Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5861478 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7775 on:** June 12, 2018, 11:17:08 PM »

A woman was berating her husband.

"You're an IDIOT!" she screamed. "If there was a world-wide idiot competition, you would win second prize!"

He said "If I am such an idiot, why would I only win second prize?"

She screeched "BECAUSE YOU'RE AN IDIOT!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7776 on:** June 13, 2018, 12:52:31 AM »

Give up, Buddy. You can't win.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7777 on:** June 13, 2018, 01:04:45 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7778 on:** June 13, 2018, 01:16:52 AM »

How do you think the unthinkable?

Thend an itheberg, they thay it worked for the Titanic.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7779 on:** June 13, 2018, 02:38:19 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7780 on:** June 13, 2018, 02:39:01 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7781 on:** June 13, 2018, 03:31:18 AM »

These two guys are sat in their hospital beds having a little chat.

The first guy asks the second, "What are you in for?"

"Camera down the throat." the second guy replies.

"Oh, endoscopy?" the first guy asks.

The second guy says, "Yeah. Checking for stomach cancer. How about you?"

"Camera up the butt" the first guy says.

"Oh colonoscopy, checking for bowel cancer?" asks the second guy.

The first guy says, "No, woman next door was sunbathing, and my wife caught me taking a photo."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7782 on:** June 13, 2018, 03:36:06 AM »

Trump had to go for a colonoscopy the other day.

Pretty good result.

They found his head.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7783 on:** June 13, 2018, 03:41:02 AM »

Several maternity nurses retired recently, the hospital now has a mid-wife crisis.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7784 on:** June 13, 2018, 03:45:36 AM »

Paddy's wife was ready to give birth so he rushed her to hospital.

When he gets there the nurse asks him, "How dilated is she?"

Paddy replies, "Oh Jaysus, we're both over the moon!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7785 on:** June 13, 2018, 09:00:53 AM »

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent on a mission to Mars. Only one could go, but they wouldn't be able to return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "A million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T."

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. "I want to give a million to my family," he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."

The last applicant was a lawyer and when he was asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, "Three million dollars."

The interviewer asked, "Why so much more than the others?"

The lawyer replied, "If you give me $3 million, I’ll give you $1 million, I’ll keep $1 million, and we’ll send the engineer to Mars."