Author Topic: The Little Book of Australian Etiquette  (Read 276 times)

Online Wild Rose

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The Little Book of Australian Etiquette
« on: January 02, 2019, 10:56:08 PM »
In General:
 
1.       Never take an open stubby to a job interview...
 
2.       Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them.
 
3.       It's tacky to take an Esky to church.
 
4.       If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
 
5.       Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to take your ute and trailer to the funeral.
 
Eating Out:
 
1.       When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to bruise the wine.
 
2.       If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand.
 
Entertaining at Home:
 
1.       A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist..
 
2.       Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners.
 
Personal Hygiene:
 
1.       While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private, using one's OWN ute keys.
 
2.       Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.
 
3.       Extensive use of deodorant can only delay bathing by a few days.
 
4.       Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, it alters the taste of finger foods and if you are a woman it can draw attention away from  your  jewellery.
 
Theatre/Cinema Etiquette:
 
1.       Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie ends.
 
2.       Refrain from yelling abuse at characters on the screen.  Tests have proven they can't hear you.
 
Weddings:
 
1.       Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
 
2.       For the groom, at least, rent a tux.  A tracksuit with a cummerbund and a clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance.
 
3.       Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the occasion.
 
Driving Etiquette:
 
1.       Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your gun's loaded and the roo's in your rifle sight.
 
2.       When entering a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest roo bar doesn't always have the right of way.
 
3.       Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
 
4.       When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.
Leo (Wild Rose)
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Online Shillas

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Re: The Little Book of Australian Etiquette
« Reply #1 on: January 03, 2019, 08:05:08 AM »
 :rofl
Shillas :dred11  :13Candy

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Offline Biggles

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Re: The Little Book of Australian Etiquette
« Reply #2 on: January 03, 2019, 11:23:53 AM »
Well that cleared up a few misconceptions I had.  Thanks for the obviously much needed improving information!
Grabbed for future reference.
For the modern man who lives in the city, riding a bike might be one of the only ways to escape the humdrum monotony. To take off and ride. To be both at one with nature and one with the bike. To feel masculine. Adam Piggott

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Offline DavidP

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Re: The Little Book of Australian Etiquette
« Reply #3 on: January 03, 2019, 07:44:32 PM »
Darn, I was in the shot first in the paddock, and furry the body later camp :-)

Good chuckle

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Online Bodų

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Re: The Little Book of Australian Etiquette
« Reply #4 on: January 03, 2019, 08:07:12 PM »
My ute is otherwise busy since it was a barmy 42°C in Adelaide today.

 

Offline Brock

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Re: The Little Book of Australian Etiquette
« Reply #5 on: January 03, 2019, 09:31:22 PM »
Cool, you can wrap up the pool and take it with you..
Brock
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