O'Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out
and announced, "Not guilty." "That's great!" shouted O'Reilly. "Does
that mean I can keep the money?"
Finnegan: "My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock
in the morning. I can't break her of it."
Keenan: "What on earth is she doin' at that time?"
Finnegan: "Waitin' for me to come home."
Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks
he's very lucky because his wife makes him walk.
The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often
among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy
opponent.
A lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a
question, he answers with another question?"
"Who told you that?" asked Paddy.
Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple?
Answer - So the English can understand them.
An Irish lass customer said to the shopkeeper: "Could I be trying on
that dress in the window.?"
The Irish shopkeeper replied: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."
Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin' in
the vase on the mantle piece?"
"No," said Patrick, "but I'm gettin' closer all the time."
Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?
A. A bachelor.
"O'Ryan," asked the druggist, "did that mudpack I gave you improve your
wife's appearance?"
"It did surely," replied O'Ryan, "but it keeps fallin' off!"
Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. "Quick!" he said.
"Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!"
"Tell me, is this her first baby?" the intern asked.
"No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'."
Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their
honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?
Me mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex
life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and
highlights of theirs?
