Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 5863345 times)

Offline Wild Rose

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1450 on: September 02, 2016, 12:10:49 AM »
Some light entertainment from a very talented man.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNJ02rxaNrs

Terry Fator is one of my favorites  :like
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1451 on: September 03, 2016, 05:56:12 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1452 on: September 03, 2016, 09:08:08 PM »
Random memory from the past.... relevant to post above

I remember a guy who was in the same unit as myself in the military... was totally useless at everything...
I do remember his name was Donald, and he came from somewhere way out in the bush in central Qld.
Blonde male, aged about 18 years physically, and around 3 years mentally...

He turned a toaster on its side, inserted a slice of cold pizza, and wandered away to watch television.

The toaster ejected most of the pizza (onto the floor) ....

When he returned from watching TV, he just picked up the now only just warm piece of pizza from the floor,
peeled the stuck cheese off the lino, and ate it anyway.

A further 20 minutes passed while the remaining melted cheese in the toaster shorted out the cut out switch, and the toaster burned a pretty good side image of itself into the bench top, until the smoke detector started to panic!

You only had to meet Donald, to understand how human genetics can get it so wrong......
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1453 on: September 03, 2016, 10:35:18 PM »
Time frame... early 1977 .... Donald at his finest.
 
Now this was the time when cassette tapes were at their prime, and Donald decided he wanted a 'music machine' in his Jeep.
 
Being Donald, and a tightwad, he decided to fit a 'reel-to-reel' tape player (because its cheap!) in his glovebox / shelf area.
 
Which he did!
(With considerable assistance with the wiring and mounting, because he never really did done learn about them there screw
thingys, and which way to turn them)
 
Only problem was, of course, there was no electronic shielding built into this kind of player.
Music could not be heard while the engine was running, just huge buzzing static
 
He came to the attention of Police while returning from Mt Dandenong one weekend.
Because he wanted to listen to music, he turned off the ignition and was rolling downhill in 'angel gear'
 
Well, you know how power brakes operate?...  ie~ The engine has to be running, to provide power boost?
 
It wasn't... and it didn't... and consequently Donald found himself parked within some other cars boot area....
 
He did try to explain to the Police that he was just listening to music, and that’s why he had the ignition off
 
but they didn’t believe a word, because in the Cops own words .. “F**k off? ... NOBODY could be THAT stupid?”
 
It took us quite awhile to convince the cop that Donalds mentality indeed DID fit into that category.
 
You can take a Boy from the country, but you cannot remove the country from the Boy......
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1454 on: September 03, 2016, 10:52:38 PM »
Young Donald was a very naughty boy one day.

Despite warning signs, verbal instructions, and just plain general knowledge, he decided to sneak a smoke within the general area of his workplace within the mighty military machine.

 He was in charge of the vehicle battery charging facility of our unit. Room for a dozen or so truck batteries to charge in there.

 Seeing an officer heading in his general direction, he flipped his smoke out of sight into the confines of the charging room.

 Well, the rest is history, as was the wall and the roof of the battery charging room.  It was referred to as 'The 2 Sig. Big Bang' for many months.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1455 on: September 04, 2016, 12:19:24 AM »
2 Sig Regt. had its own internal Telephone service, which was used for military communications.

The service was manned 24/7

One night the operator had need of an urgent trip to the loo, and he asked Donald to man the phones for a few minutes.

An incoming call... Donald put the headphones on, and replied "Yeah, mate.... Who d'ya want?"

An annoyed voice replied "I beg your pardon?  ... Do you know who this is?"

Donald "Nah, mate!"

"This is Lieutenant Col. **** "

Donald "Oh! ... Ah ..... Do you know who I am?"

"No?"

Donald  "Thank f*** for that!" 

~CLICK~

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1456 on: September 04, 2016, 03:23:12 AM »
Now this just has to be perfect timing for the local boys who would like nothing better than a quiet Sunday ride.

This is the real world, mate... ten past 3 in the morning, and the rain has started again after a 2 day break.   0.4mm in 3 minutes!



Why couldn't you be like Murphy, and have a Friday ride instead?





