Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)

[Kev Murphy]

We noticed ... 

[Kev Murphy]

Mary had a little watch, she swallowed it one day.

So all she took was castor oil, to pass the time away.

The castor oil, it did not work, the time, it did not pass.

So if you want to know what time it is, just look up Mary's

...uncle.

He's got a watch.

[Kev Murphy]

A girl and a boy meet at the discotheque and after a couple of dances it is obvious that they are really attracted to each other.

The boy asks the girl home and she accepts.

Once at home, nature being nature and the attraction being strong, after some kissing and petting, the boy makes some forceful advances.

The girl tells him “John, even tho I really find you physically attractive and  I want to do this, but we must wait”

John says “Hannah you do not know how beautiful you are, I cannot wait anymore”

Hannah replies “In our family we are deeply religious and I have to tell you that kissing and petting is all fine, but for me there will be no sex before marriage”

John breaks away from the embrace, sits up on the bed, pulls out a piece of paper and starts writing on it.

“What are you writing?” asks Hannah

“My phone number” says John.

“And what pushed you into suddenly writing your number?” asks Hannah.

“Here” says John, “Call me when you are married”.

[Kev Murphy]

After much thought, I have come to the conclusion that the number one cause of dry skin is bath towels.

[Kev Murphy]

Why do German girls all have the same phone number?

Seriously, every one of them I ask says 999-9999

[Kev Murphy]

He took a blonde to dinner.

After the meal he said to her "You wanna exchange phone numbers?"

She replied "Duh! ... Won't that confuse people who are trying to call us?"

[Kev Murphy]

The inmates at an Irish prison didn't have enough free time to repeat the same long jokes, so they gave them numbers.

Every of the seasoned inmates knew the jokes the numbers represented by heart, and it saved on a lot of time telling jokes.
The system worked.

One day, a new inmate joined, and was flabbergasted when he saw the group of men taking turns shouting numbers.
"Number twenty-three!" shouted one guy. The crowd erupted in laughter.
"Forty-seven!" roared another one. The crowd cheered and howled.

"What are they doing?" asked the new guy to his cellmate. He explained the system.
"Oh," says the newcomer. "Let me try." He clears his throat and croaks "Sixty-four!"
The entire crowd goes quiet, everyone stares at him oddly.

"Was that not a good joke?" he whispered to his cellmate.
"Oh, no, it's one of my favourites, but you told it wrong."

"OK" he said, "I'll try another one."
He shouted robustly "Ninety-two!"
And the whole prison erupted into Laughter.

He said to his cellmate "That must be a terrific joke, everyone loves it!"

"I'll say!" said the other, wiping a tear from his eyes "Haven't heard that one before!"

[Kev Murphy]

Date & Time 2019-08-07 09:30:00
Location Portland Bay, Portland
3 Southern Right Whales sighted approx.900 metres off Hanlon Parade, heading toward Bay, PORTLAND
 

[Kev Murphy]

Two of us washed up on a desert island, the only survivors of a shipwreck.

"There's no animals here but there's plenty of fruit and plants" said the other bloke, "this is Paradise because I'm a vegan."

He laughed and said, "You'll have to become vegan too."

"No, I wont" I said, as I picked up a rock.

[Bodø]

That meat will only last so long

[Kev Murphy]

How long does Donald Trump think he can rack up Frequent Liar Points?

[NTRebel]

For the rest of his life

[Kev Murphy]

. .. however short that may be.

[NTRebel]

He'll have a long life. That old saying no rest for the wicked.

[Kev Murphy]

Damned cold here this morning, just 6 degrees at 8am, with wind chill it's still below zero.

[NTRebel]

7.50 here9.3 with feel like 6.5

[Kev Murphy]

Lets see now... as I understand it, to have a successful life, open a Twitter account, and post daily.

You have to go bankrupt a few times, use and denigrate multiple women and then pay them to keep their mouths shut, be a firm believer in family life and change wives for a younger model frequently, be racist and arrogant to many other world nations with the occasional threat to blow them off the face of the earth, and most of all, get a good start in life by having a parent loan you around 90 million dollars or so while you are still a teenager, and then 'forget' about ever paying it back.

The rewards for this will make you a world political leader who can also claim that any derogatory comments in the press are all 'Fake News', and this retort will naturally be believed by all your mentally-challenged internet supporters.

[Kev Murphy]

8.35am

Portland 7.6°C, Feels Like 1.8°C

Shadow cat was standing at the door wanting to go outside. I opened the door, she put one paw on the ground, reversed back inside and went back to the heater.

Today is International Cat Day.

[Kev Murphy]

9.05 and it's hailing outside.

[Wild Rose]

15.5 here in Toowoomba. Blue sky but wind is sneaking up. Coming  from the south
Kev you can keep it all down there
This is sunny Queensland 

[Kev Murphy]

 

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]

The way the weather is here, People have stopped singing: 'Raindrops keep falling on my head'

... and have instead adopted: 'Hail stones keep blowing in my ears'

[NTRebel]

Enjoy Kev.

[Kev Murphy]