Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 385914 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15650 on: December 06, 2019, 12:39:42 PM »
The flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the Captain immediately.

"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking!
There is a very pretty, hot and sexy female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat old slob who looks like a lecher, very sullen, mean and dangerous!"

The captain responds, "Patricia, I've told you this before. This is Air Force One..."
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
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Offline Shillas

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15651 on: December 06, 2019, 01:05:15 PM »
Over indulgence of the sex act can cause acute memory loss.



I read that in chapter 3, second paragraph on page 37 in a medical journal, on Tuesday February the 4th, 2011 at 4:17 PM while sitting in a traffic jam during a rainstorm while driving home from the supermarket.

Can you be more specific? What was the medical journal, and which volume?
Shillas :dred11  :13Candy

So what if I don't know what Armageddon means? It's not the end of the world. And if it was, you'd find reds are by far undoubtedly & unquestionably the best.

CB 125
RD 200
CB 250T
XJ 650
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15652 on: December 06, 2019, 02:30:47 PM »
 :rofl :crackup
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15653 on: December 06, 2019, 02:39:02 PM »
A plane takes off after a two hour delay. Once in the air, a passenger asks the flight attendant:

"Why did we take off so late?"

To which the flight attendant replies:

"The pilot noticed some smoke and weird noises coming from the left engine, and it took us a while to find another pilot willing to fly this plane."
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15654 on: December 06, 2019, 05:33:41 PM »
Things that people who come to Australia are afraid of:

Spiders,
Scorpions,
Snakes,
Sharks,
Crocs,
Jellyfish,
Octopus,
Stone Fish,
Feral Pigs,
Giant bulls,
Emus,
and Kangaroos.

Things that Australians are afraid of:
Magpies.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15655 on: December 06, 2019, 06:40:44 PM »
Little Johnny wrote a letter to Santa,
"Dear Santa, this Christmas I want a baby brother."

Santa replied,
"Send me your mother."
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15656 on: December 06, 2019, 06:44:06 PM »
Chinese kids don't believe in Santa Claus,
because they make all the toys themselves.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15657 on: December 07, 2019, 12:30:23 AM »
It's easy to explain why so many national governments are in shambles today.

Empires used to be run by emperors. Kingdoms were ruled by kings.

Now we have so many countries...
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15658 on: December 07, 2019, 12:30:39 AM »
When I was young, I used to think earwigs actually lived in your ears.

So you can imagine how terrified I was of cockroaches.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15659 on: December 07, 2019, 12:43:18 AM »
I used to date a woman who had a breast in the centre of her back.

It looked odd, but she was fun to dance with.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15660 on: December 07, 2019, 12:49:31 AM »
An American, A german, and Russian are at a strength competition
The competition is Hammering a nail into a piece of 4x4 plywood with their head.

The American, a 250 pound beast, holds numerous records in strength. The German, and 350 pound monster, almost 7 feet tall, is renowned as the most masculine man on earth. The Russian, a scrawny, 80 pound man, no records, no interests, he exists as a regular man.

The American is up first, takes a nail the size of an index finger and hits it twice with his head, BOOM BOOM, successfully forcing the nail all the way down.
The German is up next, takes a nail the size of a water bottle, hits it once, BAM, successfully penetrating the nail through the plywood.
The Russian is up next, takes the smallest nail there is, hits it 10 times, BAP BAP BAP BAP BAP BAP BAP BAP BAP BAP....
Gets the nail in.

The judges are now calculating who is the winner. After some time, the Judges come to the conclusion that the Russian won.
Everyone was confused, "why?" asks the German, "He took the smallest nail and had to hit it 10 times! I took the biggest and hit it just once!"

"Because" said the judge. "He had the nail upside down..."
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
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Online Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15661 on: December 07, 2019, 05:03:03 AM »
Good morning Kev. 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15662 on: December 07, 2019, 06:00:19 AM »
'Morning Bodø.  :hatwave I have been loading the bike ready to ride, missed your call.
Should be on the road in about 15 minutes.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15663 on: December 07, 2019, 06:51:57 AM »
I'll watch your spot.
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15664 on: December 07, 2019, 09:14:58 PM »
I told my ex that I wanted to be cremated.

