS delivered on Friday, I will not be here to sign for it.
MORE delays, for goods and services that I have already paid for but not received. Maybe I should just ring Telstra and cancel the deal, because the 10 day cooling-off period has almost expired without even sighting the products?
Shame, Telstra and Australia Post.  I can get packages from the USA faster (and probably cheaper) than you can deliver within the state.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on March 17, 2016, 10:29:46 AM
 :blu13 I'm hearing ya, i ordered a package on the 7th Feb (not in Oz) but a "FAST" shipping Chinese company, ask them 1 week later where my package is? they said use your tracking number. used it and since 7th of Feb shows it still sitting in a Chinese mailing centre... :well :phone :CB-- :|||| maybe next month it might arrive :fp "FAST SHIPPING"? a dead snail would be faster. these companies once they get your money, they don't care after that :-((( :-(((  :blu13left
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 17, 2016, 04:52:51 PM
Rain flurries and squalls in western Vic... and a lot more coming from the northwest.

Definitely going to be a wet day of travelling tomorrow.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 18, 2016, 03:03:09 AM
Rain set in about 11pm, only about 4 mm in the past 4 hours, but its getting heavier.

http://www.weatherzone.com.au/radar/sa/mt-gambier (http://www.weatherzone.com.au/radar/sa/mt-gambier)

Looks like I will be travelling with it all the way through, and past Melbourne in the wet. Meh!
More chaos and delays on the Westgate yesterday, so I will skirt around the northern burbs through Coburg / Doncaster /Ringwood and cut south to the Monash freeway from there. A half hour extra travelling is still better than 2+ hours boring delay sitting on the Westgate in the rain.
Bike is fueled, packed, and ready to go around 8.30am Should pass through Ballarat around 11.30 and Ringwood roughly 2pm, and destination south of Drouin at 3.30 pm. 530 km trip, about an extra 30 km more than my usual route.

Minor divert on the return trip Sunday to meet jdbiker, and add some goodies to his computer :like

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Wild Rose on March 18, 2016, 03:59:29 AM
Have a good trip away Kev, A ride in the wet is better than no ride at all  :grin
It is a good idea to dodge the Melbourne traffic, not a good place to be in the wet  :cuss
Ride safe  :thumbsup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 18, 2016, 04:21:23 AM
Always, mate  ;-* :thumb
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 18, 2016, 04:34:57 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/SPARX_zpsrnqu3qgj.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 18, 2016, 06:41:36 AM
..and the rain is still coming down... 14 mm since 3am
has swung around and now coming from the southwest, so temp has dropped quite a bit. Now 13 outside after 28 yesterday

Good thing that the ST is such a dry bike to travel on, especially with the taller screen  :grin

THIS is what I am riding into...

http://www.weatherzone.com.au/radar/vic/melbourne/128km (http://www.weatherzone.com.au/radar/vic/melbourne/128km)

Will be on the road in 45 mins. Just treated visor and screen with Rainex, should improve visibility.

Ride report will be posted Sunday night after I return home.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on March 18, 2016, 06:49:18 AM
Take it easy and be safe, car drivers travel faster in the rain😣

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 18, 2016, 06:52:27 AM
No worries, Rob  :thumb
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Jdbiker on March 18, 2016, 08:15:17 AM
Ride safe Kev, will be on the lookout for you as I travel around Melbourne on work. See you Sunday.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Jdbiker on March 20, 2016, 11:57:04 AM
Test
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 20, 2016, 06:16:46 PM
Home safe at 5.45 pm, ride report later.
Many thanks to Jdbiker and wife for hospitality and coffees.  :thumb

NOW Jd knows how to post pix :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 21, 2016, 01:48:54 PM
All revved up...

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Revved_zps3abmrutl.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 21, 2016, 03:37:21 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Animation23118_zpsbne2pnky.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 21, 2016, 05:07:28 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Animation11143a_zps7n2lhmze.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 21, 2016, 05:51:08 PM
Seatbelts?... anyone?....

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/seatbelts_zpsfte0gmf1.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 22, 2016, 11:16:41 AM
Clever paint job / advertising

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/clever%20paint_zpscdc5fwge.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 22, 2016, 11:37:24 AM
The REAL story behind long-life batteries

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/battery-mouse_zpsfcz6awjp.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 22, 2016, 01:05:21 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/dog%20gone_zpspqpdrxyn.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 22, 2016, 09:20:25 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/106270_zpsawtjms16.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 22, 2016, 09:23:32 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/chinesewickedwok05_1_zps8z3dwtzk.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 22, 2016, 09:27:56 PM
over-engineering?

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/jackass_zpsgnw6acxa.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 23, 2016, 09:47:59 AM
Celebrating Xmas on Death Row

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Xmas%20on%20the%20green%20mile_zpshhvhazts.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 23, 2016, 02:59:58 PM
If you ever decide to have a 'Weeding', forget Bunnings, and take a 3 hour flight from Houston to Nicaragua, and book in to the Vistamar Hotel.....

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/weedings_zpshtfcqjnj.jpg)

 :rofl :crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 24, 2016, 09:41:39 AM
A friend just dropped in, garbling something about football, and this player and that player, yada yada yada....

Waste of my time, but I politely listened....


My total knowledge of the sport is restricted to:~

1) There's an Adelaide team called the Crows.
2) Collingwood are called Magpies?
3) Some other team is called the Tigers.
4) Geelong has its Cats.
5) There's a Perth team too, but I don't know their name.

 :o
 
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STeveo on March 24, 2016, 09:56:07 AM
Then you know more than me, Kev.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: WendyL on March 24, 2016, 10:07:54 AM
I've attended a total of 2 AFL games in my life.  I was lucky enough to accompany a young man and his family on a Make A Wish trip.  Being a Tiwi Islander, with their passion for footy, he wanted a footy weekend in Melbourne.  We got to go to the Anzac Day match between Collingwood and Essendon at the MCG.  More people in the crowd than the entire population of Darwin, certainly an eye opener!
Next evening we went to the then Telstra Dome to watch Western Bulldogs and West Coast Eagles, including a visit to the change rooms before the game.

Other than that one weekend 8 years ago, I've managed to totally avoid the game....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 25, 2016, 02:25:39 AM

I was prepared to have a weekend of solitude as usual, but a local Family with 3 young boys (5,3 and 14 months old) have invited me to their home to share a meal on Sunday.

May you all have a Happy Easter with family and friends, and safe travelling if you are on the roads.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Gadget on March 25, 2016, 04:04:05 AM
You too Kev. Have a great Easter.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 25, 2016, 06:37:04 AM
Thanks, Gary
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Jdbiker on March 25, 2016, 09:05:42 AM
Happy Easter Kev :hatwave
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on March 25, 2016, 09:08:24 AM
Happy Easter all, have a safe weekend

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 25, 2016, 09:35:41 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/cid_003601c7753f945953a06401a8c0websterqueen_zps3uum7syn.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on March 25, 2016, 09:39:07 AM
Eggactly

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 25, 2016, 01:42:45 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/cid_003001c7753f945953a06401a8c0websterqueen_zpsfab8kurd.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on March 25, 2016, 02:57:07 PM
([url]http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/cid_003001c7753f945953a06401a8c0websterqueen_zpsfab8kurd.jpg[/url])


Ah!  A conflict of philosophies!!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 25, 2016, 03:37:53 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/cid_003801c7753f945953a06401a8c0websterqueen_zps3tcrbyzo.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 25, 2016, 03:38:38 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/cid_002e01c7753f9456e2a06401a8c0websterqueen_zpsqrxugzoh.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 26, 2016, 02:35:27 PM
Doctor advised a male patient on Viagra not to take iron supplements, as it may cause him to spin around and point north....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 26, 2016, 02:38:57 PM
Joan, the town gossip and supervisor of the town's morals, publicly accused George of being an alcoholic, because she saw his pickup parked outside the Pub all afternoon.

George just stared at her for a moment, but said nothing.

Later that evening, he parked his ute in front of her house, and left it there all weekend.

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 26, 2016, 02:42:11 PM
When you have to replace your drivers licence and a new photo is required, make sure you are drunk.


When you are pulled over by the Law, they will think that you always look that way... :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 26, 2016, 02:52:22 PM
What is the difference between a cheap hooker and an elephant?


One will pull stunts for peanuts, and the other lives in a zoo.

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on March 26, 2016, 02:53:27 PM
True story lol

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 26, 2016, 02:57:28 PM
A man died and went to Hell. The devil greeted him,
"You may choose which room you wish to enter. Whichever you choose, the person in that room will switch with you.
They’ll go to heaven, and you’ll take over until somebody switches with you. So go on, pick a room."
 
The devil leads him to the first room where someone is tied to a wall and is being whipped.
 
The second room has someone being burned by a torch.
 
The third had a man being orally 'serviced' by a naked woman.
 
"I choose this room!" the man said.
 
 
"Very well," the devil says. He walked up to the woman and tapped her on the shoulder.
 
"You can go now..... I’ve found your replacement."
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Bloodman on March 26, 2016, 06:05:12 PM
 :eek :eek :well :spank :

Go straight to the naughty corner

 :blu13
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 26, 2016, 06:12:47 PM
 :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 26, 2016, 06:16:55 PM
A quiet Friday at home for me, just a couple visitors and phone calls, no traffic outside.

Today has been a madhouse, half the main street blocked off for Farmers Market, supermarket filled and no parking for several blocks. One would think they had been closed for a week, not a day

Had one enterprising soul who parked a 4x4 with a huge boat on a trailer right across the driveway, and impossible to get the bike out. When I spoke to the driver, he said he was 'just waiting for his wife to come out from the supermarket' What was she doing? buying the whole bloody store? I had been waiting over 90 minutes to get out. Likewise the tenant in the next flat.

 I suggested to the driver that he move his vehicle, or the police would be called, because he was illegally parked.
He got really uppity, and stepped from the 4x4 ready to start swinging, but I was already on the mobile by then talking with the police. The guy cracked it, jumped into his vehicle and almost rammed a car which was leaving the supermarket.
Happy Easter, you pig-ignorant, arrogant a*sole.
Passed on the rego details to the uniformed ones.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on March 26, 2016, 06:23:10 PM
4x4 drivers think they own the Bush. AND the streets

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Shiney on March 26, 2016, 10:51:17 PM
Very well handled Kev :thumbsup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 27, 2016, 12:09:51 AM
Easter bonus!

Seems even the spammers take a break... for the past few days I haven't won any lotteries, or had any megadollar  job offers, no cheap Viagra from 'CandianPharmcy' or emails from the FBI regarding my 'UN Payments from Nigeria' which is in boxes held at various airports in the US. (Awaiting clearance fees, of course)

Maybe every weekend should be a 4 day holiday affair worldwide?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 27, 2016, 05:33:32 AM
A woman gets home, whirls her car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of her lungs,
 "Honey, pack your bags!...  I won the lottery!"

The husband says, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"

The wife yells back, "It doesn't matter, suit yourself....just get the hell out before tonight!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on March 27, 2016, 06:07:01 AM
Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 p.m. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10 p.m. news was coming on.

The news crew was covering the story of a man preparing to jump off the ledge of a large building. The blonde looked at Bob and said, “Do you think he'll jump?”

Bob said, “You know, I bet he'll jump.”

The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won't.”

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, “You're on!” Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob. “Fair's fair. Here's your money!”

Bob replied, “I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 p.m. news, so I knew he would jump.”

The blonde replied, “I did, too, but I didn't think he'd do it again!”
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 27, 2016, 07:13:22 AM
 :rofl :rofl :rofl

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from the Gold Coast when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, 'Are you going to the Gold Coast?'

'Sure,' answered the blonde, 'do you need a lift ?'

'Not for me.. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck.. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the Gold Coast Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me ? I' ll give you $100 for your trouble.'

'I'd be happy to,' said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of the Gold Coast when he saw the blonde walking down the street holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.
With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde. 'What the heck are you doing here?' he demanded, 'I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo.'

'Yes, I know you did,' said the blonde,' but we had money left over - so now we're going to SeaWorld.'
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 27, 2016, 09:47:44 PM


(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Evolution%20of%20Long%20Distance%20Communication_zpszw0fqqoc.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 27, 2016, 11:17:47 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/bears_zps8hcrfnxq.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 27, 2016, 11:18:43 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/reese_zpsgpmx870p.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on March 27, 2016, 11:19:34 PM
Lmao

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 29, 2016, 11:27:00 AM
 

Another wing suit skydiver dies. Its unbelievable what these guys will try.

 

http://safeshare.tv/w/kLlmcNCGBk (http://safeshare.tv/w/kLlmcNCGBk)

 

A sad ending but a must see.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 29, 2016, 11:38:04 AM
The woman applying for a job in a lemon orchard in country Queensland, seemed to be far too qualified for the job; given her arts and education degrees from Melbourne University and her job as a social worker and a teacher at the local TAFE college.

The foreman frowned and said, “I have to ask you this:
"Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, I have!"
"I've been divorced three times, owned a Ford station wagon, a Leyland P76,
supported  Carlton the last 4 years, voted for Tony Abbott and bought shares in Dick Smith.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: StinkyPete on March 29, 2016, 12:05:50 PM
Another wing suit skydiver dies. Its unbelievable what these guys will try.

[url]http://safeshare.tv/w/kLlmcNCGBk[/url] ([url]http://safeshare.tv/w/kLlmcNCGBk[/url])

A sad ending but a must see.


 :eek  I can't believe that the footage has actually been published on the internet.   Is there no end to what people are prepared to watch, without thinking of the impact on families of the deceased.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 29, 2016, 12:23:17 PM


 :eek  I can't believe that the footage has actually been published on the internet.   Is there no end to what people are prepared to watch, without thinking of the impact on families of the deceased.


How about the impact on the winged suiter?  :grin  :crackup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on March 29, 2016, 12:55:33 PM

Another wing suit skydiver dies. Its unbelievable what these guys will try.

[url]http://safeshare.tv/w/kLlmcNCGBk[/url] ([url]http://safeshare.tv/w/kLlmcNCGBk[/url])

A sad ending but a must see.


Yep- messed with the wrong guy there!!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 29, 2016, 01:17:01 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/jc_zpsrbkpseqh.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Gadget on March 29, 2016, 01:35:37 PM
Another wing suit skydiver dies. Its unbelievable what these guys will try.

[url]http://safeshare.tv/w/kLlmcNCGBk[/url] ([url]http://safeshare.tv/w/kLlmcNCGBk[/url])

A sad ending but a must see.


 :eek  I can't believe that the footage has actually been published on the internet.   Is there no end to what people are prepared to watch, without thinking of the impact on families of the deceased.

Would it classify as a 'snuff movie'
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 29, 2016, 01:45:33 PM

[/quote]
Would it classify as a 'snuff movie'
[/quote]

... or just a 'Slapdown?..
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 29, 2016, 03:13:56 PM
A woman checked in at the pearly gates and asked to join her former husband, Walter Smith.
Saint Peter said, "We have five million Walter Smiths. Give us a little clue."
The woman said, "My Walter is bald and has blue eyes, and he said that if I ever slept with another man he'd turn over in his grave."
Saint Peter motioned an angel forward. "Take her to Walter the Revolving !"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 29, 2016, 03:43:23 PM
A man goes to the nursing home to visit his 84 year-old father.
While there he notices the nurse is giving his father hot chocolate and Viagra.
The man asks, "Why are you doing that? I mean, at his age what will it do for him?"
The nurse explains, "The hot chocolate will help him sleep."
The man says, "And the Viagra?"
"That prevents him from rolling out of bed in his sleep."

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: ST2UP on March 29, 2016, 05:12:24 PM
And used in a 1/4 dose it stops them peeing in their slippers...... :wink1
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 29, 2016, 05:36:04 PM
And used in a 1/4 dose it stops them peeing in their slippers...... :wink1


 :rofl :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 30, 2016, 02:35:47 AM
Of course, Viagra could also be used to ease the pain of sunburnt thighs, by keeping the blanket off ... :crackup :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 30, 2016, 12:04:53 PM
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre.

When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The man turned his head to the usher but didn't budge.

The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."

The man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.

In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.

The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?"

"Sam," the man moaned.

"Where ya from, Sam?"

With pain in his voice Sam pointed his finger in the air and replied "The balcony."
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 30, 2016, 12:34:45 PM
Looks like the spammers have ended their Easter break...  there are 26 spam emails that have arrived in the past 24 hours, 5 of which refer to my Nigerian funds, 3 from the FBI (in Taiwan) regarding my boxes of Nigerian money, 2 from "women" (???) who enjoyed looking an my non-existent Facebook profile, and at last I have started winning lotteries again (3 yesterday, and another this morning) ... and some miscellaneous ones from other lottery winners who want to share their wealth with me.

Even Bill Gates wants to give me 5 million dollars, but I think that offer is a bit sus regarding his email addy, which appears to originate in Belarus......

 Just a special note to "Fred Peters" who supposedly manages winning funds for the UK Lottery. Somehow, you are losing credibility, after I have 'won' the UK lottery several times each week for the past couple of years even tho it is only drawn on Saturday nights, and it is truly remarkable that for the entire duration of those years, the winning numbers remain the same for each and every drawing (including the supplementary number, 33) This spam is more persistent than the Russian 'CandianPharmcy' Viagra ads.(of which there are two which arrived an hour ago)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 31, 2016, 10:09:42 AM
Shortly it will become compulsory for senior citizens to carry not only their ID, but also their insurance documents, their prescription list, a compact version of their medical file, the statement declaring if they want to be resuscitated after a heart attack, stroke, etc. etc.

Consequently, a lot of paperwork will have to be carried when a senior citizen goes out the front door OR When they Travel!

Specifically for this purpose, a special "Senior USB Stick" has been developed.

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/cid__com_zpshgio38u1.jpg)

Wow! Two Bites of information. Blue Tooth technology to fit your lifestyle.
Expanded Memory can be arranged. Something to chew on.

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 31, 2016, 10:51:43 AM
Random thoughts

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now!
Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.
I don't like making plans for the day because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.
I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet...
I don't need anger management. I need people to stop irritating me!
Old age is coming at a really bad time!
When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment... now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation!
The biggest lie I tell myself is... "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."
My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance of idiots that needs working on.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.
The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes."
I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do the second week.
I've lost my mind and I'm pretty sure my wife took it!
Even duct tape can't fix stupid... but it can muffle the sound!
Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on March 31, 2016, 07:45:11 PM
... almost dark.... Neighbour has parked his Kwaka in the usual spot, and tomorrow is April fools day...


 Several weeks ago I bought a cheap harmonica...

I intend to fix it out of sight with duct tape, below his headlight.

Do you have any idea how noisy those things are at speed in the slipstream???

 :runyay
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 01, 2016, 04:00:00 AM
This 'Arial skiing' thing has me confused.....

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Kevarial_zpspkktz0rj.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 01, 2016, 07:46:37 AM
Well, harmonica prank worked a treat!... 5 minutes of merriment.
I was making coffee and watching from the kitchen window as Wazza jumped on his bike to head for work, 7.35 am, just on first light.
Past the roundabout and second gear, and the howling started!
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/rofl%202_zps833lcqvx.gif)

He stopped about 75 metres up the road and was wriggling the screen, the plastics, searching for the vibration. Got back on and continued ... and the howling started again!
Second stop he got a torch from his top bag... first of all, he checked the exhausts, then gave the bike a thorough going over.
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/e5015769_zps3mq93h9j.gif)
A couple of minutes spent squatting by the front wheel, then back in the saddle and a 'yewie', to park in front of my kitchen window.

A huge grin from him, and a thumbs up, and he continued on to work. Will hear more from him when he gets home from work later today. 

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/e5031940_zpsv2dm6fer.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 01, 2016, 09:27:29 AM
Odd shaped little pop top caravan parked across the road this morning..
Looks like a hybrid cross between a DC9 nose cone and a Toyota Van?

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/DSCF1191_zpsufxkyjlt.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STeveo on April 01, 2016, 10:28:27 AM
Well, harmonica prank worked a treat!... 5 minutes of merriment.
I was making coffee and watching from the kitchen window as Wazza jumped on his bike to head for work, 7.35 am, just on first light.
Past the roundabout and second gear, and the howling started!
([url]http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/rofl%202_zps833lcqvx.gif[/url])

He stopped about 75 metres up the road and was wriggling the screen, the plastics, searching for the vibration. Got back on and continued ... and the howling started again!
Second stop he got a torch from his top bag... first of all, he checked the exhausts, then gave the bike a thorough going over.
([url]http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/e5015769_zps3mq93h9j.gif[/url])
A couple of minutes spent squatting by the front wheel, then back in the saddle and a 'yewie', to park in front of my kitchen window.

A huge grin from him, and a thumbs up, and he continued on to work. Will hear more from him when he gets home from work later today. 

([url]http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/e5031940_zpsv2dm6fer.gif[/url])

 I'll bet you cannot wait to see what he returns to you.  :clap
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on April 01, 2016, 10:35:55 AM
Odd that he knew exactly who to blame...      :-(((
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 01, 2016, 11:14:01 AM
 :grin Didn't have to be clairvoyant, to work out who was responsible. I mean... I was standing at a lighted window, watching as he left for work... and he is well aware of my sense of humour.
Last year 1st april was a Wednesday, was having a coffee with him at 10 am when he offered some cream biscuits.
He had removed the cream filling, and replaced it with toothpaste!

 :H
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on April 01, 2016, 02:10:43 PM
Last year 1st april was a Wednesday, was having a coffee with him at 10 am when he offered some cream biscuits.
He had removed the cream filling, and replaced it with toothpaste!

So it's his turn to make your day next year.  I'd be very careful if I were you...     :crazy
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 01, 2016, 02:58:46 PM
 :grin :thumb
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 01, 2016, 03:06:50 PM
Oh, PUULEEZE!!!! .. gimmee a BREAK!   Crazy Indonesian Link has been added to my banned list...

National Lottery Commission,
101 Wigmore Street,
London W1U 1QU.


MEGA/JACKPOT

We wish to inform you of the Lottery Draw held by National Lottery Commission here in London and this draw is held monthly and tag Mega/Jackpot,and you have been awarded the lump sum of £12 000.000.00 (Twelve Million Pounds) and your email address Won the Draw and was gotten through United Kingdom Information Network Online (U.K.I.N.O) which is affiliated with the internet. so please contact your claims manager with details below and also provide him with the requested information so that he can expedite the processing on your winning payment.

Details deleted... they want to know everything, including my last bowel movement....


Kartu Indonesia Sehat (KIS) adalah tanda kepesertaan Jaminan Kesehatan Nasional (JKN) untuk memperoleh pelayanan kesehatan yang komprehensif pada fasilitas kesehatan melalui mekanisme sistem rujukan berjenjang dan atas indikasi medis*.

KIS diterbitkan oleh BPJS Kesehatan untuk seluruh peserta jaminan kesehatan termasuk penerima bantuan iuran (PBI).

Kepesertaan KIS ada 2 kelompok:

  1.  Kelompok masyarakat yang wajib mendaftar dan membayar iuran, baik membayar sendiri, ataupun berkontribusi bersama pemberi kerjanya;
  2.  Kelompok masyarakat miskin dan tidak mampu yang didaftarkan oleh pemerintah dan iurannya dibayari oleh pemerintah

*) Kartu lainnya: Kartu Eks Askes, Eks Jamkesmas, KJS, Kartu JKN BPJS Kesehatan, masih tetap berlaku sesuai ketentuan sepanjang belum diganti dengan Kartu Indonesia Sehat (KIS).
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on April 01, 2016, 06:46:25 PM
Those fabulous Jewish Comedians
You may remember the old Jewish Catskill comics
Of Vaudeville days:
Shecky Greene ,
Red Buttons ,
Totie Fields ,
Joey Bishop ,
Milton Berle ,
Jan Murray ,
Danny Kaye ,
Henny Youngman ,
Buddy Hackett ,
Sid Caesar ,
Groucho Marx,
Jackie Mason ,
Woody Allen ,
Lenny Bruce ,
George Burns ,
Allan Sherman ,
Jerry Lewis,
Carl Reiner ,
Shelley Berman ,
Gene Wilder,
George Jessel ,
Alan King,
Mel Brooks ,
Phil Silvers ,
Jack Carter ,
Rodney Dangerfield ,
Don Rickles ,
Jack Benny
Mansel Rubenstein
And so many others.
There was not one single swear word in their comedy.

Here are a few examples:
* I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
* I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years! If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!
* What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!"
* Someone stole all my credit cards but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
* We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
* My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night; Only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
* My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
* She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
* The Doctor gave a man six months to live.
The man couldn't pay his bill so the doctor gave him another six months.
* The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back."
Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"
* Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!"
Patient: "I am 60!"
Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"
* Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears."
Doctor: "Don't answer!"
* A drunk was in front of a judge.
The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking."
The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."
* Why do Jewish divorces cost so much?
They're worth it.

The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much.
The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now .

There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins.
In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school.

Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence!
A man called his mother in Florida,
"Mom, how are you?"
"Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak."
The son said, "Why are you so weak?"
She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"
The mother answered, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."

A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play.
She asks, "What part is it?"
The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband."
"The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."

Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (Sigh) "Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody."

Short summary of every Jewish holiday:
They tried to kill us. We won. Let's eat.

Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said,
"Lady, I haven't eaten in three days."
"Force yourself," she replied.

Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler will let go.
Q: Why are Jewish men circumcised?
A: Because Jewish women don't like anything that isn't 20% off.
Memories of the good ole days .
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on April 01, 2016, 07:16:48 PM
Strewth!  Who knew all those guys were Jewish!?  I guess when you've been through what that nation has, you need a sense of humour.
And those gags!  There were even a few there I hadn't heard before.    :thumbsup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: PC on April 01, 2016, 07:44:06 PM
A man goes to the nursing home to visit his 84 year-old father.
While there he notices the nurse is giving his father hot chocolate and Viagra.
The man asks, "Why are you doing that? I mean, at his age what will it do for him?"
The nurse explains, "The hot chocolate will help him sleep."
The man says, "And the Viagra?"
"That prevents him from rolling out of bed in his sleep."
c
I tried Viagra once
But  apparently I didn't swallow it quick enough and ended up with a stiff kneck
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 01, 2016, 07:50:57 PM
 :crackup :crackup :crackup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 01, 2016, 09:42:10 PM
Concerned with the high road toll involving pickup drivers, road authorities in Arkansas, Mississipi and Alabama had all pickup trucks fitted with 'black box' voice recorders at re-registration. Didn't take long for the results to come in.

In 90% of all fatalities, the last words recorded were: "Y'all hold onto my beer, boy, and watch this!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 01, 2016, 10:00:07 PM
Nigerian Scam clowns must think we came down in the last shower? By the way... email origin was Istanbul


MY NAME IS SENATOR JOHN JAMES AKPAN UDO-EDEHE, I HAVE $150 MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS DEPOSITED INCOGNITO IN A FINANCE AND SECURITY COMPANY IN EUROPE I NEED A TRUSTEE WHO WILL MANAGE THE SAID AMOUNT. I CANNOT BE DISCOVERED BY MY GOVERNMENT TO BE THE OWNER OF THE MONEY.THIS IS WHY I NEED AN EXPERT WHO WILL INVEST THIS MONEY IN BUSINESS. THE PROCEEDS THAT WILL BE MADE FROM THE INVESTMENT OF THIS FUNDS WILL BE SHARED AS PER AGREEMENT. I ALREADY HAVE A LAWYER, WHO WILL DRAFT A MEMORANDUM OF UNDERSTANDING THAT WILL PROTECT PARTIES INVOLVED IN THIS PROJECT. YOU WILL HAVE TOTAL CONTROL OF THE INVESTMENT AND ONLY HAVE TO DECLARE THE PROCEEDS PERIODICALLY FOR SHARING.

IF YOU ARE WILLING TO DO THIS WITH ME. PLEASE SEND ME A SCANNED COPY OF YOUR INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT AND ID FOR RECORD PURPOSES. PLEASE, ALSO SEND IN YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER AND ADDRESS.
(Are you sure you don't want my bank account and password as well?)

YOU CAN READ MORE ABOUT ME BY COPYING AND PASTING THE LINKS BELOW ON
YOUR BROWSER AND HIT ENTER:


WHEN I READ FROM YOU AGAIN, I SHALL THEN TELL YOU MORE DETAILS
CONCERNING THE PROJECT.
REGARDS,
SENATOR JOHN JAMES AKPAN UDO-EDEHE
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 01, 2016, 11:28:15 PM
...and they keep on coming... Easter Holiday is definitely over....

Below was the email we sent to you earlier last week (NOPE!) but we did not hear from you,I want to let you know that if you fail to respond Today/Tomorrow,We will proceed to ok your fund with immediate effect,
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM OFFICE OF MONEY GRAM.
NIGERIA REPUBLIC/ADDRESS 455
IJUNDIA ROAD  IJU LAGOS
WEB: www.moneygram.com (http://www.moneygram.com)
Contact Payment department;Dr.Joseph Obase.


After today's Federal Executive Cansul (Council?) Meeting,The ministry of Finance has approved that your fund of ONE MILLION,TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY THOUSAND($1,240,000.00) which was initial approved that western union will be paying to you $5000 us dollars on daily basis until your ($1,240,000.00) is completed ,It has come to the notice of the newly appointed Minister that western union department wanted to rip you off as a result of so much fund they are demanding from you and some of their staff were into fraudulent act

Federal Executive Consul Meeting (FEC) Has now ORDERED that your total fund ($1,240,000.00)will now be paid to you through MONEY GRAM,

Yes, we are aware that western union department requested about $150 us dollars from you for them to use and re-activate your FILE which has been dormant,Well,it has now been approved that you will only send the sum of $49 us dollars for the re-activation,The minister of finance was unhappy when he come across your payment file,He ordered that instead of the initial demand which was $150,He now ordered that you will pay only $49 us dollars for the re-activation of your fund because he does not want your fund to still be in the country without it been transferred,So I would like you to act fast and send the $49 us dollars immediately after you receive this email,Remember that this is the only way you will claim your Money without any problem,

So you are been advise to send the re-activation fee of $49 us dollars to this below information,I want to assure that once you send the fee Today,You will start receiving your $5000 us dollars daily through Money Gram by Tomorrow morning,


BELOW ARE THE PAYMENT INFORMATION TO SEND THE $49 US DOLLARS OK,PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU SPELL
THE NAME CORRECTLY TO AVOID ANY DELAY

RECEIVER NAME....FRANK MUOBAA
CITY/COUNTRY.....LAGOS-REPUBLIC NIGERIA

My Reply (from fake email addy)... Sorry!... I don't need any pocket money this week...

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 02, 2016, 01:33:02 AM
If Kim Kardashian had 3 brain cells, it would mean she was pregnant.

,,, With TWINS!

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 02, 2016, 02:14:08 AM
Tony Abbott, Julia Gillard, Malcolm Turnbull and Kevin Rudd were on a flight to Canberra.
As they were circling to land, Malcolm chuckled and says, "You know, I could throw 2 $50 bills out the window right now and make 2 people in Canberra very happy."
Tony shrugs his shoulders and said, "Well, I could throw ten $10 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy."
Julia tosses her perfectly hair-sprayed hair and said, "I could throw fifty $2 coins out the window and make fifty people happy."
Kevin rolls his eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all three of you out the bloody window and make the whole freaking country ecstatic!."
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: ppopeye on April 02, 2016, 11:00:39 AM



Sent from my iPad
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 02, 2016, 01:45:48 PM
Daylight Savings ends 3 am tomorrow in Vic, NSW, ACT, SA and Tas ... clocks back to 2 am.... that means some can sleep in tomorrow.

It also means the cats will awake me at 4 am, asking for brekkie? :well :OldMan

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/HowtoSleepEasyonDaylightSavingsTime2_zpszlaut4ty.jpg)

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/daylight%20saving_zpszjkdk7h2.jpg)

Some Pollies will claim they have been short-sheeted, of course, any excuse to drag the issue of a sour economy from the taxpayers minds before the budget is released.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 02, 2016, 02:02:27 PM
A brunette goes into a doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger, presses on her elbow, and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams, and so it goes on; everywhere she touches makes her scream with pain.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"
She says, "No, I dyed my hair. I'm naturally blonde."
"I thought so," he says. "You have a broken finger."
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 02, 2016, 02:08:12 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/ds_zpsezdixxev.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 02, 2016, 03:50:57 PM
Cop pulled over a junkie, walked to his car, saw his bloodshot eyes and said : "How high are you?"

Pothead replied "No officer, it's "Hi, how are you?"

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: alans1100 on April 02, 2016, 05:07:21 PM
Daylight Savings ends 3 am tomorrow in Vic, NSW, ACT, SA and Tas ... clocks back to 2 am.... that means some can sleep in tomorrow.


You mean I have to get out of bed at 9:30 and not 10:30.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on April 02, 2016, 05:51:13 PM
 :blu13 I'm in hospital :'(  :blu13left
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 02, 2016, 05:55:13 PM
Are you ok mate?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on April 02, 2016, 05:56:08 PM
Had a small heart attack 😔

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 02, 2016, 06:01:00 PM
OH, SHT  Rob ,, keeping you in my thoughts... rest well
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 02, 2016, 06:46:02 PM
There is a 'heads up' for members in General Discussion, where people will wish you all the best, Rob.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Shiney on April 02, 2016, 07:05:53 PM
There is a 'heads up' for members in General Discussion, where people will wish you all the best, Rob.


Here is the link:


http://ozstoc.com/index.php?topic=10729.0 (http://ozstoc.com/index.php?topic=10729.0)


Thanks Kev :thumbsup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 02, 2016, 07:32:53 PM
 :thumb
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 02, 2016, 08:36:37 PM
A woman is shopping in the local supermarket. She selects some milk, some eggs, a carton of juice, and a package of bacon.
As she unloads her items at the cash register to pay, a drunk standing behind her in line watches her place the four items on the belt and states with assurance, "You must be single."
The woman looks at the four items on the belt, and seeing nothing unusual about her selection says, "That's right. How on earth did you know?" He replied, "Because you're ugly."

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 02, 2016, 11:30:00 PM
   WE WAS BRUNG UP PROPER!!
 
"And we never had a whole Mars bar until 1993"!!!

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL WHO WERE BORN IN THE
1930's 1940's, 50's, 60's

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos.
They took aspirin, Bex, ate blue cheese, raw egg products, loads of bacon and processed meat, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes or any cancer.
 
Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles doors or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags, or in the back of a Ute.

We drank water from the garden hose, or a bubbler and certainly NOT from a bottle.

Take away food was limited to fish and chips, .... no pizza shops, McDonalds , KFC, or Subway .

Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm and didn't open on the weekends, somehow we didn't starve to death!

We shared one soft drink with four friends from one bottle, and NO ONE actually died from this.

We could collect drink bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy Toffees, Bubble Gum and some ‘crackers’ to blow up frogs with.

We ate copious biscuits, white bread and real butter and drank soft drinks with heaps of sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because......
 
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!

Out of school we would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on.

No one was out looking for us all day. And we were O.K.   We would spend hours building our go-carts out of old prams. Or fruit boxes and ball bearings and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. Our bikes had back pedal brakes, but only for as long as the chain stayed on. We built tree houses and dens and played in creek beds with matchbox cars.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo Wii , X-boxes, no video games at all, no 999 channels on SKY ,
No video/DVD  films,  No mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms.
Home phones were party lines, and if you picked up and someone was talking, you put it down again!
...and if the phone rang, and no one answered, they would call you back later!
..........WE HAD FRIENDS, and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no Lawsuits from these accidents.

Only GIRLS had pierced ears!

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

You could only buy Easter Eggs and Hot Cross Buns AT Easter time...

We were given air guns or cap guns, and catapults for our 10th birthdays.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the back door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!

The car keys never got lost, because THEY WERE LEFT IN THE IGNITION on the driveway!

Mum didn't have to go to work to help dad make ends meet! FOOTBALL and CRICKET had try outs and not everyone made the team. 
Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! Getting into the team was based on MERIT.

Sports in general were just that... SPORTS! ... The players were not on mega bucks retainers! If one was good enough to get on the local team, they STAYED with their "TEAM", and weren't traded like commodities.

Our teachers used to belt us hard with canes, straps and gym shoes, and we usually learnt to toe the line.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law! 
If we done wrong, the cops would belt us. Then when we got home, we would get a second serve from Dad!

Our parents didn't invent stupid names for their kids like 'Kiora' and 'Blade' and 'Ridge' and 'Vanilla' and ‘Lotus’

 We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL !
 
 And if you YOU are one of them!
CONGRATULATIONS!
 
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.

Can you remember these times too ? 
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 02, 2016, 11:53:30 PM
Bloke went into Maccas. A 'large' girl was rushing around behind the counter serving several people at once.
When she finally fronted the guy, she said "Sorry about the wait"
He looked at her and replied "If you are kept as busy as this, you might lose some?"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: NTRebel on April 03, 2016, 01:03:13 AM
Hey Kev some of us still do that .Them was the good old days they was.

   WE WAS BRUNG UP PROPER!!
 
"And we never had a whole Mars bar until 1993"!!!

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL WHO WERE BORN IN THE
1930's 1940's, 50's, 60's

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos.
They took aspirin, Bex, ate blue cheese, raw egg products, loads of bacon and processed meat, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes or any cancer.
 
Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles doors or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags, or in the back of a Ute.

We drank water from the garden hose, or a bubbler and certainly NOT from a bottle.

Take away food was limited to fish and chips, .... no pizza shops, McDonalds , KFC, or Subway .

Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm and didn't open on the weekends, somehow we didn't starve to death!

We shared one soft drink with four friends from one bottle, and NO ONE actually died from this.

We could collect drink bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy Toffees, Bubble Gum and some ‘crackers’ to blow up frogs with.

We ate copious biscuits, white bread and real butter and drank soft drinks with heaps of sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because......
 
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!

Out of school we would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on.

No one was out looking for us all day. And we were O.K.   We would spend hours building our go-carts out of old prams. Or fruit boxes and ball bearings and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. Our bikes had back pedal brakes, but only for as long as the chain stayed on. We built tree houses and dens and played in creek beds with matchbox cars.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo Wii , X-boxes, no video games at all, no 999 channels on SKY ,
No video/DVD  films,  No mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms.
Home phones were party lines, and if you picked up and someone was talking, you put it down again!
...and if the phone rang, and no one answered, they would call you back later!
..........WE HAD FRIENDS, and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no Lawsuits from these accidents.

Only GIRLS had pierced ears!

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

You could only buy Easter Eggs and Hot Cross Buns AT Easter time...

We were given air guns or cap guns, and catapults for our 10th birthdays.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the back door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!

The car keys never got lost, because THEY WERE LEFT IN THE IGNITION on the driveway!

Mum didn't have to go to work to help dad make ends meet! FOOTBALL and CRICKET had try outs and not everyone made the team. 
Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! Getting into the team was based on MERIT.

Sports in general were just that... SPORTS! ... The players were not on mega bucks retainers! If one was good enough to get on the local team, they STAYED with their "TEAM", and weren't traded like commodities.

Our teachers used to belt us hard with canes, straps and gym shoes, and we usually learnt to toe the line.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law! 
If we done wrong, the cops would belt us. Then when we got home, we would get a second serve from Dad!

Our parents didn't invent stupid names for their kids like 'Kiora' and 'Blade' and 'Ridge' and 'Vanilla' and ‘Lotus’

 We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL !
 
 And if you YOU are one of them!
CONGRATULATIONS!
 
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.

Can you remember these times too ? 
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 03, 2016, 04:07:59 AM
A prominent sporting star was asked for a sample of body fluid for drug testing.

He was not overly enthused to comply.

So they gave him an ultimatum.... "Your choice...urine..... or you're out!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 03, 2016, 05:24:06 AM
Guido was in jail... he received a letter from his Father.

 "Guido my son, life is hard while you are not at home. Looks like no tomatoes this year, as the ground is so hard to dig, and I am old. Love, Papa"
Guido penned a letter in return.. "Papa !. Do NOT dig in the garden !... That is where I buried the bodies and the drug money ! Love, Guido"

Two days later, Guido received another letter. "Guido my son!... The police and detectives were here yesterday, with shovels and mattocks they dug up the whole backyard but found nothing! Love, Papa"

Guido replied "Plant the tomatoes, Papa, that is the best I could do at such short notice. I should be home in two months to help with the harvest. Love, Guido"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 03, 2016, 07:30:29 AM
Jimbob done come into town looking for work, and scored a job. His new Boss said "Start on Monday, boy, but Daylight Savings starts this weekend, so make sure you are here on time at 7 am."

Jimbob asked "Whut's daylight saving?" never having heard of it in the mountains.

The Boss said "Well, on Sunday, the clocks go forward an hour, so you will have to get here an hour earlier each day."

Monday morning, Jimbob was waiting at the workshop door, on time at 7am.

Same Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Friday morning, the Boss found him asleep on the step, and woke him.

"Whut you doin' sleeping there, Boy, you should be awake and alert, ready to start work?"

"Jimbob fixed him with bleary eyes and replied "This city living don't agree with me... I wus here 7 am Monday, 6 am Tuesday, 5 am Wednesday, 4 am yesterday, and been sitting here since 3 am this morning, and you STILL don't open the door until 7 am ???... this daylight saving is the craziest thing I ever done hear!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 03, 2016, 10:15:15 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eozxuigb218 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eozxuigb218)

I bet these people need written instructions on how to breathe?  :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 03, 2016, 09:56:48 PM
Retirement has me confused...

.. the days seem so short that I wonder how the hell I even had time to GO to work?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 03, 2016, 10:14:34 PM
Update on Fridays April fool harmonica stunt...

Wazza dropped in this evening for a coffee, and recounted his thoughts at the time...
When the harmonica started howling, he stopped because he thought that the bike plastics had come adrift.
Poked and shoved, but everything seemed tight.. then he dismissed that thought because he was at too low a speed for that to be the answer. So he jumped back on and continued. The howling re-commenced, and he stopped again, thinking .. brake pads locked?.. a seized wheel bearing? Put the bike on the centre stand but the wheels turned freely.
He was then thinking Ah!... 1st April!... and Murphy was watching at the window!... got out his torch and started fishing around... Nope! nothing jammed in the exhaust?... hullo hullo?... whats this duct tape hiding under the headlight? And there it was... so he rode back to my place to give me the bird, and a thumbs up , and then rode to work laughing. Apparently, the harmonica was then fitted to a mates work van, and another person was caught out as well.

He wasn't impressed.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on April 03, 2016, 11:40:24 PM
I'm actually surprised the airflow was enough to make a sound.  When you blow in them, it's a fairly strong stream of air that flows over the reeds.
Obviously plenty loud enough to be heard inside a vehicle.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 04, 2016, 01:00:04 AM
 :thumb I held it in my hand for testing before I fitted it... it started droning around 40/45 kph and just got louder as speed increased.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Gadget on April 04, 2016, 06:28:15 AM
:thumb I held it in my hand for testing before I fitted it... it started droning around 40/45 kph and just got louder as speed increased.
The lower frequency reeds don't take as much effort.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 04, 2016, 04:52:32 PM
After riding through Melbourne in the pouring rain a couple of weeks back, and not able to see traffic in the blind spot, I fitted two small wide angle mirrors today. Visibility has now improved that I can see a car in the next lane about level with my rear tyre now, Not bad for less than $15 for the two of them.
Thanks, Repco.
Cannot grace the post with a photo, because my camera has vanished?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on April 04, 2016, 05:27:47 PM
I had previously fitted same to the Blue Beast

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 04, 2016, 06:01:52 PM
How are you feeling today, Rob?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on April 04, 2016, 06:12:22 PM
How are you feeling today, Rob?
Getting better mate 1 more artery to unclog, then all done

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 04, 2016, 06:18:04 PM
 ++ Goodonya mate, keep plugging on.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 04, 2016, 11:24:22 PM
The angry wife met her husband at the door.
There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar.
"I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning?"

"Yup!," he replied.... "Breakfast!"

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 05, 2016, 05:21:49 PM
Pinocchio was fed up with the recent complaints from his wife.
"Every time we make love, I get splinters."
So, Pinocchio went back to his maker, Gepetto the Carpenter, for advice.
"Sandpaper," said the carpenter, "that's what you need."
So, Pinocchio took some sandpaper home.
A few weeks later, the carpenter bumped into Pinocchio again.
"How are you getting along with the girls now?"
"Who needs girls?" grinned Pinocchio.

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 05, 2016, 11:26:47 PM
My goal for 2015 was to lose just 10 kilos.  Only 15 to go. :hatwave

 Ate salad for dinner!  Mostly croutons & tomatoes.  Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. And ham 
OK! OK!, .... FINE!, it was a pizza!  I ate a whole pizza!  :well

 

How to prepare Tofu: :think1

1.  Throw it in the trash.

2.  Grill some Meat.



 I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.

I don't mean to brag but......I finished my 14-day diet in 3 hours and 20 minutes. :eat

 
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.  :spank


Kids today don't know how easy they have it.  When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel. :nahnah

 
Senility has been a smooth transition for me.
 

Remember back when we were kids and every time it was over 40, they closed school?

Me neither.

 
I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented, but...
....I forgot where I was going with this? :||||


I love being over 65.   I learn something new every day.......and forget 5 other things.

 
A thief broke into my house last night......He started searching for money so I woke up and searched with him. :butt

 
My dentist told me I need a crown.  I was like:  I KNOW!  Right? o:)

 
I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.


PS:  Sunday, March 3, 2016 3 am Daylight Savings reset. 
I set my bathroom scale back 10 Kilos on Saturday night. :thumbsup

 
Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 06, 2016, 06:08:53 AM
Just recently, a blonde mental giant reported on Twitter that she was amazed to discover that her birthday fell on the same date that she was born.....


     . 'Nuff said.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 06, 2016, 06:15:34 AM
Better late than never.....

Premier Daniel Andrews will tour Victoria's drought-affected regions talking to impacted farmers and communities today and tomorrow.

The two-day tour, with Water and Climate Change Minister Lisa Neville and Agriculture Minister Jaala Pulford, will start in Ararat on Wednesday morning with the opening of an outdoor pool.

Mr Andrews will then head to Wonwondah, Longerenong and Wycheproof.

Rain is forecast for Ararat, Wonwondah, Longerenong and Wycheproof today.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 06, 2016, 09:06:00 AM
Bought jams have a recommended use-by date, unopened, usually around two years post production date.

Last night, I opened the last jar of Mums home made plum jam. Perfect!

She bottled it in January 1991..... more than 25 years ago.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 06, 2016, 12:34:43 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/rofl%202_zps833lcqvx.gif)

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/blondie_zpsmielwrcs.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 08, 2016, 01:30:53 AM
Has been a busy day yesterday.. one friend dropped in 11 am with his Laptop to be cleaned up, said it was running very slowly. An hour later, and 922 items of malware removed, and he was a happy chappie.

Another friend from Melbourne arrived at 1 pm, brought around two older PC towers to be combined and upgraded into one system. I have a recent spare motherboard here, that I will add to his bits next week.
His Lappy was a real pain, tho.... Had to return the system to original configuration by formatting and reinstalling from manufacturers backup, because windows was so corrupted by malware, worms and trojans, that it just would not boot, not even in safe mode. Took until 11.15 pm to get it up and running with all programs re-installed from scratch.... he even bought me a pkt of smokes as a thank you.
:like
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 08, 2016, 01:36:45 AM
Now its time to go and cook some dinner... ten hours without a meal, in front of a recalcitrant Lappy is more than enough for one day.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 08, 2016, 01:39:11 AM
... and a COFFEE!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 08, 2016, 02:26:29 AM
A Friend of mine has a Pup which he believes was inspired by Star Wars, because he eats cigarette butts?

Dogs name is Chewbacca....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 09, 2016, 06:03:29 AM
Hmmm????  7 pm, and its already dark outside.

I still have 4 and a half hours of leftover Daylight saved from last year.  :o

Can I use a few minutes of it now, so I don't have to walk home from the supermarket in the dark?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 10, 2016, 10:59:13 AM
Two bored miners...

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Magic_zpskjq9h3eg.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 10, 2016, 11:01:29 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Brian%20and%20Bruce_zps70a5izyy.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 10, 2016, 11:17:48 AM
Creature of habit?

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/notso%20clever%20doggie_zpsqu3ai6pn.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 10, 2016, 11:19:25 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/octofan2a_zpsjmqwys2x.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 10, 2016, 11:24:10 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/fizzer_zpsbv4zyu35.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 10, 2016, 11:40:45 AM
An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication with a small twin engine aircraft.   
A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one of the employees.


The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone and yelled   "Mayday, mayday!! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory. I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and traveling at 180 mph. Mayday, mayday!!"
 
The employee in the tower had put him on speaker phone immediately.   "Calm down, we acknowledge you and we’ll guide you down after a few questions.   The first thing is not to panic, remain calm!!".
 
He began his series of questions:
 
Tower :   " How do you know you are traveling at 18,000 feet?"
 
Aircraft:   "I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the Altimeter dial in front of me."
 
Tower:   "Okay, that’s good, remain calm. How do you know you’re traveling at 180 mph?"
 
Aircraft:   "I can see that it reads 180 mph on the Airspeed dial in front of me."
 
Tower:   Okay, this is great so far, but it’s heavily overcast, so, how do you know you're flying upside down?"


Aircraft :  “The crap in my pants is running out of my shirt collar !”
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 10, 2016, 02:31:04 PM
My Russian friend informs me that it is raining in Moscow...

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/rudolph_zpshvb8pghj.gif)

...and Rudolf the Red, knows rain, dear!

 :||||

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 10, 2016, 02:46:21 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/wwu_zpsjy9lj5j9.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 10, 2016, 03:04:15 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/yep_zpsbgnz93i6.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 10, 2016, 10:49:07 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/penguin_zpsclqm3z40.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 10, 2016, 11:29:08 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/Animation1%206_zps4ta8i82v.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 10, 2016, 11:30:39 PM
Have you ever wondered what the Canadian side of mount Rushmore looks like?

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/Rushmore_zpsh3x6jxkr.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 11, 2016, 12:14:29 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/Shadow%20Puppet_zpsotvzlths.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 11, 2016, 01:52:58 AM
So.. there were these 300 white guys chasing a black man.

No, it's not some kind of racial slur, It's called the PGA tour.


Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 11, 2016, 01:54:00 AM
Italian cats?

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/Catz_zps4fncbwz5.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 11, 2016, 01:56:59 AM
Whats your favourite coffee?

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/owls1_zpsimaej9vn.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 11, 2016, 02:47:00 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/Dancing_zpsen3a6efm.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on April 11, 2016, 06:06:00 AM
 
 

Honesty

Yup, some people can't handle the truth!

My Favourite Animal

Our teacher asked what my favourite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."

She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.

My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favourite animal.

I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.

He said they love animals very much.

I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.

I told him what happened, and he laughed, too.. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favourite live animal was.

I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal's office.

He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders."

Guess where  I am now...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on April 11, 2016, 06:07:27 AM
EFFECTIVE SUICIDE COUNSELLING!

A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a high cliff about to jump off.

A filthy tramp wandering by stopped and said, "Look, since you'll be dead in a few minutes, and it won't matter to you, how about a shag before you go?"

She screamed, "NO! Bugger off you filthy old bastard!"

He shrugged and turned away saying, "Okay, I'll just go and wait at the bottom then."

She didn't jump.........
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 11, 2016, 06:13:45 AM
 :crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 11, 2016, 06:17:13 AM
In their misguided wisdom, Telstra gave me a free wireless Samsung tablet a week ago.
Apparently its a videophone, camera, internet browser, and can accept email, etc.

After a week of prodding and poking, I can now charge it, and turn it off and on.
Even if someone rang me, I don’t know how to operate it to take the call?
As for what else it is supposedly capable of, I have no - freaking - idea?
 :o
At least after receiving my Telstra bill yesterday, I am now aware of the phone number assigned to the device.

So, I am paying $30 per month for the phone capabilities that it possesses
somewhere in its skinny guts, but dunno how to operate that function.
They can’t charge me for data usage, because I have yet to find out
how the hell to access the Internet with it?

I would probably find more practical use from a cat carry handle, or maybe even
an electric spoon, or recorded air guitar music.....

It is currently being used as a $300 flashy paperweight that is big enough for the cats sleep on.
(It's warm after charging)

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 11, 2016, 09:08:23 PM
Pretty easy to spot what inspired this guys moves...

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/My%20Moves_zpsphkg2h6m.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 13, 2016, 04:28:05 PM
Extreme Fishing... Never know what you will catch!

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Gone%20Fishing_zps8iprmhka.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on April 13, 2016, 05:39:58 PM
In their misguided wisdom, Telstra gave me a free wireless Samsung tablet a week ago.
Apparently its a videophone, camera, internet browser, and can accept email, etc.

After a week of prodding and poking, I can now charge it, and turn it off and on.
Even if someone rang me, I don’t know how to operate it to take the call?
As for what else it is supposedly capable of, I have no - freaking - idea?
 :o
At least after receiving my Telstra bill yesterday, I am now aware of the phone number assigned to the device.

 :blu13 I'll buy it :thumbs :rockon   :blu13left ;-*

So, I am paying $30 per month for the phone capabilities that it possesses
somewhere in its skinny guts, but dunno how to operate that function.
They can’t charge me for data usage, because I have yet to find out
how the hell to access the Internet with it?

I would probably find more practical use from a cat carry handle, or maybe even
an electric spoon, or recorded air guitar music.....

It is currently being used as a $300 flashy paperweight that is big enough for the cats sleep on.
(It's warm after charging)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 14, 2016, 01:33:59 AM
Latest scam call...

Pin-brained Punjabi phone call, 9.44 pm... identified as 'overseas' on caller ID

Offered me shares in a goldmine, guaranteeing 300% profit markup within two months, I led him on, asking for details which he was happy to supply for around eight minutes. When he asked me how much I could invest, I told him I have 34 cents in the bank. He got all shirty and abused ‘ME’ for wasting ‘HIS’ time and hung up ...

I loved jerking his chain ... sort of capped off a boring evening at home...

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/rofl%202_zpszpqq5jwx.gif)

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 14, 2016, 01:42:30 AM
Well!.. THAT was educational? 1.38 am (entertaining, too!)

Just had a non-reflective indigenous person walk up the street, screaming abuse over his shoulder.
He is not drunk, as he was striding vigorously, waving his arms around and shouting and hollering.

There is not another soul in sight, so my guess is drugs.

He appears so high, that he should have submitted a flight plan...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 14, 2016, 02:28:27 AM
Not enough Faith...

The bible thumping faith healers hit town, and as they set up the tent, they posted notices all over town.
Came opening, about 80 people attended. The bible thumper called
"Is there anyone here with any disability that wishes to be cured by Faith?"
One gent stepped fwd.. "And what's your name?" the healer cried.
"Oh... by dame is Vrang!"
"I see you have a cleft palate Frank!.. step up on stage behind that curtain!... is there anyone else with a disability?"
Another chap shuffled forward on crutches.
"I see that you have a broken tibia!.. and what's your name?
"Charlie" he replied
"Well Charlie, step up behind the screen with frank!"

"Now, does everybody have Faith?" he cried
The audience murmured in the affirmative.
"Then let us all pray for Charlie and Frank!"
.. and they prayed up a storm...

He called "Charlie!.. your leg has healed!... you can throw away the crutches!"
.... and the crutches were flung from behind the screen..
"Frank!.. you are healed!... say something, Frank?"

"Jarly jus faw art ober durky!!!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 14, 2016, 05:34:12 AM
Kings Cross is so quiet now, when out of towners jump into a cab and say "Take me to where the action is!" , they are invariably dumped at the gates of the SCG!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 14, 2016, 09:21:14 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/unnamed_zpsn7shp7zg.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 15, 2016, 12:48:00 AM
Interesting very short trip. (8 blocks, 15 mins, total)
Rode down to the bank 12.15 am to grab some cash, on the way spotted a car pulled over by the :law. (blow in the tube, boy!)
 Collected some cash from the hole in the wall, and headed for the all night servo for an iced coffee... Regular pastime when pension is credited to my account.
 :cop now had another 6 cars pulled over for breatho. As I pulled in at the back of the line,  :cop stepped back and waved me through.
Ten minutes later on the return trip, they were on the opposite side of the road and I again joined a line of another waiting 4 cars only to be waved through again.

The heady benefits of a small town, and they know that I don't drink.  :thumbsup   

:dred11
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 15, 2016, 02:44:07 AM
Two  cops that were manning the breatho just left.. they dropped in here for a coffee at the end of their shift  :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 15, 2016, 04:25:16 AM
Hmmm ... restless night... been trying to figure out why?

Maybe something to do with the fact I forgot to eat yesterday.

Never mind, no time like the present... chicken kebabs now in the oven, should be cooked in ten minutes.

Have some nice fresh-made mango flavoured yoghurt in the fridge as well...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 15, 2016, 04:33:52 AM
On reflection, I don't think I had a meal on Wednesday, either?

 Blame it on senility.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 15, 2016, 05:23:43 AM
Oh dear!

Seems that the FBI are investigating me about fraudulent money laundering, according to an email.
 
I didn’t realise that the FBI were based in Taiwan? (origin of the email)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 15, 2016, 06:49:31 AM
Was going to have a coffee, but no milk in the fridge... Supermarket opens in ten minutes, tho?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on April 15, 2016, 06:52:18 AM
Was going to have a coffee, but no milk in the fridge... Supermarket opens in ten minutes, tho?
Ride

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 15, 2016, 07:48:46 AM
grocery shopping done, having a coffee, nice and crisp outside, reckon I might do that, Jd  ... just have to make up my mind whether Mt Gambier or Warrnambool?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on April 15, 2016, 07:50:09 AM
grocery shopping done, having a coffee, nice and crisp outside, reckon I might do that, Jd  ... just have to make up my mind whether Mt Gambier or Warrnambool?
Mt Gambier is a nice visit

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 15, 2016, 08:03:19 AM
Thats what I was thinking... nice ride to the lakes, coffee in town, and come home via Port Macdonnel and Nelson
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on April 15, 2016, 09:16:14 AM
Building the post count quickly today, Kev- the "Saga of the Insomniac".
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 15, 2016, 12:35:55 PM
Yep, Biggles... been an interesting night/day, and a trip as well, 255k  .. was a brisk start to the day, around 11 degrees when I left for Mount Gambier...left home 8.11 am, took the A1 through Heywood to the Mount to avoid the early morning grasshoppers, and arrived at 9.20 am. Had a cruise around local shops there, not looking for anything in particular, and hot coffee in the main shopping centre about 9.35. Temp now 20 degrees... beeyootiful!
Went for a lap around the Blue Lake at 10.00, and set sail for Port Macdonnell, then Nelson on the return trip home.

Just arriving on western outskirts of Portland when I discovered I was riding a V3.. eased off and puttered in to the Bike shop for some new spark plugs. On looking at my service record, the plugs were only changed at 141,000 odometer reading. Tim quipped that they musta only just been out of warranty last week, as the odometer now reads 172,685 km. I don't know how I missed changing them at last service? ... blame senility again. Only took me a few minutes to change 4 plugs, and home again at 12.28 pm
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 15, 2016, 07:02:00 PM
Cat rules on my kitchen cabinet... click image to enlarge

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Dscf1864_zpsewwkr9od.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 15, 2016, 07:04:38 PM
ummm...  d'ya think the ticket sales might be a tad early?

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/buddy_zps41cemthf.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on April 15, 2016, 07:04:52 PM
Lol about right

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 15, 2016, 07:39:09 PM
The Australian Govt has just sourced these new handguns, and are having them shipped in by unsecured mail, hoping that they will fall into the hands of undesirables.

Gun problem solved!

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/gun._zpshiwf8ece.jpg)

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 16, 2016, 12:11:41 AM
Good thing I got a ride in yesterday morning.. has been constant medium to heavy rain for the last couple of hours.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 16, 2016, 08:17:17 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/66_zpseyarxliy.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 16, 2016, 09:20:38 AM
Just home from ALDI...

Bought a new instant boil kettle. $60. Filled with water, turned on, put my cup under the spout.
Put a spoonful of sugar and coffee in. Opened the fridge to get the milk, turned around and my cup was filling before I unscrewed the lid on the milk.
 
Instant coffee? .... You better believe it! :thumbsup :thumbsup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on April 16, 2016, 09:23:17 AM
Just home from ALDI...

Bought a new instant boil kettle. $60. Filled with water, turned on, put my cup under the spout.
Put a spoonful of sugar and coffee in. Opened the fridge to get the milk, turned around and my cup was filling before I unscrewed the lid on the milk.
 
Instant coffee? .... You better believe it! :thumbsup :thumbsup
Lots of people underestimate Aldi products

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: richo on April 16, 2016, 09:58:50 AM
For all those with a tow bar fitted who have ever wanted to take the mother in law for a ride.  I have found the perfect solution.

(http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u439/stevedonnar/Mobile%20Uploads/157ADFC0-A055-4D34-BCE6-98CA271969F9_zpsne5c322z.jpg) (http://s1067.photobucket.com/user/stevedonnar/media/Mobile%20Uploads/157ADFC0-A055-4D34-BCE6-98CA271969F9_zpsne5c322z.jpg.html)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 16, 2016, 10:04:12 AM
 :crackup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Williamson on April 16, 2016, 04:40:05 PM
([url]http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/66_zpseyarxliy.gif[/url])



Thanks Kev, I just smashed the screen on my iPhone.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 16, 2016, 04:43:17 PM
 :grin  :p
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 17, 2016, 09:53:14 AM
A Mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time frame.
Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe."
Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop." Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson&Hedges".
Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the Benson&Hedges pack:
"Extra Long King Size."
She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing.
Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.

Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words: "British Airways".
Mom took out her latest magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for the airline.

The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways."


Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on April 17, 2016, 09:55:54 AM
😮😮😮

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: richo on April 17, 2016, 10:06:33 AM
 :crackup  :rofl :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 17, 2016, 10:38:15 AM
'Morning, Rob and Richo. Anything planned for today?
I am just sitting at home at the moment, and watching movies.  Might go for a cruise around town after midday.
I was given some slabs of fresh-caught local tuna this morning, but there's way too much for me, so will drop some off to friends.  :thumbsup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 17, 2016, 10:42:45 AM
Dormitory Rules

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules, saying,
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students.
Anyone caught breaking this rule once will be fined $50."

He continued, "Anyone caught breaking this rule a second time will be fined $150.
 
Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $400.  Are there any questions?"

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 17, 2016, 10:46:19 AM
Legalizing pot in the USA can bring in billions in dollars in taxes.

If they legalize cocaine, will it bring back the Bee-Gees, and clothing from the 70's?

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 17, 2016, 10:54:14 AM
If Microsoft Was Headquartered in Alabama:

Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders

Instead of an hourglass icon, you'd get an empty beer bottle

Dialog boxes would give you the choice of "Ahh-right" or "Naw"

Instead of "Ta-Da!", the opening sound would be Dueling Banjos

New shutdown WAV file: "Y'all come back now!"

Hardware could be repaired using parts from a '77 Trans Am Firebird

Four words: Daisy Duke screen saver

Spreadsheet software would include examples to inventory the dead cars in your front yard

Flight simulator would be replaced by a Tractor pull simulator

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 17, 2016, 11:08:29 AM
Ways to Annoy Your Public Bathroom Stallmate

1. Stick your open palm under the stall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a marker pen?"

2. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

5. Drop a marble into the bowl and say, "Oh shit! My glass eye!"

6. Say, "Damn, this water is cold."

7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds, drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place, then sigh loudly.

8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"

9.  Play a well-known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks

10. Fill up a large water bottle. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"

11. Say, "Interesting, more floaters than sinkers."

12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop it under the stall wall.
      .... Then say, "Whoops. Could you kick that back over here, please?"

13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!"

14. Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: richo on April 17, 2016, 11:25:37 AM
 :crackup. This sounds like any toilet on the top of the hill during Bathurst races.   :whistle
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on April 17, 2016, 01:52:17 PM
'Morning, Rob and Richo. Anything planned for today?
I am just sitting at home at the moment, and watching movies.  Might go for a cruise around town after midday.
I was given some slabs of fresh-caught local tuna this morning, but there's way too much for me, so will drop some off to friends.  :thumbsup
Visiting crocman at Victoria point

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 17, 2016, 06:32:32 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/duct%20tape_zpsbtfildef.jpg)

 :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 17, 2016, 06:54:54 PM
Historical Photo I took in Ballarat in late 2007

Just look at how deep the water is in the background!

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/lake%20wendouree%20ballarat_zps9cr9xhsj.jpg)

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/lw_zpsu76xn1fr.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on April 17, 2016, 08:44:28 PM
Just shows how shallow Lake Wendouree is when there is water.
The drought would have been an ideal opportunity to clean out the rubbish.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 17, 2016, 10:59:16 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/sq_zpszmtiqokr.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 18, 2016, 04:01:15 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/buck_zpsnhjsub6e.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 18, 2016, 04:29:02 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/blu%20ray_zpsgcq2kqjd.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 18, 2016, 05:47:50 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/hole%20in%20one_zpsvniuibdx.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 18, 2016, 07:49:29 PM


Identifying tree leaves

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/poplar_zpsfimhn5e9.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 18, 2016, 10:08:19 PM
 I dunno?... But THIS HU is on third...

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Hus%20on%20third_zpsr6m92sys.jpg)

(based on Classic Abbott and Costello... NO NO NO... not the Politicians!... They were a joke in their OWN right...)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=airT-m9LcoY (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=airT-m9LcoY)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 19, 2016, 12:02:46 AM
Spacebar?

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/spacebar_zps1es0unx7.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 19, 2016, 12:03:26 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/farmvisit3_zpsqf5fbiz8.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 19, 2016, 02:21:26 AM
... Nothing Toulouse ?

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/nothing%20toulouse_zpslulhkc7z.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 19, 2016, 12:12:44 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/rubber%20duck%20E_zps3wuwvwti.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 19, 2016, 12:13:15 PM
errr... yep!


(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/fresh%20laid_zpscqefyygc.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 19, 2016, 02:48:21 PM
Impressive determination.. by both parties.

https://www.facebook.com/force.photo.21.ce/videos/vb.411444542297148/925481480893449/?type=2&theater (https://www.facebook.com/force.photo.21.ce/videos/vb.411444542297148/925481480893449/?type=2&theater)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 19, 2016, 03:07:14 PM
Well, fancy that!... a Rocking Horse!...

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/rockin%20horse_zpszhm6qiwh.jpg) (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/liverpool_zpsmc5cpmue.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 19, 2016, 07:12:50 PM
Football Meat Pies Kangaroos and Holden Cars



 Somehow, cricket, Hungry Jacks, polar bear and Toyota Yaris doesn't cut it...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 19, 2016, 09:02:21 PM
Just had a phone call 10 minutes ago, telling me that I had won the Victorian lottery... he was asking for my bank and account number to transfer the funds to my account tomorrow.

I don't buy lottery tickets.

He will have a lot of difficulty trying to access the South Bank of the Yarra......

I used reverse lookup on the Melbourne phone number on caller ID, Telstra says it's not connected.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on April 19, 2016, 09:13:17 PM
Football Meat Pies Kangaroos and Holden Cars



 Somehow, cricket, Hungry Jacks, polar bear and Toyota Yaris doesn't cut it...
Too bloody right

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on April 19, 2016, 09:58:25 PM
Impressive determination.. by both parties.

https://www.facebook.com/force.photo.21.ce/videos/vb.411444542297148/925481480893449/?type=2&theater (https://www.facebook.com/force.photo.21.ce/videos/vb.411444542297148/925481480893449/?type=2&theater)

What the heck was the eagle thinking of!?
It's astonishing that its wings (at the very least) weren't smashed against that huge rock.
We don't get to see it fly at the end, but I wouldn't be surprised if it had trouble.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 19, 2016, 10:12:11 PM
My new kettle... cuppa in 60 seconds, greatest thing since sliced bread.

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/DSCF2483_zpsarjovthe.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 19, 2016, 11:48:31 PM
The saga of the new Samsung tablet... and the scammers have hit it already

It is finally all set up and operational, has only taken 3 weeks or so, but I have no use for it at home... maybe ok when I am on the road and near a hot spot?

Have not used the phone function, as I already have a mobile phone. Have not even passed the new phone number to anyone as yet. Camera function is not required for the same reason, I have a camera already.

Tonight I received a message on the tablet, informing me that my NAB credit card repayment is overdue, which is very surprising, considering I don't have any credit cards, or an account at NAB. Even gives a legitimate (?)  phone number to call and discuss the matter. (and of course I am going to give them the details of my non-account) Nice try, but fail....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 20, 2016, 12:42:26 AM
Fantastic!... the 'NAB bank' has staff answering the phone at 12.20 am !!!! (could hear other voices in the background, obviously a well organised boiler room.) Used my unlisted number, so they have no idea as to the source.

Indian? was of course fishing for my non existent account number, but when I called him a scammer his language got a bit colourful, so then I suggested that he ... ummm... go and practice a sexual act upon himself.

By jimminies he had a short fuse! Would have loved to have recorded the verbal tirade that he let loose!

I had the satisfaction of hanging up on him.  :grin

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on April 20, 2016, 12:45:05 AM
The saga of the new Samsung tablet... and the scammers have hit it already

It is finally all set up and operational, has only taken 3 weeks or so, but I have no use for it at home... maybe ok when I am on the road and near a hot spot?

Have not used the phone function, as I already have a mobile phone. Have not even passed the new phone number to anyone as yet. Camera function is not required for the same reason, I have a camera already.

Tonight I received a message on the tablet, informing me that my NAB credit card repayment is overdue, which is very surprising, considering I don't have any credit cards, or an account at NAB. Even gives a legitimate (?)  phone number to call and discuss the matter. (and of course I am going to give them the details of my non-account) Nice try, but fail....
If it's giving you troubles Kev, would love to take it off your hands lol

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 20, 2016, 01:02:24 AM
Not that it is giving trouble, Rob... just that it is useless to me at home, MAY be usable when travelling?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: alans1100 on April 20, 2016, 11:11:02 AM
Not that it is giving trouble, Rob... just that it is useless to me at home, MAY be usable when travelling?
I have the little Galaxy Note 8 (WiFi only) and it's main use is just for the bike log book and I have used it as GPS in the past. Depending on the file format you could put a couple movies on to watch if your camped overnight etc.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 20, 2016, 12:59:19 PM
I already have a portable DVD player which is far more robust that the tablet, (and it also plays movies loaded onto a USB stick)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 20, 2016, 07:24:49 PM
Two blokes were slapping at each other at the bus stop.... I asked another guy what they were fighting about.

He replied "They aren't fighting... they are both deaf, and are just having a difference of opinion, using sign language"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on April 20, 2016, 10:35:02 PM
Ooops
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 20, 2016, 11:26:27 PM
 :rofl :crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl :crackup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 20, 2016, 11:49:17 PM
Kitchen trap...

10.38 pm

I opened the fridge to get a glass of milk.

Saw a pack of custard.

Decided to have some frozen berries with the custard.

I opened the freezer to get the berries.

Hm... bag of dim sims.. haveta have some chips with those...

... might as well have some icecream while the freezer is open.



So, what started out as a ‘glass of milk’ now means that the deep fryer is bubbling with fresh cut chippies and 2 dim sims.
The frypan is sizzling with bacon, and the scrambled egg has just went ‘ding’ in the microwave.
The toaster just spat out two slices, which will have scrambles and bacon with a slab of grilled cheese shortly.
I have a bowl loaded with a mixture of chopped up banana, berries, icecream, custard and yoghurt, and a big tall glass
of iced coffee loaded with icecream.

Beware of late night thirsty trips to the fridge, its a conspiracy, I tell ya!

I only wanted a glass of milk?

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 21, 2016, 02:01:24 AM
The question now is... Can I trust myself to get a glass of milk at 2 am?

..or will it fall through into a full on meal again?

(OOH look !!!... chicken drummies!!..........)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on April 21, 2016, 08:36:28 AM
Do you Instagram and Facebook these life dramas as well?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 21, 2016, 09:35:51 AM
I do not have or use any of those.  Maybe I will just shut up.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Gadget on April 21, 2016, 10:40:48 AM
I do not have or use any of those.  Maybe I will just shut up.
Biggles is just concerned you will crack 10,000 posts before him. :nahnah
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 21, 2016, 11:03:48 AM
One should never take life so seriously... nobody gets out alive in the end.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 21, 2016, 02:29:51 PM
Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?

He stayed up all night wondering if there was a doG.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Jdbiker on April 21, 2016, 07:43:14 PM
Now we know why you don't eat during the day... :wink1
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 21, 2016, 11:50:26 PM
5 seconds to live ...... and counting ...

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/lardass_zpsp0xiwnxs.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 21, 2016, 11:56:33 PM
Maybe the Kiwis could build our new fleet of Submarines?

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/NZ%20navy_000_zpsgsayxh63.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 22, 2016, 12:24:08 AM
If we asked them nicely, they could probably fill them with seamen sailors as well.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 22, 2016, 01:49:57 AM
Umm.. NO! Malcolm, you cannot crew them with Malays, I don't care how much cheaper it is!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 22, 2016, 12:20:17 PM
For you men who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember... that's where the knives are kept.

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 22, 2016, 04:16:28 PM
A political celebrity was visiting a mental asylum, where the inmates were calling "Tell us a joke!...tell us a joke!"
He was confused by this, until staff explained that this was the way that the inmates amused themselves, by telling jokes.
However, there are only a limited number of jokes, and all inmates had heard them, so each joke had been assigned a number, for brevity.

The politician turned to the crowd and said..."87?"

 The crowd burst into laughter.

 Gaining confidence, the politician called "205!"

Inmates were rolling on the ground.

He turned to the nursing staff and said "Well, they certainly liked those jokes?"

Staffer replied "Yep!... they hadn't heard those ones before!"

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: ppopeye on April 22, 2016, 05:26:22 PM
Hi, how are you?

Sorry, it took me so long to reply your message but I am not often on meetic. I have cancelled my profile. But anyway thanks for your email address, it's very convenient for me.

I attach my pics to this mail, if you need more, I will send more. But please, don't ask for nude or lingerie pics. I don't do them. I am sure, you like my pics because I am pretty cute. As for the character, I am very friendly. I am looking for friendship and I will be very glad to meet you in person in any Australian city. I like travelling.

