Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)

[NTRebel]

That's what cats are for use them to mop up the overflow.

[Kev Murphy]

 

[Kev Murphy]

I now have two soggy moggies... now what?

[NTRebel]

freeze them and you can have catty popsicles.

[Kev Murphy]

'Pussy-Pops' ??? ... might have to rethink that one 

[Kev Murphy]

The futility of bureaucracy... from yesterdays news.

https://au.news.yahoo.com/a/32625380/woman-who-died-in-february-fined-117-for-not-voting-in-march/#page1

 A Queensland woman who died in February has been fined $117 for not voting in a council election in March.
 
Will they take the money from her estate? Maybe they will dig her up again, and present her to court for non payment of fine? 

[Kev Murphy]

Random memory from the past... happened about 3 or 4 years ago. Obviously a wrong number.


Text message one evening at home, around 11 pm ...
"Hey Brian! Jim was called in to work night shift. Wanna come over? Kids are at a friends for a sleepover I'm alone"

I put the number into 'reverse phone ID' program to try and identify the unknown number displayed.
Seems the female texter resides in Evandale, Tasmania.

My mobile is a masked number.

So, I politely texted that although I appreciated her offer, it was just too far to travel from Western Victoria, and I couldn't be there before Jim finished his shift.

Obviously she checked her sent text to use the number she had previously used to contact me.

Her response "WHO IS THIS?!"

I let it ride.... and texted her again at 9 am the next day... "I hope you got in contact with Brian ok, and didn't spend the night alone"

Didn't get a reply....  maybe Jim took the message??

[Kev Murphy]

A widow went to the funeral home for the viewing of her late husband.

When she saw him she started wailing “You have him dressed in a black suit!..
.. He always wanted to be buried in a BLUE suit!”

The Mortician said “Just pop into the waiting room, I can fix that”

A few minutes later he called her back in, and there he was dressed in blue”

She said “Oh, that’s much better, but how did you change his clothes so fast?”

The mortician replied “Well, it’s very simple... I had another body out back dressed in blue..

... so I just switched their heads!”

[Kev Murphy]

Why is it so?

Not a single cat food manufacturer produces mouse flavoured treats? 

[Kev Murphy]

A blonde called the airline 
customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board.

“Sure,” the clerk said, “As long as you provide your own kennel.”
She further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over.

The blonde was flummoxed: 
“I’ll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!”

[Kev Murphy]

A Canadian psychologist is 
selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ.

Here’s how it works: If you spend $32.99 for the video, your dog 
is way smarter than you are.

[Kev Murphy]

My cats are lousy dancers.... they both have two left feet.....

[Kev Murphy]

My cats are my soul mates... we eat when we want, loaf around indoors, take afternoon naps, and hate the vacuum cleaner.

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]

This guy was hitchhiking.... I thought it was very nice for the Sheep to stop and offer him a lift....

The dog pillion doesn't look too impressed, tho 






(Just me, thinking out of the square ) 

[Williamson]

Q. Where's the best place to .......................

A.

I thought the answer was "on the edge of a cliff".

[Kev Murphy]

 

[Kev Murphy]

I can think fast when pressed.

Mobile rang Saturday afternoon about 5:30 PM ....Overseas displayed... I was bored...
I was greeted with a cheery “Good Morning!”
Another Indian telemarketer, offering a very good exclusive offer, ‘very chip’ phone connection,
AIRTEL being the name of the provider. http://www.airtel.in/forme/home

UH- HUH?... I kept him on the phone for around 30 minutes...

I let him prattle on about capped plans etc for mobiles for awhile, then asked about fixed lines. He got very enthusiastic. I then said that this was not my primary number, but the fwding number for when I am out of the office, but I had forgotten to change it this morning as I do not work on Saturday.
I asked if it was possible for him to change the Provider for the primary service account, which he assured me could be done on Monday.
I explained to him that Telephone Service Provider accounts in this country were called ‘Fergen’ accounts, ...named after one of our Telecommunication pioneers, and he would have to speak to the man in charge, Theg Hunt.
I had him repeat the name and position, and spell it back to me, to ensure he had the details correct. (I didn’t even snicker when he repeated it...)
He asked for the primary number, which I provided, (131 237) and I instructed him to call this number on Monday, and to ask for this accounts person by name and position, to obtain credit card details to pay for the transaction.
A very happy chappy... he thanked me profusely before hanging up.
Made his day.

Love to be a fly on the wall when Australian Federal Police get a call on Monday from a cheery Indian asking to speak to  “Theg Hunt, in charge of Fergen Telephone accounts.......”

(The number quoted is a hotline for Australian Federal Police Assistance, at a Defence, Diplomatic or Government Establishment.......)

.... I’m bad... Kev

[Kev Murphy]

Funny text messages... Guess what colour her hair is?

[Brock]

I have occasionally sent a text from my tablet to some one that sayas something like

"Help I'm stuck in here and dont know how to get out"

It annoys my daughter>>>> 

[Kev Murphy]

 

[Kev Murphy]

 Interesting fact

Did you know that Melbourne is actually closer to Brisbane, than Cairns is? (20 Km closer)

(More fuel for those who currently want to break Queensland into two states.)

[Kev Murphy]

           A Romanian arrives in Sydney as a new immigrant to Australia.
           He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and
           says, "Thank you Mr. Australiaman, for letting me come into this country,
           giving me housing, Income Support, free medical care, and a free education!"
           The passer-by says, "You are mistaken, I am Egyptian."
           The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for
           having such a beautiful country here in Australia."
           The person says, "I not Australian, I am Pakistani."
           The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he
            stops, shakes his hand, and says,
           "Thank you for wonderful country Australia!"
           That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Afghanistan. I
           am not Australian."
           He finally sees a nice lady and asks,
           "Are you an Australia woman?"
           She says, "No, I am from Africa."
           Puzzled, he asks her,
           "Where are all the Australians?"
           The African lady checks her watch and says, "It's 11.30 am...they are probably at work?"

[Kev Murphy]

 
A blonde wanted to experience the Octoberfest in Munich, Germany.
When she heard the inflated cost of the flight for the holiday period, she decided
that she would fly there in November, because the fares were cheaper.