Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 5863353 times)

Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1425 on: August 27, 2016, 01:36:52 AM »
Sausage roll and an iced coffee with icecream ... seems like a good idea at the moment, might even have a cuppa soup while I am at it.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1426 on: August 27, 2016, 01:44:16 AM »
..and a crumpet
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1427 on: August 27, 2016, 01:50:49 AM »
... with REAL butter
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1428 on: August 27, 2016, 01:53:58 AM »
... and vegemite
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1429 on: August 27, 2016, 02:03:06 AM »
A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light. The driver is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!

So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer’s ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms.

The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything. When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an “AH” in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket.
He then hands it to the ‘violator’ for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the “AH” and demands to know what it stands for.

The officer says, “That’s so when we go to court, I’ll remember that you’re an a$$hole!”

Two months later they’re in court. The ‘violator’ has a bad driving record with a high number of points and is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him. On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light.

Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; “Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?”

Officer responds, “Yes, sir, that is the defendant’s copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top.”

Lawyer, “Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don’t normally make?”

“Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the ticket there is an “AH,” underlined.”

“What does the “AH” stand for, officer?”

“Aggressive and hostile, Sir.”

“Aggressive and hostile?”

“Yes, Sir.

“Officer, are you sure it doesn’t stand for a$$hole?”

“Well, sir, you know your client better than I do.”
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1430 on: August 27, 2016, 06:39:44 AM »
My two cats have differing personalities ... they sort of get along together, not like Yin and Yang... more like Hum and Clank!

They just had a scrap on my bed... one on top of the bed took offence at the other sneaking under the doona with me.

Oh well, I'm awake again now, might as well have a coffee until the dust has settled a bit.

Morning, Leo.
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Offline ppopeye

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1431 on: August 27, 2016, 09:00:37 PM »

A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman"


She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.


"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"


Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"


The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.


The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"


He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"


The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by email lately."


Later that day, the blonde teenager came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the startled husband asked.


"Yes, she replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."


Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a $10.00 tip.


“And, by the way," the teenager added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."
ppopeye

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1432 on: August 27, 2016, 09:22:30 PM »
 :rofl :thumb
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1433 on: August 28, 2016, 07:57:32 PM »
I finally figured out why Malcolm Turnbull is only seen on the evening news, and not on morning news programs.



....    something to do with him being pm, (Poorly Motivated?) not am .....  :grin



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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1434 on: August 28, 2016, 08:16:35 PM »
Teacher asked the class "Can anyone tell me of a historical event that occurred on 14 March 1879?"

Amy raised her hand.."Albert Einstein was born!"

"Very good, Amy!.... can anyone tell me of an event on 14 March 1889?"

Young Johnny jumped up and said "Albert Einstein celebrated his 10th Birthday!"
« Last Edit: August 28, 2016, 08:21:46 PM by Kev Murphy »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1435 on: August 28, 2016, 08:21:07 PM »


 :rofl
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1437 on: August 29, 2016, 12:38:06 PM »
A bloke was walking to catch his bus one morning.
As he was passing a building site, which was guarded by a high wooden fence, he could hear several voices chanting...

...Twenty three! ...Twenty three! ...Twenty three!

Curious, he spotted a knothole in the fence, and decided to peep through.

...Twenty three! ...Twenty three! ...Twenty three!

When he pressed his cheek on the fence, someone on the other side poked him in the eye!

As he recoiled from the attack, the chant continued..

...Twenty FOUR! ...Twenty FOUR! ...Twenty FOUR!
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Offline Biggles

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Offline Philbo

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1439 on: August 29, 2016, 02:44:25 PM »
Good point
Ermagard
 
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1440 on: August 29, 2016, 03:29:20 PM »
Surefire way to boost the post count.   Wot thuh    :wink1

 I didn't think of that?
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1441 on: August 29, 2016, 05:36:24 PM »
Surefire way to boost the post count.   Wot thuh    :wink1

 I didn't think of that?

 :eek
 
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1442 on: August 30, 2016, 11:20:50 AM »
« Last Edit: August 30, 2016, 11:31:31 AM by Kev Murphy »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1443 on: August 31, 2016, 05:01:36 PM »
The Irish Water Polo Team have sourced a new horse supplier, after their beasts drowned in the pool at the Olympics.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1444 on: August 31, 2016, 08:15:25 PM »
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Offline Shiney

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1445 on: August 31, 2016, 08:20:50 PM »
 :crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl :crackup
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Offline NTRebel

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1446 on: August 31, 2016, 09:18:15 PM »
 :thumbsup :thumbsup :thumbsup
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1447 on: September 01, 2016, 02:24:26 AM »
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Offline STeveo

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1448 on: September 01, 2016, 07:41:30 AM »
 :thumbsup
 
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1449 on: September 01, 2016, 10:49:56 PM »
Some light entertainment from a very talented man.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNJ02rxaNrs
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