I need to go to work now but I promise to write you more next time.

What is your name? You didn't sign you message :) In what city to you live? Will you send me your pics?

I will be waiting for your reply!

Sincerely,

This is my latest friendly email. To be ignored


Sent from my iPhone
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on April 22, 2016, 05:51:34 PM
This is my latest friendly email. To be ignored


Aw, go on!  She needs a friend (who can send money...)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 22, 2016, 07:12:25 PM
Been awhile since I last got one of those, ppopeye .... I guess my trash filters must be working.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 23, 2016, 04:26:47 AM
Confirmed!

North Korean leader has the clap!


(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kju_zpseibbeh9n.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 23, 2016, 03:04:39 PM
See? ... All Korea rove me.... when I crap, EVERYBODY crap!   :grin


(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/nk_zpsf9s8gepb.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 23, 2016, 08:41:37 PM
Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 24, 2016, 01:34:58 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/BILLYSGO_zpssosi1bhq.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 24, 2016, 05:57:39 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/cid_D36452_zpseheuzvso.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on April 24, 2016, 05:58:37 PM
STORIES FROM THE MIDLANDS OF ENGLAND

Police in Liverpool last night announced the discovery of an arms cache of 200 semi-automatic rifles with 25,000 rounds of ammunition, 20 tonnes of heroin, £5 million in forged UK banknotes and 25 trafficked Ukrainian prostitutes, all in a semi-detached house behind the Public Library in Toxteth.

Local residents were stunned, and a community spokesman said:

"We're all shocked; we never knew we had a library."
______________

19 Pakistanis died in Bradford this morning.

It was not a terrorist attack; a bunk bed collapsed.

Police are attributing the blame to Al' IKEA.
______________

Also up north, a man decided to wash his sports shirt. He opened the washing machine then stopped, thinking for a minute.

He shouted to his missus,
"What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "Manchester United.”
______________

My small grandson got lost in the new Liverpool One shopping centre. He approached a security guard and said, "I've lost my Granddad."

The guard asked, "What's his name?"

The child replied, "Granddad."

The guard smiled asked: "But what's he like?"

The little angel thought for a moment and then replied, "Cans of lager and women with big tits."
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 24, 2016, 06:07:26 PM
 :p :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 24, 2016, 09:39:05 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/images%202_zpsqubwbns3.jpg)(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/images%203_zpsos4dgqme.jpg)

 no comment...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 24, 2016, 09:43:12 PM
Undeniable proof that euthanasia should be legalised .... AND practiced

 ...  or his mother should have aborted ....

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/images%201_zpslsq0vsjh.jpg)

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 25, 2016, 01:56:40 AM
I don't care HOW well trained they are, it still LOOKS bloody stupid!

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/hammin_zpsuknixdnk.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 25, 2016, 03:44:53 AM

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/profanity_zpszkva6i9k.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 25, 2016, 04:04:03 PM
Portland - Victoria's Whale Watching Capital


Whalemail Update - 25/04/16 3.22 pm


2 Orca Whales 75 metres offshore from Cape Nelson Lighthouse
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 26, 2016, 01:55:46 PM
Strange?

Two pushbike tyres have appeared on the footpath across the road, appear to be suitable for BMX style bicycle. 20 inch? or therebouts.

They appear to be unused. How they came to be there, or from where they originated, is a mystery.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Sicman on April 26, 2016, 02:01:25 PM
Maybe they have just rolled into town  :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Gadget on April 26, 2016, 02:35:32 PM
Maybe they have just rolled into town  :grin
++ :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 26, 2016, 05:15:53 PM
Over my lifetime, I have witnessed many 'Yea/nay' reversals... such as...  Potatoes are no good for you.. eat more potatoes.. This is a great diet... do not follow this diet... Margarine is better than butter... eating margarine is bad for your health because it is made from non-natural plastic products.. Eat more meat... go vegan... Wholegrains are the way to go.. but way more people are overweight since adopting this approach...

Cooked food allows toxins to build up in your body! These toxins cause you to be sluggish and increase your risk of cancer. Raw foods can cleanse you of these toxins. Cooking also destroys key nutrients and denatures important enzymes that make your body healthier. Finally, certain foods are not meant to be combined with other foods. For example, fruits are not to be mixed with vegetables if you want to get all the nutrition to be harvested from them.

First of all, there are organs that “detox” a body already. They are called the liver and the kidneys. If they aren’t working, a raw carrot isn’t going to help. Only an organ transplant will help.

So now I eat and drink what I want, when I want, and as much or as little as I need, to have a moderate health style.
.. and I think THAT is the real secret... MODERATION!

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/xvuiztpq7etsf0g4zrza_zpsojc5ldoi.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: DavidP on April 26, 2016, 06:31:20 PM
Hear hear!   ++

Sent from my C6603 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Sicman on April 26, 2016, 06:36:51 PM

([url]http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/xvuiztpq7etsf0g4zrza_zpsojc5ldoi.jpg[/url])

I hadn't seen this photo of Streak and Growlies relatives camping trip  :Stirpot
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 26, 2016, 07:08:15 PM

Quote
I hadn't seen this photo of Streak and Growlies relatives camping trip  :Stirpot

 :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 26, 2016, 08:15:11 PM
Tom Mabe classic...

Bait Phone 2 - basically a stun gun with a remote ...  :rofl

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMa-lwxXWjY (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMa-lwxXWjY)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on April 26, 2016, 08:23:07 PM
Tome Mabe classic...

Bait Phone 2 - basically a stun gun with a remote ...  :rofl

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMa-lwxXWjY (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMa-lwxXWjY)
Honest people lol

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on April 26, 2016, 10:12:19 PM
Tom Mabe classic...

Bait Phone 2 - basically a stun gun with a remote ...  :rofl

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMa-lwxXWjY (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMa-lwxXWjY)

Pretty sad that so many people would nick a phone like that.
I had an experience a bit like that on a recent holiday with my camera, and the Allianz Travel Insurance wouldn't pay out because I'd left it in a public place.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on April 26, 2016, 10:47:01 PM
Someone asked me, "...And now that you are retired, do you still have a job?"

I replied, "Yes - I am my wife's sexual adviser."

Somewhat shocked, they said "I beg your pardon, but what exactly do you mean by that?"

"Very simple. My wife has told me that when she wants my f***ing advice, she'll ask me for it."

 :Blow
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on April 26, 2016, 11:15:13 PM
 
A Scotsman walks into the Bank of England in Threadneedle Street, Central London and asks for the manager. He tells the manager that he is going to Australia on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000-00.

The manager tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so Hamish hands over the keys and documents of new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the Log Book and everything checks out. The manager agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's General Manager and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the rough looking Scotsman for using a £120,000 Ferrari as collateral against a £5000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
 
Two weeks later, Hamish returns, repays the £5,000 and the interest, which comes to £15.41.
 
The manager says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely but we are a little puzzled. While

you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow "£5,000"?

Hamish replies: "Where else in London can I park my car for two weeks for only £15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Sicman on April 26, 2016, 11:20:33 PM
 :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Gadget on April 27, 2016, 06:45:15 AM
Clever!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: ppopeye on April 27, 2016, 10:20:19 AM
Veery clever


Sent from my iPad
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 28, 2016, 02:01:19 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Animation1_zpspzqbxa47.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 28, 2016, 02:01:49 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/paca_zpsjxv5nlsh.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 28, 2016, 03:23:17 PM
The Nigerian offers are getting better. (???)
Todays' scam is about 20 BILLION US dollars that they wish to move into my bank account.
Whatever happened to the $250 offers of just 15 years ago?
That's inflation for you.


Good Day,
Dr. Reuben Abati <side@xxx.com>  Today at 13:43
To   
Message body
Good Day,
 
My name is Dr. Reuben Abati, Senior Special Adviser (Media and Publicity) to former President Goodluck Jonathan GCFR, of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. I pray this letter meets you in good health. I was directed to contact you by the former President confidentially through this medium, as you may know; former President Goodluck Jonathan lost the recently concluded March 28, 2015 presidential election to President Muhammadu Buhari. Since the loss of the election to the opposition APC candidate President Buhari, there has been probable fear everywhere as the past administration is rightly anticipating that the current administration of President Buhari will probe all sectors of the economy including the controversial missing US$20billion from Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC), which the Minister of Finance Dr (Mrs.) Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala and Minister of Petroleum Resources, Mrs. Diezani Alison-Madueke are believed not to provide adequate answer to address the conflicting reports from various sources and I wish to transfer the total sum of these funds into an account of your choosing which I will share with you on a 50/50 basis<  yada yada yada... Delete.
 
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 28, 2016, 07:01:18 PM
Just something to ant-agonise you...

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/antz_zps1lrhtr4u.mp4)

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 28, 2016, 07:02:38 PM
... and if that didn't raise your ant - icipation...

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/name%20that%20song_zpsnop7ppah.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 28, 2016, 07:22:26 PM
Just a thought....

Did you know that I earn over twice as much from Pure Profile online surveys, than I get in ‘cash off’ savings rewards from Woolworths?
... without leaving the house?

It has taken 7 months for me to 'earn' a single one-off $10 discount at Woolies, but I get paid $50 every 60 days or so, from Pure Profile.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 29, 2016, 12:54:23 AM
Attorney General Janet Reno

First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of those girl to girl talks.
 
Hillary says to Janet, "You're lucky that you don't have to put up with men having sex with you.
I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his pecker."

Janet responded. "Just because I am considered ugly, doesn't mean I don't have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances."

Hillary asks, "Well how do you deal with the problem?"

Janet: "Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest, fart I can.
... And believe me, that takes the wind out of his sails, so to speak! "

Hillary was impressed and thanked the General for her sage advice and hurried home.

That night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary headed for bed.
She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action.
She had been saving her wind all day, and was ready for him.
She tenses up her butt cheeks and forces out the most disgusting sounding extended fart you could imagine.
Bill rolled over and said sleepily, "Is that you Janet?."

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 29, 2016, 01:24:43 AM
A man is telling his friend of a recent experience:
"I was walking beside the railway line" he said, "When I saw this girl tied to the tracks. Well, naturally I freed her, pulled her off the tracks and ended up having sex with her all night."

"Was she a good kisser?" asks his friend.

"No!" he says, "I couldn't find her head."

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 29, 2016, 02:03:43 AM
The magic door prank....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HzVkA25Qfck (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HzVkA25Qfck)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 29, 2016, 07:02:56 AM
Bubba Joe decided to save up and get hisself a hang-glider.

He did.

Yep!

He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight.
He takes off running and reaches the edge-- and boy howdy! ...into the wind he goes!

Meanwhile, Maw and Paw Hicks were sittin' on the porch swing talkin' bout the good ol days, when maw spots the biggest bird she ever seen!

"Look at the size of that there Hawk, Paw!" she exclaims.

Paw raises up, "Git my gun, Maw."

She runs into the house, brings out his pump shotgun. He takes careful aim. BANG!...BANG!.....BANG!.....BANG!

The monster size wing continues to sail silently over the tree tops.

"I think ya missed him, Paw," she says.

"Yep," he replies, "but at least he done let go and dropped Bubba Joe!"

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 29, 2016, 07:06:34 AM
There were two good ol' boys from Alabama, who love to fish...
... and they wanted to do some ice fishing. They'd heard about it up in Canada, so they took off up there. The lake was frozen nicely.
They stopped just before they got to the lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle.
One of them said, "We're gonna need an ice pick." So they got that, and they took off.
In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, "We're gonna need another dozen ice picks."

Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn't. He sold him the picks, and the old boy left.
In about an hour, he was back. Said, "We're gonna need all the ice picks you've got."

The bait man couldn't stand it any longer. "By the way," he asked, "how are you fellows doing?"

"Not very well at all," he said. "We ain't even got the boat in the water yet."
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on April 29, 2016, 07:24:50 AM
An oldie but still raises a smile

WIFE:  What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

HUSBAND: Definitely not!

WIFE: Why not - don't you like being married?

HUSBAND: Of course I do.

WIFE: Then why wouldn't you remarry?

HUSBAND: Okay, I'd get married again.

WIFE: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face).

HUSBAND: (Makes audible groan).

WIFE: Would you live in our house?

HUSBAND: Sure, it's a great house.

WIFE: Would you sleep with her in our bed?

HUSBAND: Where else would we sleep?

WIFE: Would you let her drive my car?

HUSBAND: Probably, it is almost new.

WIFE: Would you replace my pictures with hers?

HUSBAND: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

WIFE: Would she use my golf clubs?

HUSBAND: No, she's left-handed.

WIFE - silence - -

HUSBAND:  F * ck....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 29, 2016, 07:28:25 AM
 :rofl Thanks, Terry :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Sicman on April 29, 2016, 10:31:27 AM
 :o  :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 29, 2016, 05:15:12 PM
Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you $oon.

Love, Your $on




The Reply:

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 29, 2016, 05:18:08 PM
These are rumored comments made by Police Officers.



1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."


3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." 


6. "You don't know how fast you were going?

    OK, that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help.

     Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning?

      O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not.

      Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat fairy floss and hot dogs and step in horse poo."


11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC."(National Crime Information Centre)

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."


15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours.

         So you have someone now who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.. Sign here."
 
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STeveo on April 29, 2016, 05:50:06 PM
No 16.    :rofl :rofl :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 29, 2016, 07:46:02 PM
Why can't Ray Charles see his friends?



























... because he is married...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 29, 2016, 07:48:10 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/creative-jokes-17_zpspyqsto2n.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 29, 2016, 07:50:22 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/funny_zpsydrply2i.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 29, 2016, 07:57:07 PM
After much detailed study, I have finally discovered why Flamingos stand on one leg.









...If they pick up the other one, they fall down.......
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 29, 2016, 07:58:57 PM
... and the reason that you never see Elephants hiding up in the treetops is....








... because they are REALLY GOOD at it!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 29, 2016, 08:05:45 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/-if-you-ever-_zpsqsgno1ee.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 29, 2016, 08:12:30 PM
Can you name the best Nation in the world?

(I will post correct answer later....)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on April 29, 2016, 09:21:30 PM
([url]http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/-if-you-ever-_zpsqsgno1ee.jpg[/url])


Can vouch for a bit in the corner warming one up . . .
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Sicman on April 29, 2016, 10:07:51 PM
Just a thought....

Did you know that I earn over twice as much from Pure Profile online surveys, than I get in ‘cash off’ savings rewards from Woolworths?
... without leaving the house?

It has taken 7 months for me to 'earn' a single one-off $10 discount at Woolies, but I get paid $50 every 60 days or so, from Pure Profile.
I hope you put that down in ur tax return cause the tax peoples watch those survey companies to see who is getting the cash and not declaring it  :-(((
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 29, 2016, 10:34:54 PM
The answer to post 786 above is...


..Receiving a cash DONATION!... GIMMEE TEN BUCKS!  :rofl :crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl :crackup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 29, 2016, 11:04:33 PM
([url]http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/-if-you-ever-_zpsqsgno1ee.jpg[/url])


Can vouch for a bit in the corner warming one up . . .


I guess, taken in that context, I would have to agree!. Not sure about the standing bit :grin ;-*   - Standing waiting for a bit on a crowded beach definitely wouldn't work.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 30, 2016, 01:02:54 PM
Viagra is now being compared to Disneyland, because they're both an hour wait for a 2-minute ride.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 30, 2016, 01:04:37 PM
Time for a burst of Irish jokes....

The Doctor was puzzled 'I'm very sorry Mr O'Flaherty, but I can't diagnose your trouble? I think it must be drink.'

'Don't worry about it Dr Cullen, I'll come back when you're sober.' said O' Flaherty.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 30, 2016, 01:06:44 PM
Soon after O'Shaughnessy clocked in for work, the foreman called him over and told him that he had a phone call in the front office.

When O'Shaughnessy returned, he had a mournful expression on his face and his head hung low. His foreman noticed and asked if it was bad news.' To be shure it was, Boss, 'he replied, 'I just found out from Ireland that my mother died earlier this morning.'

'Gosh, that's awful, 'replied the foreman, 'Do you want the rest of the day off?'
'No, 'replied O'Shaughnessy. ' I'll finish the day out.'

About an hour later, the foreman returned to inform him that there was another phone call for him in the office. This time when O'Shaughnessy returned he looked twice as glum, and the foreman asked if everything was alright.

'Bejeezuz Boss, its even worse news. That was my brother, and his mother died today too!'

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 30, 2016, 01:13:58 PM
Murphy and O'Brien go out to the woods, they come to a clearing and see an abandoned well.

Murphy said 'I wonder how deep that well is?'
O'Brien said, 'There's one way we could figure it out'.

Murphy says, 'How's that?'
O'Brien says, 'We drop something down it, we time how long it takes to hit the bottom, you multiply that time by 32 feet per second squared, the rate at which objects fall in a vacuum, subtract a little for wind resistance and we've got the depth of the well'.

Murphy says, ' What are you going to drop down it?'  Then O'Brien looked all around and he saw this big heavy log lying on the ground.  Next he squats down by the log and, using his legs correctly, he gets it up onto his shoulders and staggers over to the edge of the well, tips it up, drops it into the well and they start to count, 'One hippopotamus, two hippopotamus, three .................... '

SPLASH!!!!

Murphy said, 'Three seconds!'
O'Brien said, 'Quick, multiply that time 32 feet per second squared!'
'288 feet!', Murphy said. 'Subtract a little for wind resistance, let's say 18 feet. This well is 270 feet deep'.

As he finished the calculation Murphy shouts, 'LOOK OUT!!' and he pushed O'Brien backwards as a goat ran between them and jumped head first down the well.
Murphy said, 'My God, I've never seen anything like that !!'.

Just then a farmer walked into the clearing and said, 'What's going on here boys?'
O'Brien says, 'We just figured out the depth of this well to be about 270 feet deep, and then the strangest thing happened.
A goat ran between the two of us and jumped head first down into the well.'

The farmer said, 'Thank heaven it wasn't one of my goats.'
Murphy asked, 'How do you know it wasn't?'
The farmer replied, 'Because each of my goats are tied on long leads to big heavy logs.'
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 30, 2016, 01:16:50 PM
An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Irishman were in a pub talking about their children.

'My son was born on St George's Day, 'remarked the Englishman, 'So we obviously decided to call him George.'

'That's a real coincidence, 'observed the Frenchman, 'My daughter was born on Valentine's Day, so we decided to call her Valentine.'

'That's really incredible, 'drawled the Irishman, 'Exactly the same thing happened with my son Pancake.'
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 30, 2016, 01:19:02 PM
At the height of the gulf wars, the expertise of Red Adair (that well known fire fighter) was called upon to go out to the gulf and put out the oil rig fires.

On his way his plane landed in Ireland for an overnight stop so Red took advantage to visit the local bar for a pint of the black stuff.
On entering the bar two old Irish boys witnessed him walk in and one said to the other. 'Isn't that Red Adair'?  The other replied, 'No'.

The old boy then said, 'I'm sure it is and I'm so sure that I will bet you a pint if I am wrong'.
The doubting one said, 'Ok' and they both went over to Red and the one said, 'Are you Red Adair'?  To which Red said he was.

The doubting Irishman said, 'Are you still dancing with Ginger Rogers'?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 30, 2016, 01:20:37 PM
I first met O'Reilly when I was in St Peter's Hospital in England.
He was in the same ward as me and was lying, quite still, in the bed next to me when I awoke early on that Friday morning.

I was taken aback because he was swathed in bandages from head to toe, with just two little slits for his eyes and this made it difficult to engage him in conversation.

However, later that same day, his best friend, Dermot Callaghan, came in to visit O'Reilly and I listened in to their conversation which went as follows:

'What happened to you?' asked Callaghan.

'I staggered out of The Invincible pub, in Shepperton Road, and a lorry hit me a glancing blow and knocked me through the Co-op's plate glass window,' mumbled O'Reilly.'

'Begorrah,' exclaimed Callaghan in his broad Munster accent, 'It's a good job you were wearing all those bandages or you'd have been cut to ribbons!'
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 30, 2016, 01:26:05 PM
I met Flanagan and I said, 'You're a happy man.'

He said, 'I am.'

I said, 'Why?'

'Well,' he said, 'The Income Tax people have been pestering me for 5 years, driving me mad, to get money out of me, driving me crazy with worry.
... This morning I got a letter from them and it said: FINAL NOTICE. Thank God, I won't be hearing from them ever again !!'
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on April 30, 2016, 01:28:11 PM
In an Irish courtroom 12 men sat on the jury. 
After the trial, the Judge asked for their verdict.
'We find the man who stole the horse "Not Guilty",' said the foreman of the jury.



Paddy and Colleen moved house.

They took the letterbox with them, so that the Post Office would know where to deliver their mail.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 01, 2016, 02:10:33 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/CSU_zps2ky4sjbj.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 01, 2016, 02:17:38 AM
Dirty weather outside..

Extended rolling thunder and lightning flashes, blustery wind and short heavy showers, should hit Melbourne before daybreak.

Two cats hiding in here somewhere....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 01, 2016, 02:48:36 AM
A suicide bomber detonated his vest in Moonee Ponds last week.

He was buried yesterday in Essendon, Pascoe Vale, Brunswick, Carlton, Footscray, Braybrook and Avondale Heights.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 01, 2016, 02:56:35 AM
Why did the Mafia Boss cross the road?
 
 
 
 
Doesn’t matter.... forgedda 'bout it... capeche?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 01, 2016, 02:58:49 AM
A blonde tried to steal a police car in New York.
 
.... She saw "911" on the back, and thought it was a Porsche.
 
 
 
 
 
I confused a blonde... I asked  her to separate a bag of M&Ms into alphabetical order..
 
She presented me with two groups....

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/cid_7507A_zps97yjdffu.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 01, 2016, 03:12:08 AM
Paddy and Mick were doing some renovation work on a house.
Mick was high on the scaffolding, nailing new weatherboards.
He would reach into his nail bag, inspect a nail, and throw it to the ground. reach for another, and hammer it in..
Paddy was on the ground, picking up the discarded nails. He called "Mick!... why are you t'rowing dese nails away?"
Mick replied  "Dey got da points on da wrong end!"

"You bloddy fool! ... dese ones are for t'e ODDER SIDE of de house!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 01, 2016, 03:26:01 AM
Doctor examined a guy, then said “I am sorry to inform you, but the malady you are suffering from
is terminal, and I can only give you about ten, before your demise.”

The shocked guy asked the Doc “Ten what?... ten years?... ten months?....”

The Doc replied  “ 9....8....7....”
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 01, 2016, 06:31:50 AM
Only another 3 days until world 'Star Wars' day again.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 01, 2016, 06:40:46 AM
A good start to today... dishes are washed, cats are fed, laundry has been done and it is only 6.30 am.
If these showers stop, it would be a good day for a ride. Unfortunately, the forecast is for rain here, off and on, all this week.
 :'( >:()
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on May 01, 2016, 10:58:11 AM
 :blu13 same here  :fp >:() :blu13left
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Brian on May 01, 2016, 11:53:57 AM
Could be a good day to give your ST a lil TLC
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 01, 2016, 12:07:36 PM
Gusty wind is blowing the rain right through the carport, and its cold out there. 13 degrees plus windchill, feels like 11
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on May 01, 2016, 12:09:03 PM
Not windy here BUT bloody wet...

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 01, 2016, 12:12:22 PM
How's the recovery coming along, Rob?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on May 01, 2016, 12:15:41 PM
Good mate have been out riding and doing lights on the bike. Next week is all my power supply farkles, and stress test to go back to work YEHEY

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 01, 2016, 02:33:10 PM
 :thumbsup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on May 01, 2016, 02:35:03 PM
:thumbsup

Thanks Kev
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 01, 2016, 03:08:13 PM
very welcome, mate. Hope to catch you on the road one day.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on May 01, 2016, 03:09:39 PM
Hoping so as well

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 02, 2016, 06:53:45 AM
Just 2 days until world 'Star Wars' day again.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: alans1100 on May 02, 2016, 10:58:50 AM
Just 2 days until world 'Star Wars' day again.
And that's supposed to mean something significant.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 02, 2016, 11:14:55 AM
It is for Star Wars fans... :grin  watch this space...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Gadget on May 02, 2016, 05:16:05 PM
Just 2 days until world 'Star Wars' day again.
And that's supposed to mean something significant.
All will be revealed
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Williamson on May 02, 2016, 05:19:20 PM
Just 2 days until world 'Star Wars' day again.
And that's supposed to mean something significant.
All will be revealed

Tuesday will be May 3rd, Wednesday will be .....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 02, 2016, 05:53:38 PM
 :grin Thuch a thame that Yoda thufferth a lithp
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on May 03, 2016, 07:41:47 PM

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead  sitting   at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible! 'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'

'No,' she replies. . .





Wait for it. . .










It's coming. . .







The suspense is killing you, isn't it? 






She says:
'You just happened to catch my eye.' 

(Oh shut up, and just forward it!)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 03, 2016, 08:36:57 PM
 :p :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Shiney on May 03, 2016, 10:03:23 PM
That was a good one :grin :thumbs

Sent from my SM-N9005 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: gaz on May 04, 2016, 12:38:36 AM
happy May the 4th
 Wot thuh
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 04, 2016, 12:52:54 AM
Yoda-y is the day!

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/4th_zpsvozhwy4l.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Gadget on May 04, 2016, 07:01:38 AM
With you, May the 4th be.

Sent from my GT-N5110 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 04, 2016, 09:11:04 AM
 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/yoda%201_zpsqpljbd5o.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 04, 2016, 09:14:52 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/7441_zps2vd2eiv6.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 04, 2016, 12:39:36 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/7443_zpszhgr5xue.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 04, 2016, 03:00:07 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/7442_zpsu0pnfgbo.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 04, 2016, 03:24:55 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/7445_zpsp2ifacww.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 05, 2016, 07:42:48 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/stupid-jokes_zpszttr4nco.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 05, 2016, 07:46:05 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/creative-jokes-24_zpsf0ehkksy.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 05, 2016, 11:48:35 AM
Telstra at it's finest...

Just received an SMS from Telstra at 11.40 am that they would be calling me at 10.40 am this morning to resolve a minor problem.


 Better late than never?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 05, 2016, 11:49:36 AM
...And they want positive feedback on their service ?????
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 06, 2016, 01:56:07 AM
Truth in Advertising?

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/cid_53E_zpsfc7f3tmm.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 06, 2016, 06:24:13 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/cid_47B34F_zps1mv4ohig.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STeveo on May 06, 2016, 07:00:21 AM
Hey Kev, thanks for the morning laugh. Keep up the good work.  :thumb
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 06, 2016, 07:37:51 AM
Very welcome!  :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 06, 2016, 07:51:59 AM
 
 "A bad attitude is like a flat tire--you can't go anywhere unless you change it. "

 
This is a wonderful, two minute clip filmed in Glasgow, Scotland. Full of wisdom, and very brief.
It's not a joke, it's not religious, it's not political. It's just special. I think you'll agree.

Enjoy this two minute clip. It has a meaning for all of us.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/Hzgzim5m7oU (https://www.youtube.com/embed/Hzgzim5m7oU)

 
 
 
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Shiney on May 06, 2016, 10:12:24 AM
 
 "A bad attitude is like a flat tire--you can't go anywhere unless you change it. "

 
This is a wonderful, two minute clip filmed in Glasgow, Scotland. Full of wisdom, and very brief.
It's not a joke, it's not religious, it's not political. It's just special. I think you'll agree.

Enjoy this two minute clip. It has a meaning for all of us.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/Hzgzim5m7oU (https://www.youtube.com/embed/Hzgzim5m7oU)

Awesome :hatwave
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on May 06, 2016, 10:31:59 AM
Very awesome

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Gadget on May 06, 2016, 05:55:43 PM
They is an awesome clip. I've seen it a couple of times and it is a powerful message.

Sent from my GT-N5110 using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 07, 2016, 05:04:19 AM
Three mice were sitting at the pub knocking back shots, and bragging about their life.

One said  "I like to zoom around the skirting boards, scaring the hell out of the woman who lives at my place.
Got to be quick on my feet to dodge the swipes she takes at me with the broom!"

The second mouse replied "You know, I love the challenge of a mouse trap.
Why, just last week, I triggered a trap, caught the spring loaded arm, and did one -armed pushups with it while I ate the cheese!"

The third mouse slammed back his drink, banged the glass down, and said to the other two "I'll catch you guys later, gunna go home and screw the cat!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 07, 2016, 05:06:36 AM
An Afro guy and an Asian guy are standing next to a pond. The Asian guy says, "This pond is Magical, if you skip a stone across it, you will hear the names of your ancestors." He then picks up a stone and skips it, the stone makes a sound with each splash, "CHING-CHANG-CHONG." The black guy goes, "Wow thats amazing, let me try." He picks up a rock and skips it. "A-RANG-A-TANG!" He gets angry and says, "Wtf?!" and grabs another stone. Skips this one and hears, "CHIMP-AN-ZEE!" Now he is quite upset, "Aww hell naw," he grabs a large boulder with both hands and lifts it above his head, then slams it into the pond, "BA-BOON!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 07, 2016, 12:11:17 PM
My racing snail was off the pace.

I thought "Hey!... if I remove the shell, it will have less weight to shift, therefore it will be faster!"




... but after I removed the shell, it seemed to be way more sluggish....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 07, 2016, 12:18:08 PM
Had occasion to really put down someone today... Just an idiot who opened his mouth too far, regarding moronic comments about a friend of mine.

Didn't swear... just looked him in the eye, and stated 

"I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you, as I neither have the time or the crayons to adjust to your mentality"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 08, 2016, 02:19:06 AM
From the number of my friends who have passed on at around age 70, I now firmly believe that 'Middle Age' is effectively 35 years.


 Ouch!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 09, 2016, 07:23:38 AM
Todays weather forecast in SW Victoria.

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Image1_zpsj5lpiz0q.jpg)

I wonder who pays the weather bureau to spread these rumours?
( that 'slight chance' and 'chance of shower' seems a little under-estimated, as it has been raining solid here for the past 2 days.
Must be really going to belt down later today? )
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 09, 2016, 07:28:34 AM
A Nissan spare parts delivery van clipped the side rail on a bridge overpass, which tore the side out of the van.
Its cargo of gearbox parts scattered onto the road below. A driver below was heard to exclaim...

..."Have heard of this before, but it's the first time I have witnessed it actually raining Datsun cogs...."
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on May 09, 2016, 07:29:18 AM
Didn't you know tricks for predicting weather requires a special coin 😀😃

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 09, 2016, 07:35:32 AM
Well, Rob... if the current downpour is a light shower, then what is expected this afternoon must be truly biblical in proportion.
Even the neighbours ducks are wearing sou-westers and wellie boots.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on May 09, 2016, 07:36:34 AM
Better build an Ark 😮😮😱

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 09, 2016, 07:53:09 AM
 :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 09, 2016, 10:53:16 AM
One huge crack of thunder early this morning... Kittypuss shot under the bed, and I had to push her out.


.. not enough room for both of us ....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 09, 2016, 01:30:23 PM
Shadow cat has a penchant for disrupting my computer time....

With her thrusting her head onto my hand, I usually have windows popping open all over the screen... talk about a distraction!

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/DSCF2485_zpsilc6wdqf.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 09, 2016, 08:58:59 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Yoda4%202_zpsziwobigy.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 09, 2016, 09:12:56 PM
Obi-Juan Kenobi. A wise mexican trained in the martial arts. Pretty handy with a machete. Usually found wearing a sombrero, not a hoodie.

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/obi%20juan_zpsniuomdoh.jpg)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBOdWsIIRiI (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBOdWsIIRiI)


Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 10, 2016, 12:16:13 AM
HOLY CRAP!

A man who has been labelled ‘Sydney's worst driver’ has avoided jail time - again.

Nathaniel Barker, 78, was given a three-month suspended sentence on Monday after pleading guilty to repeatedly driving while disqualified.

His licence was also cancelled for a further two years, meaning he will not be eligible to renew it until the year 2094.

https://au.news.yahoo.com/a/31557535/sydneys-worst-driver-avoids-jail-but-ordered-off-road-for-78-years/

Lemmee see now... he can renew his licence when he is 155 years old?????

*ARK!


Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on May 10, 2016, 12:17:59 AM
Yea. BUT he just keeps driving regardless

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Wild Rose on May 10, 2016, 04:22:31 AM
The only way to stop him is to take his car of him
What a idiot :cuss
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: johnnyYTED on May 10, 2016, 10:03:00 AM
:dred11
this bloke has been to court SOOO many times, I think they'll have to remove both arms and legs to STop him... every time though the court threaten jail time, but each time it seems a new judge gives him his 'laST' warning... WTF.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on May 10, 2016, 10:04:20 AM
BUT for us normal people it would be jail time straight up....

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: johnnyYTED on May 10, 2016, 10:19:50 AM
:dred11
I'm packing an overnight bag for my future trip to SA  and court... juST in case... ;)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on May 10, 2016, 10:21:05 AM
You have to travel ALL that way for a speeding ticket??

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on May 10, 2016, 10:21:30 AM
OR you will be contesting it?

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Wild Rose on May 10, 2016, 11:18:20 AM
:dred11
I'm packing an overnight bag for my future trip to SA  and court... juST in case... ;)

Best of luck with the court case  :thumb
You wouldn't be going that far if you didn't think you had half a chance  :thumbsup
Go get em Johnny :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on May 10, 2016, 11:20:56 AM
YEA go for it mate

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 10, 2016, 04:37:14 PM
Currently blowing a gale outside.

Neighbours chook has laid the same egg twice ...


Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: NTRebel on May 10, 2016, 06:05:19 PM
If it's blowing a gale you'd better go out and catch her before she blows away. :dred11 :dred11
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 11, 2016, 04:18:04 AM
4am   

Wind eased a couple hours back, but there is still an occasional flurry. Roads are still wet.

Strange weather.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 11, 2016, 05:46:18 AM
Officials of the World Surfing Championship are still trying to contact the winner of the 2004 Indonesian Ripcurl title,
who was last seen riding a wardrobe door on the crest of a tsunami.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 11, 2016, 09:40:27 AM
Not everyone will be aware of this, so I will post it anyway...


Why 4 FEET 8.5 Inches is Very Important

Fascinating Stuff . . .


Railroad Tracks
The U.S. Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches.

That's an exceedingly odd number.
Why was that gauge used?

Because that's the way they built them in England,
and English expatriates designed the U.S. Railroads.

Why did the English build them like that?
Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.

Why did 'they' use that gauge then?
Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they had used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.

Why did the wagons have that particular Odd wheel spacing?
Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.

So, who built those old rutted roads?
Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (including England) for their legions. Those roads have been used ever since.

And the ruts in the roads?
Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels.

 Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.

Therefore, the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot.

In other words, bureaucracies live forever.

So the next time you are handed a specification, procedure, or process, and wonder,
'What horse's ass came up with this?', you may be exactly right.

Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses.

Now, the twist to the story:

When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad,
you will notice that there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs.
The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah.

The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit larger, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site.

The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel.

The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds.


So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass.

And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important!

Now you know, Horses' Asses control almost everything.

Explains a whole lot of stuff, doesn't it?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 12, 2016, 12:27:48 PM
Bill Shorten walked into a bank to cash a cheque
When he’s called over to the teller, he says, "Good morning, could you please cash this cheque for me?"

The teller replied, "It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?"

Bill Shorten said, "Truthfully, I didn’t bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I’m the leader of the Labour Party of Australia."

The teller said, "Yes sir, I know who you are... but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors, forgers, and requirements of the legislation etc., I must insist on seeing ID."

Shorten said, “Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they’ll tell you. Everybody knows who I am."

The teller said, "I’m sorry, Mr Shorten, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them"

Getting a bit agitated, Shorten snapped, “C'mon woman, I’m urging you, please, to cash this cheque.."

The teller said, "Look Mr Shorten, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods, he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his cheque.

"Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racket and made a fabulous shot where the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his cheque. So, Mr Shorten, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you?"

Bill Shorten stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank... there’s nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do... and I don't have a clue."

With a big smile, the teller said, "Will that be large or small notes, Mr Shorten?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on May 12, 2016, 12:29:39 PM
Hahahaha so true

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 12, 2016, 10:11:55 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/download_zpsmr58eoij.jpg)

REDNECK DICTIONARY

AST: To interrogate or enquire
BAHS: A supervisor
BARD: Past tense of the infinative "To borrow"
BLEEVE: Expression of intent or faith
Cyst: To render aid
DID: No longer alive
EVERWHICHAWAYS: Scattered in all directions
FARNWAY: Not local
IGNUNT:Not smart
JEW: Did you
MUCHABLIGE: Thank you
MUNTS: A calendar division
OVAIR: In that direction
PHRAISIN: Very cold
RETCH: To grasp for
SHOVELAY: Vehicle built by GM
TAR: Rubber wheel
WARSH: To clean
WHUP: To beat the crap out of
ZAT: Question "What is that?"

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 12, 2016, 10:43:55 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/1687665386-ce_zpsorqxcmih.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 13, 2016, 02:35:14 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/51b93cfadd_zps67fzrmi8.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 13, 2016, 06:43:16 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/20140206__zpsu6jdozvu.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 13, 2016, 07:17:25 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/images_zps6ioc9grj.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 13, 2016, 08:47:40 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/school%20cartoon_zpsuycclchw.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 13, 2016, 08:50:22 AM
I guess all those virgins are of no use to him?

