Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 333280 times)

Online Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14175 on: September 14, 2019, 01:07:50 AM »
She must have been nuts.
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14176 on: September 14, 2019, 07:27:13 AM »
Volatile...

A boy asked his dad for $10 worth of bitcoin
"$9.57? Why do you need $11.48? What the hell you gonna buy for $7.32 anyway?"
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Offline Shillas

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14177 on: September 14, 2019, 07:36:38 AM »
Another time I went to Bunnings some bloke in a red apron asked if I wanted decking.

Luckily I got the first punch in.
Shillas :dred11  :13Candy

So what if I don't know what Armageddon means? It's not the end of the world. And if it was, you'd find reds are by far undoubtedly & unquestionably the best.

CB 125
RD 200
CB 250T
XJ 650
XV 750
VL 800
ST 1100 - In the garage
ST 1300 - In the garage
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14178 on: September 14, 2019, 07:47:28 AM »
Did you then crush his nuts in a vice?

Lowest vices are just the beginning.
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14179 on: September 14, 2019, 09:32:43 AM »
This girl was handing out vegan pamphlets, when she said she recognised me.


I said I never met herbivore.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14180 on: September 14, 2019, 09:34:47 AM »
A boy asked his mother
"Mommy, why are you white, and I'm black?"

Mommy replied "Son, the way things were going at that party, you're lucky that you don't bark!"
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14181 on: September 14, 2019, 12:24:49 PM »
I was walking by the fridge last night, and I thought I could hear the spring onions singing a BeeGees song.

Turns out it was just the chives talking.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
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I started a joke.
« Reply #14182 on: September 14, 2019, 12:30:05 PM »
  Talk about night fever.  It's just a tragedy.   You should be dancing. 
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14183 on: September 14, 2019, 02:11:55 PM »
I once dated a girl with a twin.
We all know the immediate fantasy that springs to mind, and so i thought i'd ask.
I asked if they would BOTH like to have lunch and a couple of drinks with me, and they agreed.

It was a wonderful experience, and her twin is a really nice guy.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14184 on: September 14, 2019, 05:18:09 PM »
Advertising Declaration.

"Our products are not tested on animals"

Besides, it would look pretty stupid, to see a dog wearing Nike runners and a condom.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14185 on: September 14, 2019, 05:57:25 PM »
They need to get a grig.  That would be a stretch.
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14186 on: September 14, 2019, 07:33:00 PM »
a grig?
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14187 on: September 14, 2019, 07:35:42 PM »
Spring is finally here


The gardener got so excited he wet his plants.
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Online Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14188 on: September 14, 2019, 07:37:04 PM »
a grig?

I meant grip.  Hopefully you're merry as a grig.
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14189 on: September 14, 2019, 07:37:42 PM »
Spring is finally here
The gardener got so excited he wet his plants.

Stinky Pete has a spring water tap in his back yard.
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14190 on: September 14, 2019, 07:38:04 PM »
 ++ :grin
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14191 on: September 14, 2019, 07:39:01 PM »

Stinky Pete has a spring water tap in his back yard.

Well well well! ...
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14192 on: September 14, 2019, 10:20:19 PM »
A husband and wife were asleep in bed one evening when the phone rang loudly and woke them up.
Annoyed, the wife crawled out of bed and picked it up.

“Hello?!” she answered with irritation. “How would I know? We live in the middle of the city, you idiot!”

She hung up the phone and fell back into bed.

“Who was that?” the husband asked groggily.

“Dunno ... Some stupid woman asking if the coast was clear!”
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14193 on: September 15, 2019, 12:16:58 AM »
I was walking home the other evening as it started to get dark.
Several feet in front of me was a young woman.
After a minute or two,she started walking faster.
So I started walking faster.
Then she broke into a jog. So I broke into a jog.
Then she started screaming and running as fast as she could.
So I started screaming and running as fast as I could.

I don't know what we were running from, but it scared the hell out of me.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14194 on: September 15, 2019, 03:58:28 AM »
Two couples decide to swap partners for the evening.

Couple 1: “Oh my goodness Morgan I’m so glad we swapped tonight. I needed this freak night”.

“Me too Dale. Let’s go see how the girls did!”
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14195 on: September 15, 2019, 03:59:36 AM »
I went drinking with a bunch of kangaroos last night, and they didn't buy me a single drink all evening..

Talk about short arms, long pockets...
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14196 on: September 15, 2019, 04:08:32 AM »
A couple are driving home one evening and hit a skunk.
They get out the car and find it injured and freezing cold, so they decide to take it to the vet.

The husband said, "Put it between your legs to keep it warm."

Wife replied "But its all wet, and it stinks!"

The husband said; "He'll get used to it, I did!"
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14197 on: September 15, 2019, 04:10:45 AM »
I was dining alone at a restaurant one evening.
In the middle of my meal, a very pretty woman of about 27 came to my table and asked, "Are you alone?"

I smiled and nodded.

She took the other chair back to her table.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14198 on: September 15, 2019, 04:20:20 AM »
Two guys were high on weed late one evening

Not being in the best state for great decisions, they figured they wanted to go for a ride to pick up some food.
However, as they came to the first roundabout one guy said, let's go for an extra round. Sure, said the other and off they went.

"You know what would be even better?"

"What?"

"Going backwards, of course."

So they went backwards around the roundabout. Several times. Then the inevitable happened and they reversed into another car.
Although there is no major damage to either car, they try to think about what to do.

Two minutes later, the cops turn up. The officer goes to the car they hit, and had a chat to the driver before he came to their car.

He said: "Just carry on lads. This guy who rear-ended you is so drunk, he claims you were going backwards."
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14199 on: September 15, 2019, 04:35:59 AM »
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken.
0428 306 496
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