She booked me in for next Thursday...
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15665 on: December 07, 2019, 09:46:34 PM »
"'Scuse me waiter, I'm a diabetic lactose intolerant vegan with a nut allergy, what can I get?"



"OUT!!!"

*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15666 on: December 08, 2019, 07:25:59 AM »
After being married for many years, my wife still gets mad whenever I use her toothbrush.

So if anyone knows of a better way to remove doggy doo from my sneakers, I'd be happy to hear it.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15667 on: December 08, 2019, 07:29:46 AM »
During a family visit, my 7 y/o nephew showed me his handmade kite.

Then I showed him my Apple watch and said "Nice, but look what kids in China can do at your age."
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15668 on: December 08, 2019, 07:33:55 AM »
I went to the doctor the other day and said, "Have you got anything for wind?"

He gave me a cap with a propeller on it.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15669 on: December 08, 2019, 07:44:28 AM »
While riding to and from yesterdays RTE, I noticed many wind turbines.

I thought, maybe if they could make them spin faster, the breeze created may offset the effects of global warming ???
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15670 on: December 08, 2019, 08:00:07 AM »
While riding to and from yesterdays RTE, I noticed many wind turbines.

I thought, maybe if they could make them spin faster, the breeze created may offset the effects of global warming ???
Nah, would just make the world spin faster and time go quicker.  :crackup
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15671 on: December 08, 2019, 08:22:45 AM »
It would defeat the purpose of them being there Kev.  One thing you can say about wind farms is they have a lot of fans.
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15672 on: December 08, 2019, 09:16:38 AM »
Karma?
I forgot to mention ... while riding home yesterday, 3 Harleys overtook me near Maryborough, where I refuelled.
I waved to each as they passed.
The first two ignored me, but the third guy, distinctive clothing including hi vis jacket, flipped the bird.

Just before Avoca a short time later I saw all three parked at the side of the road accompanied by a Hwy Patrol vehicle.

I took intense pleasure at eyeballing the previously mentioned rider, and returned his happy gesture.

 Merry Christmas!
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15673 on: December 08, 2019, 09:26:58 AM »
A man and his son recently moved to Texas.
One Saturday afternoon they decided to take a walk through the park. During the walk the boy sees 2 cowboys walk by.
“Dad, look at those bow-legged bastards!”

The father is surprised by this and tells his son that that is not very nice language to use.

A few minutes later, 2 more cowboys walk by and again the boy yells, “Dad, look at those bow legged bastards!”

The father, quite upset now turns to his son and says, “I told you not to say that and I do not want to hear it again, or else…”

Just a few minutes go by and another pair of cowboys walk by and once again the child yells, “Dad, look at those bow-legged bastards!”

“That’s it!” the father yells, and takes the child home and locks him in his room with the complete works of Shakespeare.
Two weeks later, he lets his son out and notices that he has taken to speaking like Shakespeare wrote.
This impressed the father so he decided to again take his son out for another walk through the park.

As they were walking a pair of cowboys walk past them.
The boy turns to his father and says: “Lo, what manner of man they appear, whose balls hang in parentheses.”
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Online Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15674 on: December 08, 2019, 09:43:25 AM »
Karma?
I forgot to mention ... while riding home yesterday, 3 Harleys overtook me near Maryborough, where I refuelled.
I waved to each as they passed.
The first two ignored me, but the third guy, distinctive clothing including hi vis jacket, flipped the bird.

Just before Avoca a short time later I saw all three parked at the side of the road accompanied by a Hwy Patrol vehicle.

I took intense pleasure at eyeballing the previously mentioned rider, and returned his happy gesture.

 Merry Christmas!

Waved to a bunch of them that passed me at Watinayah last month.  Got two waves back.  One of the group ended up in a ditch at Tarrenleah a few minutes later.  No such gestures on either side though.