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Funny-suicide-bomber-cartoon_zpsdydihvqy.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on May 13, 2016, 08:52:26 AM
Love it lol

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 13, 2016, 09:50:42 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/cows_zpsinyoczn5.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 13, 2016, 10:30:05 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Newfie-Tragedy_zpsvmz1shba.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 13, 2016, 10:49:20 AM
He was told that he would catch more fish in a boat, instead of fishing from the beach......


(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/newfieJokes_zpsmbouhafq.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 13, 2016, 02:50:39 PM
Stupid French backpacker tourist question....

"I will be visiting Australia for three weeks later this year. Is it possible to hike from Sydney to Perth?"

Aussie Tourism reply..

Yeah, sure it's possible! ...  Allowing for a brisk stroll of around 5 KPH walking speed for 12 hours per day,
you should reach Perth in about two and half months.

Make sure you carry plenty of water.....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 13, 2016, 08:41:39 PM
Fail, scammer, fail!


8.15 pm..... Just got an email from a mate holidaying in Singapore, who got rolled and had his wallet stolen.... needs cash in a hurry, supplied PayPal account.
 
Trouble is, he is sitting right here in my lounge having a cup of coffee when the email arrived.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on May 13, 2016, 08:48:00 PM
WOW that's great you don't have to send just give lol

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 13, 2016, 08:53:04 PM
 :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 14, 2016, 05:30:25 AM
... and another fad bites the dust... con men are everywhere in life.

It has now been proven that Probiotics do absolutely nothing for healthy people... just another health hype to line the pockets of manufacturers, pharmacies and supermarkets.

Sucked in, bigtime (and big $$$)

https://au.news.yahoo.com/video/watch/31575752/european-community-lifts-lid-on-false-probiotics-claims/#page1

"Have you had your Inner Heath Plus today?"   

Nope!, and not freaking likely!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 14, 2016, 04:45:19 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Next_zpsnmzzpbwn.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 15, 2016, 12:23:16 AM
 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/drunk_zpsmkxys00j.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 15, 2016, 12:31:22 AM
 One Monday morning Shane the postman was riding through the neighbourhood on his usual route, delivering the mail.

 As he approached one of the homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway.

 His wonder was cut short by Eddy, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer, wine and spirit bottles for the recycling bin.

'Wow   Eddy, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,' the Postman commented.

Eddy, in obvious pain, replied, 'Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first time I have felt like moving since 4:00 oclock Sunday morning
.....We had about 15 couples from around the neighbourhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. We all got so drunk around midnight
that we started playing WHO AM I?'

The Postman thought for a moment and said, 'How do you play WHO AM I?'

'Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and come out one at a time covered with a sheet with only the 'family jewels' showing through a hole in the sheet.
 .... Then the women try to guess who it is..'

The postman laughed  and said, 'Sounds like fun, I'm sorry I missed it.'

'Probably a good thing you did,' Eddy responded, 'Your name came up 7 times..' 
 
 
 
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 15, 2016, 12:39:38 AM
A guy was in a bar, about as drunk as it's possible to get.

A group of guys noticed his condition and decide to be good Samaritans and take him home.

First, they stood him up to get to his wallet so they could find out where he lived, but he kept falling down.

He fell down another eight times on the way to the car, each time with a real thud.  After they got to his home, he fell another four times between the car and the door.

His wife came to the door, and one guy said, "We brought your husband home."

 

The wife asked, "Where's his wheelchair?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Wild Rose on May 15, 2016, 06:40:47 AM
 >:() :fp
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Wild Rose on May 15, 2016, 06:46:03 AM
Fail, scammer, fail!


8.15 pm..... Just got an email from a mate holidaying in Singapore, who got rolled and had his wallet stolen.... needs cash in a hurry, supplied PayPal account.
 
Trouble is, he is sitting right here in my lounge having a cup of coffee when the email arrived.

 :think1   :fp
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on May 15, 2016, 07:58:09 AM
Bloody Queenslanders

A genuine joke from Queensland. It is well known that humour is regional, but this is the first joke that I can say is truly a Queenslander:

At a national conference of the Australian Hotels Association, the general managers of Cascade Brewery (Tasmania), Tooheys (New South Wales), XXXX (Queensland), CUB (Victoria), Coopers (South Australia) and Swan Brewery (Western Australia) found themselves sitting at the same table for lunch.

When the waitress asked what they wanted to drink, the GM of Tooheys said without hesitation, "I'll have a Tooheys New."

The head of Carlton & United smiled and said, "Make mine a VB."

To which the boss of Coopers replied, "I'll have a Coopers, the King of Beers."

The bloke from Cascade asked for "a Cascade, the cleanest draught on the planet."

The bloke from Swan asked for a Swan Lager..

The General Manager of XXXX paused a moment and then placed his order: "I'll have a Diet Coke."

The others looked at him as if he had sprouted a new head.

"Well, he said with a shrug, if you  bastards  aren't drinking beer, then neither will I."

 :beer
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 15, 2016, 08:59:56 AM
 :crackup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 15, 2016, 11:41:40 AM
Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?

A: Change.

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/nah_nanah_zpsfkcugwd0.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 15, 2016, 12:19:54 PM
Tom’s wife was hosting a Luncheon party for some of her close friends at their summer home. At 10am she asked Tom if he would be ever so gracious to slip down and get some turtles for the turtle soup for the lunch. On his way to the store he passed the local bar, and figured he’d stop in for a quick drink. One drink lead to the next, and before he knew it, it was 3:00 pm and he hadn’t gotten his wife those turtles. He rushed to the pet store just a few doors from the pub, grabbed some live turtles, rushed home and stumbled up the front steps, dropping the turtles. At that moment, his wife angrily opened the door asking him where the hell he had been, and berated him for ruining her party. Tom looked towards the turtles and said “C’mon you slow pokes! Just a few more steps and we’re there!”

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 15, 2016, 12:33:11 PM
The poor man was such a habitual drinker that even he was finally convinced that he was an alcoholic .
At his family’s urging he went to see a psychiatrist.
After a lengthy consultation, the doctor sternly ordered that hereafter, every time the patient got drunk he was to report his transgression the very next day. A few days later the patient staggered into the psychiatrist’s office. “I wanna report that I wash drunk yesterday,” he mumbled.
“For heaven’s sake, man, you’re drunk right now! ”cried the doctor.
“Yeah I know,” said the patient, “but I’m gonna report this tomorrow.”

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 15, 2016, 01:03:41 PM
Jumbled word.

The most important part of a man.

EPSNI


Without this, man would be a crawling, insipid being.




The word is SPINE!...

... get your mind out of the gutter!  :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 15, 2016, 01:23:30 PM
Aldi toilet paper....4 rolls of 3 ply, double length, 1520 sheets total, $3.60 ...   Just proves that all other brands are crap prices...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 15, 2016, 03:21:16 PM
Childbirth at 65…………….

 
With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth... When she was discharged from the Hospital and went home, I went to visit.

 'May I see the new baby?' I asked.

 'Not yet ,' she said, 'I'll make coffee and we can chat for a while first.'

 Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'

 'No, not yet,' she said.

 After another few minutes had elapsed, I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'

 'No, not yet,' replied my friend.

 Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'

 'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.

 'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'

 'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Bloodman on May 15, 2016, 06:58:21 PM
Aldi toilet paper lets you wipe your bum with "Confidence " 😜 :thumbsup :butt

 :bl11
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 15, 2016, 08:07:13 PM
Think about it...

New Delhi in India has a population of over 22 million... and that's just in ONE city....

As of 8.05pm tonight, the population of India was 1 billion, 325 million, 685 thousand, 730 people.

While I was typing this, another 63 were born in the next 2 minutes before posting.

watch the live count here...

http://countrymeters.info/en/India (http://countrymeters.info/en/India)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 15, 2016, 08:10:24 PM
61,215
Births today

22,232
Deaths today

(As of 8.10 pm)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on May 15, 2016, 09:10:03 PM
61,215
Births today

22,232
Deaths today

(As of 8.10 pm)

Sounds as if Undertaking would be a profitable undertaking...    :fp


 :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 15, 2016, 09:34:46 PM
Why limit the possibilities?... Obstetrics has double the margins  :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 15, 2016, 09:42:50 PM
Painful and expensive.... how to confuse your 'wannabe' ambitions with your physical capabilities.

"Lookat me lookat me...ouch!"  (f wits inc.) I also noticed the comprehensive lack of safety/protective gear

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9EPHHPtCcc (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9EPHHPtCcc)

Obviously some of these clowns are missing from their circus.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on May 16, 2016, 06:22:05 AM
 

THE BRITISH PENNY

EUROPEAN UNION DIRECTIVE - NO. 456179/16

IN ORDER TO BRING ABOUT FURTHER INTEGRATION WITH THE SINGLE EUROPEAN CURRENCY THE EURO; ALL CITIZENS OF THE UNITED KINGDOM OF GREAT BRITAIN AND NORTHERN IRELAND MUST BE MADE AWARE THAT THE PHRASE "SPENDING A PENNY" IS NOT TO BE USED AFTER 30th May 2016

FROM 1st June 2016,

THE CORRECT TERM WILL BE "EURONATING".

IT IS HOPED THAT THIS WILL BE A GREAT RELIEF TO EVERYONE.

IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS,

JUST GIVE ME A TINKLE.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STeveo on May 16, 2016, 07:26:15 AM
 :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 16, 2016, 07:38:36 AM
 :crackup  I wonder who leaked this information?
Probably some low caste piddling little official..
 :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: NTRebel on May 16, 2016, 09:11:20 AM
It was probably a high caste piddling official like their prime monster.


:crackup  I wonder who leaked this information?
Probably some low caste piddling little official..
 :rofl

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 16, 2016, 09:14:18 AM
It was probably a high caste piddling official like their prime monster.

 :rofl LOVE IT!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 16, 2016, 11:04:58 AM
A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II


In light of the current fiasco in your nomination process for competent candidates for President of the USA and thus your impending failure to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately on completion of President Obama’s term in office. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy). Your former country will then be known simply as , “America”.

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
-----------------------
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
------------------------
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
-------------------
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
-----------------
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
----------------------
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
----------------------
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
--------------------
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
-------------------
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup, but with vinegar.
-------------------
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
---------------------
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
---------------------
11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
---------------------
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
--------------------
13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
-----------------
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
---------------
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!
 
PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on May 16, 2016, 11:09:48 AM
Hahahahahaha

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Shiney on May 16, 2016, 02:45:43 PM
Good show :clap :clap :clap

Sent from my SM-N9005 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: richo on May 16, 2016, 06:36:49 PM
 ;-*. I would like to see some Americans from the southern states read this.    Could you imagine the comments, the doomsday preppers will be heading for their burrows to wait for the invasion
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 16, 2016, 07:18:14 PM
 :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 17, 2016, 06:09:35 PM
A circus performer was pulled over by an officer for speeding.
As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car.
"What are those for?" she asked suspiciously.
"I'm a juggler," the man replied. "I use those in my act."
"Well, show me," the officer demanded.
So he got out the machetes and started juggling them, first three, then more,
finally seven at one time, overhand, underhand, behind the back,
putting on a dazzling show and amazing the officer.

Another car passed by. The driver did a double take, and said,
"My God. I've got to give up drinking! Look at the sobriety tests they're giving now !!!"

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 17, 2016, 06:34:20 PM
Three men, a Jew, a Catholic, and a Mormon, were having drinks at the bar following a business meeting.   

The Jew, bragging about his virility, said, "I have four sons. One more and I'll have a basketball team!" 
 
The Catholic pooh-poohed this accomplishment, stating, "That's nothing, boy. I have 10 sons. One more and I'll have a football team."   

To which the Mormon replied, "You fellas ain't got a clue. I have 17 wives. One more and I'll have a golf course!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 18, 2016, 09:34:23 AM
I haven't spoken to my ex wife for almost 12 years...


She hates to be interrupted....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 18, 2016, 09:34:43 AM
Little Johnny comes home and tells his daddy, “Dad, tomorrow there’s a special ‘Adults’ evening’ at school.
Daddy is surprised, “Really? Special?”
“Yes,” nods Johnny, “it will be just you, the teacher, the headmaster and two police officers.”
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 18, 2016, 09:48:22 AM
"What do you mean, my dog was chasing a guy on a bike???


... He can't ride a bike???"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 18, 2016, 09:49:30 AM

I was going to tell you a joke about time travel, but you didn't like it.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 18, 2016, 09:56:07 AM
Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S.
One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well.
So they spotted this hot dog stand, and order two 'dogs.' The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.
"Which part did you get?"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 18, 2016, 10:06:39 AM
I’ve no home, I haven’t got control, I can’t see any escape,

I guess it's time to buy a new keyboard.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on May 18, 2016, 01:15:57 PM
It's really not too difficult fixing your own hard drive, if the problem is a head crash, or the infamous Seagate "stiction" problem, if you know what to do.

You will require #4/0 steel wool, paint thinners, WD-40, a few hand tools, and about 45 minutes.

     - First, you need a clean room, so make sure the garage door is closed before you begin. Move those old lawnmower parts off
     the bench.  Disassemble the sealed unit and carefully wash all parts with paint thinners. Bend the read/write heads out of
     the way, and then disassemble the platter stack.

     - VERY CAREFULLY buff the platter surfaces with the #4/0 steel wool.  This will remove any existing data, level out any
     surface defects, and help to redistribute the magnetic media and fill in those pesky "bad sectors" that most drives have.

     - Reassemble the platter stack, and using a .015" feeler gauge, bend the read/write heads back to the platter surface,
     using the feeler gauge to set the gap. This is slightly higher gap than the factory uses, but it reduces the chance of head
     collisions with any flotsam you neglected to remove.

     - Give the heads and platters a good shot of WD-40 and reassemble the unit. If your drive has a filter, replace it
     with a clean section of gauze pad.

All that's left is to format the drive, and you're back in business. I haven't tried this myself, but my friend's wife's sister-in-law's husband knows a technician who does it all the time.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 18, 2016, 01:27:06 PM
 :crackup :rofl :thumbsup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Wild Rose on May 18, 2016, 02:01:28 PM
I have a friend who has a mate of a mate whose brothers friend does the same thing  :like
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 18, 2016, 02:41:40 PM
 :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 18, 2016, 09:11:58 PM
How does Bill Shorten sleep?




... First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other... much like all Pollies do...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 19, 2016, 01:04:06 PM
Just a short dose of some Benny Hill Hospital classics...

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/In%20Hospital%20with%20Benny%20Hill_zpsmcp6dkfj.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 19, 2016, 04:58:34 PM
Retirement as it used to be...
After earning a bag of spuds each month for a lifetime of work, and an additional bag as overtime rates,  a truckload of spuds would be given as a retirement package.

Now Malcolm Turncoat wants to only pay a packet of Fries as overtime rates, and to throw a packet of crisps at you when you reach retirement, then pocket the rest for himself!.... AND tax the potato grower. ... And the truck driver....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on May 19, 2016, 05:08:02 PM
And WE ALL just KEEP voting them in lol

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 19, 2016, 05:19:24 PM
No politician on this planet has ever received a valid vote from me in my lifetime.....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on May 19, 2016, 05:24:41 PM
Same here

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: ppopeye on May 19, 2016, 06:04:46 PM


Sent from my iPad

Begin forwarded message:

 
THE TAX SYSTEM EXPLAINED IN BEER

Suppose that once a week, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this..

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
And the tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that's what they decided to do.

The ten men drank in the bar every week and seemed quite happy with the arrangement until, one day, the owner caused them a little problem. "Since you are all such good customers" he said "I'm going to reduce the cost of your weekly beer by $20". Drinks for the ten men would now cost just $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes. So the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free but what about the other six men? The paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his fair share?

They realised that $20 divided by six is $3.33 but if they subtracted that from everybody's share then not only would the first four men still be drinking for free but the fifth and sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.

So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fairer to reduce each man's bill by a higher percentage. They decided to follow the principle of the tax system they had been using and he proceeded to work out the amounts he suggested that each should now pay.

And so, the fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (a 100% saving).
The sixth man now paid $2 instead of $3 (a 33% saving).
The seventh man now paid $5 instead of $7 (a 28% saving).
The eighth man now paid $9 instead of $12 (a 25% saving).
The ninth man now paid $14 instead of $18 (a 22% saving).
And the tenth man now paid $49 instead of $59 (a 16% saving).
Each of the last six was better off than before with the first four continuing to drink for free.

But, once outside the bar, the men began to compare their savings. "I only got $1 out of the $20 saving" declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man "but he got $10"

"Yes, that's right" exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved $1 too. It's unfair that he got ten times more benefit than me!"

"That's true!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back when I only got $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!"

"Wait a minute" yelled the first four men in unison "we didn't get anything at all. This new tax system exploits the poor!" The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next week the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had their beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important - they didn't have enough money between all of them to pay for even half of the bill.

 

And that, boys and girls, journalists and government ministers, is how our tax system works. The people who already pay the highest taxes will naturally get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy and they just might not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas, where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

 
 


Sent from my iPad
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: ppopeye on May 19, 2016, 06:06:28 PM
Aircraft Fuel

Dave  and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked  as aircraft  mechanics  in Melbourne,Australia.
One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in  the hangar  with nothing to do.

Dave said, 'Man, I wish we had  something to drink!' 

Jim  says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel  and get a  buzz.

You  wanna try it?' 

So  they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane  booze  and  get completely smashed. 

The  next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good  he feels.

In  fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side  effects.

Nothing!

Then the phone rings. It's Jim.  Jim says, 'Hey, how do you feel this  morning?'

Dave says, 'I feel great, how about you?'
Jim  says, 'I feel great, too. You don't have a  hangover?' 

Dave  says, 'No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover,  nothing.  We  ought to do this more often..'

' Yeah, well there's just one  thing.' 

'What's  that?'

'Have you farted yet?'

'No.'

'Well,  DON'T - cause I'm in New  Zealand'




Sent from my iPad
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: NTRebel on May 19, 2016, 06:13:12 PM
 :rofl : :rofl :rofl :crackup :crackup :dred11
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 19, 2016, 06:35:10 PM
 :rofl ...thanks, ppopeye
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 20, 2016, 04:25:28 AM
Last month, some know-it-all Doc told me to limit my coffee intake to one cup per day.
 :OldMan


By my calculations, todays date should be August 24, 2019
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Jdbiker on May 20, 2016, 07:16:02 PM


Sent from my iPad

Begin forwarded message:

 
THE TAX SYSTEM EXPLAINED IN BEER

Suppose that once a week, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this..

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
And the tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that's what they decided to do.

The ten men drank in the bar every week and seemed quite happy with the arrangement until, one day, the owner caused them a little problem. "Since you are all such good customers" he said "I'm going to reduce the cost of your weekly beer by $20". Drinks for the ten men would now cost just $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes. So the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free but what about the other six men? The paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his fair share?

They realised that $20 divided by six is $3.33 but if they subtracted that from everybody's share then not only would the first four men still be drinking for free but the fifth and sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.

So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fairer to reduce each man's bill by a higher percentage. They decided to follow the principle of the tax system they had been using and he proceeded to work out the amounts he suggested that each should now pay.

And so, the fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (a 100% saving).
The sixth man now paid $2 instead of $3 (a 33% saving).
The seventh man now paid $5 instead of $7 (a 28% saving).
The eighth man now paid $9 instead of $12 (a 25% saving).
The ninth man now paid $14 instead of $18 (a 22% saving).
And the tenth man now paid $49 instead of $59 (a 16% saving).
Each of the last six was better off than before with the first four continuing to drink for free.

But, once outside the bar, the men began to compare their savings. "I only got $1 out of the $20 saving" declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man "but he got $10"

"Yes, that's right" exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved $1 too. It's unfair that he got ten times more benefit than me!"

"That's true!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back when I only got $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!"

"Wait a minute" yelled the first four men in unison "we didn't get anything at all. This new tax system exploits the poor!" The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next week the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had their beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important - they didn't have enough money between all of them to pay for even half of the bill.

 

And that, boys and girls, journalists and government ministers, is how our tax system works. The people who already pay the highest taxes will naturally get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy and they just might not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas, where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

 
 


Sent from my iPad
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Jdbiker on May 20, 2016, 07:16:52 PM
Spot on :lik
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 21, 2016, 03:21:24 AM
Incredible.... These scams used to waffle on about '4 thousand' dollars just 15 years ago ...

According to todays scam mail, the United Nations is holding '87 and a half million' dollars that belongs to me....?

That's inflation for you

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 21, 2016, 03:22:31 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/Animation1%207_zpsm5mklg9b.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on May 21, 2016, 07:56:34 AM
([url]http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/Animation1%207_zpsm5mklg9b.gif[/url])


 :blu13 The thing would be going off non stop, they would have to have extra heavy duty batteries lmao  :rofl :rofl :well :blu13left
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 21, 2016, 08:01:25 AM
... and I know exactly where to fit the batteries... :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on May 21, 2016, 08:02:09 AM
We think alike lol

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: NTRebel on May 21, 2016, 08:47:37 AM
I vote Porky Pig for prime minister and Elmer Fudd for deputy. :dred11 :dred11
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Gadget on May 21, 2016, 10:12:42 AM
Turdballs would flatten the battery in one doorstop.

Sent from my GT-N5110 using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 21, 2016, 11:11:15 AM
 :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 21, 2016, 05:31:36 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Animation8_zpsutcufifc.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 22, 2016, 08:40:00 AM
Finally!  ... An explanation of sagging pants that makes sense!

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/Image1_zps19lz2muv.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on May 22, 2016, 08:49:54 AM
👍👍

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Shiney on May 22, 2016, 11:04:27 AM
 :crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 22, 2016, 06:58:13 PM
As kids, and then teens, my buddy Sam and I grew up together, went to school together, went fishing together...

Then along came married life, and things got complicated.
My wife whinged and moaned every weekend that I went to the boatyard to go fishing with Sam.
 
I had my leisure time scrapped, as the wife always found more and more stuff for me to do at home on weekends.
 
Well, it had been over three years since Sam and I had been out fishing, until the wife was away visiting family this week, so the
opportunity arose for us to go fishing again.
 
Just one phonecall, we met up at the boat ramp, and out we went.
Had a great day, here's a pic of Sam with a couple of nice fish that we caught.
 
I bet the missus is going to be really pissed that I haven’t cut the grass this week.


Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 23, 2016, 06:19:42 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/13734_zpsvfcbzyac.jpeg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STeveo on May 23, 2016, 07:00:27 PM
 :rofl :crackup :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 23, 2016, 11:12:50 PM
Whats green, and races around the garden at 80 MPH?


Could be either an Austin Healy Sprout, a Lettuce Elan, or an E-Type Gherkin.....



<<<<<<    Too late!... I went thataway!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Flip on May 24, 2016, 01:52:55 AM
([url]http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/Animation1%207_zpsm5mklg9b.gif[/url])


 :blu13 The thing would be going off non stop, they would have to have extra heavy duty batteries lmao  :rofl :rofl :well :blu13left




DAMN IT !!!   :OldMan

Little Billy Shorta**e came over to WA today.
Batteries are no use at all in his case so some clown plugged his shock collar into the state's AC power grid !  :fp
Blacked out every suburb south of the river !   >:()


Flip  :nahnah


 :wht11
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 24, 2016, 03:09:16 AM
 :crackup (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/nah_nanah_zpsfkcugwd0.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 24, 2016, 03:13:11 AM
"Little Johnny!... . Why is  your little brother crying?"

"He's crying 'coz I am eating my cake"

"Where's his piece of cake?"

"He bawled when I ate that, too!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 24, 2016, 03:22:09 AM
The hustings...



One party states "We are gunna do this when we win the election!"

The other states "Nah!... they won't do that!" (Meaning :~  Shit!... Why didn't WE think of that?)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 24, 2016, 03:31:41 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/pelican_zpsc6qfugat.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Gadget on May 24, 2016, 07:34:44 AM
The hustings...



One party states "We are gunna do this when we win the election!"

The other states "Nah!... they won't do that!" (Meaning :~  Shit!... Why didn't WE think of that?)
Or they remember core and non-core promises. And the last election of broken promises. 

Sent from my GT-N5110 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 24, 2016, 10:04:12 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Ima_zps0inww8sd.jpg) (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/avatar_5766_zpsqtwl14pq.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Gadget on May 24, 2016, 12:34:04 PM
The good old Daily Terrorgraph..
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 24, 2016, 01:07:14 PM
 :grin ;-*
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 24, 2016, 02:14:02 PM
In the sixties and seventies, people took drugs to make life bearable.

I got high on life itself.

Literally.

...f'r instance, there was this one time at over 14000 feet above Beaudesert, in Queensland.....

 The sky is not the limit, the ground is!.. So shut up and jump!  :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 24, 2016, 02:27:21 PM
A little dash of Irish...

Finnegan: "My wife has a habit of staying up until two o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it."
Keegan: "What on earth is she doin' at that time?"
Finnegan: "Waitin' for me to come home!"


Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink.
Quinn thinks that he's very lucky because his wife makes him walk!


An American lawyer asked Paddy, "Why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers you with another question?"
"Who told you that?" Paddy replied.
 


Irish lass: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window"
Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."


Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Paddy, is that you I hear spittin' in the vase on the mantle?"
"No, but I'm gettin' closer all the time."


Ireland has solved their unemployment problem.      You don’t leave school till you are 65



Blaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. "Quick!" he said. "Send an ambulance. My wife is goin' to have a baby!"
"Tell me, is this her first baby?" the intern asked.
"No, this is her husband speaking."


The only difference between an Irish wedding, and an Irish funeral, is that there's one less drunk.


"The walls in my flat", says Murphy, "are so thin, that every time I ask my wife a question, I get three different answers"



There's this Irishman buried out the back. He's been dead for 50 years. We call him 'Peat'



Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?


Me mother wanted me to be a priest.
Can you imagine giving up your sex life, and then once a week people come in to tell you all the details of theirs?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 24, 2016, 02:45:48 PM
I was going to post some Mafia jokes, but they don't have a sense of humour...


 "Just forgeddaboudit!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 24, 2016, 02:52:29 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/middle%20age_zpsbeo7pgvb.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 24, 2016, 02:58:45 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Dscf2381_zpsm6nqfoqz.jpg)

Arnotts Shapes.

Less than 40 per packet

$3 per packet

They are only twice the size of your end finger joint.

Are they really worth almost 10 cents each? ...

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 24, 2016, 03:04:52 PM
Wooden Artistry.

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/cid_77BE41507_zps4trl8h4e.jpg)

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/cid_C38B_zpsqmevtrtq.jpg)


No, it's not safe to say that if you pranged one of these, it wooden hurt......
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 24, 2016, 07:09:00 PM
Ummmm.... before you copy and paste this sort of scam, numbnuts, I suggest you proof read it first, and correct the date, etc...

US$2,000,000 Million Dollars, hey?  ... is that supposed to be..  2 Million?, or 2 thousand Billion?



AUSTRALIA LOTTO LOTTERY INC .
Date: 1 March 2010
From: lottery lottery
Reply To: rowland_lotteryagent1@yahoo.com.au
 
Subject: WINNING NOTIFICATION
AUSTRALIA LOTTO LOTTERY INC .
5th Floor East
Commonwealth Center
55 Currie Street
Adelaide SA 5000 ,
South Australia .
WINNING NOTIFICATION
We are delighted to inform you of the result of the E-mail address ballot
lottery draw of the Australian cash-out lotto bv international
programme,which took place on the 27th of FEB 2007.
This is a computer generated lottery of Internet users using email addresses
for draws.

This lotto draw is fully based on an electronic selection of winners using
their e-mail addresses from different World Wide Web(www)sites.Your email
address attached to ticket number: 275-189-657-23-05 with Serial
number 8756-05 drew the lucky numbers and bonus ball number which
subsequently won you the lottery in the 2nd category.You have therefore
been approved to claim a total sum of US$800,000.00 (EIGHT
HUNDRED THOUSAND U.S DOLLARS) in cash credit file ref:ILP/HW
47509/02.
This is from the total cash prize of US$2,000,000 Million Dollars,shared
amongst the first Ten (10) lucky winners in this category.All participant
were selected randomly through a computer balloting system drawn from
Nine hundred thousand E-mail addresses from Canada , Australia ,
United States , Asia, Europe , Middle East , Africa and Oceania as part of
our international promotions programme
which is conducted annually.This Lottery is being promoted and
sponsored by a conglomerate of Multinational companies as part of their
social responsibility to the citizens in the communities where they have
operational base.
Further more your details(e-mail address) falls within our European
representative office in Amsterdam,Holland , as indicated in your play
coupon and your prize of US$800,000.00 will be released to you from our
regional branch office in WEST AFRICA.We hope with part of your prize,
you will participate in our end of year high stakes for US$1.3 billion
international draw.Our agent will immediately commence the process to
facilitate the release of your funds as soon as you contact him.
PLEASE MAKE SURE THAT YOU QUOTE YOUR BELOW WINNING
PARTICULARS WHEN CONTACTING YOUR AGENT:
Ref: 4758961725
Batch: ALLINC 70564943902/188
Winning no: FGNGB2701/LPRC

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: NTRebel on May 24, 2016, 11:55:34 PM
hey Kev how about sharing some of that $800,000.00 I could do with a new goldwing and an aston martin along with a lamborgini and that would be just for saturday use.Oh I would need a mansion in Spain as well. :crackup :crackup :dred11 :dred11
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 25, 2016, 12:30:43 AM
There would be enough there to buy a whole fleet of wings for members  :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 25, 2016, 06:28:20 AM
Ok, ok... so I get bored at this time of the morning, and my imagination runs wild... :grin

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/go%20go_zpsolg1macp.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 25, 2016, 12:55:14 PM
Many years ago, I was riding through Port Augusta when an oncoming vehicle hit water gushing across his side of the road from a fire hydrant that had been hit by a truck minutes earlier. I was absolutely drenched by a solid wall of water, head to foot.
I pulled into a servo dripping wet, and got the strangest looks from people at the pumps, because it was 34 degrees, cloudless sky, and a dust storm was blowing.
Wasn't worth trying to explain.

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/download_zpsyxygxsb7.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on May 25, 2016, 07:52:16 PM
THE BOTTLE OF WINE 

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine:

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

'What in bag?' asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder,  she said:

'Good trade.....'
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on May 25, 2016, 07:59:27 PM
The Irish are a wonderful bunch of people, always willing to help in a pinch . . . .

Shortly after take-off on an outbound evening Air Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue:
 
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service. I don't know how this has happened, but we have 103 passengers on board, and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals. I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience.
 
When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat Will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our 5 hour flight "
 
Her next announcement came about 2 hours later:
"If anyone is hungry, we still have 40 dinners available".
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 26, 2016, 01:44:15 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/mushroom_zpsk9bgd0j7.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 26, 2016, 04:48:55 PM
Whale season again...

1 Humpback Whale is 500 metres offshore from Portland Bay Lighthouse
Date sighted: 26th May 2016
Time sighted: 3:30pm

Travelling northerly direction, slapping pectoral fins
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 26, 2016, 06:15:32 PM
Friend of mine had a bad weekend at the races.... he said to me... "I will have to give up gambling."

I replied "I bet you can't!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 27, 2016, 06:17:29 PM
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar and each orders a pint of beer.
When the drinks arrive they notice that all three pints have a fly in them.

The Englishman just looks at his pint in disgust and pushes it away.

The Irishman picks out the fly with his fingers, throws it on the floor and proceeds to drink his beer.

The Scotsman picks the fly out of his pint and holds it over the drink and screams, "You bloddy little git, spit it back!"

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Gadget on May 27, 2016, 06:20:34 PM
(http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160527/cab5007b7577624e9c3c24c5ab34dfbe.jpg)

Sent from my GT-N5110 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 27, 2016, 06:47:26 PM
 :rofl :rofl :crackup   :thumbs
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 27, 2016, 06:55:57 PM
I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, of course, YES! That’s what I bought the buggers for!

You’d be really pissed off if you opened it and a socket set fell out?"

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 27, 2016, 06:58:01 PM
"My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife’ll look at me and say, ‘Who’s that calling at this hour?’

I don’t bloody know? If I knew that, we wouldn’t need the bloody phone!"

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 27, 2016, 07:00:26 PM
They're making us pay a fortune for electricity, ya know. They reckon we should save the planet, save electricity and all that sort of stuff.
Oh, yeah, I'm loving this shit they're coming out with! You got the Chinese bellowing out shit for coal-fired power stations, the Americans are driving about in 4x4 Humvees, Las Vegas is lit up like a giant Christmas tree, but they reckon if I switch off this little standby button on my TV...

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 27, 2016, 07:05:27 PM
A guy traveling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a small town and went to a bar.
He stood at the end of the bar and lit up a cigar.
As he sipped his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke rings.
After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, an angry American Indian approached him and said,
"Now listen buddy, if you don't stop calling me that, I'll kick your arse!"

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 27, 2016, 07:18:41 PM
A married man and his secretary were having torrid affair.
One afternoon they couldn't contain their passion, so they rushed over to her place where they spent the afternoon making passionate love.
When they were finished, they fell asleep, not waking until 8 o'clock.
They got dressed quickly.
Then the man asked his secretary if she had a stick of chalk. Bewildered, she found a piece of chalk, which he stuck behind his ear.

The man finally got home and his wife met him at the door. Upset, she asked where he'd been.
The man replied, "I cannot tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an affair. Today we left work early, went to her place, spent the afternoon making love, and then fell asleep. That's why I'm late."
The wife looked at him, and yelled, "YOU DAMN LIAR! ...You've been playing darts at the pub again, haven't you!... YOU STILL HAVE THE CHALK BEHIND YOUR EAR!"

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 27, 2016, 09:11:39 PM
My dog ate all the Scrabble tiles.

For days he kept leaving little messages around the house.....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 27, 2016, 09:12:19 PM
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"

"Don't worry," said the Doc. "Those are just contractions."
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 28, 2016, 12:41:03 AM
pun time!

(add your favourites)

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/enhan_zpsw6ks0hcl.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 28, 2016, 12:43:36 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/145399-14_zps4mge0vka.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 28, 2016, 12:51:27 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/16341_zpscgx10ugf.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 28, 2016, 12:53:08 AM
 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/anigif_zpsoeayrlnp.mp4)

Well, THAT escalated quickly?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on May 28, 2016, 09:54:07 AM
Woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. Just after getting into bed the woman's husband also comes home unexpectedly, she tells her lover to hide in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in there.

After a little while the little boy says, 'Dark in here.

The man, who obviously got a real fright not expecting to hear anything, let alone from a little boy says, 'Yes, it is.'

Boy - 'I have a football.'

Man - 'That's nice.'

Boy - 'Want to buy it?'

Man - 'No, thanks.'

Boy - 'My dad's outside.'

Man - 'OK, how much?'

Boy - '£250'

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together.

Boy - 'Dark in here.'

Man - 'Yes, it is'

Boy - 'I have football boots.'

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'OK How much this time?'

Boy - '£750'

Man - 'Sold'

A few days later, the boys' father says to the boy, 'Grab your boots and football, let's go outside and have a game of soccer.

The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my ball and boots.'

The father asks, 'How much did you sell them for and to who?'

The boy says, 'To a friend of mine for a £1,000..'

The father says, 'That's a terrible thing to do, overcharging your friend like that'. 'That's four times what they cost when they were new, I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your terrible sins.'

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the  confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, 'Dark in here'..

The priest says, 'Don't start that shit again you little prick, you're in my cupboard now'!!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on May 28, 2016, 10:17:58 AM
Rofl

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: johnnyYTED on May 28, 2016, 12:42:00 PM
 :dred11
 :rofl :rofl :rofl :crackup :crackup :crackup
not what one would expect from a prieST  ,, its the boy who should be worried,,  :spank
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 28, 2016, 09:14:37 PM
 :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 29, 2016, 08:52:02 AM
How to cook an elephant.

First of all, obtain an elephant.
Follow Ivory poachers around, as they discard the elephants after removing the tusks.
(Be prepared for some heavy lifting, as they are not easy to transport)

You will require a large cooking pot, suited to size of the beast.
Place elephant in pot, add 3000 gallons of water, and bring to the boil.
(May take several days) add a few sacks of seasonings and spices.
Allow an extra 3 days on simmer.

Will feed around 300

If extra guests arrive, just throw in a suitable number of rabbits
to increase the bulk, but be aware that some people will undoubtedly
complain if they find HARE in their stew.
 :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on May 29, 2016, 08:53:23 AM
Lol

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 29, 2016, 09:11:56 AM
Police found an Irishman hanging by his feet from a knotted sheet in his cell.

Cop said “Thats not the way to hang yourself?.. Should have tied it around your NECK!”

Paddy replied “I tried that, but I couldn’t feckin’ BREATHE!”
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 29, 2016, 10:19:11 PM
Redneck Tractor pulls.

The tractors used for this sport are over-engineered, with multiple supercharged engines, and they are used exclusively for this sport.

There is this huge piece of machinery which has a counterweight fitted.
As it is dragged by a tractor, this weight moves forward on the base which causes an earth digging blade
to progressively lower to the ground, and impede progress.
Scoring for this highly competitive sport is gauged by how far the device is pulled in the shortest time.

