Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 448384 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16275 on: January 16, 2020, 06:10:23 PM »
An Indian sniper with a laser scope, would have his work cut out in his home country.

So many people with a red dot on their forehead....
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16276 on: January 16, 2020, 07:35:22 PM »
Two Astronauts on the Space Station.

One says to the other "I can't find any milk for my coffee?"

The other replied  "In space, no one can. Here, use cream!"
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16277 on: January 16, 2020, 09:42:52 PM »
I saw 2 guys in matching outfits and asked if they were gay...

They arrested me.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16278 on: January 16, 2020, 09:44:26 PM »
I saw a man in the street with a dog and a white stick.

I said ‘You must be blind.’

He said ‘Yeah, tell me something I don’t know.’

So I said ‘There’s a tree over there, with a kite tangled in it.’
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16279 on: January 16, 2020, 09:47:24 PM »
I just saw my Chinese waiter give my order to someone who looks nothing like me.

Oh wait, my bad. That wasn’t my waiter.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16280 on: January 16, 2020, 09:49:57 PM »
I saw a good looking woman at McDonalds spank her kid for throwing his fries on the ground.

So I threw my fries on the ground too.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16281 on: January 17, 2020, 01:44:19 AM »
Boeing has recently produced some new groundbreaking aircraft.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16282 on: January 17, 2020, 04:48:59 AM »
A woman crashed her car today.

She told the police the man she collided with, was texting on his mobile phone and drinking a can of beer.

Police said that he is allowed do what he likes in his own living room.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16283 on: January 17, 2020, 04:50:56 AM »
This nasty, sweaty woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walks into a bar. She raises her right arm, revealing a big hairy armpit as she points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks, “What man out there will buy a lady a drink?”
The whole bar goes dead silent, as the patrons try to ignore her. At the end of the bar, a skinny little drunk slams his hand on the bar and says, “Bartender, I want to buy that ballerina a drink!”

The bartender pours the drink and the woman chugs it down. After she’s completed the drink, she turns again to the patrons and points around at all of them, again revealing her hairy armpit and saying, “What man out there will buy a lady a drink?”

Once again, the little drunk slaps his hand down on the bar and says, “Bartender, I’d like to buy the ballerina another drink!”

After serving the lady her second drink, the bartender approaches the little drunk and states, “It’s your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you call her a ballerina?”

The drunk replies, “Sir, in my eyes, any woman who can lift her leg up that high has got to be a ballerina!”
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16284 on: January 17, 2020, 05:01:31 AM »
A tourist is in Russia and they see a frail little wrinkled woman sitting in front of her house, smoking a cigarette and drinking vodka.
So he stops and asks her: "Excuse me, but are you celebrating something?"

"No, I drink a few bottles of vodka every day. Always have."

"Amazing. And the cigarettes?"

"At least two packs a day, since I was a little girl."

"That's incredible! ... May I ask, how old are you?"

"Twenty-three next August".
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16285 on: January 17, 2020, 05:07:09 AM »
Be careful on the road this festive season.

A lot of men are drinking to excess ...

and getting their wives to drive.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16286 on: January 17, 2020, 03:20:27 PM »
Hardly Normal is having a spring sale.

But the rest of the bed is still full price.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Online Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16287 on: January 17, 2020, 04:58:13 PM »
The Makin Mattresses bird told me he only sells half the mattress and that they should be cheaper.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16288 on: January 17, 2020, 05:37:33 PM »
An elderly gent was awkwardly shuffling along a path with a very serious expression on his face.

"Hey, old timer, something wrong?" asked a young fellow sitting on a park bench.

"Shit my pants," answers the oldster.

"Then why don't you change them," suggested the youngster.

"Haven't finished yet!" was the reply.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16289 on: January 17, 2020, 08:22:42 PM »
Two Priests decided to go to Greece on vacation
They were determined to make this a real vacation
by not wearing anything that would identify them as Priests.

