A man walks into a pub....

[JuST Peter]

This man walks into a pub and orders a beer. He drinks his beer, then pulls out a photo, looks at it and puts it back into his pocket and orders another beer. He drinks his beer, pulls out the photo again, looks at it, puts it away, then orders another drink. He does this over and over again.

Finally, curiosity gets to the barman who asks why he looks at a photo each time he has a beer.

The man replied, "It's a picture of my wife. When she starts to look good I go home."

[PaulH]

A man walks into a pub with his German Shepherd. As he's drinking his beer the dog sits down and starts licking its private parts. The bloke sitting next to the owner at the bar looks down at the dog, raises his eyebrows and says "Jeez, I wish  could do that" and the dog owner replies "If you give him a biscuit he'll almost certainly let you!"

[Biggles]

That line was used in "Some Mothers Do Have 'Em".

Let's face it.  All the good jokes are used up.

We'll soon just give them numbers.  Then I'll say, "Number 2048!" and you'll either wet yourself laughing or ask to be reminded of the punchline.

[Smokeguy]

Bloke staggers into a bar with a big duck sitting on his shoulder - the barman asks "Jeez where the bloody ell did you get that ?"
and the duck says " Just found him outside lying drunk in the gutter".

Yeah I know sad isn't it 

[Sabie]

"A Man walks into a Pub" Thats gotta hurt, why didn't he use the door???

[Biggles]

"A Man walks into a Pub" Thats gotta hurt, why didn't he use the door???

Cause he was blind drunk.

[Sabie]

Biggles, then wouldn't he be walking out of the pub..... Unless he's on a pub crawl.   

[Tipsy]

  py
I have crawled in an out of a few but have never seen a pub crawl 

Tipsy

[Biggles]

py
I have crawled in an out of a few but have never seen a pub crawl 

Tipsy

They're pretty slow moving.

[Sabie]

Ha Ha Tipsy, stop it  My Sides are hurting    Oh dear....

[ST.George]

 

A horse (a STeed) walks into a bar and the barman says "Why the long face?"

- an oldie but a goodie 

  Cheers
Gregory

[Sabie]

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in
the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife..
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it's 3am in the morning and it's bloomin'well pouring with
rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about
three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?

I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!
"God loves drunk people too you know."

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding
rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark...

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk....

[StinkyPete]

Ahh.  Bloke walks into a pub jokes........

A grasshopper walks into a pub and hops up on the bar asking for a beer.
The barman says "You're a grashopper!   We serve a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper replies. "I'll have an Eric then please"

[Biggles]

A grasshopper walks into a pub and hops up on the bar asking for a beer.
The barman says "You're a grashopper!   We serve a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper replies. "I'll have an Eric then please"

Nice twist!  Love it.     

[Biggles]

A man walked into a bar.

Got a nasty black eye, and will be more careful now he knows it's there.

[winston66]

I guess that .You;

HAVE NEVER BEEN ON A PUB RUN.

cheers ,winston66