Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5822209 times)

Bodø · « **Reply #14050 on:** September 19, 2019, 10:36:13 AM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on September 19, 2019, 09:43:09 AM

I sub-contracted that job out.

I hope it was to someone punctual.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14051 on:** September 19, 2019, 10:52:24 AM »

Quote from: Bodø on September 19, 2019, 10:35:25 AM

Quote from: Kev Murphy on September 19, 2019, 10:02:28 AM
They always say Murder is a capital of Fence, Kidnapping is a capital of Fence, Treason is a capital of Fence... and the names? Geeze, not very inviting places.

Where the hell is Fence, anyway?

Actually it is spelled Fënz and it's in Luxembourg.

Hmmm ... Actually I prefer the name of a small town in Austria... its about 33 km north of Salzburg. I visited there in 1969...

Zoom in to the centre of this map.
https://www.google.com/maps/place/Portland+VIC+3305/@48.0358803,12.7196133,40310m/data=!3m1!1e3!4m5!3m4!1s0xaa9d9868637a0a11:0x50579a430a0d5a0!8m2!3d-38.360895!4d141.6041155

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14052 on:** September 19, 2019, 11:32:00 AM »

Elsie, an elderly lady, stopped to drive into a parking space when a young man in his brand new red BMW drove around her and parked in the space that she had been waiting for. Elsie was so angered that she approached the young fellow and enquired, through gritted teeth, 'I was about to park there.'

The man looked at her with disdain and replied, 'That's what you can do when you're young and bright.'

This annoyed Elsie even more, so she got back in her car, backed it up and then she stamped on the accelerator and rammed straight into his BMW.

The young man ran back to his car and shouted in a stunned voice, 'What did you do that for?'

Elsie smiled at him and said, 'That's what you can do when you're old and rich.'

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14053 on:** September 19, 2019, 01:12:59 PM »

Can I just ask everyone for a big favour?
Those of you who are planning to place Christmas lights/decorations in your yards, can you please avoid anything that is red or blue and flashing?
Every time I drive by, I think it's the police and have a panic attack. I have to take my foot off the accelerator, toss my beer, put my hamburger down, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down and push the gun under the seat.
It's too much for me to do in such a short notice............. thank you all for cooperating and taking my feelings into consideration.

Shillas · « **Reply #14054 on:** September 19, 2019, 01:23:44 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on September 19, 2019, 10:52:24 AM

Quote from: Bodø on September 19, 2019, 10:35:25 AM
Quote from: Kev Murphy on September 19, 2019, 10:02:28 AM
They always say Murder is a capital of Fence, Kidnapping is a capital of Fence, Treason is a capital of Fence... and the names? Geeze, not very inviting places.

Where the hell is Fence, anyway?

Actually it is spelled Fënz and it's in Luxembourg.

Hmmm ... Actually I prefer the name of a small town in Austria... its about 33 km north of Salzburg. I visited there in 1969...

Zoom in to the centre of this map.
https://www.google.com/maps/place/Portland+VIC+3305/@48.0358803,12.7196133,40310m/data=!3m1!1e3!4m5!3m4!1s0xaa9d9868637a0a11:0x50579a430a0d5a0!8m2!3d-38.360895!4d141.6041155

I hear a good time is had there by all.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14055 on:** September 19, 2019, 01:27:03 PM »

True, Shillas, but Pommy tourists keep stealing the town sign!

Bodø · « **Reply #14056 on:** September 19, 2019, 01:30:19 PM »

There's a Wankdorf stadium in Switzerland.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14057 on:** September 19, 2019, 01:34:59 PM »

Yep!, it's in Bern, about 50 Km from Vallorbe, where I visited for about 3 weeks during 1969.

Right next to the Mall, went shopping there.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14058 on:** September 19, 2019, 01:40:01 PM »

NTRebel · « **Reply #14059 on:** September 19, 2019, 02:30:22 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on September 19, 2019, 01:12:59 PM

Can I just ask everyone for a big favour?
Those of you who are planning to place Christmas lights/decorations in your yards, can you please avoid anything that is red or blue and flashing?
Every time I drive by, I think it's the police and have a panic attack. I have to take my foot off the accelerator, toss my beer, put my hamburger down, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down and push the gun under the seat.
It's too much for me to do in such a short notice............. thank you all for cooperating and taking my feelings into consideration.

