1. My wife was counting all the 2 P and 5P coins out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry
and started shouting and crying for no reason. I thought to myself, “She’s going through the change.”
2. When I was in the pub I heard a couple of blokes saying that
they wouldn’t feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a
woman. What a pair of sexist nutters. I mean, it’s not as if she’d have
to reverse the bloody thing!
3. Little Johnny is sitting in geography class when the teacher asks
him, “Where is Pakistan?” He replies, “Outside playing with Paki-
Dave”.
4. Local Police hunting the ‘knitting needle nutter’ who has stabbed
six people in the backside in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker
could be following a pattern.
5. Bought some ‘rocket salad’ yesterday but it went off before I
could eat it!
6. A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea
break and when he returns he notices his pick has gone missing. The
bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins
at the bear and says “Oh, I forgot to tell you, today’s the day the
teddy bears have their pick nicked.”
7. Murphy says to Paddy “What ya talkin to an envelope for?”
Paddy answers, “I’m sending a voicemail ya thick sod!”
8. Just got back from my mate’s funeral. He died after being hit on
the head with a tennis ball. It was a perfect service.
9. 19 paddies go to the cinema, and the ticket lady asks “Why so many of
you?” Mick replies, “The film said 18 or over.”
10. Bindair and his family have moved in next door. He is from India
and has travelled the world, swum with sharks, wrestled bears and
climbed the highest mountain. It came as no surprise to learn his full
name was Bindair Dundat.
