Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5862931 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7425 on:** May 09, 2018, 02:04:53 AM »

Another blast from the past.

Late 60's. A friend and I were both having our medical exam prior to entering the Army.

Doctor asked my mate "Can you read the bottom line on that wall chart?"
He replied "G W Hawke, Government Printer."
(Jimmy had exceptional vision!)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7426 on:** May 09, 2018, 02:07:56 AM »

Nothing messes up your Friday more, than realising it's only Wednesday.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7427 on:** May 09, 2018, 02:10:11 AM »

If Cinderellas shoe was such a perfect fit, then how come it fell off tn the first place?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7428 on:** May 09, 2018, 02:29:57 AM »

Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween, because they don't appreciate random people knocking on their door.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7429 on:** May 09, 2018, 02:55:30 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7430 on:** May 09, 2018, 03:41:43 PM »

It's safe to say that you have a drinking problem when you fall off the floor.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7431 on:** May 09, 2018, 03:44:26 PM »

The difference between a proctologist and a bartender, is that the proctologist only has to look at one a**hole at a time...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7432 on:** May 09, 2018, 03:47:10 PM »

The Beer Prayer

Our Lager, which art in barrels, hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drank.... I will be drunk, at home as I am in bar rooms.
Give us this day our foamy head and forgive us our spillages
as we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to the local police station,
but deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the beer, the barstool and the bartender.
Forever and ever.
Barmen

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7433 on:** May 09, 2018, 03:53:54 PM »

A bottle in front of me is far better than a frontal lobotomy.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7434 on:** May 09, 2018, 03:57:30 PM »

"Can I pour you a beer?"
"A bit early isn't it?"
"For a beer?"
"No, for stupid questions."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7435 on:** May 09, 2018, 05:07:05 PM »

Two black women were getting their picture taken and while the cameraman was adjusting the camera, one of the women asked "Yo Lavanda, Wha's he doin?. The other replied, "He gonna Focus", then the other said, "You mean the bofus?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7436 on:** May 09, 2018, 05:17:45 PM »

My first wife was so blonde that she answers the door every time the phone rings.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7437 on:** May 10, 2018, 06:51:47 AM »

I guess winter has finally arrived. Cold as a witches ti... err.. armpit ... you get the message.
Am sitting rugged up in front of both a radiator heater and a fan heater at 4.30am because its too cold to get into bed, can't even feel any warmth from the lekky blanket.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7438 on:** May 10, 2018, 08:27:17 AM »

Ah, China! ... the land where Wrights are discriminated against, in favour of Wongs.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7439 on:** May 10, 2018, 08:42:59 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7440 on:** May 10, 2018, 08:51:00 AM »

Guy at a bar called to the barkeep: "Hey, Donkey! ... gimmee another beer!"

He was served, only to call again after 10 minutes "Hey, Donkey! ... gimmee another beer!"

Another customer said to the barkeep: "Rude bugger!... but why does he call you Donkey?"

The Barman replied: "I dunno, but he aw, he aww, he awww, he always calls me that!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7441 on:** May 10, 2018, 11:51:34 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7442 on:** May 10, 2018, 12:03:02 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7443 on:** May 10, 2018, 02:41:36 PM »

7 degrees overnight, now 2.30pm, and still less than 10 degrees here in Southwest Vic.

My felines have asked me to switch on the cat magnet. (fan heater)

DavidP · « **Reply #7444 on:** May 10, 2018, 04:37:59 PM »

Hasn't dropped below 28c here, and about 90% humidity... but then we are out of the country for a little while :-)

Sent from my SM-T710 using Tapatalk

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7445 on:** May 10, 2018, 04:43:23 PM »

Have had around 25 mm of rain here since yesterday afternoon, cold squally showers, but fairly constant

NTRebel · « **Reply #7446 on:** May 10, 2018, 05:33:23 PM »

Good to see you getting the precipitation Kev.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7447 on:** May 10, 2018, 05:39:46 PM »

All good, Paul.

Not sure if this pic is dedication to the sport, or sheer stupidity, tho.
The foolball players are all wearing hoodies... The light is camera flash reflection on my window, not the sun setting.
Photo taken at 5.31pm

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7448 on:** May 10, 2018, 11:25:31 PM »

Another 20 mm of rain here since 5pm, still coming down in passing heavy showers..

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7449 on:** May 11, 2018, 01:19:06 AM »

It is actually warmer now at 1am (11.7deg) than it was at 2.30pm yesterday (9.8deg). Still have showers falling in heavy short bursts.

A couple hours ago, a local clown took the roundabout near my home at a higher speed than the wet roads would allow, and ended up on the footpath with the rear wheels and diff separated from his car.
Police generously offered him a lift (via the lockup), and saved him from walking home in the rain.
Wasn't that nice of them?

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5862931 times)