The device is called a Farginnell..... as each tractor driver makes his attempt, the crowd begins to roar...

"FARGINNELL!!!... LOOKAT THAT THING GO!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on May 30, 2016, 08:42:48 AM
 :o     :-X
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 30, 2016, 05:29:18 PM
Been a few weeks since the Pollies last gave themselves a pay rise, .... in their opinion, aren't they due for another one???

.... Or will they leave it until the end of the first week in July, and slip it through while no one is looking??
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on May 30, 2016, 05:45:36 PM
They assure you with straight faces that their pays are set by an independent agency.

Probably the same bottom feeders whose pay is indexed off the pollies' pay.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 30, 2016, 07:18:33 PM
A blonde, brunette and a redhead are hiking in the desert.
The brunette said, "I brought some water so we don't get dehydrated."
The redhead said, "I brought some suntan lotion so we don't get sunburned."
Then the blonde said, “I brought a car door, so we can roll down the window if it gets too hot."
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 30, 2016, 07:25:25 PM
Guys n Gals Trike riders club had a meet and greet luncheon.

Was extremely easy to pick the trike that was owned by a blonde.

It was the only trike with a side stand fitted....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 30, 2016, 07:54:49 PM
How do you tell the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?



One's a slimy scum-sucking bottom-dwelling scavenger; the other is a fish.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on May 30, 2016, 07:56:51 PM
Yeah I hear that. Same goes for Liarticians

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 30, 2016, 08:20:30 PM
What is the most obvious difference between these two pictures ... apart from one being a protected species?

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/echidna_zpslgirrg5b.jpg)

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/BILLS%20BUS_zpscplpbxig.jpg)


The Echidna has the pricks on the outside...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 30, 2016, 08:29:15 PM
Senator Amanda Vanstone was pregnant.
As she was being taken to the delivery room, she spotted the sign above the door, and started vigorously protesting...

“No! NO! .. You can NOT TAKE ME IN THERE!.... I’m a LIBERAL!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 30, 2016, 09:06:51 PM
Mexico has just started producing new printed toilet paper...

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/cid_917F5429_zpseu9oaimp.jpg)

It's called 'Kizzmyazz'
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 31, 2016, 01:58:43 AM
Little Johnny at age 4 was taken to the zoo by his dad.

When he got home, his mum asked "What did you see today?"

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/download_zpslstejiug.png)

Wide eyed, he said  "I saw this great big fat grey thing with flappy ears !!
... and it had a big tail one end, and a little tail at the other!
... and it was picking up apples with the big tail,
... and you will  NOT BELIEVE  where it was stuffing them!"


Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 31, 2016, 02:38:20 PM
Peaceful self- indulgent afternoon at home

Am laid back in front of the heater, watching movies, and snacking on chocolate-dipped strawberries..

Doesn't get much better than this...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on May 31, 2016, 04:52:59 PM
My thoughts on the Australian economy, and how to improve it.

We have 24 million people in this country

The US has a population of 320 million, 13 times the number we have.

First of all, reduce politicians rate of pay to a level which reflects more on the actual count of our population.

Why should the Australian PM be paid over 25 percent more than the US President?


Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on May 31, 2016, 06:49:32 PM
AGREED

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 01, 2016, 12:52:07 PM
Short’un... “I will give $100 million towards cancer research for children!”

Turncoat... “I will pledge $200 million towards improving Sydney Parks!”

Short’un...  “You’re not very good at this, are you?”
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 01, 2016, 02:58:37 PM
Peaceful self- indulgent afternoon at home

Am laid back in front of the heater, watching movies, and snacking on chocolate-dipped strawberries..

Doesn't get much better than this...


Catastrophic!   :cuss

I have run out of..

CHOCOLATE!  :||||

Just have to have sugar dipped strawberries with ice cream instead!   :hatwave

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/DSCF2489_zpscgw3yrnl.jpg)

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 01, 2016, 03:14:01 PM
What a day!
 
Sitting at the computer... flicker... flicker ... flicker went the light.
 
Looked at the tube.. blackened on both ends.
 
Went to the back room, got a spare tube.. pulled the ladder out.
 
Dismantled the light fitting and replaced the tube and starter, all good.
 
Put the ladder away, went to the kitchen to make coffee.
 
turned on the kitchen light.
 
flicker... flicker ... flicker
 
Had to do it all again!
 
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Flip on June 01, 2016, 08:15:08 PM
No more chocolate  ???  :fp :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl

 :Chocies




Flip  :grin


 :wht11
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 01, 2016, 11:41:44 PM
From another forum...

Barcaldine- Longreach road closed

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/13343017_1047_zpsesi3xfq6.jpg)

Q from a Kiwi member

   Why is it closed?

My reply: 

        They found a pothole.... Awaiting Govt funding to subsidise repairs  (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/nah_nanah_zpsfkcugwd0.gif)  :crackup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on June 02, 2016, 06:47:44 AM
Or major roadworks carried out 6 months ago . . Forgot to remove signage!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on June 02, 2016, 09:30:36 AM
That's a new concept.  Locals can use it (obviously for essential property access) but everyone else will be fined!
The next logical step after lollypop men and automatic traffic lights.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 02, 2016, 11:32:35 AM
Cheaper to leave the signs there than to employ lollypop men, and temporary stop/go lights are expensive items  :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 03, 2016, 05:09:28 AM
A fellow aged rider informed me last night that he is finally hanging up his helmet.  :eek

He said that he was spending more money on bike cleaning products, than he does on registration and fuel. :grin

DAMMIT !!!  :cuss... he is only 3 years older than me!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: WendyL on June 03, 2016, 09:14:52 AM
A fellow aged rider informed me last night that he is finally hanging up his helmet.  :eek

He said that he was spending more money on bike cleaning products, than he does on registration and fuel. :grin

DAMMIT !!!  :cuss... he is only 3 years older than me!

My dad has finally had to hang up his helmet.  He'll be 79 next week, and was riding until a couple of weeks ago, but the docs have decided that due to his health and medical conditions, he's not even allowed to drive a car anymore, so the bike is going :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on June 03, 2016, 09:17:12 AM
A fellow aged rider informed me last night that he is finally hanging up his helmet.  :eek

He said that he was spending more money on bike cleaning products, than he does on registration and fuel. :grin

DAMMIT !!!  :cuss... he is only 3 years older than me!

I didn't realise Brian was that old!! :eek
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 03, 2016, 12:34:37 PM



I didn't realise Brian was that old!! :eek

 :Stirpot :like :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on June 05, 2016, 07:02:28 PM

An 85-year-old man had to do a sperm count for his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this home and bring back a sample tomorrow.”

The next day, the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened, and the man explained …

“Well, doc, it’s like this — first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help.

“She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

We even called up Arleen, the lady next door, and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.”

The doctor was shocked. “You asked your neighbor? Good heavens!”

The old man replied, “Yep, none of us could get the jar open.”
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 05, 2016, 07:34:31 PM
 :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on June 05, 2016, 08:04:15 PM
Hahahaha

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 05, 2016, 11:15:22 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/life_zpsblxxlzl7.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: WendyL on June 06, 2016, 03:34:22 PM
Unfortunately that's too true to be funny :cuss :cuss :cuss :cuss
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 06, 2016, 07:57:03 PM
Wednesday is workshop day for me... New rear brake pads should arrive in tomorrows freight.
On inspection this morning, I discovered that current rear pads have about the thickness of a butterflys' wing remaining  :eek
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on June 06, 2016, 08:29:54 PM
On inspection this morning, I discovered that current rear pads have about the thickness of a butterflys' wing remaining  :eek

Good for another thou kays or so.
You can do that now- didn't uster because of the rivets.  Remember them?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 06, 2016, 09:17:36 PM
Well, as I have more than a thousand Km return trip to Paringa RTE in less than 3 weeks, I feel it would be best to change them NOW!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 06, 2016, 10:19:09 PM
Have to pay rego next fortnight as well, according to paperwork in the mailbox.

AusPost, this is disgraceful... Rego papers have taken 9 days to deliver!
I can RIDE that distance in less than 5 hours?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 07, 2016, 02:11:21 AM
... Never ... EVER! ... decorate a Palm Tree for Christmas!

It's just WRONG!

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/palm_zpsrbscaybj.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 07, 2016, 12:32:42 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/Phoneless%20cord_zpspkk6dkoq.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 07, 2016, 12:36:17 PM
Advice to current Party Leaders and their 'talking crap' syndrome.

It matters not HOW much polish you apply to a turd, it is STILL a turd.

(P.S.  ... wipe your chin!)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 07, 2016, 07:14:38 PM
Miserable weather here today, but my thoughts are with those who have lost homes and loved ones
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 07, 2016, 09:00:57 PM
Clever monkey.

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/not%20so%20clever_zpsy051gpaq.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 07, 2016, 09:11:49 PM
Absolutely hilarious!  :rofl

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O70Ww9vzjvg (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O70Ww9vzjvg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on June 07, 2016, 09:17:08 PM
Very good hmmmm?

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 08, 2016, 03:31:50 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/lamp_zpsin16gap2.jpg)


 Whats the matter?... it's just a free standing lamp that I bought? 
... maybe I should paint the walls a different colour?
..and it's about time I packed away my Christmas tree, too!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 08, 2016, 07:20:13 AM
Unbelievable!

Went into Woolies when the door opened ten minutes ago to grab some milk, and picked up the last large jar of Moccona from the display.

As I picked it up, this other shopper walked up and started mouthing off at me and waving his arms around, carrying on like a bad mannered 4 year old  (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/tickedoff_zpsha5ydwn5.gif) 
The way he acted, one would think that I had stolen HIS coffee!  Continued with his tantrum and foul mouth as I walked through the checkout.
He got some real odd looks from other shoppers.
Don't blame me, pal, take it up with management!

I hope he didn't drive to the supermarket, because he would definitely be a road rager if you beat him to a parking spot?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on June 08, 2016, 06:04:15 PM
As I picked it up, this other shopper walked up and started mouthing off at me and waving his arms around, carrying on like a bad mannered 4 year old 
The way he acted, one would think that I had stolen HIS coffee!  Continued with his tantrum and foul mouth as I walked through the checkout.
He got some real odd looks from other shoppers.
Don't blame me, pal, take it up with management!

I hope he didn't drive to the supermarket, because he would definitely be a road rager if you beat him to a parking spot?

According to an article I read over the weekend, we're going to see a lot more irrational rage because Ice (crystal methamphetamine) is permeating all levels of society.  Initially it's relatively harmless, but leads to all sorts of melt-downs.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 08, 2016, 07:32:13 PM
Could well have been the cause of his behavior.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 09, 2016, 07:43:49 AM
India ... When you get out the wrong side of bed, your whole day is buggered! (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/tickedoff_zpsha5ydwn5.gif)

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Bikes/Wat%20een%20pech_zpso7dxaswd.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: StinkyPete on June 09, 2016, 08:10:00 AM
Probably faked, but very funny. 
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on June 09, 2016, 09:01:18 AM
Probably faked, but very funny. 

Certainly faked- why would there have been someone there videoing that sequence without moving?
Still a well conducted skit.     :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 09, 2016, 12:17:44 PM
Should have finished the skit with the victim donning the discarded cloak and sitting down on the ground begging,

.. and someone stealing his shoes!  :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 09, 2016, 02:06:06 PM
Today officially must be a slow news day...

https://au.news.yahoo.com/qld/a/31803743/qld-tree-frog-survives-lawn-mower/#page1

An outback green tree frog has made a miraculous recovery in a dedicated frog hospital after being run over by a lawn mower in Mt Isa last month.

An outback green tree frog run over by a lawn mower will be flown back to its Mt Isa home after life-saving treatment in Cairns.

The frog, believed to be two to three years old, was flown to a specialist frog hospital in April after being sliced open by the blade of the mower in a backyard.

"He's gained weight and is eating well, he's an extremely lucky animal," Frog Safe president Deborah Pergolotti told AAP.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 09, 2016, 06:56:58 PM
The British have such a command of decorum and aplomb that we can only aspire to…

For my friends who appreciate the finer points of the English language used correctly.

 

His Lordship was in the study when the butler approached and coughed discreetly.

"May I ask you a question, My Lord?"

 "Go ahead, Carson ," said His Lordship.

 "I am doing the crossword in The Times and I have found a word I am not too clear on."

 "What word is that?" asked His Lordship.

 "Aplomb," My Lord.

 
"Now that's a difficult one to explain.  I would say it is self-assurance or complete composure."

 "Thank you, My Lord, but I'm still a little confused."

 "Let me give you an example to make it clearer.  Do you remember a few months ago when the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge arrived to spend a weekend with us?"

"I remember the occasion very well, My Lord. It gave the staff and myself much pleasure to look after them."

 "Also," continued the Earl of Grantham, "do you remember when Wills plucked a rose for Kate in the rose garden?"

 "I was present on that occasion, My Lord, ministering to their needs.

 "While plucking the rose, a thorn embedded itself in his thumb very deeply."

 "I witnessed the incident, My Lord, and saw the Duchess herself remove the thorn and bandage his thumb with her own dainty handkerchief."

 "That evening the hole that the rose made on his thumb was very sore. Kate had to cut up his venison even though it was extremely tender."

 "Yes, My Lord, I did see everything that transpired that evening."

"And do you remember the next morning while you were pouring coffee for Her Ladyship, Kate inquired of Wills with a loud voice,

'Darling, does your prick still throb?'

... And you, Carson, did not spill one drop of coffee ?

 ... THAT, Carson, is complete composure, or aplomb.”

 
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 10, 2016, 02:26:41 PM
Seems I have a visitor arriving tomorrow before lunch. Stinky Pete is having a Saturday Far Ride cruise to Portland and back home again for the day. :hatwave  :thumbsup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: WendyL on June 10, 2016, 03:16:54 PM
I'm also expecting visitors this weekend, Ppopeye and Chris  :runyay
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 10, 2016, 03:47:28 PM
 :thumb
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 10, 2016, 06:32:25 PM
I have finally come to understand how Australian Politics work... irrespective of Party.


Promise everything...

... give nothing...

... and then Tax everybody ...

TWICE!

 :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on June 10, 2016, 06:33:39 PM
Yep......nail on the head there

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on June 10, 2016, 06:48:03 PM
Old age ain't for wimps . . . But it beats dying young.

IT’S HELL GETTING OLD...

Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man
Walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.

One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."

The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."

Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him

And one of the students said to him,

"We're medical students and couldn't help But notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"

The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."

The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."

The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."

So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"

The old man said,
"I thought it was GAS - but I was wrong, too!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 10, 2016, 06:48:40 PM
 :rofl :crackup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 10, 2016, 07:40:08 PM
A man invited a friend duck hunting and to show him his prize duck hunting dog at work.

They approached the first pond, the dog ran ahead. He came back and wagged his tail once.
The owner told his friend that this means there is one duck on the pond.
They walk up, and sure enough, one duck flies off.

At the second pond, the dog wagged his tail three times.
The owner explained that this means there are three ducks there.
When they walked up, sure enough, three ducks were on the pond.

At the third pond, the dog ran back and forth chasing his tail and then humped the owners leg.
The friend asked what in the world this means?
The owner explained, "This means that there are so many friggen ducks on that pond, he can't even count them!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 10, 2016, 07:47:24 PM
DRINK DRIVING TEST IN KENTUCKY


This guy was pulled over in deep rural, backwoods Kentucky.
They don't have flashy sophisticated electronic breatho' test meters for drink driving there.

The Cop just pulled out a wallet-sized photo of Rosie O'Donnell, showed it to the guy,
and asked...  'Is she attractive?'
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 10, 2016, 07:50:13 PM
Bruce comes home from the pub and sees Sheila watching Gordon Ramsay's cooking show on the telly.

Bruce says; "What are you watching that crap for? You can't cook to save your life!."

To which Sheila replies; "So what? You watch bloody porn movies, don’t you?"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 10, 2016, 08:18:39 PM
Anger Management.

This is a long one...



When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make.
I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."
I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f**in number!" and the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.  :o
When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an arsehole!" and hung up. :nahnah
I wrote his number down with the word 'arsehole' next to it, and put it on speed dial.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an arsehole!"
It always cheered me up.  ;-*

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'arsehole' calling may have to stop, but they introduced silent numbers. :thumb

So, I called the arsehole and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from Telstra. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"
He yelled "NO! I'm NOT INTERESTED" and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an ARSEHOLE!" :runyay

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for.
I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot just gave me the finger and then ignored me.  :OldMan
I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number too.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first arsehole ( I had both numbers on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW arsehole, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is", he said.
"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.
"Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house,and the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an arsehole!" Then I hung up. :grin
Now, when I had a problem, I had two arseholes to call.  :thumbsup

Then I came up with an idea. I called Arsehole #1.
"Hello."
"You're an arsehole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who the hell are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"Arsehole, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, arsehole!" and hung up.

Then I called Arsehole #2. "Hello?" he said.
"Hello, arsehole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll puch your lights out!," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, arsehole, here's your chance, because I'm coming over right now!"

Then I hung up, and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse,
and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 7 News about the gang war going down in Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Vaucluse.
I got there just in time to watch two arseholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars,
an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really works. :thumbsup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on June 10, 2016, 08:24:29 PM
That is SO SO. Cool lmao

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 10, 2016, 08:27:21 PM
found this pic on the internet, origin unknown.

Mud puddle

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/australia_mudmap_zpsvdkg3j6g.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 10, 2016, 09:48:21 PM
A Barber was shaving a guy and he said “Pop this wooden ball into your cheek to stretch the skin, so I can give you a good close shave.”

The bloke replied “What if I accidentally swallow it?”

The Barber replied “No problem... just bring it back in a couple of days, like everyone else does!”

 :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on June 10, 2016, 09:52:44 PM
Hahaha

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 10, 2016, 10:44:43 PM
Some roadside advisory signs should be ignored...

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Speed_zps6kn872gi.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 11, 2016, 04:53:43 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Animation1_zps0qqxbr4d.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 11, 2016, 11:38:21 PM
Classic case of an arsehole druggy cage driver living in his own bulletproof bubble.

I have just returned from the police station after filling out a report.

Around 10.15pm tonight, I hopped on my bike to whizz up to the servo for a couple of small items. Only 4 blocks from home.
When I left the servo, there was a slow car ahead of me in the left lane, who moved right to block me from passing? So I went left.
He then swung back to the left and cut me off again, almost got my front wheel. I had to brake hard to avoid impact.
He stopped 30 metres or so ahead. I started moving again and went to the right lane again. He lurched fwd again as well.
As I drew level, he started screaming abuse, "F*ken bikies!... you think you OWN the road!" and started to move across to run me off the road.

Well, as we all know, the ST is no slouch on acceleration, but I did not expect to lift the front wheel off the road! Only a short carry, and down it came again. I passed him and then slowed for the roundabout, but did not indicate that I was turning to the right.
This moron was trying to overtake me on the roundabout, presumably to attempt to run me off the road again, but when he realised that I was turning and it was too late for him to follow, he started screaming abuse out the window again, presumably watching my progress.
Rude shock for him as he mounted the footpath and slammed into a pole. Not wearing a seatbelt and face planted on his own windscreen.

Karma.

Police took him to the hospital for drug testing, as he is obviously 'on' something?.

Am now sitting down to a coffee to settle my nerves. Still shaking.

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Gadget on June 12, 2016, 08:00:56 AM
Glad you're OK.

I know it's easy to think of the things after the event, but when he pulled over, you should have done a u turn and went to home the other way around the block.

Sent from my GT-N5110 using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Gadget on June 12, 2016, 08:08:13 AM
Glad you're OK.

I know it's easy to think of the things after the event, but when he pulled over, you should have done a u turn and went to home the other way around the block.

Or gone back to the Servo and called the Police from there.

Security cameras in case he follows you there.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 12, 2016, 09:27:58 AM
Hi Gary... all happened within one block from the Servo, nowhere to turn because of centre plantation.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on June 12, 2016, 09:35:59 AM
Same thing yesterday coming back from sunshine coast, moved to right lane to pass slower vehicle the 4x4 in front braked to slow next to car I WAS going to pass, then sat beside him for 10k not allowing me to pass, SO after awhile I just dropped back behind, the car then on left dropped back and I saw a gap then down 2 gears and twisted throttle leaving 4x4 IDIOT behind. And enjoyed the rest of my journey 😃

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 12, 2016, 02:28:39 PM
You think you have lived to be 80 plus and know who you are, then along comes someone and blows it all to hell!

 

Jack, An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight jacket and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman, Kate,  sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked,

Are you a real pilot?

Jack replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans... flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII,
and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds,
so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?

Kate said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women.
When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women.
It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man, Ivan, sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked:
"Are you a real pilot?"

Jack replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian!'


Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STeveo on June 12, 2016, 05:07:02 PM
Seems I may be a Lesbian too.  :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 12, 2016, 05:19:06 PM
Must be an awful lot of us around. What part of Lesbia do you hail from?    :grin :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STeveo on June 12, 2016, 06:07:46 PM
Sorry Kev, cannot reply to that and keep it for family viewing.   :spank
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 12, 2016, 08:18:25 PM
 :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 13, 2016, 01:36:44 AM
A doctor drives by a small town

He stops at a gas station and notices there is no one there. A little kid passes by and tells him the gas station is closed because everyone is at the funeral of the owner’s daughter.

Since he was out of gas, he decided to stay for the night and goes to the funeral.

When he gets there he goes in and looks at the open casket and noticed that something is wrong.

The doctor calls the father: “Sir, I am a doctor and I can assure you she is not dead, she is in a catatonic sleep.”

“What do we do now? “Says the father.

“Does she have a boyfriend?”  asks the doctor.

Yes, replies the father.

” Take her to a room and have the boyfriend make love with her. ”

They do as the doctor said and sure enough she wakes up. Everybody was happy and the doctor left once he filled up his gas tank.



Few months go by and the doctor returns to the same gas station.
The same kid greets him again:

“Doctor, it is so great to see you again. About a week ago Mr. John died.
Half of the town has screwed him already, but he is just not waking up?”

Moral of the story: See a doctor before self medicating.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 13, 2016, 04:02:51 AM

Them poor 'Merrycans do not understand our love of Vegemite... they are confused, and think it tastes disgusting...

Yet, they are the ones that are confused, I mean... which mental giant came up with the idea of adding ice cream to steak????

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/vomit_zpswmnzevou.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Wild Rose on June 13, 2016, 05:38:11 AM
Seems I may be a Lesbian too.  :rofl

 :thumbsup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 13, 2016, 11:10:45 AM
I HAD planned on going for a ride today, but the Doc who I visited this morning has other ideas... I am waiting for a phone call from him to go to his surgery this afternoon, he wants to lance and drain an infected cyst that I have on the back of my head. Cant even put my helmet on today.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on June 13, 2016, 01:04:17 PM
I HAD planned on going for a ride today, but the Doc who I visited this morning has other ideas... I am waiting for a phone call from him to go to his surgery this afternoon, he wants to lance and drain an infected cyst that I have on the back of my head. Cant even put my helmet on today.

Get a second opinion.  It might be your brain trying to escape.    :eek      :crazy      |-i
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 13, 2016, 01:29:57 PM
Should I get out while I am still a head?  :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 13, 2016, 03:23:43 PM
OK, home again. Doc removed a growth just a bit smaller than a pea and sent it off for analysis.
He is a bit disturbed that it appeared, and grew to this size within 3, 4 days.
I now have 5 stitches in the back of my skull.
Just one word from you, Bill, about pea-brains, and I swear...  :crackup  :thumb

Cant wear helmet for a week until stitches are removed.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: NTRebel on June 13, 2016, 04:22:39 PM
At least it proves you're not a bird brain Kev. :Stirpot :Stirpot :dred11 :dred11

Paul
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 13, 2016, 04:57:56 PM
 :crackup Ya dag!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 14, 2016, 01:20:42 PM
(http://i154.photobucket.com/albums/s277/cool_blue_ice_2002/drugs_1.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 14, 2016, 02:16:21 PM
You know how some people explain the weather, EG "It's been Pis ... errr ... urinating precipitation!"

Here's the visual proof of their description of the rain conditions
...

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/rain_zpskakfbzy9.mp4)





Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: NTRebel on June 14, 2016, 02:42:24 PM
 :rofl :rofl :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 14, 2016, 03:27:09 PM
 :grin Thanks, Paul
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 14, 2016, 11:23:19 PM
The mighty Thor was having primal urges, and as all the female Gods had
turned him down, he decided to put his feet on Eath and choose
a mortal to satisfy his lust.
However, he had made one small oversight, and lobbed on Earth in
a rather desolate area.
 
“The first good looking woman!” he muttered to himself.
.. Which changed as he strode on... “Dammit!... ANY woman!”
 
Well, would you believe.. He stumbled upon Ita Buttrose, who was
standing beside her broken down car, awaiting roadside assistance.
 
Thor rushed up, knocked her down, and satisfied his urges.
 
Ita looked up at him, and asked “Who are you?”
 
Thor stood proud, waved his hammer and declared “I am THOR! ... I am THOR!
 
Ita looked at him and replied “YOU’RE THOR??? ... DAMMIT!... I’M tho thor,
that I can’t even PITH!!!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 15, 2016, 12:08:56 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/images_zpsffxxo2kb.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 15, 2016, 12:14:49 AM

Many Doctors make this request of their patients....?

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/pith%20in%20a%20bottle_zpsvqwibqmb.jpg)


(Pith in a bottle!) ... dunno what the thoap ith for?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 15, 2016, 12:24:18 AM
Stanley stated..."Doctor Livingstone, I presume?"

Seems that Stanley wore a pith helmet when he met Livingstone in Africa in 1871.

That helmet is on display in the London Museum.

Africa wishes to have that helmet transported to Zambia, but the London Museum has firmly stated...

"Nobody... NOBODY! ... has the right to take the Pith out of London!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 15, 2016, 12:36:45 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/download%201_zpsw7l8eq7b.jpg)


Obviously a member of  ...


(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/download_zpsn9hrjhre.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STeveo on June 15, 2016, 07:45:02 AM
Thank you for the morning chuckle Kev. Please keep them coming.   ++
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: NTRebel on June 15, 2016, 08:28:36 AM
Agree with Steveo Kev always look forward to a good laugh when I first get up of amorning and just before I go to bed at night. :dred11 :dred11 :dred11
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 15, 2016, 06:07:47 PM
I am Jewish; my girlfriend's not.

She DID buy me eight presents for Hanukkah, though.
I asked, 'Why did you buy me eight presents for Hanukkah?'
She replied, 'Eight presents, for the eight nights of Hanukkah.'

I said, 'You idiot!, there's 32 nights of Hanukkah -- and I like electronics!
Now, get down to the mall. Religious minimum is $50 per gift!'
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 15, 2016, 06:10:13 PM
My wife said she wanted me to tease her.

I said, 'Alright, fatty.......'


...and that's how the argument began...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 15, 2016, 06:11:28 PM
A golfer stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity: looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the damn ball!"

The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."

"Forget it, man," says his partner. "You'll never hit her from here?"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 15, 2016, 06:14:29 PM
A crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $7 bill instead of a $10 bill.
He decided to try it out anyway, so he went to the bank and asked for change.
The teller looked at the $7 bill and gave the crook a $4 bill and a $3 coin as change.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 15, 2016, 06:16:53 PM
A blonde has sharp pains in her side, so she goes to the hospital.
The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis."
The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help?"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 15, 2016, 06:19:39 PM
We've been trying to solve this drunk driving problem for years, and there's an obvious solution: legalize marijuana.  :eek
I just think it's safer than alcohol.  :think1

I'd rather be stoned driving a car than drunk 'cause when you're stoned, you think every car's a cop. :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 15, 2016, 09:08:12 PM
Granny in wheelchair busted for shoplifting.

Checkout girl is in fits!

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/granny_zpskl4i7moj.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 16, 2016, 12:31:37 AM
How time flies...
Monica Lewinsky will be 43 in July.....






.... seems like it was only yesterday that she was crawling around The White House on her hands and knees...  :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 16, 2016, 08:27:45 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/nuttin_zps2rf4veor.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 16, 2016, 08:34:41 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/washers_zpspqqwjagu.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 16, 2016, 01:57:00 PM
My Mothers Birthday today, she would have been 102 years old.
She passed away 5 days after her 93rd birthday, in 2007
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on June 16, 2016, 02:24:17 PM
Good innings Kev.  My mum just turned 88 and still fighting fit

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 17, 2016, 03:31:46 AM
Spam / Advertising

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/bull_zpsuf4veouz.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 17, 2016, 03:48:54 PM
How can this woman be so stupid?   :crackup

"How Many In The Family" Riddle
Mom and Dad have 4 daughters, each daughter has one brother. How many people are in the family?

"How Many In The Family" Riddle
Mom and Dad have 4 daughters, each daughter has one brother. How many people are in the family?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgFd0gapumw (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgFd0gapumw)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: StinkyPete on June 17, 2016, 03:57:56 PM
How can this woman be so stupid?   :crackup

"How Many In The Family" Riddle
Mom and Dad have 4 daughters, each daughter has one brother. How many people are in the family?

"How Many In The Family" Riddle
Mom and Dad have 4 daughters, each daughter has one brother. How many people are in the family?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgFd0gapumw (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgFd0gapumw)

 :crackup :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: NTRebel on June 17, 2016, 04:02:34 PM
Just look at her hair colour. :dred11 :dred11
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on June 17, 2016, 04:23:18 PM
DUH!  Big-time

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 17, 2016, 06:03:43 PM
(http://i154.photobucket.com/albums/s277/cool_blue_ice_2002/universe.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on June 17, 2016, 07:42:30 PM
Soooooooo TRUE

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: NTRebel on June 17, 2016, 09:41:55 PM
Hey Kev that's polly waffle house in Canberra that's made up of morons not the universe cos the universe has a brain.


([url]http://i154.photobucket.com/albums/s277/cool_blue_ice_2002/universe.jpg[/url])
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 17, 2016, 09:59:35 PM
A woman found herself standing at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter greeted her and said, “These are the Gates to Heaven, my dear. But you must do one more thing before you can enter.”

The woman was very excited, and asked of St. Peter what she must do.

“Spell a word,” St. Peter replied.

“What word?” she asked.

“Any word,” answered St. Peter. “It’s your choice.”

The woman promptly replied, “Then the word I will spell is love. L-O-V-E.”

St. Peter welcomed her in, and asked her if she would mind taking his place at the gates for a few minutes while he took a break.

So the woman is left sitting in St. Peter’s chair when a man approaches the gates, and she realizes it is her husband.

“What happened?” she cried, “Why are you here?”

Her husband stared at her for a moment, then said, “I was so upset when I left your funeral, I went and spent the night with my secretary.
When I left there in the morning, I was hit by a bus. Did I really make it to Heaven?”

“Not yet,” she replied, “You must spell a word first, the name of a town.”

“Which town?” he asked.

The woman responded, "Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch"

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 18, 2016, 08:12:20 AM
Young Johnny hid in the back of his brothers car.

His brother jumped in, drove to pick up his girlfriend, and then went out of town.
He pulled to the side of the road, turned the motor off, and said "Yes or no?"
"NO!" she replied.
He reached across, opened her door and said "OK, ... you can walk home!" and drove off.

Johnny thought to himself... "That's direct, to the point, and no messing about!"

When they got home, Johnny snuck from the car, grabbed his bike, and rode next door to little Marys house.
He gave little Mary a dink to the corner, stepped off the bike and said "Well, ... yes or no?"

She said... "Yes?"

He replied "Aww, bugger it!... YOU take the bike, and I'LL walk home...."
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on June 18, 2016, 08:13:59 AM
Hahahahahaha

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 19, 2016, 02:33:22 PM
My mobile phone seems confused.. It had turned itself off, unaided.

Again

When I discovered that it was off, naturally, I turned it back on, only to be greeted with the prompt "Battery is low" (AHA!... clue?)
Plugged the charger in... instant onscreen display indicated that the battery IS charged, which is verified by a beep, and a prompt "battery fully charged..disconnect from charger"

While typing the above, the battery condition display has dropped away again to just 20%. Plugged charger back in again.

I guess the battery has reached the end of its life span.

Come to think of it, the phone itself is over 5 years old...?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 19, 2016, 04:42:19 PM
2+ hours later, and the phone indicates that it is fully charged again?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STeveo on June 19, 2016, 04:46:40 PM
Having the same battery problem myself and mine is only 5 1/2 years old.
Bloody nothing lasts anymore!  :OldMan
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 19, 2016, 05:13:46 PM
A trip to the dentist... :grin

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfTyEtVIe84 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfTyEtVIe84)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on June 19, 2016, 05:35:48 PM
Classic

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: NTRebel on June 19, 2016, 06:34:44 PM
If I had adentist like that I'd go to the local veterinarian. :rofl : :rofl :rofl :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 19, 2016, 06:41:35 PM
 :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 19, 2016, 11:40:41 PM
Two blondes fell down a hole.

One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?"

The other replied, "I don't know? ...  I can't see!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 19, 2016, 11:43:25 PM
10 Facts About You:

1. You're reading this now.
2. You're realizing that this is a stupid fact.
4. You didn't notice I skipped number 3.
5. You're checking now.
6. You're smiling.
7. You're still reading this even though it is stupid.
9. You didn't realize I skipped number 8.
10.You're checking again and smiling because you fell for it again.
11. You're enjoying this.
12. You didn't realize I said 10 facts not 12.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 20, 2016, 08:47:32 PM
I think I have finally stopped my spam mail.

 :thumbsup

I finally closed my old dodgy Yahoo mail account as it has been active since 1997, and the last credible email was posted to it more than 18 months ago.

Awww....... I will miss all those lotto winnings, business opportunities and job offers, etc....

NOT!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: alans1100 on June 20, 2016, 10:46:11 PM


Awww....... I will miss all those lotto winnings, business opportunities and job offers, etc....

NOT!
not to forget all the long lost girls that want to get back in touch but you never met them in the first place -

I still use Yahoo email though

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 20, 2016, 11:21:42 PM
I won't miss all the "Wanna F***" emails from my horny "female neighbors" that have plagued me for the past months.
Was beyond a joke, with up to 30 per week gracing my inbox.
I actually ran out of ban filters, with more than 200 addys blocked.
Easiest way was to close the Yahoo.com account, which I have had since Yahoo mail inception 19 years ago.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 21, 2016, 06:29:07 AM
Where did the suicidal radical go after he exploded his bomb vest?






... Everywhere...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 21, 2016, 06:32:28 AM
Which was the 'more important' invention, after the first telephone?



... the SECOND one....

(Hey!... at least THEY never got a wrong number ... or an 'engaged' signal? ... OR telemarketing calls..
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 21, 2016, 06:59:32 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/jokes-02_zpslx4cumax.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 21, 2016, 07:02:31 AM
Yup!... it's a new start!

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/letter_zps2tylxeez.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 21, 2016, 07:04:51 AM
Inconsiderate Cager. Now considerably inconvenienced....

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/vengeance%20is%20mine_zpsvxgbl06c.jpg)

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on June 21, 2016, 07:06:38 AM
OR anus tart?

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 21, 2016, 07:15:25 AM
 :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Damien ball on June 21, 2016, 09:18:35 AM
That number plate 😂 they didnt think that through

Sent from my SM-N910G using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Piet on June 21, 2016, 09:44:59 AM
When they are so obviously unconcerned about bikes I would be worried they simply would reverse out.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 21, 2016, 12:25:00 PM
Two neighbourhood women were chatting.
The daughter of one seemed very nervous, hiding behind her mother.
The other woman prompted "What's the matter, dear?"

The girl shyly peeked from behind her mother, and said
"Well,  you don't REALLY look like a witch to me, and you only have ONE face?"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 21, 2016, 11:34:01 PM
Did you know that there is a law which prohibits lawyers and their clients from having sex? :law

It's to prevent clients from being billed twice, for essentially the same service.  :grin  :spank
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 21, 2016, 11:44:44 PM

After 35 years, mailman George decides to retire. On his last day, he makes his usual rounds.

When he arrives at the first house, the whole family comes out, congratulates him, and sends him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house, they present him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house hand him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the next house, he is met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.

She takes him by the hand and leads him up to the bedroom, where she blows his mind with the most passionate sex he has ever experienced.

When done, they go downstairs, where she fixes him a giant breakfast.

As she pours him a cup of coffee, he notices a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

"All this is just too wonderful for words," he says, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she says, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that I wanted to do something special for you.

I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.' .. But breakfast was my idea."

 :crackup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on June 22, 2016, 06:30:06 AM
Hahahaha

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 22, 2016, 01:02:50 PM
Corny....

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/trumpetmouth_zpsnhnxcirw.jpg)(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/cloud_zpsn8pqzc7d.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 22, 2016, 01:05:27 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Dollar%20Bill_zpsk0t3upyp.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 22, 2016, 05:27:32 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/turncoat_zpscpmupfnk.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 22, 2016, 09:53:02 PM
Did you know... that when my cats have a birthday, I don't tell them?

Mainly because they wouldn't understand what I am saying, anyway... :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 22, 2016, 10:04:41 PM
One of the local druggies just strode past my home, screaming abuse at the rain which is currently falling...

I think he is higher than Pezzz at the moment...  :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 22, 2016, 10:25:44 PM
KittyPuss wandered up to me tonight.

