Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5860019 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8150 on:** July 09, 2018, 06:34:58 AM »

No man has ever won a game of "Notice anything different about me?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8151 on:** July 09, 2018, 11:30:16 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8152 on:** July 09, 2018, 11:32:17 AM »

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8153 on:** July 09, 2018, 11:34:05 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8154 on:** July 09, 2018, 11:38:21 AM »

Must be something in the air that causes women to get pregnant.

Ummm ... Their legs?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8155 on:** July 09, 2018, 11:39:48 AM »

With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where some guy's truck leaves him too.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8156 on:** July 09, 2018, 02:07:45 PM »

Some dickhead Indian just rang me from 'overseas', claiming to be from the ATO.
First of all, he asked me for my name. Umm if you were from the ATO, you would know who you are calling?
Anyway, I told him my name was Colon Oscopy, and he called me Colon for the rest of the conversation.
He stated that according to 'his' records, I failed to pay income tax last year.
I replied that as a matter of fact, I had paid no income tax for the past NINE years, which he really warmed up to.
After listening to his threats of police action if I did not pay his demands, I hung up in his ear.
I had a further 5 'overseas' calls in the next few minutes, none of which I answered.

Brock · « **Reply #8157 on:** July 09, 2018, 03:28:29 PM »

Also try the name Misan Thrope, Neander Tholl, Cro Magnon, Heamo Philiac, Gerry Atric

Just to "Name" a few.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8158 on:** July 09, 2018, 03:34:22 PM »

Thanks Brock... will add them to my collection.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8159 on:** July 09, 2018, 06:06:08 PM »

Thousands of people get naked in front of cameras at Woolies in Melbourne, and they call it art.
If I walked outside and mooned a passing car, I would get arrested!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8160 on:** July 09, 2018, 07:44:40 PM »

I thought I had a lot of time on my hands... obviously not as much as some people?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8161 on:** July 09, 2018, 09:12:55 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8162 on:** July 09, 2018, 09:15:12 PM »

Anybody who has any doubt about the ingenuity or the resourcefulness of a plumber never got a bill from one.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8163 on:** July 09, 2018, 09:18:05 PM »

The one thing that a plumber will never do is bite his fingernails.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8164 on:** July 09, 2018, 09:20:32 PM »

A man at a train stop shows off pictures of his three sons to a friend.
“What do your boys do for a living?” asked the man.
“Well my youngest is a neurosurgeon and my middle is a lawyer,” He replied.
“What does the oldest do?” the man asked.
The father replied, “He’s the plumber that paid for their training.”

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8165 on:** July 09, 2018, 09:24:21 PM »

Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet.

He just scares the crap out of it.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8166 on:** July 09, 2018, 09:27:09 PM »

A plumber was called to woman’s apartment to repair a leaking pipe.
When he arrived he was pleased to discover that the woman was quite a luscious, well-stacked dish.
During the course of the afternoon, the two became extremely friendly.

About 5:30 p.m. the phone rang, disturbing the bedroom shenanigans.
“That was my husband,” she said, putting down the phone.
“He’s on his way home, but is going back to the office around 7p.m.. Come back then, dear, and we can take up where we left off.”
The plumber looked at the woman in disbelief. “What? On my own time?”

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8167 on:** July 09, 2018, 09:42:52 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8168 on:** July 09, 2018, 09:45:32 PM »

This is the oldest fuel efficient vehicle, the Rolls Cunardly.

Rolls downhill, cunardly get up the next.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8169 on:** July 09, 2018, 09:47:59 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8170 on:** July 09, 2018, 09:54:10 PM »

Bio gas

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8171 on:** July 09, 2018, 10:03:53 PM »

A bee was hovering over a sushi meal.

The sushi said : "Wassa bee?"

Shillas · « **Reply #8172 on:** July 09, 2018, 10:06:34 PM »

Quote from: Brock on July 09, 2018, 03:28:29 PM

Also try the name Misan Thrope, Neander Tholl, Cro Magnon, Heamo Philiac, Gerry Atric

Just to "Name" a few.

Phil Anthropy, Dick Head, Dwayne Pipe, Paige Turner, Nes Undorma, Iva Bigun & my favourite, Brock, just call me Brock.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8173 on:** July 09, 2018, 10:12:05 PM »

Good one!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8174 on:** July 09, 2018, 10:13:27 PM »

My name is Sherlock

...Obviously, I am an in-vest-i Gator.

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Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5860019 times)