Reminds me of this one;
The Differences Between MEN and WOMEN........................
CONTRARY to what many women believe, it's fairly easy to develop a long term, stable, intimate, and mutually fulfilling relationship with a guy. Of course this guy has to be a Labrador retriever. With human guys, it's extremely difficult, This is because guys don't really grasp what women mean by the term *relationship*.
Let's say a guy named Adrian is attracted to a woman named Linda. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.
And then, one evening when they're riding home, a thought occurs to Linda, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud, via the intercom: "Do you realise that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"
And then there is silence. To Linda, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Oh, my god, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.
And Adrian is thinking: Shit. Six months.
And Linda is thinking: But hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward ... I mean, where, are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward *marriage*? Toward *children*? Toward a *lifetime together*? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Adrian is thinking: ... so that means it was ... let's see ...February when we started going out, which was right after I had the ST serviced, which means ... lemme check the speedo... Whoa! I'm way overdue for an oil change here.
And Linda is thinking: ... He's upset. I can feel it. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed even before I sensed it that I was feeling some reservations. Yes. I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.
And Adrian is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the gearbox again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 32 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a goddamn Harley, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
And Linda is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry too. God I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.
And Adrian is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90 day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the bastards.
And Linda is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right behind a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
And Adrian is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a f*cking
warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their f*cking ass’s.
"Adrian," Linda says, aloud. "What?" says Adrian, startled.
"Please don't torture yourself, like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have,. . . Oh no, I feel so... " (She breaks down sobbing.)
"What?" says Adrian, thinking, What the f*ck is she talking about? She had nothing to do with the warranty."
"I'm such a fool," Linda sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."
"There's no horse?" says Adrian.
"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Linda says.
"No!" says Adrian, glad to finally know the correct answer.
"It's just that . . . It's that I . . . I need some time," Linda says.
(There is a 15 second pause while Adrian, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)
"Yes," he says. Meanwhile he's thinking, Horses... knights... shit this sounds like
something I don't want to get into. Those f*ckers better not bring up the warranty or I'll ...
A BEFUDDLED BEAU (Linda, deeply moved, Squeezes him tighter.)
"Oh, Adrian, do you really feel that way?" she says.
"What way?" says Adrian.
"That way about time," says Linda.
"Oh," says Adrian. "Yes."
(Linda gives him a big hug, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)
"Thank you, Adrian," she says.
"Thank you," says Adrian.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Adrian gets back to his place, parks the ST in the garage, does inside and opens a bag of Twisties, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he’s never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there on the bike, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it.
(This is also Adrian's policy regarding world hunger.)
IT'S ANALYSIS TIME The next day Linda will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyse everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.
Meanwhile, Adrian, while playing squash one day with a mutual friend of his and Linda's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Matt, did Linda ever own a horse?"