She said “Meow meow meowmeow.”

I said the same back to her, but she cracked the irrots because I mimicked her, and she hooked me!

Sorry, I don’t get it? ... Was I supposed to laugh at her? ... agree with her? ... or was she just looking for an argument.

I wonder if there is a school where I can learn to understand and speak Cattonese? :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 22, 2016, 10:32:49 PM
Pilot of a 747 was advised by air traffic control "Flight G149.. be advised that there is a Fokker Friendship in your vicinity to your port"

The 747 pilot replied "I have waited all my life to say this..... I have the little Focker in my sight!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: NTRebel on June 22, 2016, 10:39:05 PM
Don't worry Kev I have the same problem with my dogs only they paw the daylights out of me if I bark back at them. Maybe we could start a school for cattonese and doggonese we could be the teachers and students at the same time. :dred11 :dred11 :dred11
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 22, 2016, 10:54:07 PM
 :thumbsup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 23, 2016, 09:09:28 AM
Doggonese 101 ...

https://au.be.yahoo.com/lifestyle/video/watch/31897078/talking-dog-engages-in-hilarious-conversation/#page1
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: NTRebel on June 23, 2016, 11:02:19 AM
 :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl ++ ++
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 23, 2016, 02:27:49 PM
There was this happy Irish cleaner... he used to sing as he swept.

"Ten green bottles... hanging on the wall..

Ten green bottles... hanging on the wall..

If by chance, ... one of them should fall...

.. there'd be...   there'd be...?

He stopped sweeping, deep in thought...

...and then continued singing.. and sweeping

"... Oh Danny Boy... the pipes, the pipes are calling...."


Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 23, 2016, 03:13:23 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/steve%20jobs_zpsd8z1yqvz.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 23, 2016, 04:41:57 PM
What did the orphaned blind deaf mute ADD affected kid get for Christmas?







Leprosy
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 24, 2016, 05:12:33 AM

The mouth used to make this clip is actually my own, but added to the movie clip upside down...
... and the laughter at the end is also mine, but doubled in speed  :grin

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/suddenly_zpsyxbdrmed.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 24, 2016, 07:10:56 AM
 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/My%20Movie_zpszbidgrxo.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STeveo on June 24, 2016, 08:48:08 AM
 ++
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: StinkyPete on June 24, 2016, 04:49:57 PM
([url]http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Dollar%20Bill_zpsk0t3upyp.jpg[/url])


His maths is a bit off.  It's actually $3.00 per person  .....  or have I missed the point of the post???
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on June 24, 2016, 06:38:44 PM
His maths is a bit off.  It's actually $3.00 per person  .....  or have I missed the point of the post???

Yep, that's the point.  Maths isn't relevant, nor is the truth.  The huge ALP billboard I saw in Melbourne with Bill promising to prevent the privatisation of Medicare is a case in point.  Scare tactic, pure and simple.  The Libs have no such intention, but the bigger the lie the better.
The local rag has been keeping tally of the promised spending.
LNP: $3.5 billion
ALP:  $15.8 billion
as of this morning.
Shortun' is going to print the dollars in large denominations to save paper.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 25, 2016, 09:04:25 PM
Note to self: 'Cancel credit cards prior to death!   

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die!
This is so priceless and so easy to see happening - customer service, being what it is today!

A lady died this past January, and WESTPAC bank billed her for February and
March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and
Then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had
Been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00.

A family member placed a call to the WESTPAC Bank: 

Family Member:
'I am calling to tell you that she died in January.'

WESTPAC: 
'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member:
'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'

WESTPAC: 
'Since it is two months past due, it already has been..'

Family Member: 
So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?' 

WESTPAC: 
'Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to
The credit bureau, maybe both!'

Family Member:
'Do you think God will be mad at her?'

WESTPAC: 
'Excuse me?'

Family Member:
'Did you just get what I was telling you .. . . The part about her
Being dead?'

WESTPAC:
'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'

Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member: 
'I'm calling to tell you, she died in January.'

WESTPAC:   
'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member:
'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

WESTPAC: 
(Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'

Family Member: 
'No, I'm her great nephew.'
(Lawyer info given)

WESTPAC:
'Could you fax us a certificate of death?' 

Family Member: 
'Sure.'
( fax number is given )

After they get the fax:

WESTPAC: 
'Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I
Can do to help.'

Family Member:
'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing
Her. I don't think she will care, one way or another!' 

WESTPAC : 
'Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.' 

Family Member: 
'Would you like her new billing address?'

WESTPAC: 
'That might help.'

Family Member: 
' Rookwood Memorial Cemetery , 1249 Centenary Rd, Sydney... Plot Number
1049.'

WESTPAC:
'Sir, that's a cemetery!'

Family Member: 
'Well, what the f**k do you do with dead people on the planet you're from??'.............

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 26, 2016, 06:23:24 AM
His maths is a bit off.  It's actually $3.00 per person  .....  or have I missed the point of the post???

Yep, that's the point.  Maths isn't relevant, nor is the truth.  The huge ALP billboard I saw in Melbourne with Bill promising to prevent the privatisation of Medicare is a case in point.  Scare tactic, pure and simple.  The Libs have no such intention, but the bigger the lie the better.
The local rag has been keeping tally of the promised spending.
LNP: $3.5 billion
ALP:  $15.8 billion
as of this morning.
Shortun' is going to print the dollars in large denominations to save paper.


... and idiots like this want to be top dog? After the first half a dozen zeros, Pollies tend to lose the plot  :grin
... He shore do needs to learn his sums gooderer, din't he dun get no skooling? :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 27, 2016, 12:16:03 AM
Have you ever noticed that there are few things in the world, short of actual material success, that can
make you feel as powerful as eating an entire 2 litre tub of ice cream in one sitting?
Isn't that the weirdest thing? You eat half of it: you're a pig. You eat it all: you're the victor!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 27, 2016, 12:18:03 AM
I went to a Deli, and I had one of their celebrity sandwiches. I had the Donald Trump special.

What they do is they serve the dressing on the side, and then comb it over the sandwich. :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 27, 2016, 12:25:33 AM
I was watching TV late at night 'cause I don't sleep well.

You know that commercial for 'Save the Children'?...
The one that comes on really, really late, where the lady says, 'For the price of a cup of coffee, just a dollar a day'?
 
I was sitting there, thinking : 'Where the bloody hell can you get a cup of coffee for a dollar?!'
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 27, 2016, 12:30:09 AM
Friends of mine freak out when I tell them I'm a good cook... Why would they be that surprised that I can cook?
I'm a big boy. I can cook. It kind of goes hand-in-hand.

I could understand their surprised reaction , if I told them something like,... mmm ... I teach cats to play water polo?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 27, 2016, 12:32:34 AM
Two eggs were kissing on a bed when the female egg said, "I have to go change....be back in a minute."

Five minutes later, the the female egg walked out in a slinky n'egg'lige, rubbing her hands up and down her smooth, oval-shaped body.

Instantly, the male egg slapped his hands on the top of his head, covering it completely.

"What are you doing?," the female egg asked.

He replied, "The last time I was this hard, someone cracked me on the head with a spoon."
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 27, 2016, 12:37:49 AM
A 'largish' Aussie girl was recently holidaying in London.
On a whim, she bought this really decadent box of chocolates, but she really wasn't used to their currency.
The cashier said, 'That'll be 10 Pounds.'
She replied "That's right arsehole..rub it in, why don't you?'
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 27, 2016, 12:40:46 AM
Buddy of mine got a job at KFC.
Only lasted two days.
Manager sacked him because he couldn't keep his hands off the breasts and thighs.....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 27, 2016, 12:49:01 AM
Two ropes went into a bar.
One sat at a table, the other asked the barman for two beers.
The barman replied, "Sorry, we don't serve ropes!"
The rope returned to the table, and told the other rope what had ensued.
Infuriated, the other rope stood up, threw himself into a loop, frizzed his hair, and marched over to the barman.
"I'll have two beers, thanks!"
The barman said "Now look, buddy... I already told your friend that we don't serve ropes, and you're a rope, right?"
"Hell no" he replied "I'm a frayed knot!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 27, 2016, 12:52:56 AM
There's a new sushi bar in town that caters exclusively to lawyers.

It's named Sosumi.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 27, 2016, 12:54:35 AM
Cannibal Son: "Mom, I don't like my brother anymore."

Cannibal Mother: "Shut up and eat whats put in front of you!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 27, 2016, 12:58:07 AM
A customer in a restaurant ordered a bowl of soup.
However,he noticed that something was wrong.
He called the waiter over.
"Can you please taste the soup?"
"What's wrong with the soup?"
"Just taste it for me?"
"Why?"
"Just taste it."
"Sir, I--"
"Just taste it !!!!"
"Fine, I'll taste the soup. Where's the spoon?"
"EXACTLY!...NOW BRING ME A FREAKING SPOON!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 27, 2016, 01:02:04 AM
A newspaper reporter went to interview an old man who was the
last person in the county to have lived through the Civil War.

Thinking he had a story, the reporter started asking some questions.
"Sir, you have lived through the civil war and two world wars.
You have seen the invention of the automobile and the airplane.
In all of your days, what would you say is the single most interesting
thing that you have seen in all of your days?"
The man replied, "The Thermos!"
Puzzled, the reporter asked, "Why?"
"Well," the old man responded, "when you put something hot in it, it keeps it hot.
When you put something cold in it, it keeps it cold...
... HOW DOES IT KNOW?????"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 27, 2016, 05:08:32 AM
Did you know?

The Greeks invented sex

The French introduced it to Women...  :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Wild Rose on June 27, 2016, 12:05:06 PM
Buddy of mine got a job at Maccas.
Only lasted two days.
Manager sacked him because he couldn't keep his hands off the breasts and thighs.....

Kev
You sure it wasn't at KFC  :grin.  :thumb
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 27, 2016, 01:39:19 PM
Fixed... mental blank.. Thanks, Leo  :thumb

(I don't eat fast food)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 27, 2016, 07:56:36 PM
An old farmer owned and drove a Rolls Royce for almost 30 years.
When he decided to upgrade, he chose a new Rolls as a replacement.

Of course, Rolls were pleased with his choice. They sent a Sales Rep to visit the Farmer a few weeks after he took delivery of the new car, to get some feedback.

The Rep asked "Sir, what feature of the new car do you consider to be the best improvement?"

The old farmer replied.. "Well, that would have to be the wind-up window between the front and the back seat,
because it stops the sheep from licking my neck while I am driving them down to the back paddock!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 27, 2016, 11:36:03 PM
When you see a little old lady driving a Volvo with the indicator on, do not assume that she is turning...
It is probably indicating where she hung her handbag... or it was already activated when she bought the vehicle.
Just be are aware that they never use the indicator for its designed function.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 27, 2016, 11:39:21 PM
If a couple from Tennessee get a legal divorce, are they still brother and sister?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 28, 2016, 01:40:40 AM
The cutting edge. (I was feeling creative, found this clip, edited, and added the parody sound track)

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/cutter_zpse3djshrv.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 28, 2016, 04:28:35 PM
There is a very common product used to construct back roads. It is called Ar-BUG Grit.
Often, Touring Motorcyclists discover this product on their travels, and verbally invoke the name as they backtrack to bitumen roads again. :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 29, 2016, 11:43:58 PM
Judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw."

From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying bastard!"

"Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."

"You tightwad!" blurts the spectator.

"Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill."

"You cheap son of a... " the spectator starts to shout.

The judge thunders back, " I will hold you in contempt! What is the reason for your outbursts?"

"I've lived next to that lying bastard for 10 years now, but do you think he ever had any tools when I needed to borrow one?"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 29, 2016, 11:51:26 PM
Why do we need 14 handicapped parking spaces at the entrance to Bunnings?

Could we just talk about this?

If a guy can plaster his bathroom, dig drains, lay floor tiles, refit kitchen benches and put up gutters, don't you think he can walk the extra 30 feet from the parking lot to the store?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 29, 2016, 11:59:01 PM
How to fix the drug problem

Let crack and heroin be manufactured by the pharmaceutical companies, that way nobody will be able to afford them.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 30, 2016, 12:02:47 AM
You can't walk into a gym nowadays -- 'How much is it?' ... and pay.
Doesn't work that way any more.

They have all these plans. 'You know, we have many, many plans.
Our most popular plan is where you give us $80,000 up front and
then give us your bank card, and we'll automatically take $1,000
a month out of that.
You don't have to worry about paying; we'll just take it out ourselves, right?'
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 30, 2016, 02:14:45 PM
Isn't life wonderful....

Just a couple more days, and we will hear nothing more in the news about most of these politicians for at least three or four years.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 30, 2016, 08:17:36 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/3_zpsbohj72bi.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 30, 2016, 08:22:09 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/photo_zpsa8cghbhp.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on June 30, 2016, 10:37:23 PM
I just read an article on the dangers of drinking....
Scared the crap out of me!

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/cid_par_zpsxquknwzs.gif)

I have decided to quit... No more reading for me!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 01, 2016, 03:09:38 AM
Truly amazing how lucky one person can be..

I have been the 1 millionth viewer on no less than seven site pages today, and have won an iPad from each ...

.. yeah..  sure!..... and the Pope smokes a crack pipe, and wears pink slippers!


Took some hunting, but I found where this little text toy gem had buried itself in my browser settings, and I set it free.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 01, 2016, 05:33:56 PM
Must be my lucky day... I 'won' a Mercedes as well, compliments of the 'Microsoft July Lottery' competition which I didn't enter.

Malaysian origin email (Puchong)... maybe I should reply, and offer them some wombat feathers as a 'thank you?'

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 01, 2016, 06:05:25 PM
I hate all this 'Politically Correct' stuff.
He's not fat; he's gravity-enhanced.
You mustn't say short -- vertically challenged.
Nobody's bald; they're persons of scalp.
The stupid are hard of thinking,
and the crazy are just logically impaired.

So anyway, there's this short, fat, stupid bald guy who is absolutely crazy, with big ideas on how to run the country...

Makes way more sense when you call a spade a spade, and not a 'digging implement'
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 01, 2016, 06:33:51 PM
MALE SEX DRIVE THROUGH THE AGES


Between 16 and 32: Tri-weekly

Between 33 and 52: Try weekly

52 and up: Try, weakly...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 01, 2016, 07:37:36 PM
What I don't understand, are the shoppers who buy the single individual roll of toilet paper instead of a four-pack or an eight-pack...

Are they trying to quit?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 01, 2016, 07:42:53 PM
There was a dead Politician, who was too big to fit in a standard coffin.

So they gave him an enema, and buried him in a cigarette packet.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 01, 2016, 07:59:32 PM
A hunter saves an Indian chief being chased by a grizzly bear in the woods.
The chief invites the hunter back to his camp to celebrate, and reward the hunter for saving his life.

At the celebration, the Indian chief says to the hunter, "I have a special surprise for you: 500 of my prettiest Indian maidens.
You look at all of them and choose one. She will be your wife."

The chief clapped his hands and 500 young, beautiful Indian maidens appeared, topless, before them.
With closer inspection, the hunter notices that none of them have nipples on their breasts.

"Why don't these maidens have nipples on their breasts?" he asks the chief.

The chief turns to the hunter with surprise:"What? -- you've never heard of the Indian Nipple-less 500?"

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 01, 2016, 08:41:50 PM
I know a guy who just got a toupee, 

-- not a very nice one though, it's made out of cat hair.

Every time you touch his head, he sticks his butt up in the air.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 02, 2016, 12:52:51 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/Image2_zpsibnae3qq.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 02, 2016, 01:11:22 PM
I named my TV remote 'Waldo', for obvious reasons...

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/Image5_zpss5rm4eiy.jpg)

What?... You don't find that remotely funny?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 02, 2016, 01:24:20 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/Image3_zpsobq3csrr.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 02, 2016, 02:43:04 PM
Talk about a waste of time... I had to stand in line like a kid in a lollyshop for almost 20 minutes until I could enter the polling booth, where I was issued with a polling slip the size of the Age newspaper.
Good thing that the trashcan was so close to the exit.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STeveo on July 02, 2016, 05:17:16 PM
That's why I voted two weeks ago (not that it will make any difference).    :thumb
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 03, 2016, 01:36:55 PM
Still have my sense of humour, even with a bunch of new stitches in my scalp and back....

I don't need egging on...

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/eggs_zpsb2ft9acb.mp4)

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 03, 2016, 01:40:07 PM
As we had an election yesterday, I had to post this clip of the faithful followers...

Yeah, right... whatever you say, Pal..

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/just%20kidding_zpskww8wyxh.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 03, 2016, 03:39:40 PM
Today is NOT a day for a 2 wheeler cruise...

YUK!

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Bikes/DSCF2527_zpswdhd5goc.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on July 03, 2016, 06:51:33 PM
Check my ride report Kev ;)

Sent from my SM-N920I using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 03, 2016, 10:10:31 PM
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer.

The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
“Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity.
Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way ??”

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, “First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income ??”

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, “Um … No.”

The lawyer interrupts, “...Or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?”

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

“Did your research note that my sister’s husband died in a horrific accident,” (the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation), “leaving her penniless, with three young children?!”

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, “I had no idea…”

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again ….

“SO,.... IF I DON’T GIVE ANY MONEY TO THEM, …..
…………… THEN WHY IN HELL SHOULD I GIVE ANY TO YOU??”
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 04, 2016, 03:32:01 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/I_said_zpsbiobuw0j.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 04, 2016, 04:23:24 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Bikes/Animation1_zpsagi1dkle.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 04, 2016, 04:30:21 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Bikes/aa_zpscvnshfre.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 04, 2016, 04:49:13 PM
Click on pic for larger image

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Bikes/us%20and%20them_zpskw2r0fqm.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 04, 2016, 11:07:07 PM
The Barman said "Sorry, we don't serve Time Travelers"







... A Time Traveler entered a bar...



 (Think about it..)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 06, 2016, 11:33:26 AM
Got a job offer in an email today..
 
I replied to it, using the name Argus Tuft.
 
I wonder if they fall for it?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 06, 2016, 03:51:06 PM
Another indoor day... been raining past 4 days. Not really disappointed by the weather, as stitches in my back are not particularly conducive to wearing a motorcycle jacket
(... or shirt, or singlet...)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 06, 2016, 03:52:41 PM
When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet?

I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 06, 2016, 03:56:17 PM
My EX told me that I was one in a million.

When I looked through her text messages, I had to admit she was right.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 06, 2016, 03:57:32 PM
I want to grow my own food.

Can anyone tell me where I can buy some bacon seeds?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 06, 2016, 04:00:23 PM
A woman in a bikini reveals about 90% of her body....

...and yet we men are so polite that we only look at the covered bits.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 06, 2016, 04:02:11 PM
The wife said to me... “Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are.
He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can’t you do the same?”
 
I replied “Are you mad? ...  I hardly know the woman!”
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 06, 2016, 04:04:10 PM
I went to the Cinema today.

Got thrown out for bringing my own food.

But come on, now – their prices are way too high, plus I haven’t had a barbecue in months. 

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 06, 2016, 04:10:41 PM
Money doesn’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a nice ST.  :thumb

...It's absolutely impossible to be sad, when you’re cruising along the highway on an ST?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 06, 2016, 04:14:27 PM
Money cannot buy you happiness, but I’d still feel a lot more comfortable crying on an ST than on a skateboard.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 06, 2016, 04:17:35 PM
Fantastic new exercise that really assists weight loss:

Turn your head to the left.

Good.

Turn your head to the right.

Very good.

Repeat this exercise whenever you are offered any junk food.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: WendyL on July 07, 2016, 12:35:08 PM
Money doesn’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a nice ST.  :thumb

...It's absolutely impossible to be sad, when you’re cruising along the highway on an ST?

Very possible to be sad when you have a beautiful ST and can't ride her for months on end due to injury  :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 07, 2016, 06:02:16 PM
I won't say that it rains in Portland every day, but on average, it rains here 180 days per year.
In the summer, we expect rainfall about once every 3 days, in the winter, it piddles down at the rate of about 3 days out of 4.
It's not massive amounts, only about 32 inches per year (830 mm) but it's that annoying, cold drizzly stuff that runs down your neck, or off the tank to where your wet weather gear has that leaky seam. Highway spray from vehicles going the other way is another annoyance.

In Portland, we have a standing joke about the weather..
If you can stand in the park opposite the Hospital, and see the wind towers across the bay at Codrington...... It's gonna rain.

Can't see the wind towers??  ...... it's already raining.

 Towers have been invisible today between 2 /3 pm, and 7 / 8.30 pm, with around 5 mm of rain today.

7 day forecast

Chance of Rain    90%    80%       90%        90%      90%          90%          80%
Rain Amount   5-10mm   1-5mm   1-5mm   5-10mm   10-20mm   1-5mm   1-5mm

Summary   
   Fri   Jul 8 Thunder-storms
   Sat  Jul 9 Mostly sunny
   Sun Jul 10 Windy with rain   
   Mon Jul 11 Windy with showers   
   Tue  Jul 12 Showers   
   Wed Jul 13 Possible shower
   Thu  Jul 14 Possible shower
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 08, 2016, 01:27:27 AM
A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy.

‘Where the hell have you been all night?’ she demands.

‘At this fantastic new bar,’ he says.

‘The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It’s got huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works – hell, even the urinal’s gold!’

The wife still doesn’t believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon.
She calls up the place to check her husband’s story.

‘Is this the Golden Saloon?’ she asks when the bartender answers the phone.

‘Yes it is,’ bartender answers.

‘Do you have huge golden doors?’

‘Sure do.’ ‘Do you have golden floors?’

‘Most certainly do.’

‘What about golden urinals?’

There’s a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling,

‘Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that pissed in your saxophone last night!’
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 08, 2016, 01:29:36 AM
A NIGHT IN THE BAR:
Bartender:
Who Are You? I’ve never seen you before…

Man: Yeah! I just lost my job and came here for a drink

Bartender: What kind of Job?

Man: Well. I am a Consultant.

Bartender: Whats that?

Man: Its a logical thinker.

Bartender: Logical Think, what?

Man: Let me explain it with an Example.
Do you have a dog?

Bartender: Yes!

Man: That means you love animals
Bartender: True!

Man: That mean you love your kids too.
Bartender: Yes True!

Man: You have Kids, that means you are Married.
Bartender: Very True!

Man: You love your Kids. You are still married, means you have a beautiful Wife.

Bartender: Amazing man! How do you know all these?

Man: That’s logical thinking now you are married to a lady, so you are not Gay!
Bartender: Impressive!

Man: Time to leave. Bye!

(About 20 mins., later the Bartender’s Boss Comes)

Bartender: Boss, you know I met a Consultant today.

Boss: Consultant!!...Whats that??

Bartender: A logical thinker.
Boss: Logical what??

Bartender: I’ll explain it with an Example
Boss: Okay!

Bartender: Do you have a DOG?
Boss: No!

Bartender: That means you are Gay!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 08, 2016, 01:33:19 AM
A guy was in New York on a business trip and decided to head to a local bar for a drink.
Standing outside the bar was a nun holding a tin cup.

As the man threw a few bucks into her cup the nun launched into a long tirade about the evils of alcohol.
She went on and on about how alcohol was tearing apart the fabric of society and how it was the root of all the city’s problems.

Slightly pissed off at having to listen to this the guy said, “Listen sister, I work hard for my money and sometimes at the end of a long day I like a drink or two.
That doesn’t make me a bad person. I have a wife I idolize and two wonderful kids at home. I provide for my family, I volunteer my time to several local service
 clubs and I contribute regularly to various charities. Yet you stand here and condemn me just because I drink the occasional glass of scotch!”

The nun was slightly taken aback and replied, “I see your point my son and I apologize if I offended you, but the alcohol is such a powerful demon that all who
 consume it are doomed…”

“Look there you go again,” said the man, “How can you make such a sweeping statement. Have you ever even TRIED alcohol?”

“Of course not!” gasped the nun, “The evil alcohol has never touched my lips.”

“Do you really think that one glass of booze can change you from a devout nun to some kind of evil degenerate ??”

“Well, I really don’t know …”

“I’ll tell you what, come into the bar with me and I’ll buy you a drink. One drink. I’ll prove to you that “evil” is not inside the glass, it’s inside the person.”

“Oh I could never be seen going into such a den of inequity, it’s out of the question. However, your comment about evil residing in the person rather than
the glass is quite intriguing. I must admit you’ve aroused a curiosity in me.”

“Well let’s go inside and settle this”

“No my son, I could never enter such a place… but how about this. Take my tin cup with you and fill it with this “scotch” you mentioned.
Bring it out to me and I’ll try it.”

“You’re on!” said the guy.

The nun removed all the change and handed him the tin cup.

He went into the bar and said to the bartender, “Two scotch on the rocks, and could you put one of them in this tin cup please”

The bartender sighed and said …..
…………. “IS THAT BLOODY NUN OUTSIDE AGAIN !?!”
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 08, 2016, 01:38:15 AM
Two old high school classmates

He was a widower and she a widow.

They had known each other for a number of years being high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail.

This 60th anniversary of their class, they had a wonderful evening, their spirits high.
The widower throwing admiring glances across the table. The widow smiling coyly back at him.

Finally, he picked up courage to ask her, “Will you marry me?”

After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered, “Yes,….. yes I will!”

The evening ended on a happy note for the widower.
But the next morning he was troubled.
Did she say “Yes” or did she say “No?” He couldn’t remember.
Try as he would, he just could not recall. He went over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank.

He remembered asking the question but for the life of him he could not recall her response.
With fear and trepidation he picked up the phone and called her. First, he explained that he couldn’t remember as well as he used to.
Then he reviewed the past evening.

As he gained a little more courage he then inquired of her, “When I asked if you would marry me, did you say ‘Yes’ or did you say ‘No?’

“Why you silly man, I said ‘Yes. Yes I will.’ And I meant it with all my heart.”

The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.

Then she continued. “And I am so glad you called, because I couldn’t remember who asked me!”
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 08, 2016, 02:09:58 AM
U2 LIVE!

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/U2%20Live_zpsbneqzlgf.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 08, 2016, 10:49:33 PM
There was a woman who wanted larger breasts, and a Physio Doctor instructed her on how to perform a daily exercise that would help her achieve this.
He said "Here's a simple little rhyme to recite, that will assist you in achieving results... as you massage, just say 'Ooby dooby doobies... I want bigger boobies.'
If you repeat this 3 times, that should be sufficient massage for each day"

The woman followed his advice every morning for a couple of weeks, but was running late one day, and found herself in an almost empty carriage on the train.
She decided to unobtrusively perform her self massage. She mumbled quietly to herself as she massaged ..."Ooby dooby doobies... I want bigger boobies..
Ooby dooby doobies... I want bigger boobies...Ooby dooby doobies... I want ..." she was interrupted by a tap on the shoulder from the man in the seat behind her..
"Excuse me, love, but I just overheard what you were saying... Are you a patient of Dr Ashgrove?"
"Why, yes!”, she replied, “but how would you know that?"
The guy grinned, leaned forward, and quietly whispered ... "Hickory dickory dock.... "
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 08, 2016, 11:10:59 PM
An aircraft with 4 skydivers aboard was flying over Nepal, when the pilot pointed to a mountain, and said..
"Just for your information, on the very top of that peak, is the highest 'Happy House' (nudge nudge, wink wink) in the world!"

At that, the four scrambled out the door and popped their parachutes.

One parachute failed, and the jumper was killed, one landed within the walled compound,
one landed on the side of the mountain half a mile away, and the other landed several miles away on another mountain.

From this information, can you tell what nationality each skydiver was?




The one who landed in the compound, Himalayan.
The one who died, him a Finnish!
The one who landed on the side of the mountain, him a Russian.
And the other guy was a stupid Irishman who was looking out the wrong window, and at the wrong mountain!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 09, 2016, 03:51:12 PM
'nuff said...

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/pbpbs_zpse6sk5t9r.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on July 09, 2016, 10:57:06 PM
The Barman said "Sorry, we don't serve Time Travelers"







... A Time Traveler entered a bar...



 (Think about it..)

Now that's clever!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 10, 2016, 03:37:10 AM
Single ticket wins $US540m  ($A721 million) US lottery
A single ticket has won the Mega Millions lottery jackpot in the US worth $US540 million, the seventh largest in US lottery history.

https://au.news.yahoo.com/world/a/32022018/single-ticket-wins-us540m-us-lottery/#page1

No surprise that (according to an email received at 3.20 am from Singapore?) the winner is yours truly.

.... even tho the Mega Millions Lottery is only played in 44 US states, Washington DC and the US Virgin Islands.

What would YOU do with US$2million each month, for the next 30 years?

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 10, 2016, 05:59:39 AM
I suppose I could buy the flashiest multi-farkled ST, and then pay someone else to ride it around the world while I sit at home playing with my cats? Dammit! I could even hire Clive Palmer, just to answer my phone!  :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Shiney on July 10, 2016, 12:18:52 PM

What would YOU do with US$2million each month, for the next 30 years?


Buy some camping grounds in each state of Oz (free camping for members of OzSTOC and as funds keep coming in free cabins) then staff each one with a mechanic to provide free ST servicing and repairs :thumb
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on July 10, 2016, 01:19:39 PM
Go and live in the Philippines again :) ;)

Sent from my SM-N920I using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 10, 2016, 06:27:42 PM
A blonde and a brunette were in an elevator. When it stopped at the next floor, a bloke entered the elevator and pressed the button for the next floor. Both women noticed his bad dandruff. The elevator continued to the next floor where it stopped. The chap stepped out, the door closed, and the elevator continued. The brunette commented to the blonde "Someone should give that guy some 'head and shoulders!' "

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/511188_xlarge_zpslqduzhf8.jpg)

The blonde asked ... "How do you give 'shoulders'?? "

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/blonde%20headshake_zps2ulpq0ce.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 11, 2016, 12:36:19 AM
A shoemaker put a sign in his window.

Shoe repairs!
Prices depend on your attitude.

L soles no charge
R soles double price
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 11, 2016, 01:15:40 AM
A car full of illegals was attempting to cross the border from Mexico into the US
Apparently the un-synchronized engine noises made by the vehicle aroused the Border guards suspicion...

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/images_zpsaptktqln.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 11, 2016, 02:51:15 AM
Little Johnny rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and is scooping out some ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen.
She says, “Put that away, Little Johnny. You can’t have ice cream now. It’s too close to supper time. Go outside and play.”
Little Johnny whimpers and says, “There’s no one to play with.”
Trying to placate him, she says, “OK. I’ll play with you. What do you want to play?”
“I wanna play ‘Mummy and Daddy,'” Little Johnny whines in reply.

Trying not to register surprise, and to further appease him, she says, “Fine, I’ll play. What do I do?”
Little Johnny says, “You go up to the bedroom and lie down as if you’re taking a nap.”

Figuring that she can easily control the situation, Mum goes upstairs.
Little Johnny, acting a bit cocky, swaggers down the hall and opens the utility closet.
He puts on his fathers old fishing hat. As he starts up the stairs, he notices a cigarette butt in the ashtray on the end table.
He picks it up and slips it in the corner of his mouth. At the top of the stairs he moves to the bedroom doorway.

His mother raises her head and asks, “What do I do now?”
In a gruff manner, Little Johnny says,:

“Get your butt downstairs and get that kid some ice cream!”
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 11, 2016, 04:12:50 AM
KFC have released a 'Party Bucket' to commemorate the recent election.

It's full of left wings and bums....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 11, 2016, 04:18:35 AM
Just heard on the News... India has developed a mobile phone pre loaded with apps which will retail for just FIVE DOLLARS!!
 
They are looking at the mobile market in India, where there are 750 million people who don’t have a mobile phone.
 
Total population in India amounted to approximately 1.26 billion people in 2013.
India currently has the second-largest population in the world, and is projected to overtake top-ranking China within forty years.
 
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 11, 2016, 05:24:37 AM
Urgent message on my tablet at 5.15 this morning...

Someone has accessed my NAB bank account, and I have to contact them immediately via the supplied link!

    oh,  Really?


 What NAB bank account? (Maybe that's where all my lotteries winnings have been deposited?)

(I haven't even used the phone in this tablet, or diverged the allocated phone number to anyone.)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STeveo on July 11, 2016, 08:22:51 AM
I get  a few of those for NAB too. Paypal is another common one (your account has been frozen and you must contact us immediatley.....NO THANKS).  Wot thuh
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 11, 2016, 01:42:05 PM
The PayPal ones have been around awhile, and continue. I also have received many, but like that NAB one, I don't even HAVE an account there.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 11, 2016, 02:38:35 PM
More rain today, (as for the whole of last week or so..) but some sunshine predicted for next weekend.
I may be able to venture further than the mailbox  :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 11, 2016, 02:45:20 PM

International Crappit
 
Strange game, Crappit... I never could understand it...
Its called an 'International' test, because players from 10 countries are involved, which is far closer to the truth than the claims of 'Baseball World Series' in which US American League players challenge US National League players in the USA
 
Crappit game or match is called a 'Test'... it started internationally in 1877..... surely after 137 years, it's been tested enough by now?
I watched some of it on TV, once,     .... here is my understanding of the game.
 
There are 3 teams which play Crappit.
The third team is internationally known as being 'optically challenged', by players and public alike... this may be the reason that they can only field a couple of players.
However , both teams allow the umpies to take the field in a true gesture of sportsmanship. This third team OWN the ball, and are derisively referred to as 'Umpies'
 
They mainly stand at each end of the pitch. They are scrutinised by both the other teams after every ball thrown, and either shake their head, or occasionally nod and point to the heavens.  Maybe pointing to the heavens is a warning to the player who is 'in' that he is being watched from above, and should curb his foul language?, but it invariably causes further profanity. Frequently the Umpies take the ball, but give it back again, or give the other players a 'new' one.
 
One team member, called a 'Bo-ler' saunters around, polishing the ball until his trousers are dye stained
(never could understand why... it was a brand new ball, anyway)
Then he adopts this Crazy high-stepping ludicrous hopping run, which can only be described as being against all known laws of articular human locomotion, and forcibly throws the ball at the opposing team member, called a 'Bass-man' who has a strange shaped club to defend himself  with, and wears weird partial body armour, and a helmet.
A crouching member of the opposition team (also wearing similar armour),  hides behind the 'Bass-man'. He is called a 'Whiggety'.. he is actually the primary target of the 'Bo-ler'
The  purpose of the 'Whiggety' is to distract the 'Bass-man' with pointed jibes about his mother, wife, G/F, sister, skin colour, lack of sporting talent, or a combination of all these.
 
You're in until you're out...
When your team are all out, the side that's out, goes in... until they're all out.
When they've all been in and out, it’s repeated again tomorrow, often over several days.
Some players randomly standing around watching play, were reported as being 'silly mid on', 'silly mid off', and 'silly point'
...  wtf? .... if it was so silly, why were they there?
One guy close in to the batsman was called 'short leg' but it wasn't obvious, and he didn't appear to have a limp. 
Another guy was called at 'cow corner' ... must be a dairy farmer in real life.
They did report than one player was in 'deep cover', but he was plainly visible to all.
I am still confused about the report of the fellow with the square leg?
 
The Bass-man tries to get opposition team members, who stand around doing nothing, to join the game by hitting the ball in their general direction in an attempt to get them to retrieve it, and return it to the Bo-ler, altho’ the Bass-mans aim seems poor and  it often requires an extended chase to retrieve said ball.
Scoring is rather odd... after occasionally hitting the ball, the two players who are 'in',  swap ends... sometimes... and occasionally more than once.
Each time they do this, it’s called a 'run' but sometimes they hit long shots, and only run once, (half- heartedly), but casually stroll back to their original positions, and are scored with 4 'runs' and sometimes 6 .... HUH?
 
 Sometimes the game is paused, when a player reaches a ‘ton’ ... whatever that is.
One person acknowledges this, by strolling around the playing area waving his club in the air, grinning like an idiot, while everyone else looks bored.
Invariably, these players are declared ‘OUT’ after facing the very next ball.
 
There are 3 sticks, called, um...  'Whiggits?' at each end of the playing area, poking out the ground, with two little bits balanced on top. A very fragile balance.
They are the last line of defensive protection from the ‘Bo-ler’ for the 'Whiggety', but are hardly adequate to protect him.
I think he still relies on the 'Bass-man' to deflect the ball, even tho' he has been bagging him out.
Apparently, these sticks are some sort of trophy, as at the end of the match, they are swooped upon by Players of all 3 teams, and also the general public.
Often, the little bits fall off, or the sticks get dislodged from the ground, sometimes by the ball, rarely by the bat, but often by a closed glove of the Whiggety, which is supposed to have the ball hidden in it, at which his team jumps in the air and shouts “AZZAT?” .
The third team assess the situation, sometimes shaking their head, and replying “NOD-OUT!”, sometimes nodding, (and raising the finger)
This decision seems to be completely arbitrary, and depends upon the mood of the Umpie 
A Bass-man who is 'in' is so disgusted when shown the raised finger, that he may leave the field, muttering obscenities, (also raising his finger).. to be replaced quickly by another team member.