Bah humbug.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14060 on:** September 19, 2019, 04:25:03 PM »

The surnames of England

The surnames of England will tell you a lot about what sort of people they are, and of what sort of things they're proud of:

The Bakers, for example, came from a prominent line of breadmakers;

The Masons were all very fine stoneworkers;

But among the English people, no surname is held in higher disregard than that of Mr Dickinson…

Shillas · « **Reply #14061 on:** September 19, 2019, 07:01:06 PM »

My wife just couldn't accept my obsession with horoscopes.

In the end it just Taurus apart.

But now I feel Librarated, but she was Pisced off.

I find it helps to Aires one's feelings.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14062 on:** September 19, 2019, 07:03:12 PM »

Virgo, No Taurus crap?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14063 on:** September 19, 2019, 07:12:20 PM »

People who talk to their dogs are just plain stupid...

Saw a couple today talking to their husky.
Intelligent dog, don't get me wrong, but do they seriously think he understands everything that they say to him?

I came home and told my cats all about it, we laughed our butts off!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14064 on:** September 20, 2019, 12:49:01 AM »

Guy meets a Girl on Tinder..
Both never showed their real photos on their respective profiles. They agree to meet up in Starbucks.
Guy told her he will be wearing a white shirt with a tie, but wore a green tee shirt instead.
Girl said she will be wearing a yellow dress, and she did.

Day of the meet up, guy sees that the girl is fat, ugly as crap, and obviously a lot older than she claimed.
The girl,seeing that nobody was wearing a white shirt, asked the only guy obviously waiting for somebody.
"Are you the guy I was supposed to meet from Tinder?" The girl asked.
He quickly answered "Hell no! .. I'm not wearing a white shirt and tie?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14065 on:** September 20, 2019, 02:58:49 AM »

At a magic show, when after one particularly amazing trick, someone screamed out, “WOW!, how did you do that?”

"I could tell you”, answered the magician predictably, “But then I’d have to kill you.”

After a moments pause, the same voice screamed out “Would you tell my mother in law? ... Please?”

Bodø · « **Reply #14066 on:** September 20, 2019, 04:27:32 AM »

Quote from: Shillas on September 19, 2019, 07:01:06 PM

My wife just couldn't accept my obsession with horoscopes.
In the end it just Taurus apart.
But now I feel Librarated, but she was Pisced off.
I find it helps to Aires one's feelings.

I hope you overcome your obsession. It could eat away at you like a cancer.

Bodø · « **Reply #14067 on:** September 20, 2019, 04:30:06 AM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on September 19, 2019, 04:25:03 PM

Mr Dickinson…

Many of the surnames ending in son or sen have come from the Scandinavian way of doing surnames. You can thank the Vikings.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14068 on:** September 20, 2019, 04:51:41 AM »

The young girl noticed her father's glass was empty.
"You're glass went empty, daddy," she mumbled with an innocent smile on her face, that only toddlers can have "Would you like another one?"

Her father scowled "Why would I want two empty glasses?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14069 on:** September 20, 2019, 04:54:49 AM »

She found lipstick in my jacket pocket.
I told her straight up I was cheating.
There's no bloody way in hell that I was going to confess that I sell Avon.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14070 on:** September 20, 2019, 07:17:17 AM »

Arguing with your wife is like reading an End User License Agreement.

You don't understand much of what she's saying and end up clicking on 'I Agree' anyway.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14071 on:** September 20, 2019, 09:42:11 AM »

Bodø · « **Reply #14072 on:** September 20, 2019, 09:50:18 AM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on September 20, 2019, 07:17:17 AM

Arguing with your wife is like reading an End User License Agreement.
You don't understand much of what she's saying and end up clicking on 'I Agree' anyway.

I'm pretty sure you checked the box long before that.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14073 on:** September 20, 2019, 10:10:29 AM »

Too true!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14074 on:** September 20, 2019, 10:12:52 AM »

Aldi recently copied Lidl's idea to reduce their prices on courgettes, cucumbers, carrots, celery, celeriac, cabbage and cauliflower, and now they're being fined for breaking piracy laws.

It's because they've sale'd the seven Cs.

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5822209 times)

Bodø

Bodø

Bodø

Bodø

Bodø