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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1457 on: September 04, 2016, 03:34:04 PM »
Turned out to be a great day, showers ceased before 6am and altho the roads were still wet at 8am with the hint of a part rainbow visible to the west, it was only early morning sea mist. Temp sneaked up to a very pleasant 16 degrees as I cruised to Mount Gambier, and then on to Casterton and Sandford, where I joined some friends for coffee and a chat at around 10.30
Back on the road again at 12.00, and home again at 1.15 .. just 8km short of 300Km in great conditions. Only saw one bike on the highway, a Kwaka Vulcan, but he was looking down at a tank bag? (GPS or phone) and missed my wave. Didn't need fuel today, as it was only topped at Warrnambool on Friday. 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1458 on: September 05, 2016, 04:51:42 AM »
While proudly showing off his new apartment to his drinking friends late one night, the drunken
uni student led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong on the wall.

"Wha's that big brass gong for, bro?" one of the guests asked.

"Why, tha's my talking clock" the man replied.

"How does it work?"

"Liss'en!", the man said, giving it an ear-shattering pound with a hammer.

Suddenly, someone pounded on the other side of the wall and screamed,

"FOR CHRISSAKE, GIVE IT A REST you FREAKING W*NKER!!, IT'S 3 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING!!!"
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Offline STroppy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1459 on: September 05, 2016, 09:21:54 AM »
An oldie but still raises a smile . . .
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Offline Draco (Heartbreak Kid)

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1460 on: September 05, 2016, 09:24:03 AM »
Hahahaha rofl

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1461 on: September 05, 2016, 12:19:39 PM »
 :grin Might be old, but definitely worthy. :grin
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1462 on: September 05, 2016, 11:13:34 PM »
His wife had a lot to do with his Olympic training...  :grin

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1463 on: September 06, 2016, 12:52:07 AM »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1464 on: September 06, 2016, 12:55:37 AM »
Hey, Brock?... can your Pup do this?




...or is it more like this?  :grin

« Last Edit: September 06, 2016, 01:01:59 AM by Kev Murphy »
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Offline Draco (Heartbreak Kid)

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1465 on: September 06, 2016, 08:31:50 AM »
Hahahaha crazy

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Offline Brock

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1466 on: September 06, 2016, 08:32:07 AM »
Watch it with the Pugs Murphy... :well

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1467 on: September 07, 2016, 12:15:36 AM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1468 on: September 07, 2016, 12:19:48 AM »
A hungry hawk went into a fast food store.

"Got any Carrion?" he asked

"Yeah, sure!" said the counter guy "You want flies with that?"
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1469 on: September 07, 2016, 12:26:13 AM »
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Offline STroppy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1470 on: September 07, 2016, 08:32:56 AM »

A Selfish Woman Refused To Let An Exhausted Soldier Sit Down. What Follows Is Pure Gold.

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines.

He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat.

The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.

The war weary soldier asked, “Please, ma’am, may I sit in that seat?”

The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, “You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can’t you see my Little Fifi is using that seat?”

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.

Again he asked, “Please, lady. May I sit there? I’m very tired.”

The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, “You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!”

The soldier didn’t say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.

The woman shrieked, railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.

An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, “You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road.

“And now, Sir, you’ve thrown the wrong b*itch out the window.”
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Offline Draco (Heartbreak Kid)

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1471 on: September 07, 2016, 09:39:44 AM »
Hahahaha GOLD

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1472 on: September 07, 2016, 11:01:06 AM »
 :thumb Good one, Terry
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1473 on: September 07, 2016, 11:03:15 AM »
Home Comforts:

 

This morning I was sitting on a bench next to a homeless man, I asked him how he ended up this way.

He said: "Up until last week, I still had it all!!! A cook, my clothes were washed & pressed,
I had a roof over my head, I had TV, internet, I went to the gym, the pool, the library, I could still go to school."

I asked him, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce???

"Oh no, nothing like that" he said.... "Served my sentence, was released last Thursday!"

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Offline Jdbiker

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1474 on: September 07, 2016, 03:07:06 PM »
 :crackup :crackup
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