Cuts both ways, as many members of the fielding team curse at a head shake?.
~ When this occurs, the use of the word ‘SUNOVA-BIJ!’ is common among many players.
Players of two teams always doubt the legitimacy of the ‘Umpies’, and often mention their unmarried parents, but usually under their breath.
There are many references to their impaired vision.
... a bloke that was in, was out... they said something about 'Leg Before ... um.... whiggit' ? (I thought that was where he was supposed to stand, anyway)
..from the way he was hobbling, it wasn't his 'leg' that was hit.... or was it?... maybe the word 'Test' is an abbreviation for a nearby body part?
Possibly the body armour worn in that area requires upgrading.
 
The highlight of some games, is the unscheduled arrival of a naked person (either male or female gender) who runs onto the field, and is pursued by some members of all 3 teams, and the local constabulary.
When this occurs, there is much merriment among spectators.
 
 
>>>Scooter<<<
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 11, 2016, 03:10:33 PM
Times change....and so do prices.

A few years ago, I bought a new whizzbang USB drive, a whole 128 Meg in capacity!.. cost around $147, and lasted about 8 months before failing.

Just got home from the Post Office, where I purchased a 128 GIG USB3 drive, which cost $49.99.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 12, 2016, 04:48:56 AM
Still raining... only 36 mm spread over the last 11 days... just enough to be unpleasant, and currently 9 degrees at 4.40 am, but with windchill, feels like 5
 :OldMan I dont think swimming is on the books, altho the water would be warmer than air temp.

I do not like swimming... I have an agreement with the sharks... if they stay off the highways, I wont swim at the beach. :grin



This is ridiculous... Portland.... 1 pm, and it is 6.5°C outside, and windy as hell, (with wind chill factor, feels like 1),

7.15 pm
Portland   5.7°C

Garbage collection tomorrow morning. I am not going outside to take my bin to the kerb.

(I guarantee that no one else will do it either.. everyone just expects me to do it for them)
   
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 12, 2016, 09:05:30 PM
People sometimes say "It's raining cats and dogs!"

(Musta stepped in a poodle..)

Doesn't rain cats and dogs in here in Portland.... it rains chickens and ducks!

Bloody fowl weather...


... and the rain continues..


I spotted a guy hailing a taxi earlier...


One raindrop said to another.. "Two's company, three's a cloud..."


I hate this daylight saving... it just means an extra hour of rain..


A hailstorm said to the roof. "Hold onto your shingles, this will be hard stuff!"



Even rains here at Christmas... Good thing Santas' sleigh is powered by Raindeer.



It's even said that the Queen enjoys her reign.......... All Hail !......


sex like a thunderstorm....You never know how many inches you'll get or how long it'll last.


I tried to catch a fog today.... I mist.


Chuck Norris does not need an umbrella. The raindrops avoid him.


One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed.
She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice saying, "The big wuss!."




Did I mention that it's raining?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 12, 2016, 09:25:18 PM
... and now its belting down hail at 9.15 pm... temp dropped again. 5 degrees.. feels like zero
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 12, 2016, 09:28:34 PM
Friend just phoned me.. said his wife is watching her favourite TV series.

"Reign"


I replied... "Me too!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 13, 2016, 12:29:43 AM
To stay warm, I have resorted to two electric blankets, with me in between..... and two doonas on top, plus two cats.

When this hits Melbourne, they will complain louder than me! ;-*
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 13, 2016, 03:35:27 AM
OK, that cloud seems to be empty, send me another one. No wet stuff for the past 2 hours. Longest NON-wet period for this month.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 13, 2016, 04:11:40 AM
A mute ran away from home, because he felt inadequate.




..Should have told someone...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 13, 2016, 04:21:38 AM
Aha!... replacement rain cloud has just arrived!  Even brought some more wind as a companion.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 13, 2016, 05:24:47 AM
The wind here ALWAYS blows in the same direction.





....SIDEWAYS!  ....   

Now that I think about it, the rain has been coming from that direction for the last couple of days?

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/94324d39458f49728_zpspgknfsbj.jpg)

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/images_zpsu48iom8s.jpg)

Speaking of fans, I noticed that all the wind farms here are non-operational for the past couple of days... too windy...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 13, 2016, 09:22:17 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Animation%2061842_zpsqhzcqk1r.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 13, 2016, 06:08:42 PM
No rain for past 4 hours, and wind has finally eased. Still black clouds overhead, tho
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 13, 2016, 07:28:06 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/402looking-for-summer_zpsrshgpizs.jpg)

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/ge1_zpsg1pb7vf7.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 14, 2016, 09:20:00 AM
Just light sprinkles overnight, but it was so cold, I had to sit in the refrigerator to thaw out!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Jdbiker on July 14, 2016, 09:35:23 AM
Just light sprinkles overnight, but it was so cold, I had to sit in the refrigerator to thaw out!

You funny :rofl :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 14, 2016, 04:12:59 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/11258f_zpsq6cg0df2.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 14, 2016, 04:16:59 PM
My buddy sent me a text.

He said his ass was frozen.

Then he sent this pic.

I believe him.

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/brrr-o_zpspvqynrkh.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 15, 2016, 03:12:53 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/truth_zpsjqtrfah4.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 16, 2016, 01:21:28 AM
Todays Winter Exercise Program.

Had planned an early start, (get out of bed before 1 PM)

Preemptive strike by cats demanding breakfast at 8 am stuffed the agenda, but I was safely back in my warm bed by 8.05 am.

Managed to vigorously kick off the doonas and blankets at 12.55 pm.

Switched off 'lekky blankets at 1.05 pm in an attempt to control power bill.

Had a hot shower, then got dressed in some warm clothes that were hanging in front of the heater in the loungeroom.

1.20 Pm... time for some outdoor activities! ... donned my woolly ugg boots, and had an invigorating jog to the mailbox (for the first time in 3 days)
Removed last Tuesdays deliveries... one of which is addressed to a previous tenant.
Understandable, as I have only lived at this address since March 2007.
All of 15 paces to the mailbox, and 15 paces back again. closed the doors again, and do not have to repeat that part of the exercise until next Monday or later.

Sat in front of the heater to conserve the heat where my clothes had been hanging, and was joined by the cats.

Cats asked me for a meal supplement at 2 pm, which I complied with, and had a hot coffee as well as a 'reward' for my exercise regime.

Checked email, only a couple of legitimate ones there to reply to, deleted the other 314 spam ones ....

Turned the 'Lekky blankets back on at 3 pm to warm up the bed before I retired at around 4 pm late this arvo.

Ram raided by the cats demanding another feed again at 5 pm 

Turned off heater and was back enjoying the 'lekky blankets again 5.15

Flat was cold, and cats gave me a slap around the ears at 7pm, which signified that they wanted the heater turned back on.

The heater is still switched on with two cats sprawled in front of it at 1 am ....

Will see if I can maintain my program tomorrow... two days in a row would have to be a milestone for me.

I also plan to add a meal to tomorrows program.


Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 16, 2016, 05:31:13 AM
Must be cat feeding time again...

 No rain overnight... its more secretive than that. A large Italian fog with two wives (big-a-mist) is lurking outside the door.
Thick enough to cut into chunks, and stack like bricks but it seems to be keeping the cold at bay, still 10 degrees outside.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 16, 2016, 07:13:44 AM
The perils of this foggin' weather. Visibility was restricted to less than road width.

OK, so I had gathered a lump of this fog, and was standing leaning against it when it suddenly lifted and I lost my balance and fell over.

Within about 15 minutes, this fog or sea mist has completely vanished? Temp has dropped to 8.5 in the past 90 minutes.

This hot cuppa soup is magnificent.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 16, 2016, 08:39:36 AM
Have decided to go for an early morning run....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 16, 2016, 08:42:12 AM
Riiight!... that's the trash tipped in the bin, enough of that nonsense for today.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 16, 2016, 08:56:17 AM
While outside a few minutes ago, one of the local 'legends' went past.... Imagine this, get a mind picture.... it IS as ridiculous looking as it sounds.

One pushbike, powered by a chainsaw engine, 50 cc (Limit is supposed to be 30 cc, right?) ... can hear him approaching from a block or two away, and he travels at 60 ks everywhere. Visualize a pair of ape-hangers attached to a pushbike, and a leather helmet and goggles more attuned to aircraft flight 100 years ago to the rider, add an arrogant attitude, and you have the whole picture.

Oh yeah, forgot to mention....... he is usually as high as a kite on drugs as well.... and yet he leads a charmed life regarding the Law, the magistrate rarely gives him more than a few hours community work for his regular appearances in court.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on July 16, 2016, 08:58:22 AM
Sounds about right. Needs a car to reverse out of a driveway and not see him ;)

Sent from my SM-N920I using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 17, 2016, 06:39:42 PM
According to channel nine news tonight, there are 21 million people worldwide hunting pokemons
 
What a complete waste of time! ... Get a life, morons!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Brock on July 17, 2016, 06:55:02 PM
Yesterday when taking of my Sat afternoon coffee with the joondalup Ulysses, saw groups of kids  wandering around with their heads down looking at the phones. I guessed they were chasing cartoon creatures that werent there.. At least they were outside getting fresh air.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 17, 2016, 07:32:14 PM
So, I rear ended this guy at the lights. He jumped out of the car, and he is only 4 foot tall!
 
He said “I’m NOT happy!”
 
I said “OK, OK, ... let me guess.... ahhhh... Grumpy?”

 :p
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 18, 2016, 12:27:50 AM
 A blonde was selling her pet Python on eBay.
 
A bloke rang up and asked "How big is it?"
 
She said:  "It's massive."
 
He said:  “How many feet?"
 
She said:  "Feet? - NONE! - it's a bloody SNAKE!!"

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/Blonde2_zpszp6xo1tw.gif)
 
 
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 18, 2016, 12:39:17 AM
A bloke made a cutting remark to his wife, regarding her weight gain.

She stewed on it all night.

The next morning, she whacked him with the frying pan.

Just proves the old adage... 'Time wounds all Heels'
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 18, 2016, 09:10:16 PM
A fellow said to a Theatrical Agent.. "I would like for you to represent me, and find me employment!"

"Uhuh?.... and... just exactly what is it that you do?" asked the Agent

"Bird impressions!"

"Sorry pal, I can't help you... that sort of thing went out of fashion a hundred years ago!"

So the bloke unfurled his wings, and quietly flew out the window....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 19, 2016, 01:57:26 AM


"Make me one, with everything..."


... Said the Buddhist to the hot dog vendor...



(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/images_zpsrpsaxiaz.jpg)


(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/485771_307194192691976_72866065_n_zpsvpup141g.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 19, 2016, 02:58:16 AM
My Buddhist friend was meditating.

I called “Tea or fruit juice?”

“Ommm.... Ommmmmmmmm!”

I replied “Make up your mind?”
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 19, 2016, 05:54:48 PM
A turtle reported a home break in and theft at the Police station.
"They cleared out with my furniture, even drank all my beer from the fridge!"
"What time did this happen?" Asked the cop
"Saturday afternoon, 3 weeks ago" replied the turtle
"3 weeks ago?... why didn't you report it sooner?"
The turtle rolled his eyes, and said "Dammit, man!... I got here as fast as I could!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 19, 2016, 09:45:13 PM
Interesting to note that the PM is paid at a rate of almost $1400 per day, 365 days per year (plus perks) ... and then close to $800 per day for the rest of his life when he is retired/replaced/thrown out .. but an aged pensioner who actually worked for the whole of his life, (not just sixty or seventy days per year) is only worth around $800 per fortnight...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on July 19, 2016, 09:46:45 PM
AND WE JUST KEEP VOTING THESE OXYGEN WASTERS IN . DON'T WE??

Sent from my SM-N920I using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 19, 2016, 09:49:12 PM
Not me... what this country needs to do is refuse to vote, until WE THE PEOPLE are offered a better deal.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on July 19, 2016, 09:51:02 PM
I voted for Donald Trump ;)

Sent from my SM-N920I using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Brock on July 19, 2016, 10:01:15 PM
Quote
I voted for Donald Trump ;)

My son tells me he did as well :eek :eek :eek

 :popcorn :popcorn :popcorn
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 19, 2016, 10:11:13 PM
One of my friends confided in me that he voted for his neighbours pet chook
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: NTRebel on July 19, 2016, 11:02:05 PM
I voted for Bugs Bunny cos he knows what he's doing.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 21, 2016, 03:36:18 PM
Washing machine gone on strike...
 
“ENOUGH ALREADY!” it cried...

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/Image1_zpsee9kuni3.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 21, 2016, 07:32:48 PM
Was a plumber here earlier today, clearing gutters and down pipes. I guess this is a test run.
Hailing hard for past 5 minutes... hail about the size of peas... Cannot hear TV ...


 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/DSCF2535_zps5cerkt6w.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 21, 2016, 10:23:17 PM
Was a short sharp burst of bad weather... 30 minutes at the most.
Looking outside now, there is absolutely no sign whatsoever now of the earlier hail, rain and wind.

~ Which is good, as I want to ride to the bank and get some funds, then go to the servo at around midnight.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 21, 2016, 11:45:44 PM
Sounds interesting outside... now we have rolling thunder (Two cats just bolted into the bedroom to hide under the blankets), and light sprinkles of rain again. Might need the wet gear to visit the bank.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 22, 2016, 02:16:38 AM
Had to wait until 2 am for the rain to ease... job done, and I now have milk in the fridge for coffee again :thumbsup

Saw a car smashed up on the footpath at a roundabout two blocks from here....was being winched onto a recovery vehicle.... may have been the one I heard revving and spinning the wheels in the wet an hour or so ago.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 22, 2016, 03:05:09 AM
What do you call the Liberal and Labor parties in an active volcano?


A damn good start.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 22, 2016, 06:47:38 PM
A couple of minor showers today... Thunderstorm now approaching .. both cats have vanished under the bed again.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 22, 2016, 10:36:19 PM
2 mm of rain today between 9am and 6pm... however, another 8mm from 7pm to 9pm. Currently, just gusty buffeting winds of around 40/45 kph and frequent light passing showers.
Indoors weather.. even the cats don't want to go outside. I agree with them.

Time to resort to my jokes folder to help pass the time :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 22, 2016, 10:41:40 PM
An Amish lady was driving her horse drawn buggy to town with her young son when she was stopped by a highway patrol officer.

"I'm not going to cite you," said the officer, "I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous."

"I thank thee," said the Amish lady, "I shall have my husband repair it as soon as we return home."

"Also," said the officer, "I noticed that one of the reins to your horse is tied around your horse's testicles.
Some might consider this to be ‘cruelty to animals' so you'd best have your husband check this, too."

"Again I thank thee," said the Amish lady, "I shall have my husband check this also when I return home."

True to her word, when the Amish lady got home she told her husband about the broken reflector and her husband said that he would repair it immediately.
"Also," said the Amish lady, "the policeman said that there was something wrong with our emergency brake."
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 22, 2016, 10:45:17 PM
A man was walking one day, when he came to this big house in a nice neighborhood.
Suddenly he realized there was a nude couple making love out on the lawn.
Then he noticed another couple over behind a tree.
Then another couple behind some bushes by the house.
He walked up to the door of the house and knocked.

A well-dressed woman answered the door and the man asked what kind of a place this was.
"This is a brothel," replied the madam.

"Well, what's all this carry-on out on the lawn?" queried the man.

"Oh, we're having a yard sale today."
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Williamson on July 22, 2016, 11:13:52 PM
2 mm of rain today between 9am and 6pm... however, another 8mm from 7pm to 9pm. Currently, just gusty buffeting winds of around 40/45 kph and frequent light passing showers.
Indoors weather.. even the cats don't want to go outside. I agree with them.

Time to resort to my jokes folder to help pass the time :grin

Please, let the weather improve.

 :nahnah
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 22, 2016, 11:17:54 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/popo_zpsioa7mfce.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 22, 2016, 11:35:43 PM
Two guys stole a calendar from a newsagent.


...they got six months each....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 22, 2016, 11:45:40 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/sl_zpsdpw3aruu.png)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 22, 2016, 11:46:29 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/images%201_zpsz4j5kfej.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 22, 2016, 11:50:05 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/mirror_zpsrpgl0wyr.jpg)

(I think married and divorced her, a long time ago..)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 22, 2016, 11:53:46 PM
Marshall Dillon packed a pair of 44's.



 Now that I remember it, so did my first wife!  :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 23, 2016, 12:29:12 AM
.... and..... it's still raining... :nahnah ... another 4 mm
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 23, 2016, 01:57:44 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/aj_zpsksmlevpx.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Flip on July 23, 2016, 02:03:41 AM
A man was walking one day, when he came to this big house in a nice neighborhood.
Suddenly he realized there was a nude couple making love out on the lawn.
Then he noticed another couple over behind a tree.
Then another couple behind some bushes by the house.
He walked up to the door of the house and knocked.

A well-dressed woman answered the door and the man asked what kind of a place this was.
"This is a brothel," replied the madam.

"Well, what's all this carry-on out on the lawn?" queried the man.

"Oh, we're having a yard sale today."



My 'BETTER HALF' didn't understand this one at all.   :fp

Guess it loses something in the translation - or my electronic magic jellybean translation toy is choosing the wrong word. (AGAIN)

Flip


 :wht11
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 23, 2016, 02:31:43 AM
 :rofl :thumb
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 23, 2016, 03:18:11 AM
 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Bikes/alan%20and%20Steve_zpssn8v4bws.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 23, 2016, 03:58:34 AM
There was an old woman
Who lived in a shoe

She had so many children,
because she didn't know what to do....

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/dinger_zpsliffw4c1.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 23, 2016, 05:41:26 AM
...After searching for over 2 years, and failing to find any trace of missing Mh370 aircraft,
Authorities have finally admitted that they failed to look in one direction..

Up ....


(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/do_zpsls3nmfut.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 23, 2016, 07:39:00 AM
16 mm rain since 9 am yesterday. and looking out the window, will be more of the same today.
Except colder. 6 degrees outside at the moment.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STeveo on July 23, 2016, 08:28:24 AM
Keep them coming Kev, makes a good chuckle to start my day.  :thumbsup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: NTRebel on July 23, 2016, 08:34:23 AM
Typically Victoria wet one minute drowned the next. :dred11 :dred11 :dred11

16 mm rain since 9 am yesterday. and looking out the window, will be more of the same today.
Except colder. 6 degrees outside at the moment.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 23, 2016, 09:23:47 AM
Ar, shurrup, Paul, blub blubblblub!  :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 23, 2016, 09:31:59 AM
A suicidal Irishman attempted to shoot himself in the head.
 
He missed.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 23, 2016, 09:33:52 AM
Still raining, just sprinkles.. :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 23, 2016, 10:45:11 AM
...and it has reached a whole 10 degrees outside... no wonder the idiots across the road at the footy oval are running everywhere.
.. its one way of staying warm?. I prefer to stand in the corner, it's usually 90 degrees there.

Note the wet road in the foreground. Did I mention that it has been raining? :grin |-i

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Dscf2538_zpssanv2bmx.jpg)

Pic taken from the sanctuary of my kitchen window.



Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on July 23, 2016, 11:27:20 AM
2 mm of rain today between 9am and 6pm... however, another 8mm from 7pm to 9pm. Currently, just gusty buffeting winds of around 40/45 kph and frequent light passing showers.
Indoors weather.. even the cats don't want to go outside. I agree with them.

Time to resort to my jokes folder to help pass the time :grin

Please, let the weather improve.

 :nahnah

Nah.  It doesn't need to be raining...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: NTRebel on July 23, 2016, 12:23:50 PM
Hope you're wearing your flippers and floaties Kev. Either that or move to Alice Springs where it doesn't rain. :nahnah :nahnah :dred11 :dred11 :dred11

Still raining, just sprinkles.. :grin

Paul
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 23, 2016, 12:43:23 PM
HA! Paul...I  tried that in the seventies... I am one of the people who took a shower in the run off from Ayers Rock.. we had to walk our bikes in with engine running and in gear, as the road was under water and impossible to see pot holes!



Just tried to sneak over to the supermarket between showers, but this one rogue cloud ....

Damned cold out there, with wind chill its about 4 degrees... and the footy game over the road continued as I stepped out of my wet clothing and under a hot shower.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 23, 2016, 01:05:04 PM
This pic either shows their dedication to their sport, or proves that they only require minimal IQ to be assigned to the team.

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Dscf2539_zpstagk0qaj.jpg)

Even my cats are savvy enough to know to come inside out of this kind of weather? Spectators are driving away...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 23, 2016, 01:08:10 PM
... probably because they cant see through their windscreens...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 23, 2016, 01:23:29 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/shadow_zpsgmsa2mbd.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 23, 2016, 01:28:24 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Dscf2540_zpsxdpzjrd8.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: alans1100 on July 23, 2016, 02:37:27 PM
Still raining, just sprinkles.. :grin
You can have some if not all of our rainfall as well if you want ....... we know you love it!!!!!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 23, 2016, 06:06:45 PM
Thanks, Alan, appreciate your offer .... Just what we need here to settle this choking dust...



... hang on... this dust is already saturated.... am I drowning in mud?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: DavidP on July 23, 2016, 09:00:13 PM
Just to rub it in, nice winters day here 16-29c and sunny... Lane even put the a/c on in the car :-]

Sent from my C6603 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on July 23, 2016, 10:36:36 PM
Yep, had a lovely ride this afternoon out around Somerset Dam and over Mt Glorious.  Just a T shirt under the jacket.     :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 23, 2016, 10:45:56 PM
Oh I had the aircon running at home, set on HIGH HEAT for the past week!  :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 24, 2016, 03:03:20 AM
3am
Portland   4.7°C

No wonder I feel chilly! Aircon can run all night again.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Jdbiker on July 24, 2016, 10:34:04 AM
3am
Portland   4.7°C

No wonder I feel chilly! Aircon can run all night again.

Missed Thoona RTE, had early morning run to Tulla airport then on to Bright to pickup a chainsaw I had bid for on grays auctions. On the way back decided to take the Great Alpine road, lots of snow, minus 5 degrees on car gauge.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on July 24, 2016, 11:59:51 AM
Excellent snow pix, JD.  Looks like chains would have been mandatory.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Jdbiker on July 24, 2016, 01:59:55 PM
Excellent snow pix, JD.  Looks like chains would have been mandatory.

For 2wd yes, but 4wds and Awds were excepted. Luckily it didn't snow heavily as I wasn't prepared for snow driving. Normally would have carried additional traction devices and shovel etc.
Would have made an interesting ride on something like this............... :crackup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Shiney on July 24, 2016, 02:39:29 PM
Wow that is an amazing camping setup :eek

Sent from my SM-N9005 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Shiney on July 24, 2016, 02:41:09 PM
Awesome snow pics JD :thumbs

Sent from my SM-N9005 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STeveo on July 24, 2016, 04:17:08 PM

Would have made an interesting ride on something like this............... :crackup
[/quote]

Looks looks a motorhome rear ended a bike.   :eek
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 24, 2016, 05:10:20 PM
By the way... did I mention it's still raining?.. and already down to 7 degrees at 5 pm .. that's cold enough to freeze the nuts off your axle! :well ... Aaaaargh!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 24, 2016, 05:37:57 PM
A mechanic was working on a Doctors car when he asked the Doctor..

"Why is it that you are paid way higher than me, even tho basically, we both just do repair jobs"

The Doctor replied "Have you ever tried to replace a crank shaft through the inlet manifold, while the engine is still running?"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 24, 2016, 07:04:40 PM
Does anyone else find it ludicrous in these times of record low winter chills, that for weeks we have not heard a word from the supporters of Global Warming?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: NTRebel on July 24, 2016, 07:17:37 PM
maybe the nutters have all frozen off. :grin :grin :grin :dred11 :dred11

paul
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 24, 2016, 07:25:35 PM
 :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 24, 2016, 11:08:03 PM
... and the wet stuff is still coming down in showers.. 12 mm today since 9am. Mind you, it's not raining all the time. It stopped for an hour about 12pm
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 25, 2016, 01:59:55 AM
2 am, and now 15 mm since 9am yesterday
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 25, 2016, 03:13:56 AM
A blonde was walking down the street, carrying a brown paper bag.  She ran into one of her friends.
Her blonde friend asked, "Hey!..What's in the bag?"
"Donuts!"
The friend says, "Donuts? Well, I'll make you a bet. .. If I can guess how many donuts you have in the bag, will you give me one?"
The first blonde says, "I'll tell you what.... If you can tell me how many donuts I have, I'll give them both to you!"
"Um... 3?"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 25, 2016, 03:26:40 AM
When her boyfriend knocked on the door, the blonde greeted him, giggling.
He asked "What's so funny?" she beckoned him in, and went to the kitchen table and pointed to a completed jigsaw puzzle.
She said "I did this in 4 hours!... on the box, it says 5 to 8 Years!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 25, 2016, 03:28:29 AM
A blonde stepped onto a bus with a pig under her arm.
The driver asked "Where did you get that?"
"I won it in a raffle!" answered the pig
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 25, 2016, 03:37:38 AM
A blonde bought some water skis.

Drove around for months, trying to find a lake with a slope....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 25, 2016, 03:42:42 AM
A little old lady wanted to join a biker club.
She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answered the door.
She proclaimed, "I want to join your biker club."
The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join.
He asked her, "You have a bike?"
The little old lady said, "Yea, that's my Harley over there," and points to a Harley parked in the driveway.
The biker asked her, "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady said "Yea, I smoke 2 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool."
The biker is impressed and asked, "Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?"
The little old lady said, "Nope, Never... but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 25, 2016, 04:06:32 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Bikes/70756d17c_zpsc3khid5p.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 25, 2016, 08:57:36 AM
I saw this road sign that said "Watch for Children" and I thought to myself ... That sounds like a fair trade?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STeveo on July 25, 2016, 09:06:18 AM
 :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 25, 2016, 10:55:07 AM
That's odd?  We have a faulty cloud overhead.

After all the water fell out, there is this shiny light coming through the hole, and it's almost 11 degrees outside?

Practically a heat wave!

Note that the road and driveway are still damp, as proof that the pic is not photoshopped?

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Dscf2541_zpsd4z5t0op.jpg)

Now, where did I put my sunnies?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 25, 2016, 01:39:23 PM
It's impossible here to NOT have rain in a day.. someone found a bucket full of cloud, filled in that hole again, and its leaking once more..

Temp reached 11.1 degrees, but it's dropping again.

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Dscf2542_zpsl4iqwn4z.jpg)

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 25, 2016, 01:45:17 PM
Just got home from the bike shop (in the rain)... going to retire my 17 year old worn and wonky heated (sometimes) Oxford grips, and replace them with new ones in 3 weeks.  :thumbs
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 25, 2016, 01:47:57 PM
Spotted a group of 4 Harley riders hiding under a servo shelter, the big wusses! I waved as I rode by, but they ignored me.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 25, 2016, 02:19:57 PM
Just to add a little variety, now we have wind gusting 50 to 85 Kph, and hail!

... and thunder... cats are hiding under the bed again. Temp has dropped to 8 degrees

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Dscf2543_zpsp47thaj5.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 25, 2016, 02:24:47 PM

3pm Heavy rain. Very windy

6pm Shower. Very windy

9pm Shower. Very windy

12am Shower. Very windy
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: NTRebel on July 25, 2016, 03:44:51 PM
All those showers Kev u must be sqeaky clean by now. :Stirpot :Stirpot :Stirpot


3pm Heavy rain. Very windy

6pm Shower. Very windy

9pm Shower. Very windy

12am Shower. Very windy

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 25, 2016, 04:04:55 PM
 :rofl ;-*
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: richo on July 25, 2016, 06:13:17 PM
It is not Kev being clean that is the worry but all the wind.  A bit more fibre in the diet may help >:()
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Gadget on July 25, 2016, 06:48:45 PM
It is not Kev being clean that is the worry but all the wind.  A bit more fibre in the diet may help >:()
Might be too much fibre. :)

sent using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 25, 2016, 08:27:38 PM
 :rofl

 Still spitting flurries of rain and hail here, and more wind than an overfed baby... around 10 mm since 9am this morning.
Currently 9 outside, with wind chill factor, 5

More rain expected for the next couple days. Appointment with Surgeon tomorrow, might get a lift to his office
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Wild Rose on July 25, 2016, 10:13:02 PM
Kev
I'm waiting on roses from Treloar Roses in Portland and they say it's too wet to dig them. Could you please go out with your umbrella so that they can dig them for me  :popcorn
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 25, 2016, 11:09:06 PM
Beyond my range at the moment, Treloar are about 6 km north of town, and I am restricted to about 4 metres max distance from the heater  :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 25, 2016, 11:14:53 PM
I had written him a text
Which I'd sent, hoping the next
Time he came in mobile coverage
He'd have time to say hello.
But I'd heard he'd lost his iPhone,
So I emailed him from my smart phone,
Just addressed, on spec, as follows:
clancy@theoverflow
 

And the answer redirected 
Wasn't quite what I'd expected
And it wasn't from the shearing mate
Who'd answered once before.
His ISP provider wrote it
And verbatim I will quote it:
'This account has been suspended:
You won't hear from him any more.'

In my wild erratic fancy
Visions come to me of Clancy:
Out of reach of mobile coverage
Where the Western rivers flow.
Instead of tapping on the small screen,
He'd be camping by the tall green
River gums, a pleasure
That the town folk never know.

Well, the bush has friends to meet him
But the rest of us can't greet him:
Out there, even Telstra's network
Doesn't give you any bars.
He can't blog the vision splendid
Of the sunlit plains extended
Or tweet the wondrous glory
Of the everlasting stars.

I am sitting at the keyboard,
I'm too stressed out to be bored
As I answer all the emails
By the deadlines they contain.
While my screen fills with promotions
For 'Viagra' and strange potions
And announcements of the million-dollar
Prizes I can claim.

But the looming deadlines haunt me
And their harassing senders taunt me
That they need response this evening
For tomorrow is too late!
But their texts, too quickly ended,
Often can't be comprehended
For their writers have no time to think
They have no time to wait.

And I sometimes rather fancy
That I'd like to trade with Clancy:
Just set up an email bouncer
Saying 'Sorry, had to go.'
While he faced an inbox jamming
Up with deadlines and with spamming
As he signed off every message:
clancy@theoverflow.

Author unknown, received as an email from a friend.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Wild Rose on July 26, 2016, 03:45:50 AM
Beyond my range at the moment, Treloar are about 6 km north of town, and I am restricted to about 4 metres max distance from the heater  :grin

 :fp :think1 :grin :crackup :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 26, 2016, 04:33:35 AM
4.30 am, and all is NOT quiet..

Huh?

 Hang on? ... the house next door is presently unoccupied? ....  that bloody Mynah bird is back again!

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/That%20damn%20bird_zpsepojhjdb.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 26, 2016, 05:04:58 AM
With age, comes wisdom

The young enthusiastic Bull said to the old Bull..... "Hey! .. lets run down the paddock and crash thru' that fence, and 'service' some of those cows!"

The old Bull replied .. How about we walk over this way, push the gate open, and 'service' ALL them cows?"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 26, 2016, 09:33:30 AM
Gales to batter Victoria again. Winds of up to 130 km/h lashed Victoria late on Monday and similar conditions are forecast on Tuesday.
12 mm rain in past 24 hours

9.30 AM  Portland  5.9°C  yuck!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 26, 2016, 02:28:54 PM
In the case of a Nuclear Holocaust, come to Portland, it is a nuclear safe zone... no missile would dare to detonate here and put an end this confusion.

First of all, I had an appointment today with my Real Estate agent at 1.20 pm, followed by Doctors appointment timed at 2.30.
No problem. 

Yesterday, the medical office rang, and changed my appointment to 11 am.

OK.

Then the real estate called to change my appointment to 12.40pm

Right..

Saw the surgeon, (eventually) at around 11.50am.
Three minutes consult.
He gave me some paperwork to fill out for Pre-Admission at the Hospital for Surgery.
 
Five pages of it.

I walked to Pre Ad reception ... sat there for more than half an hour in plain view of the two women who were giggling at something on the computer.
Could clearly hear the music of the game.

Left the Hospital to attend my other appointment.

In the rain.

Sat in limbo at the RE office for another half hour.
Was there until called in at 1.15 pm.
At 1.25 pm, I was out the door, and home for a coffee, as the last cuppa was four hours ago, and I am cold, wet, and pissed off.

The Pre-admission papers in my jacket pocket are now soaked from the rain, and the ink is starting to run.

If it stops raining immediately before 5 pm, I may try to deliver the papers then, and get booked into the hospital for my op.

Maybe...

I figure if they can stuff me around while they play games on the computer, I can return the favour and hold them back at work late, as the reception office officially closes at 5 pm.

Yes, I AM a rebel!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Wild Rose on July 26, 2016, 03:23:29 PM
Kev. It is just not your week mate.  :fp
Best of luck with the op  :like
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 26, 2016, 03:42:05 PM
Thanks, Leo.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 26, 2016, 04:45:29 PM
Here I go, will see if I can inconvenience the woman who wanted to play computer games instead of service patients  ;-*
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 26, 2016, 06:54:59 PM
I was home again at 5.41 pm.... I am now booked for surgery Tues 23 August, but have to stay in Hospital overnight because I live alone.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 26, 2016, 07:27:43 PM
I was going to write a book, but when I passed BookWorld today, they were selling 3 for a dollar, so I thought, why bother?
... There's no money in it?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 27, 2016, 04:55:28 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/il_570xN.312049541_zpstgcuiozu.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 27, 2016, 05:00:21 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/winter-_zpse3ijdbmg.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 27, 2016, 05:02:14 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/8896585936e27b85a6642884d96a976b_zps3ghcf0pd.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 27, 2016, 05:35:02 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/pgpg_zpsecek4hb7.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 27, 2016, 05:35:55 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/45349876gfdgg_sm_zps0nckbdwk.jpg)


 Ok, ok Brock... no more pingwing cartoons for awhile ...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: NTRebel on July 27, 2016, 08:24:46 AM
Don't worry about Brock just keep them coming. :rofl :rofl :rofl :crackup :crackup :crackup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 27, 2016, 09:28:48 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/f71921e51cacca5de8953a9d610d137b_zpshbxockot.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 27, 2016, 01:48:45 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/mobile_zpsuhw2idtq.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 28, 2016, 09:44:16 AM
The Christmas gift

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Christmas%20Bird_zps1s3ktxwj.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 28, 2016, 04:52:42 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/hearing%20aid_zpsrrjr61ce.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 28, 2016, 04:54:05 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/chinesewickedwok05_1_zpskbbnvbzv.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 28, 2016, 11:56:18 PM
STILL raining in Portland...not a lot, but 3 mm of annoying intermittent showers Wednesday, 8 mm since 9am today, showers forecast fri sat sun, with thunderstorms due mon tue, and a 'possible' shower next wed... (which means it will hammer down!)

Saw a bloke with a ski boat on a trailer parked across the road today, not sure if he launched it on the footy oval?

Update!... it's still pis ... errr... urinating precipitation!  Now 12 mm since 9am yesterday... still drizzling.   
Neighbours ducks are on strike.. they want wellies, sou-westers, (and stilts).

Edited at 5.25am to update wetness factor.  It's now 17 on a scale of 10. Saw 3 salmon making their way uphill in the gutter, and there are rumours that a speed hump in the main street is actually one of the local migrating whales. There are reports that a gang of bluefin Tuna attacked a pedestrian stranded up a tree two blocks from here... Local newsagent is using a jet ski to deliver newspapers.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 29, 2016, 05:44:19 AM
One local business is doing a roaring trade...

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/scp_zpsankgifwv.jpg)

Has sold almost entire stock to supermarket shoppers, who are using the goods to paddle their shopping trolleys through the car park.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STeveo on July 29, 2016, 08:29:30 AM
 :crackup :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: NTRebel on July 29, 2016, 08:38:41 AM
You're supposed to turn the shower off when you finish Kev. :dred11 :dred11 :dred11
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 29, 2016, 08:59:36 AM
Just saw a lady cross the road exercising her terrier dog on a lead.

The dog is obediently swimming behind her.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 29, 2016, 09:08:45 AM
A couple who live up the road have longed to hear the pitter patter of small feet in their home.

So they bought two dogs.

It's cheaper, and you get twice as many feet.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 29, 2016, 09:28:06 AM
What If the Person Who Named Walkie Talkies Named Everything?

 Forks would be Stabby Grabbies,

 Spoons would be Soupy Scoopies,

 Wigs would be Hairy Wearies,

 Limos would be Roomy Vroomies,

 A Defibrillator would be a Hearty Starty,

 Computers would be Stary Squaries,

 Cruise Missiles would be Zoomy Boomies,

 Microwave ovens would be  Eaty Heaties,

 Allergies would be Wheezy Sneezies,

 A Cowbell would be Cattle Rattle,

 Screwdrivers would be Righty Tighties,

 Socks would be Feetie Heaties.



Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 29, 2016, 09:41:35 AM
My cats are worried about the economy... A can of cat food costs one dollar thirty.....

 That's $11.70 in cat dollars!!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 29, 2016, 10:01:31 AM
I was going to borrow some money from my dwarf buddy.

~ But he said he is a little short this week....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Shiney on July 29, 2016, 10:50:26 AM
 :eek :crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: DavidP on July 29, 2016, 08:34:20 PM
Hehehehehe

Sent from my C6603 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 30, 2016, 06:06:34 AM
Absolutely British Humour...


