Dingos Breakfast
Aussies are unique in the slang they use. Most of us understand each other however occasionally someone will ‘throw a spanner in the works’ by using a word or phrase that we are not familiar with. Here is a small example of what is experienced whilst exploring this country and meeting its unique inhabitants.
Have you ever called into a nostalgic pub in the middle of woop woop and read the words ‘No Dingos Breakfast’ upon entry?
Did you find yourself thinking “Strewth! I’ll be stuffed! Is that ridgy didge?”
You walk in the door after reading the sign and hear:
“G’day. That there signs fair dinkum. Sick of big mobs of rubberneckers havin’ a sticky beak, using the outhouse, then leavin’ without handing over a brass razoo.
We are not within cooee of a dump house and all I ask is they invest in a sanga, a schooner of amber fluid, some rollies or takeaway plonk if they wish the privilege of usin’ the loo. Just hand over a redback and I won’t blink an eye over giving you change.
We provide bonzer meals, beaut service, munchies and a pav to die for. If they don’t want our tucker then why can’t they be happy with a pommy shower?
Up at sparrows fart, I am, cleanin’ them loos, fightin’ off the dunny budgies after a bus load of terrorists come n go. It’s enough to make you ropeable and wanna shoot through. Sorry for spitting the dummy and throwin’ a wobbly, but I had to get up somebody and give them an earbashing. I’ve been flat out like a lizard drinking runnin’ this joint and feel like doin’ me block.
How about I shout youse and the ankle biters a lemon squash. I’d be rapt.”
To which you reply “No worries, mate”.
For those a tad confused, the above translates to:
Have you ever called into a nostalgic public bar in the middle of nowhere and read the words: “No use of the amenities unless you spend money here first” upon entry?
Did you find yourself thinking “Exclamation! Followed by an expression of surprise and a question of querulous nature - Is the sign legitimately real?”
You walk in the door after reading the sign and hear:
“Hello. The sign is legitimately real. I am annoyed with large groups of people having a good look at my place of business then using the lavatories without spending any money. Simply approach me with twenty dollars and I’d be more than happy to give you change.
We may be a long way from the next convenience; however it would be much appreciated if they would buy some of our fine cuisine, beverages or cigarettes before using our amenities.
We provide exquisite meals, fine dining, snacks and a home made pavlova based on grandma’s infamous recipe. If they do not wish to indulge in our services then I don't see why they just don't freshen up with deodorant instead of using our showers?
I am up earlier than the birds cleaning the lavatories; swishing away the large blow flies after a bus full of tourists have come and gone. It is enough to make you very angry and wish to leave. Sorry for getting most upset and being mad, but I felt I needed to rebuke somebody and let off some steam. I have been very busy managing this place and feel like losing my temper.
I would like to buy yourselves and your children a lemon squash which would please me.”
To which you reply “It’s OK, friend.”
Can you relate to this jibber?
I ride
