Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure
Out how to pick it up.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Paddy shouts frantically into the phone
"My wife is pregnant and her
Contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No", shouts Paddy, "this is her husband!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's
Inconsolable.
His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the
Paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still
Missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy" he replies.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Paddy's in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees
Him hanging by his feet.
"What on earth you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself" Paddy replies.
"It should be around your neck" says the Guard.
"I know" says Paddy "but I couldn't breathe".
----------------------- ------------ ------------------------
An American tourist asks Paddy the Irishman:
"Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which Paddy the Irishman replies: "They have to go backwards.
If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers.
She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in.
She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her
Knickers off and says 'This is for the flowers!'
'Don't be silly,' says Paddy, 'You must have a vase
Somewhere!'
