Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5580893 times)

NTRebel · « **Reply #9825 on:** November 20, 2018, 03:38:21 PM »

Keep it there Kev I'll come and pick it up in 2020.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9826 on:** November 20, 2018, 08:10:24 PM »

A week away from summer, and I have the heaters on here. Maybe yesterday WAS summer?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9827 on:** November 20, 2018, 08:15:22 PM »

If Shorten and Abbott were both thrown from the Harbour Bridge at the same time, who would hit the water first?

... Who cares!.. Just do it!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9828 on:** November 20, 2018, 08:39:30 PM »

I knew a guy who had so much money that he bought a boy for his dog to play with.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9829 on:** November 20, 2018, 08:45:04 PM »

American Doctor's have finally discovered the problem with the last Presidential Election.

68% of the people are dyslexic. They thought the word "vote" was "veto"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9830 on:** November 22, 2018, 07:10:34 AM »

Little Johnny thanked his uncle for the harmonica that he received at Christmas.

"It's the best Christmas present I ever got!"
"That's great," smiled his uncle. "Have you learned how to play it yet?"
"Oh, I don't play it," Little Johnny said....
"My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day, and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9831 on:** November 22, 2018, 07:14:39 AM »

8am, 10 degrees, and its raining.

Today is officially cancelled, I am going back to bed!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9832 on:** November 22, 2018, 09:38:30 AM »

A physician passed away and was being screened for the destination of his souls eternal afterlife.
Unfortunately, he'd been a bit of a lout, a quack, and greedy to boot, so he wasn't quite certain what to expect.

Upon arriving at the Pearly Gates, St Peter greeted him, and informed the Doctor that he would be allowed to choose
from one of the doors before him, but that because of his greed and misdeeds he may find the choices rather hellish.

Upon opening door #1, he witnessed fire and brimstone of truly Biblical proportions, a horrifying sight, and quickly closed it.
Upon viewing the spectacle behind door #2, he was even more horrified to observe various tortured souls ravaged by plague,
disease and other maladies to terrible to mention, while an evil guard stood watch.

With trepidation he opened Door #3 to discover therein groups of white-coated male physicians, being waited on hand and foot
by beautiful young women dressed in little more than nursing caps!

He rushed excitedly back to saint Peter and proclaimed, "I'll take door #3!"

"Oh, no, I'm afraid that's not possible," exclaimed Saint Peter.
... "That's NURSES Hell!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9833 on:** November 22, 2018, 12:12:01 PM »

Getting old is a bugger!

I went to an xxx rated movie at the theatre the other night, and fell asleep!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9834 on:** November 22, 2018, 12:15:18 PM »

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner,

... and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9835 on:** November 22, 2018, 08:47:30 PM »

The expectant mother was looking for advice.
She said, "Grandma, when you and Grandpa had your first baby, did Grandpa ever handle the middle-of-the-night feeding?"
Her grandma replied, "No. I always did that."
The young woman laughed. "That must have been before women's liberation."
The grandmother responded, "Nope, it was before baby bottles were invented."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9836 on:** November 23, 2018, 12:35:45 AM »

Television very educational.

When somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book

Bodø · « **Reply #9837 on:** November 23, 2018, 03:59:49 AM »

At Harrow you said you don't own a tv.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9838 on:** November 23, 2018, 07:20:22 AM »

I don't, but never let a minor detail like that prevent a good yarn.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9839 on:** November 23, 2018, 07:26:22 AM »

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the wrong remedies

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9840 on:** November 23, 2018, 07:35:52 AM »

December the 1st is World Aids Day.

... But I don't think it'll ever be as popular as Christmas, or New Years Eve?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9841 on:** November 23, 2018, 07:46:54 AM »

Bill Clinton.

The President who tried to replace the bald eagle with the spread-eagle.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9842 on:** November 23, 2018, 11:46:49 AM »

I visited a lost dog home, but when I pulled into the barking lot, a barking inspector
told me that it was a private barking zone, and was not allowed to bark there.
So I told him to bark off, and drove away.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9843 on:** November 23, 2018, 02:31:22 PM »

The Doctor told me "Don't eat red meat"

Well let me tell you, I sure as hell aint going to eat any GREEN meat!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9844 on:** November 23, 2018, 02:40:40 PM »

We dont PAY taxes ... the Govt TAKES taxes.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9845 on:** November 23, 2018, 02:43:42 PM »

If a woman tells you she's 20 and looks 16, she's probably 12.

If she tells you she's 26 and looks 26, she's damn near 40!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9846 on:** November 23, 2018, 02:48:13 PM »

I bet that the 'Live Earth' movement ends global warming ...

... in the same way that 'Live Aid' put an end to world poverty....

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9847 on:** November 23, 2018, 05:48:39 PM »

Contraceptives should be used on all conceivable occasions.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9848 on:** November 23, 2018, 05:52:06 PM »

It only takes one Liberal to screw in a light bulb.

Just one, ... but it really gets screwed!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9849 on:** November 23, 2018, 05:57:36 PM »

The difference between a dead skunk on the road, and a dead politician on the road.

There are skidmarks before the skunk, and hawks will eat it.

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5580893 times)

Bodø