I never thought of that

[Wild Rose]

A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.

"I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?"

She said, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time."

"If you don't mind my asking," he said, "what do you use it for?"

"We use it for sex," she said.

The researcher was a little taken a back.

"Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been so frank so far, can you tell me exactly HOW you use it for sex?" The woman said, "I don't mind telling you at all.

My husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out."

 

 

[Biggles]

Clever twist!   

[Whizz]

Very funny...hows about this one?

One lovely summers evening in a very posh area of North London, a young lady is doing some research with home owners which requires her knocking on doors and asking personal questions of the home-owner. She knocks on one very nice house and the owner, a smart looking quite senior gentleman, opens the door and asks her very politely what she wants. It is obvious from the speech and accent of the home-owner that he used to be a very senior officer in the Army before his retirement.

She says, "Sir, I am going from house to house and talking to the owners, and wonder if I could ask you some questions. I must warn you however that the questions might be quite personal?"

The old man replies "Madam, I was in the Army for 32 years and spent a lot of time commanding a Brigade, so you can't upset me with your questions. You just ask away and I'll try to answer them as accurately as I can"

She says, "Thank you sir, that is very good of you. Well the first question is; When was the last time you and your wife had sex?"

He replies; "Um, I think it was about 1945"

She is incredibly surprised and blurts out, "Bloody hell, 1945??? that was a hell of a long time ago!!"

He glances at his wristwatch and responds, "What do you mean a long time ago, it's only just 20:20 now!!!"

 

[Sicman]

 

[ST2UP]

Very good gents     

[Shiney]

20:20  that’s brilliant

[Neale]

An oldie but a goodie. 

[STeveo]

My grandparents used that one, but still ended up giving my mum three brothers and three sisters. Would have been better off with a television (if they had been invented then).

 

[Biggles]

My grandparents used that one, but still ended up giving my mum three brothers and three sisters. Would have been better off with a television (if they had been invented then).

 

It wasn't envisaged to be a contraceptive.  Possibly the opposite since it guaranteed privacy.   

[Wild Rose]

One lovely summers evening in a very posh area of North London, a young lady is doing some research with home owners which requires her knocking on doors and asking personal questions of the home-owner. She knocks on one very nice house and the owner, a smart looking quite senior gentleman, opens the door and asks her very politely what she wants. It is obvious from the speech and accent of the home-owner that he used to be a very senior officer in the Army before his retirement.

She says, "Sir, I am going from house to house and talking to the owners, and wonder if I could ask you some questions. I must warn you however that the questions might be quite personal?"

The old man replies "Madam, I was in the Army for 32 years and spent a lot of time commanding a Brigade, so you can't upset me with your questions. You just ask away and I'll try to answer them as accurately as I can"

She says, "Thank you sir, that is very good of you. Well the first question is; When was the last time you and your wife had sex?"

He replies; "Um, I think it was about 1945"

She is incredibly surprised and blurts out, "Bloody hell, 1945??? that was a hell of a long time ago!!"

He glances at his wristwatch and responds, "What do you mean a long time ago, it's only just 20:20 now!!!"