It's been a while since an Oirish joke came by

[Biggles]

Paddy and Mick were walking along a street in London.  Paddy looked in one of the shop windows and saw a sign that caught his eye.
The sign read. "Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £3.00 each, Trousers £4.50 per pair".
Paddy said to his pal, "Mick look at these prices! We could buy a whole lot of those. When we get back to Ireland we could make a fortune. Now when we go in you stay quiet, okay?  Let me do all da talking 'cause if they hear our accents, they might think we're thickos from Ireland and try to screw us. I'll put on me best English accent."
"Roight y'are Paddy, I'll keep me mout shut, so I will. You do all da business" said Mick.
They go in and Paddy said in a posh voice, "Hello my good man. I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at £4.50 each.  As well I’ll take 100 shirts at £3.00 each. And oy’ll back up me truck ready to load 'em on, so I will."
The owner of the shop said quietly "You're from Ireland, aren't you?"
"Well, yes" said a surprised Paddy. "What gave it away?"
The owner replied "This is a dry-cleaners."

[Kev Murphy]

 

Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.
Paddy says, "Are you on foot or in the car?"
Billy says, "In the car."
Paddy nodded, "Yep, dat's the quickest way."

[Wild Rose]

 

[ST.George]

The Oirish goodfellows Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick, Michael Fitzsimon and Simon Fitzmichael...    

[Kev Murphy]

The Doctor was puzzled ...
"I’m very sorry Mr O’Flaherty, but I can’t diagnose your trouble. I think it must be caused by too much Guiness."

"Don’t be worrying yourself about it Dr Cullen, I’ll be coming back again when you’re sober!"

[Kev Murphy]

Mick said to Paddy..


"Where were you going when I saw you coming back?
... I ran after you, but when I caught up, you’d gone!"

.......................................

A friend of mine has an Irish dog.

...it walks backwards to greet you, then waggles its head!

[Kev Murphy]

Young Sean was caught cheating in his school exams.
He asked the teacher how she found out.

“It was easy “ replied the teacher
…Murphy sitting next to you wrote for question number 10 “ I don’t know” and you put down, “neither do I”..

[Biggles]

Mick said to Paddy..

"Where were you going when I saw you coming back?
... I ran after you, but when I caught up, you’d gone!"

Unfortunately, that makes perfect sense to me.

[Kev Murphy]

"Paddy?", asked Mary, "if you were to be stranded on a desert island, who would you like most to be with you?

"Ah to be sure... It would have to be uncle Mick!" replies Paddy

"…And just what’s so special about him?" asks Mary.

Paddy grinned, and replied "He’s got a boat!"

[Kev Murphy]

  makes sense to me, too..... but then... I'm a Murphy!

[Biggles]

makes sense to me, too..... but then... I'm a Murphy!

Don't worry- my son lived and worked in Strandhill for a year and enquired about our surname, only to be assured they are the "travellers" (i.e. vagrants, gypsies etc).