As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store
and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb.
They were sitting on the beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a
drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a bikini came walking straight towards them.

They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed them she smiled and said
'Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,' nodding and addressing each of them individually,
then she passed on by.

They were both stunned.
How in the world did she know they were priests?

One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said,
'Just a minute, young lady.' 'Yes, Father?'
'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know,
how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?'
She replied, 'Father, it's me, Sister Beatrice!!'
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16290 on: January 17, 2020, 08:38:26 PM »

A man spends a fortune on a horse that is supposed to be an amazing stallion. He is told the horse will impregnate 20-30 fermale horses.

He brings the horse to his farm, but the horse is not doing anything, just sleeping and eating grass all day.

Some time after he meets with an old friend, and explains the story.

The friend replies: "The same happened to me, I bought a horse that was supposed to be an amazing stallion, but he won't do anything.
So I bought him a syrup drug that he is drinking every day, and from that day on he is impregnating 20-30 females a day."

So the lazy horse owner asks: "What's the name of the syrup?"

To which his friend answered: "I don't remember, but it sorta tastes like mint."
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16291 on: January 18, 2020, 12:00:01 AM »
I bought my son a puppy for his birthday, but I accidentally backed over him in the driveway and killed him...

Sure is gonna be tough raising this puppy without him.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Offline Brock

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16292 on: January 18, 2020, 12:57:53 AM »
 :rofl :rofl :crackup
Brock
Asian Correspondent
2003 Honda ST1100PY



Ulysses #32829
STOC #8239
OzSToc # ??
Kinross WA
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16293 on: January 18, 2020, 05:21:34 AM »
At my prime I was A Beast.

Today I'm merely Obese.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16294 on: January 18, 2020, 05:34:46 PM »
I just saw my wife walking around wearing her sexiest underwear, which can only mean one thing.

It’s laundry day.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16295 on: January 18, 2020, 07:52:58 PM »
The fairy godmother waved to Cinderella "Have a great night at the ball Cindy, but make sure you are home before midnight, otherwise that tampon I gave you will turn back into a pumpkin!"

3am.. the fairy godmother is still waiting...
Finally Cindy waltzes back home. "Where the hell have you been, Cindy?"
"Oh! I had a great time! .. I met this guy named ... Peter, Peter, something or other..."
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16296 on: January 18, 2020, 11:09:52 PM »
It was just another day in the jungle, and the little tailor store was open as usual.

*ting a-ling-ting* The door jingles open and in walks a flea, a spider and a rat.

They all ask to be measured up and fitted for suits.

"Step this way", says the tailor and begins measuring up the flea with his tiny teeny tape measure.

"You're pretty fat for a flea", he says, as he finishes his measurements.

The flea steps back, slightly disheartened, and the tailor starts measuring the spider.

"Wow, you're legs are laughably short for a spider". He says, as he finishes sizing him up.

The spider steps aside unhappily, and he measures up the rat.

"Your teeth are disgustingly yellow", he tells him as he finishes up the job.

Disgruntled, the three of them walk out of the store, empty handed.

A few months pass and the amount of small jungle creatures coming to the store gets smaller by the day.

"I just don't understand", the tailor says to his shop assistant, "it seems I am no good at this anymore".

The shop assistant replies, "Well, maybe you need to quit critter sizing".
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16297 on: January 19, 2020, 03:07:44 AM »
A guy said to a Tailor "I need something for a wedding"

"Traditional or casual?" asked the Tailor.

"Who cares" said the guy "I just need a woman who loves me."
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16298 on: January 19, 2020, 03:18:28 AM »
An optimist lost his footing and fell off the top of a tall building
A man on the 18th floor saw it right as it happened.

As the optimist was plunging towards certain death, the man called out “Hows it going?”, to which the optimist replied “So far, so good!”
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
http://ozstoc.com/index.php?topic=2651.msg112526#msg112526
Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16299 on: January 19, 2020, 03:49:27 AM »
He'll be brought down to earth in seconds.
 
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