Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5860684 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8025 on:** July 03, 2018, 01:04:05 PM »

Abbey Road ...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8026 on:** July 03, 2018, 02:15:27 PM »

Back in the 1800's the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for pocket watches, decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west. It turned out that although their watches were of finest quality, their compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California.
This, of course, is the origin of the expression; "He who has a Tates is lost!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8027 on:** July 03, 2018, 03:48:58 PM »

I once had a friend, Joe, who worked in the coal mines. Unfortunately, he was killed in a freak accident when some movers lost their grip on a grand piano they were transporting; the piano fell down the mine shaft and crushed Joe to death.
A local composer wrote an orchestral piece in memory of Joe: It was called "Symphony in A Flat Miner."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8028 on:** July 03, 2018, 06:21:16 PM »

A young American couple, who recently bought a large house in London, decided that their new home needed central heating. When they were told it would be impossible to install a heating system, the wife sighed and said,
"I should have known that we couldn't have archaic and heat it too."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8029 on:** July 03, 2018, 06:35:39 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8030 on:** July 03, 2018, 06:41:53 PM »

Bodø · « **Reply #8031 on:** July 03, 2018, 08:41:51 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on July 02, 2018, 04:43:12 AM

History repeats itself ... Didn't work then, either....

I like it.

Bodø · « **Reply #8032 on:** July 03, 2018, 08:44:02 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on July 03, 2018, 12:56:42 PM

There are many stories related to the sinking of the "Titanic". Some have just come to light due to the success of the recent movie. For example, most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. The "Titanic" was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City. The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate at the loss. So much so that they declared a national day of mourning which they still observe today.
It is known, of course, as: Sinko de Mayo .....

Even until this day the pool in the titanic is still full of water.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8033 on:** July 03, 2018, 08:47:58 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8034 on:** July 03, 2018, 08:51:45 PM »

There's young fashion designer who has decided to combine the national dress of India with the carefree styling of Polynesia.
He calls it his ... "Sari, Sarong Number."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8035 on:** July 03, 2018, 08:54:23 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8036 on:** July 03, 2018, 08:56:15 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8037 on:** July 03, 2018, 09:00:39 PM »

Three animals were having a huge argument over who was the best:
The first, a hawk, claimed that because of his ability to fly, he could attack anything repeatedly from above, and his prey had nary a chance.
The second, a lion, based his claim on his strength--none in the forest dared to challenge him.
The third, a skunk, insisted he needed neither flight nor strength to frighten off any creature.

As the trio debated the issue, a grizzly bear came along and swallowed them all: hawk, lion and stinker!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8038 on:** July 03, 2018, 09:05:12 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8039 on:** July 03, 2018, 10:33:05 PM »

A certain man had a daughter who was...how do I say this tactfully... ugly.
Well, in a desperate attempt to marry her off, this man found a available young gentleman by the name of Herz.

He invited him over to supper and, with the promise of a large dowry, suggested Mr. Herz wink at the girl during the meal.

Unfortunately, once he saw her, no amount of money would have coaxed him to bat his lashes....which just goes to show you:
You can lead a Herz to daughter, but you can't make him wink

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8040 on:** July 03, 2018, 10:39:22 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8041 on:** July 04, 2018, 01:00:46 AM »

My ex demanded that I be home by 6pm every evening.

She was good like that.

She always let me have her own way.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8042 on:** July 04, 2018, 01:03:45 AM »

I installed a bachelors smoke alarm in my unit last week.

When it goes off I know my dinner is cooked.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8043 on:** July 04, 2018, 01:06:44 AM »

Salesman at the door said "I have a product here that will brighten up your whole home"

I replied "Thanks, but I have plenty of lightbulbs"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8044 on:** July 04, 2018, 01:12:37 AM »

I attended a health farm for 4 days, and that was just for a quote on their fees.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8045 on:** July 04, 2018, 01:15:44 AM »

My mate drove me to the shops and I said "Gee, your driving carefully today?"

He replied "Yeah, just as carefully as that patrol car behind us!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8046 on:** July 04, 2018, 01:36:24 AM »

I remember a crazy question from the last census:

'How many cars are parked adjacent to your home this evening?'

Umm... I live alongside Woolies car park, and it was a Friday night.

.... so I wrote 'Somewhere between 80 and a 120 ... difficult to estimate as the number constantly changes as people arrive at, and leave from, the supermarket'

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8047 on:** July 04, 2018, 01:43:34 AM »

STeveo · « **Reply #8048 on:** July 04, 2018, 08:10:20 AM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on July 03, 2018, 09:05:12 PM

Or sell the farm, but now is not a good time.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8049 on:** July 04, 2018, 10:50:17 AM »

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5860684 times)

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