 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/AbsolutelyBrittish_zpsmwqizx3w.mp4)

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 30, 2016, 06:13:20 AM
These guys figured out how to break the boredom while waiting at an airport...

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Boredom_at_airport_zpsi1mffrsj.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 30, 2016, 05:05:49 PM
I am sure that there are easier ways to change a tyre?


 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/how%20to%20change%20a%20tyre_zpsd2uyytlu.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 30, 2016, 08:52:27 PM
Been pretty windy down this way for a couple of weeks, and finally we have had a day without rain!

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/Pylons_zps2jbux0fn.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 30, 2016, 10:10:05 PM
A Psychologist is 
selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ.
Here’s how it works:
If you spend $19.99 for the video, your dog 
is smarter than you are.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Shiney on July 30, 2016, 10:10:45 PM
A Psychologist is 
selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ.
Here’s how it works:
If you spend $19.99 for the video, your dog 
is smarter than you are.

 :crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 30, 2016, 10:13:37 PM
A sign said, “Do not allow your dog to chase, 
injure, or worry wildlife.”
How is a dog going to “worry” wildlife? ...... Run up to a bird and say
“Hey, I think you’ve got something on your beak? It could be a tumor.”
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 30, 2016, 10:14:22 PM
I tell ya, my dog is lazy. He don’t chase cars. He sits on the curb and takes down license plate numbers.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 30, 2016, 10:16:30 PM
A Dachshund walks into a telegraph office, picks up a blank form, and writes:
“Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.”

The clerk looks over the paper for a minute before telling the dog,
“You know, there are only nine words here. You could add another ‘Woof’ for the same price.”

The Dachshund shakes his head at the clerk in disbelief. “But that wouldn't make any sense at all?”
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 30, 2016, 10:17:54 PM
Two racehorses are in a stable. One says to the other, “You know, 
before that last race …”

“The one that you won?” asks the other horse.

“Yeah, before that race, I felt a pinch in my hindquarters.”

The other horse says, “Funny, 
I felt a pinch in my hindquarters 
before the race that I won.”

A dog walking by says, “You 
idiots, you’re being doped. They’re injecting you with a drug to make you run faster!”

The first horse turns to the other and says, “Hey, check it out... a talking dog!”
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 30, 2016, 10:25:19 PM
What do you call a dog with no legs?


 Makes no difference WHAT you call him.... he still won't come to you.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 30, 2016, 10:27:34 PM
There were these two fleas, itch hiking their way around....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 30, 2016, 10:33:02 PM
I know a dog who is duo-talented.. he works as a marine biologist, and tags whales....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 30, 2016, 10:38:58 PM
Little Harold was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den.
The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Harold's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly.
The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, "For Pete's sake, can't you play something the dog doesn't know?!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 31, 2016, 12:18:28 AM
When dog food is advertised as a 'new improved taste', ...  who tests it?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 31, 2016, 12:22:09 AM
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.
As I gathered my equipment my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking and I saw a little boy staring in at me.
"Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked.
"It sure is," I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then toward the back of the van.
Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 31, 2016, 04:07:08 PM
Just a splash of rain overnight, no rain in daylight hours for two days. Must be practicing for summer.

Heard a guy greet another on the street "Lovely weather!"

.. and thought to myself, 'Bloody Tourist!'... must have just arrived in town.

If he stays overnight, he will realise the truth by morning.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 31, 2016, 04:30:51 PM
Judges of the 2004 Boxing Day Ripcurl Surf Championship held off the coast of Indonesia are still trying to contact the surfer who put up the best performance of the day.

He is believed to be a local surfer, and was last seen heading towards India on a wardrobe door.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 31, 2016, 11:20:44 PM
The tourists mentioned above are probably lying in bed at the moment, listening to the rain overhead.  ;-*
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on July 31, 2016, 11:21:09 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/genie_zpsut08zjmn.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 01, 2016, 12:59:50 AM
Little Johnny came home from school with his report card.

His mathematics results were really bad.

Dad asked "Why are these test results so low?"

Johnny replied "I just don't fully understand gazintas and eagles!"

"Gazintas?? ... eagles????"

Johnny replied "Yeah... you know, like ...  two gazinta four twice, and two plus two eagles four!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 01, 2016, 08:32:50 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/13680815_zpspwubjoxn.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 01, 2016, 08:43:01 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/plas_zps52nixy7w.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 01, 2016, 08:51:04 AM
Todays Wedder!  :grin
Still wet roads outside, but polite sprinkles eased off at around 5 am. Not heavy enough to register on the rain gauge. Heavy clouds clearing.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 01, 2016, 10:21:33 AM
Those sneaky clouds! They just skipped around the block and came back again!

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Dscf2545_zpsdtlsevay.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 01, 2016, 10:25:44 AM
A chicken walked into a Library, and said “Booook book book book book?”
 
The librarian filled out the card, and the chicken left with a half dozen books.
 
The next day, the chicken returned... “Booook book book book book?”
... and took out another 6 books.
 
The chicken was back at the library the following day with the same request.
“Booook book book book book?”
 
As the chicken was leaving, the librarian was intrigued, and followed.
The chicken went to the lake, where there was a frog sitting on a lily pad.
 
The chicken offered the reading matter to the frog...
“Booook book book book book?”
 
The frog looked at the titles, and said ... “Reddit!.. reddit ..  reddit, ... saw the movie”
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Shiney on August 01, 2016, 10:44:14 AM
A chicken walked into a Library, and said “Booook book book book book?”
 
The librarian filled out the card, and the chicken left with a half dozen books.
 
The next day, the chicken returned... “Booook book book book book?”
... and took out another 6 books.
 
The chicken was back at the library the following day with the same request.
“Booook book book book book?”
 
As the chicken was leaving, the librarian was intrigued, and followed.
The chicken went to the lake, where there was a frog sitting on a lily pad.
 
The chicken offered the reading matter to the frog...
“Booook book book book book?”
 
The frog looked at the titles, and said ... “Reddit!.. reddit ..  reddit, ... saw the movie”

 :crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl

That is awesome, haven't read that one before :thumbsup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 01, 2016, 11:32:31 AM
Bloke was walking down the street, spitting, 'Ptoo!' and wiping his mouth.

I asked "Whats the matter?... swallow a bug?"

 "Nah" he replied.. 'Ptoo!'  "Saw this bloke in a 4X4 who was trying to park in a car space about the size of a Mini!
I said 'If you can park that tank in there, I'll kiss your butt' ... 'Ptoo!' ... What a driver!" ... 'Ptoo!'
 
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 01, 2016, 11:56:51 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/olym_zpssnxhb4lm.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 01, 2016, 12:06:29 PM
A Mortician was preparing a body, when he noticed that the guy had a GI-NORMOUS wang.
So he took out his camera and took a pic of it.

When he went home that evening, he called to his wife..
"Here!.. have a look at THIS!.. This has to be the largest appendage that ANYONE has ever seen !!!!"

His wife looked at the photo and screamed "HOLY COW!... You mean to tell me that Charlie Henderson is DEAD??
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 01, 2016, 06:32:31 PM
Little Johnny went to school after being absent the previous day,

His teacher demands, "Where were you yesterday?"

"I stayed at home Miss, cause my dad got burnt," replies Johnny.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I hope it wasn't serious?" says the teacher.

To which Johnny replies, "Well, they don't stuff about at that crematorium!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 02, 2016, 07:46:17 AM
A quick look out the window.

Yep! ... it's wet out there. (No surprise)

Call me later, have gone back to bed   :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Gadget on August 02, 2016, 12:21:30 PM
*looks out the window
Its overcast and a pleasant 21 °C.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Flip on August 02, 2016, 12:59:17 PM
*looks out the window
Its overcast and a pleasant 21 °C.

MMMMMMM ?   Try : 30 C.  Precipitation : 94%    Humidity : 94%  Wind : 16 kph.    :H
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Gadget on August 02, 2016, 01:17:25 PM
Brrrr and yuck!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 02, 2016, 05:26:25 PM
UNITED NATIONS <info@un.org> Today at 1:25 PM
Message body
-You have been awarded with a Compensation lump sum of US$1,860,000 by the United Nations.
Read the attached official letter carefully for details and claim procedure.

Yer, sure.... and the reason that my antivirus went ape at the attachment is ?????

Didn't open the attachment, but sent a reply from a disposable email addy, informing them I don't need any pocket money this week...
  :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 02, 2016, 06:06:59 PM
Four stages of life?

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/4%20stages%20of%20life_zpsiuxeemwm.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Flip on August 02, 2016, 06:08:35 PM
Brrrr and yuck!


Gary,
Meant + 30 C, as in tropical country, NOT minus 30    :-[

SORRY ->   My bad.   :spank

Flip


 :wht11
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 02, 2016, 06:08:43 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/cid_857E15ED98274D6C_zpslnr0tbcr.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Gadget on August 02, 2016, 06:53:06 PM
Brrrr and yuck!


Gary,
Meant + 30 C, as in tropical country, NOT minus 30    :-[

SORRY ->   My bad.   :spank

Flip


 :wht11
:crackup only out by 60 °C

Still yuck at that temp and humidity.

sent using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 02, 2016, 06:57:19 PM
Quote
:crackup only out by 60 °C

Still yuck at that temp and humidity.

sent using Tapatalk


 :crackup :grin  (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/mbtm_zpsocle1b01.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Flip on August 03, 2016, 12:38:54 AM
Quote
:crackup only out by 60 °C

Still yuck at that temp and humidity.

sent using Tapatalk


 :crackup :grin  ([url]http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/mbtm_zpsocle1b01.jpg[/url])



Only 60 degrees C out ???

That's closer than I usually get !     :nahnah

As far as that goes, I much prefer hot and humid to the cold climates any time !

Cold and wet weather these days makes just about every muscle, joint and bone, that I damaged in my mis-spent younger days, hurt like all hell.  :'(

What's so great about old age ???   ANSWER - NOTHING !!! :OldMan

My daughter (from first marriage) says I'm too old to ride motorbikes any more.   :cuss

My 'new' BETTER HALF (for the past 7 years) says she wont get on the back of my bike because I go far too fast ! (20kph MAX. in the city and 70 - 80kph country roads) 

Just can't win either which way !   :|||| :|||| :||||                                             

Now, what where you saying again ?   I've forgotten.   :-[   :think1           Must be going senile  :-[



Flip

 :wht11

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Gadget on August 03, 2016, 07:10:17 AM
:grin

sent using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 03, 2016, 12:48:28 PM
Odd how our concept of things change over many years .... I come from an era where a 'Pokemon' was a Jamaican proctologist!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Shiney on August 03, 2016, 12:51:14 PM
 :crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 03, 2016, 07:53:34 PM
As I grew up, there was no such thing as 'Social Media' .. NO Face-Ache, Twatter, Hoo-Ya, Tumbl-in or Linked-Up.

... people went out and visited their friends in person, and actually physically hugged them!

( Obviously, I have no need or use for any of these applications, I can annoy enough people right here  :grin  )
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 04, 2016, 02:57:16 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Animation128315_zpsktwqoror.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 04, 2016, 03:44:22 AM
Random memory from the past, circa 199...7?

Deflated Ego

Some years ago, my nephew Paul, who lived in Adelaide, had a girlfriend from Ballarat. One Christmas, he loaded his little 150 cc dirt squirter onto the rack behind his Rav4, and the pair of them headed to Ballarat to visit her parents. While there he decided to go search for some gold. He took the Rav4 offroad, up and down hills and valleys in the area, finally parked it, and continued his wanderings on the bike. Found a creek, and spent from 11 in the morning till 5 pm panning for gold. Arrived back at Ballarat around 7pm, where the future father in law asked "Whatcha been up to?"
He proudly whipped out a small corked glass tube of liquid, in which were suspended 2 tiny glittering gold specks.
The father grinned, and said "Come out here... wanna show you something!"

He walked out the back door, picked up an old hubcap from the porch, scooped up some dirt from the driveway at the side of the house, and started swirling it under the garden tap.
Within 3 minutes, he extracted 9 tiny points of gold, passed them to an astonished Paul, and said "Add them to your display, will make it look more impressive!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 04, 2016, 07:56:04 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/council%20worker_zpsweigvpmd.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 04, 2016, 08:12:48 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/happy%20campers1_zps0xzipovc.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 04, 2016, 08:15:32 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/farm%20visit_zpsbxi987wb.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 04, 2016, 08:16:40 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/moses1_zps0sg0mgj6.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 04, 2016, 12:46:43 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/happy%20campers%204_zpsv59zo9na.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 04, 2016, 09:32:57 PM
The Government has advised people to watch out that they’re not being sold fake Olympic tickets.

I think I’ll be alright though. My tickets for the men’s wheelchair triple jump seem genuine enough.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 04, 2016, 09:34:15 PM
A reporter in Rio meets a man carrying an eight-foot-long metal stick and asks, “Are you a pole vaulter?”

“No,” says the man, “I’m German. But how did you know my name is Walter?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Brock on August 04, 2016, 09:42:46 PM
I may have to look into my tickets for the wheel chair 100 meter back stroke events.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 04, 2016, 09:50:36 PM
I was told by an American friend, that the the Mexicans have a very good reason for not sending a team to the Olympics.


~ Lawn mowing is not considered a competitive sport.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 05, 2016, 01:14:57 AM
Quite a few years back, I caught 'Steady Eddy' in a live show on stage.

He said at the time that he was going to the Handicapped Olympics.
People started to giggle.

Then he waved his arms around, and said ...
"No no!.. I am not competing, I am one of the Officials!... my job is to jam a stick through the spokes of the wheelchairs at the long jump!"

Some vintage stuff of Steady Eddy...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbGOjmNAsb8 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbGOjmNAsb8)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Shiney on August 05, 2016, 01:37:24 AM
He is awesome :clap :clap :clap
I caught one of his gigs at a sit down comedy club in Brisbane a couple of years ago, the man puts on a great act :thumbsup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 05, 2016, 08:09:48 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/corby%20monopoly1_zps6xy6r56l.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 05, 2016, 08:10:25 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/0445_zpsdjnelaq1.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 05, 2016, 08:10:51 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/MJ2_zps0pvpjm6j.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 05, 2016, 08:12:33 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/tempercontrol_zpssdcp8f9s.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 06, 2016, 08:06:10 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/liverpool_zpsmdhpnqrd.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 06, 2016, 08:26:04 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/adameve_zpsiics60js.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 06, 2016, 10:35:03 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Hay%20Ewe_zpseyksgpjj.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 06, 2016, 04:32:32 PM
They were both 85 years old and had been married for sixty years.  Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.

 
Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.
Then one day, their good health couldn't help when they splashed out on a rare holiday and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.
 
 
 
 
When they reached the pearly gates St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. They glimpsed a maid hanging their favourite clothes in the wardrobe.
 
They gasped in astonishment when St Peter turned to them and said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.'
 
The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. 
'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven..' 
The old man glanced through the window and his breath was quite taken away when he spied a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth..

'What are the green fees?,' muttered the old man. 

'This is Heaven,' St. Peter replied.  'And for you it is always free, every day of the year.'
 
 
Next they visited the clubhouse and were regaled by a lavish buffet lunch, laid out before them with every imaginable cuisine, from seafood to steaks to exotic desserts with free flowing beverages.
'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter. This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.'
The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife.
'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods and the decaffeinated tea?,' he asked.
That's the best part,' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like and you will never become fat or sick.   
Just remember - this is Heaven!'

 
The old man didn't give up easily. 
'No gym? No need to work out?'
'Not unless you want to,' was the answer.
'No testing my sugar level or blood pressure or....'
'Never again.  All you do here is enjoy yourself.'
 
The old man turned to his wife and glared.
'You and your f....ing Bran Flakes. We could have been here ten years ago!'
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 06, 2016, 04:34:59 PM
A church in the western suburbs is having services led by a high powered preacher from out of town.

Johnno goes to the revival and listens to the new preacher.

After a while, the preacher asks anyone with needs to come forward and be prayed over.

Johnno gets in line. When it's his turn, the preacher says, "What's your name young man?" He answers, "Johnno."

"Johnno, what you want me to pray about?" Johnno says, "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."

So the preacher puts one finger in Johnno's ear and the other hand on top of his head and prays a while.
 
After a few minutes, he removes his hands and says, "Johnno, how's your hearing now?"

Johnno says, "I don't know preacher, it's not until next Wednesday, down at the court house."
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 06, 2016, 04:50:58 PM
They said that the Arial Skiing at the Winter Olympics was pretty good...
 
 I got in some practice, but I don't think I am anywhere near Olympic standard yet

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/cid_000_zpslxxtv42x.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 06, 2016, 04:53:16 PM
If Women ruled the world.....

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/cid_005301c8b7c_zpsw2coelda.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 06, 2016, 05:03:36 PM
There I was, about to leave the office one day, and I see the senior accountant standing by the Document Shredder, with a quizzical expression on his face.

Always helpful, and eager to please, (and gain brownie points) I asked if I could be of assistance.

He asked "Do you know how to operate this?"

I said, "Sure!.. No problem!" ...and took the hefty file from him... Trying to look super efficient, I fed the entire file into the shredder in one hit.

The Senior added "I spent the last month researching that document... I need 4 copies, ok?"

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 06, 2016, 05:17:26 PM
Seeing as we are not allowed to give the kids a clip under the ear to pull
them into line, I have been researching ways to regain control of the kids.
 
I found that taking them away from the xbox, TV, gameboy, etc, and taking them for a drive, works wonders.
 
Here's a pic of one such excursion.
 
~ Notice how compliant and subservient he appears to be?
 
 
 
 
 
 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/cid_000c01ca75c_zpscwa0anfh.gif)
 
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 06, 2016, 05:30:04 PM
Two English businessmen in London were sitting down for a break in their soon-to be, new store.
As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some thickheaded tourist is going to
walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we're selling.'

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Aussie walked to the window, had a peek, and in a broad Australian accent
asked 'What are you selling here, mate ?’

One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling ar**-holes.'

Without skipping a beat, the Aussie said,
'You're doing well ... Only got two left in stock!'
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 07, 2016, 07:13:03 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/dys_zpsljkfpvbx.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 07, 2016, 09:24:42 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Nr_zpsu8y86gd8.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 07, 2016, 08:02:54 PM
"Some people will do anything for entertainment... go to the opening of an envelope, bet on cockroach racing, ant counting, worm wrestling....
even attending Benefits... I went to one once, 'Save the Shrimp!' .. what a fish that was! "

( Thanks to the late Robin Williams for these gems )  :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 07, 2016, 08:12:18 PM
A friend dropped by tonight, took one look at my head dressing, and said ..


"SHAYZUS GRYST!! (.. or words to that effect ) ... did you set your alfoil cap to deep fry, instead of simmer?"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 07, 2016, 09:36:39 PM
Well Hello!

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/scooterLurker-_zpsrfxwjdqf.gif)

Just me...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 07, 2016, 09:51:26 PM
Mother, “How was school today, Patrick?”

Patrick, “It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!”

Mother, “Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days.
And what will you do at school tomorrow?”

Patrick, “What school?”
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 07, 2016, 09:53:17 PM
Pessimist: "Things just can't get any worse!"

Optimist: "Nah, of course they can!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 07, 2016, 09:54:48 PM
A naked woman robbed a bank, but nobody saw her face......
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 07, 2016, 09:56:41 PM
I saw a poster today, somebody was asking “Have you seen my cat?”

So I called the number and said that I haven’t seen it.

I like to help where I can.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 07, 2016, 10:01:16 PM
The inventor of AutoCorrect is a stupid mass hole. He can fake right off.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 07, 2016, 10:01:52 PM
There’s that moment when you put your steak on the grill and your mouth waters all over from that amazing smell.

Do you vegans feel the same when you mow the lawn?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 07, 2016, 10:05:27 PM
Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S.
One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well.
So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.'
The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.
"Which part did you get?"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 07, 2016, 10:11:15 PM
I got a speed camera photo in the mail today, along with a demand for $125.

I sent it right back – way too expensive, and really poor quality.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 08, 2016, 10:43:49 AM
I don't think the Gubbermint want us to be free thinkers... I think they want us sedated.

You know, like, so we don't notice things -- like who's running it.  :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 08, 2016, 01:17:31 PM
Watson.. "Hey Sherlock?... what's the bottom of the ocean made of?"

Sherlock Holmes... "Sedimentary, my dear Watson!"   :grin   :fp
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Damien ball on August 08, 2016, 02:17:47 PM
Might be a few blind spots on this one i think.(http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160808/9ac17fd1d408fec4d268b4db54869768.jpg)

Sent from my SM-N910G using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 08, 2016, 08:46:59 PM
Would need at least a rear facing wide angle cam, dunno about visibility to the right?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 08, 2016, 09:12:23 PM
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Annie: "Eggs and Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Jimmy: "Bacon and Pork!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Little Johnny: "Bloody Homework!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 08, 2016, 09:21:11 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/gf_zps7xv85af8.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 08, 2016, 09:21:29 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/maccas%203_zpssliju7wk.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 09, 2016, 10:40:03 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/ft_zpsytafkijz.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 09, 2016, 11:49:46 PM
Just done my laundry... rolling thunder and .... more rain outside.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 10, 2016, 02:55:53 PM
Rained a little overnight, cleared this morning, and now its pelting down again!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on August 10, 2016, 03:40:49 PM
KompRain, KompRain, KompRain . . . Don't you ever let up . . .  :spank
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 10, 2016, 04:28:55 PM
Eats into riding time, nothing worse than cold wet nuts on a motorbike?  Yeah, and causes rust on bolts as well  ... 7 mm in past hour.

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on August 10, 2016, 05:36:18 PM
Nothing worse then rusty nuts . . . Unless of course it is a rusty nut!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 10, 2016, 07:11:38 PM
 :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 10, 2016, 11:14:45 PM
The North Korean news agency does not have much of a reputation for factual accuracy.

When the country’s former dictator Kim Jong Il died in December 2011, it reported a
rock carving glowing brightly, and ice near his presumed birthplace to have cracked
“so loud, it seemed to shake the Heavens and the Earth” in mourning of the Dear Leader.

While he was alive, Kim reportedly invented the hamburger, wrote 1,500 books in
three years while at university, and shot eleven holes-in-one the first time he played golf
(a feat verified by all 17 of  his bodyguards)

 ... and of course, they have factual proof that the Unicorn did and still exists... ??

What else do you expect from a country that bases its current calendar on the birth date of an ex-leader who was born just a hundred or so years ago?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: STroppy on August 11, 2016, 08:44:30 AM
Oldie but still funny . . .

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 11, 2016, 09:36:36 AM
 :crackup :thumb
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Shiney on August 11, 2016, 10:59:29 AM
 :crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Wild Rose on August 11, 2016, 11:32:15 AM
:crackup :thumb
   ++
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 11, 2016, 01:39:28 PM
Apparently, (according to N Korean authorities) Kim Jong Il did not defecate in his lifetime.  :o

(Which gives rise to western peoples popular belief that he was full of it)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 12, 2016, 03:55:28 PM
North Korea has about the same population as Australia, (about 24 million)
...but they claim they have over a million people in their Military forces?
 
(The CITY of Beijing in China, just 400 miles away, has a population of about 21 million)
 
Did you know that Vladivostok is only 80 miles from the North Korean Border?
...or that Seoul in South Korea is less than 200 Km from Pyongyang?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 12, 2016, 03:55:47 PM
According to what the kids at North Korean schools are taught, their ex leader learned to walk at 3 weeks of age,
could talk at two months old, and was taught to drive a car before his third birthday.
 
( So was I, but my cars were made by Tonka Toys and Matchbox. )
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 12, 2016, 09:43:50 PM
I hate it when someone asks me “Where do I see myself 5 years from now?”

... When I don’t even remember where the hell I was 2 days ago!!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 12, 2016, 09:47:47 PM
That awkward moment when you are on a bicycle, and get hit by a car ..

….. a parked one.


... hmmmm?... is that the reason pugs have flat faces, from chasing parked cars?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Brock on August 12, 2016, 10:18:22 PM
Quote
s that the reason pugs have flat faces, from chasing parked cars

NO!!!!!

Pugs dont chase cars. cats maybe, but not cars. Ougs are too busy sleeping or eating to chase stuff. Infact, My two are sleeping next to me now.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 13, 2016, 02:45:58 PM
My sister bet me $50 I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti.



Should've seen her face as I drove pasta...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 13, 2016, 03:08:44 PM
I used to have an ant farm. It was non-productive.


Those lazy little buggers didn't plant or grow anything!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 13, 2016, 03:11:36 PM
There was this kid with no arms or legs... can you guess what he got for Christmas?


I dunno either, as he hasn't managed to open any of his presents yet...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 13, 2016, 03:41:32 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/funny_zpswesoouhz.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 13, 2016, 04:33:13 PM
A Vulture with a dead rabbit under each wing tried to board a plane, only to be told by the Flight Attendant...


"Sorry, Sir!... You are only allowed ONE Carrion...."
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 13, 2016, 07:12:39 PM
Always a fresh offer....

info@mail.com
Hello, I'm Norman Chan, Tak-Lam, S.B.S., J.P, Chief Executive, Hong Kong
Monetary Authority (HKMA). I have a Business worth $47.1M USD for you to
handle with me. Contact me on my email (mr.normanchan@***.com) for more
details of the business


Do I need a clown suit for this business?... Is it related to Producing Mirth?
Impressed, Scooter.    R.O.B.A, C.E.O, M.B.E, C.C.F, E.C.C, H.of S, B.S.PH&D. L&HT W.

(I have more letters after my name than Charlie Norman Chan, that should impress him?)
(ROBA (Royal Order of the Brown Arm) CEO, (Casual Employee/Office) MBE, (Main Bottle Emptier) CCF (Chief Coffee Fetcher), E.C.C.. (Empty Can Collector) H.of S, (Hoarder of Stuff), B.S.PH&D. (B.S.(Male Bovine Excretia) Piled Higher and Deeper) L&HTW (Lawn and Hedges Trimmed Weekends))

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on August 13, 2016, 07:16:36 PM
Hey kev with the amounts of money you're getting you should good for a loan hahahaha

Sent from my SM-N920I using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Brock on August 13, 2016, 07:25:41 PM
Quote
L&HTW (Lawn and Hedges Trimmed Weekends))

Never mind a loan, I have some lawns and hedges that need trimming...

I will trade you my Google Lottery winnings for a good job...

 :popcorn :popcorn :popcorn
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on August 13, 2016, 07:26:45 PM
Hahaha that I can do

Sent from my SM-N920I using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 13, 2016, 08:39:20 PM
Bloke was on his death bed, he turned to his wife and asked..
“Before I die, can I ask you if you were ever unfaithful to me?”

She replied “Only twice... the first time was when you were
overseas with the business for 14 months, and I was lonely at home.”

He said “I can forgive you for that, what was the second circumstance?”

“Well,” she said.. “Remember that time you were nominated as
President of the Golf Club, but you were 62 votes short?”
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 13, 2016, 10:54:40 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/tanning2_zpsuqqg0rhf.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 14, 2016, 12:22:40 AM
A woman answered a knock at the door to find a salesman there.
"Good Morning!" he said "I am here to introduce you to, and demonstrate to you, our all new laundry cleaner, NU BLU KLENZ ... would you have a small bowl and a couple of laundry items so that I can show you the features of our new product?"
The woman allowed him in, and supplied a bowl, and a couple of items of clothing. He poured a small amount of liquid into the bowl, and commenced dipping a tee shirt into it, while chanting...

"Dip dip dip, in NU BLU KLENZ, and everything comes clean... dip dip dip, in NU BLU KLENZ, put it to your nose, and it smells like
(SNIFF!) .. a Rose!" ... and he passed the shirt to the woman.

He then commenced working with the second clothing item, a pair of knickers...
"Dip dip dip, in NU BLU KLENZ, and everything comes clean... dip dip dip, in NU BLU KLENZ, put it to your nose, and it smells like
(SNIFF!) .. DIP! DIP! DIP! DIP! DIP!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 14, 2016, 02:49:41 PM
Rio Medal Tally... (According to North Korean Press)

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Image2_zps9y9643p7.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 14, 2016, 06:28:17 PM
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble......
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 14, 2016, 06:30:00 PM
PMS should just be called ovary-acting.........
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 14, 2016, 06:34:44 PM
No wonder Santa is so jolly...



 He knows where all the naughty girls live.....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 14, 2016, 08:52:51 PM
Donald Trump got his IQ test results back...

The Doc reported that he tested negative...
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 15, 2016, 11:48:30 AM
Hierarchy explained..

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Hierarchy_zps4y1z3wha.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 15, 2016, 11:50:19 AM
A mate modified his Van... says it's a lot cheaper to run, now...

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/car_zpstxz2o3yi.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 15, 2016, 11:50:43 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/arghh_zpszusrt5st.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 15, 2016, 11:55:26 AM

Christmas on The Green Mile...

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Xmas%20on%20the%20green%20mile_zpsolxmnaov.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 15, 2016, 12:13:17 PM
Did you know that it has been more than 50 years since Australia developed a device to remove toads from our gardens?
 
Toads Australia-wide are terrified of it!

 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Toad_zpsfwrh5zux.mp4)

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 15, 2016, 12:25:31 PM
A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min . 
     
A beer shortens your life by 4 min .

A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!


I REST MY CASE!!!!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 15, 2016, 02:19:22 PM
Just witnessed the funniest thing!

A juvenile hero on an unregistered dirt bike stopped across the road, and put his camera on the road... then did a U-turn, and went back down the road.
I think he was going to video himself doing a wheelie towards the camera?

Unfortunately, he had to wait for a passing bus, which converted his camera into shredded plastic and scrap metal!

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Bikes/pmsl%20-%20Copy_zpskklsfjeo.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: ppopeye on August 15, 2016, 03:56:21 PM
Timing is everything!


Sent from my iPad
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 15, 2016, 11:40:40 PM
 (http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/My%20Movie_zpsmolpgpkj.mp4)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 16, 2016, 01:37:08 PM
Stupid con man (Indian?..  Paki? .. heavily accented, anyway.) rang me at 1 pm... Claims to be from the IRS  (IRS? .. in AUSTRALIA?)
.. O'seas displayed on caller ID
I hung up when he started his BS about owing back taxes.
Had to block the number, because he kept ringing back.... 6 times in less than 10 minutes.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 16, 2016, 01:57:49 PM
1.50 pm ... NOW the same w#nker has called from another number (unspecified) and has informed me that because of my non compliance with his demands, he has set the FBI onto me!

Riiiiight....

Phone is now off the hook, and I am going to a mates place for a cuppa with him.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 16, 2016, 08:11:49 PM
~ a further 8 calls while I was out.... last missed call was at 6.15 pm

I wonder if the FBI has been knocking at the door while I was out?  :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Brock on August 16, 2016, 08:32:18 PM
The FBI  and NSA rang while you were out, but I told them the CIA had already spoken to you. Seems you have taken a train to Mumbai to go pay windows a visit.

 :popcorn :popcorn
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 17, 2016, 02:55:20 PM
The Grey Test of The Mall.

....


The man who shot Liberty Valance, he was, (according to legend?) :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 17, 2016, 06:55:52 PM
When there's something strange...

.... in the neighbourhood...

....Who ya gunna call....?


....GOATBUSKERS!

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/Goatbuskers-1_zps64ov5smw.jpg)

(You're singing it, aren't you?) :grin
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 17, 2016, 07:01:13 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/heffalump31_zpsislpavtn.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Draco (Heartbreak Kid) on August 17, 2016, 07:02:35 PM
Lol lmao

Sent from my SM-N920I using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 17, 2016, 07:14:41 PM
Watching the guys practicing at the cricket nets outside my window as I washed the dishes.

Right into their sport of choice, they are.

New Ute with a custom paint job drove by.... they didn't see it...

Large crane drove past... unusual?... the cricket practice continued unabated.

Open seater V8 Sports car rumbled by... no reaction from the cricketers

Old guy on an electric gopher zipped by... cricketers never noticed...

Flash looking large boat on a trailer, towed by a 4WD... The batting/bowling continued...

Not once were they distracted.....

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/Dscf20642_zps523rsc8a.jpg)

...but just ONE 20 year old female in gym gear jogs by on the opposite side of the road...
 
and  THAT’S IT!!  ~ concentration fractured, and MATCH ABANDONED!
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 17, 2016, 11:34:06 PM
Fifty Shades of Grey for Men...

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/50%20shades_zpsriy2vtbm.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 17, 2016, 11:47:29 PM
My dogs have a really bad habit of chasing after people on a motorbike?


I regret the day I taught them how to ride.   :grin


(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/dogs-22_zpsj9owdkim.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Flip on August 18, 2016, 01:27:00 AM

MAGIC !    Where was that ???     :clap

We have this sort of thing as the usual bike riding dog here but only on small capacity putt-putt bikes - it's quite common actually   :thumbsup


Flip


 :wht11
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: ppopeye on August 18, 2016, 07:33:05 AM

Whatever happens in the US Presidential election wash-up there's bound to be a plethora of Trump jokes... Like this:


***
 
Presidential candidate Donald Trump goes on a  fact-finding visit to Israel. While he is on a tour of Jerusalem he suffers a heart attack and dies.  The undertaker tells the State  Department officials accompanying him, 'You can have him shipped  home for $50,000, or you can bury him here, in the Holy Land for just  $100.'
 
The Americans go into a corner and discuss for a few minutes. They come back to the undertaker and tell him they want Donald shipped home.
 
The undertaker is puzzled and asks, 'Why would you spend $50,000 to ship him home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here, and you would spend only $100?
 
The Americans reply, 'Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. We just can't take that risk.'
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 18, 2016, 10:28:00 AM
 :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 18, 2016, 10:29:20 AM
Expensive lesson.
ALWAYS check that lid is secured on your topbox.
I was sitting on an upstairs balcony at a coffee shop this morning.
Witnessed a motor scooter rider nudge a speed bump, and he left a pretty impressive and expensive selection
of sockets, spanners, screwdrivers, pliers etc scattered across the road.

Rider was unaware of his loss.
2 Kids on pushbikes scooped up the tools.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 18, 2016, 05:45:39 PM
After watching yet another youtube ‘People of Walmart’ episode,
I must offer congratulations to the Walmart company for providing
a specialised store for mentally retarded persons to shop in ....
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 18, 2016, 05:47:58 PM
Time traveler?

The last time I went to Mt Gambier, I filled with petrol at Nelson, and then
according to the time on my phone, found myself over the border before
I had refueled? I was tempted to return to Nelson, to meet myself on the
way to Mt Gambier... or would I have met myself returning from there?
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 18, 2016, 05:50:14 PM
Bill Shortun was informed that 2 Brazilian tourists died in the floods last week.
 
He said “That’s a real shame...  ummmm....  how many is a brazillion, anyway?”
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 18, 2016, 06:00:01 PM
Two rednecks were sitting on their porch one afternoon and looked down at their dog, who was licking his ????.

One looked at the other and said, ''Boy howdy, Billy-bob! ... I wish that I could do that.''

The other replied, 'Don't be stupid, Leroy! – the bastard would bite you!''
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Biggles on August 18, 2016, 09:07:13 PM
Two rednecks were sitting on their porch one afternoon and looked down at their dog, who was licking his ????.

One looked at the other and said, ''Boy howdy, Billy-bob! ... I wish that I could do that.''

The other replied, 'Don't be stupid, Leroy! – the bastard would bite you!''


The original on "Some Mothers Do Have Them" was
"If you give him a biscuit, he'll let you!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 18, 2016, 09:36:21 PM
 :rofl
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 18, 2016, 09:58:45 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/Bch_zpsext9osyc.gif)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 19, 2016, 08:24:38 AM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/fg_zpsxm9isahw.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Brock on August 19, 2016, 06:42:12 PM
ust had a call from some one ( with Indian accent) supposedly from tax office and my "Audited return" Message sounded recorded.

I terminated the call before they got through all of their speil.

 Its another scam, the police wont be coming to my door..

Unless its the Daughters Partner, and he had better have beer under his arm.  :beer
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 19, 2016, 06:50:16 PM
Picture this... biblical times.... David facing up to Goliath....

Honest Abes' sports betting agency was offering 500/1 odds against David, when there was a crash of thunder, a flash of lightning,
and a shower of coins rained on Abe, followed by a booming voice from the heavens... "200 Shekels on the little'un!"
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 19, 2016, 09:42:13 PM
Some clever graffiti here, or am I as warped as the offenders? :grin

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ox5CKhITQB0 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ox5CKhITQB0)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 19, 2016, 10:18:35 PM
Wanna buy a happy ciggy lighter?

(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/cl_zpsohy3bswc.jpg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Shiney on August 19, 2016, 10:47:07 PM
Some clever graffiti here, or am I as warped as the offenders? :grin

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ox5CKhITQB0 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ox5CKhITQB0)

   AWESOME !    :thumbsup
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 20, 2016, 12:08:24 PM
Chilly outside today, 6 degrees at midday. Had 15 mm of rain yesterday and a drizzly .5mm since 9 am this morning

So much for having a pleasant ride today, heated grips or not.
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 20, 2016, 01:49:28 PM
(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/ATT00005_zpstporbkuk.jpeg)
Title: Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
Post by: Kev Murphy on August 20, 2016, 01:54:01 PM
Was chatting to the guy from next door who was mowing his lawn.

He reckons the Oxfords are pretty tempting to fit t